Look at healthy boundaries for self care and improved relationships

1. Self-CareSelf-Care
Healthy Boundaries and HealthyHealthy Boundaries and Healthy
RelationshipsRelationships
Presented by Bob and Celia Munson,
Bukal Life Care & Counseling Center

2. TerminologyTerminology
Boundary: “Your personal property line”-- who
you are, where you end, and others begin.
Confrontation: Set a boundary that works when
one is honest and when one establishes a
consequence for another's hurtful actions.

3. Good BoundariesGood Boundaries
"You shall not move your neighbor's boundary mark,
which the ancestors have set, in your inheritance which
you will inherit in the land that the LORD your God
gives you to possess.” -Deut 19:14
-God Given (ex. I Chron. 4:9-10)
-Protects you AND others
-Is not just walls, but also gates
-Welcomes and keeps the good
-Keeps out the bad
-Are not selfish

4. Boundaries are not selfish?Boundaries are not selfish?

Is it okay to set boundaries with family?

Is it okay to set boundaries with my
church?

Is it okay to set boundaries with my work
or ministry?

Is it okay to set boundaries with my friends
/ barkada?

Is it okay to set boundaries with God?

5. God is the one who created youGod is the one who created you
with limitations of strength,with limitations of strength,
health, energy, and time. God alsohealth, energy, and time. God also
has given us a limited role in Hishas given us a limited role in His
KingdomKingdom

6. Situations Where We Need to SetSituations Where We Need to Set
BoundariesBoundaries

Dealing with a difficult person in a relationship
(abuser, manipulator, controller, irresponsible)

Figuring out when to say “No” so as not to
overextend oneself

Working out better patterns of intimacy and
relatedness in a good relationship

Taking a stand for one's values in a relationship

Preventing someone from taking over one's
time, energy, or resources--- more than one
wants to give. (moving your boundary marker)

7. When might one need to confrontWhen might one need to confront
to maintain a boundary?to maintain a boundary?

To Preserve love Prov. 27:6

To Resolve alienation (bring disconnected
people together)

To Empower, build each other up (I Thess
5:11)

To Solve problems (No pain no gain,
applies. Unresolved problems become
worse)

8. Self-Care is more than simplySelf-Care is more than simply
having healthy boundarieshaving healthy boundaries

God created us with the need for healthy
relationships

God created us to have heathy growth

God created us to be “integrated beings”
– Not hypocrites
– Not “whited sepulchres”
– Not double-minded

9. Healthy (integrated) RelationshipsHealthy (integrated) Relationships

Healthy relationships with Others (Social
health)

Healthy relationship with Self (Mental and
Emotional health)

Healthy relationships with our
Environment (Physical Bodies and Nature)

Healthy relationship with God (Spiritual
Health)

10. Healthy (Integrated) GrowthHealthy (Integrated) Growth
“And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature,
and in favor with God and men.” -Luke
2:52
Wisdom MENTAL GROWTH
Stature PHYSICAL GROWTH
Favor with God SPIRITUAL GROWTH
Favor with Man SOCIAL GROWTH

11. Questions:Questions:
Is it correct that the church should only
concern itself with spiritual health and
spiritual growth?
What happens if a church is full of people
with bad relationships with others and
where people overstep each other's
boundaries?
If people are unhealthy and not-growing in
other areas, will that affect spiritual growth
and health?

12. Integrated BeingIntegrated Being
-Thinking (our “head”)
-Feeling/Valuing (our “heart”)
-Doing (our “hands”)

13. Integrated LearningIntegrated Learning

14. Integration and Shema (Deut. 6:4-9)
Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD
is one. Love the LORD your God with all
your heart and with all your soul and with all
your strength. These commandments that I
give you today are to be upon your hearts.
Impress them on your children. Talk about
them when you sit at home and when you
walk along the road, when you lie down and
when you get up. Tie them as symbols on
your hands and bind them on your
foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of
your houses and on your gates.

15. Integrated Goals
Feelings: Love the Lord God with all your
heart,
Thinking: With all of your soul/mind,
Doing: And with all of your strength/might

16. Integrated Training
Auditory/Hearing: “Hear, O Israel”, Talk
about them.
Visual/Seeing: Visual symbols, Write them
down.
Kinesthetic/Doing: Impress them, tie them,
bind them, when sitting/walking

17. Integrated Changes
Feeling: Feel and Express Love
Thinking: Memorize God's word/commands
Doing: Obey God's commands
And.... pass these onto the next generation.

18. Integrated health and growth has a
goal

19. Self-care is a balance of integrated
health, growth, and boundaries
So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any
comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any
affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of
the same mind, having the same love, being in full
accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or
conceit, but in humility count others more significant
than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his
own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have
this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ
Jesus, -Philippians 2:1-5
<Look at this passage for thoughts on Right Thinking,
Right Feeling, Right Actions, and Right Boundaries>

20. More Info
Consider Reading “Boundaries” by Cloud and
Townsend.
Also look up materials regardingregarding Healthy Growth,
such as those developed by CHE, from Lifewind
International. www.medicalambassadors.org
Some areas in this presentation are further
developed in other materials from Bukal Life
Care. www.bukallife.org

21. Self-CareSelf-Care
Healthy Boundaries and HealthyHealthy Boundaries and Healthy
RelationshipsRelationships
Presented by Bob and Celia Munson,
Bukal Life Care & Counseling Center