Ref –various material on web
Top 5 Skill for our Emotional Toolkit
Compiled by Col Mukteshwar Prasad(Retd),
Mtech(IITD),CE(I),FIE(I),FIETE,FISLE,FInstOD,AMCSI
Contact -9007224278, e-mail –muktesh_prasad@yahoo.co.in
for book ”Decoding Services Selection Board” and
SSB guidance and training at Shivnandani Edu and Defence Academy

Introduction
 A child and adolescent clinical psychologist’s job is to help
people refine emotional toolbox together to
 Find what tools and/or resources they already own
 Explore which areas of their lives they'd like to
improve
 Identify which tools and/or resources they need to get
there
 Discover ways in which we can self-compassionately
add these resources to our toolbox
 Toolbox for each individual is different (because each
person and the emotional needs they might have are
different)
 But here are top five skills which everyone should have

Resilience
 According to Psychology Today,
 "resilience is that ineffable quality that allows
some people to be knocked down by life and come back
at least as strong as before... rather than letting
difficulties or failure overcome them and drain their
resolve, they find a way to rise from the ashes."
 It's that skill that allows you to get through the rough
times and to find "the silver lining."
 Where does this skill come from?
 “resilience depends on supportive,
responsive relationships and mastering a set of
capabilities that can help us respond and adapt to
adversity in healthy ways,” says Dr. Jack Shonkoff, director
of the Center on the Developing Child at Harvard. “It’s those
capacities and relationships that can
turn toxic stress into tolerable stress.”

Resilience
 Absence of these relationships makes building resilience
difficult.
 The brain associates that danger and stress are present at all
times, making it impossible for the young child to deal with it in
a healthy way.
 Four characteristics that can help build this necessary skill:
 At least one caring and supportive relationship between
a child and caregiver
 The person must feel able to have a degree of "control"
over life's difficulties.
 A strong ability to self-regulate
 A strong system of religious beliefs or faith

Creativity
 Many studies have explained the link between creativity and mental illness.
 But we must understand that there are many ways creativity boosts
our mental health and we can use it as an asset and a resource in
our toolbox.
 A study published in the Creativity Research Journal explored the different
ways in which creativity influences our daily life.
 According to the authors, "everyday creativity involves attacking day-
to-day activities in a divergent way: It derives from a complex
of cognitive, affective, personal, motivational, and social factors, and
is characterized by openness, flexibility, autonomy,
playfulness, humor, willingness to take risks, and perseverance.“
 Thus creativity refers to the ability with which we tackle life's conundrums.
 The way that we perceive our daily situations.
 The perspective we use when we are feeling the unpleasant emotions
we so desperately want to get rid of.
 The outlook we have on our jobs, our relationships, our inner world,
our emotions.
 And how we pursue our goals.

Assertiveness
 Assertiveness is an important and often overlooked skill to have in our
toolbox.
 According to Psychology Today, it refers to "a social skill that relies
heavily on effective communication, while simultaneously respecting
the thoughts and wishes of others... people who are assertive
clearly and respectfully communicate their wants, needs, positions,
and boundaries to others."
 For many people, this is easier said than done.
 Often, we may struggle to express our unpleasant emotions,
especially to people close to us who have made us feel that way
(parents, children, partner, boss, close coworkers, friends).
 When we are assertive, we communicate to others in a way that is
clear and empathetic.
 We don't use violent language and don't resort to shaming to get our
message across.
 On the contrary, when we are assertive, we communicate what we
need or want in such a way we can be respectful to others.

Assertiveness
 A study published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology Science
and Practice found that assertiveness training could be
potentially beneficial for people who tend to internalize their
emotions.
 People who experience strong feelings of anxiety or
overwhelming sadness might benefit from working on
this particular skill for their emotional toolbox.
 Besides helping us express our emotions, needs, and
desires in a healthy and clear way, it also has rippling
positive effects in our relationships, at home, and work. 

Mental Flexibility
 Have you ever had a situation where you have invested a lot of time to plan
something only to realize that the timing just doesn't work out for you?
 How have you responded?
 How have you dealt with it?
 What did you end up doing?
 How did you deal with that frustration?
 The answers to these questions can help us identify how "flexible" your
thinking is.
 If, for example:
 You felt a tinge of frustration, but then quickly work towards re-arranging
those plans OR
 You pulled yourself together to re-organize your plans OR
 You expressed your frustration in a healthy way and then figured out a plan
B.
 Then you are probably a flexible thinker.
 That ability to discover a Plan B is what mental flexibility is all
about.
 According to Dr. Clifford Lazarus, some ways you can increase that flexibility
are:

Self Awareness
 This is the one that's often the most difficult to get, but when
practiced and incorporated into your toolbox can make the
refining of the other skills mentioned in this article much easier.
 Self-awareness is the ability to pay attention to yourself,
your thoughts, actions, behaviors, emotions, and ways of
relating to other people to make an actionable
improvement.
 From a self-compassion perspective, self-awareness is not
about nitpicking what's wrong with you and what needs to get
"fixed."
 Rather, it's about looking at your inner world from a point
of curiosity and exploration.
 Asking yourself, often and frequently, things like:
 Are people perceiving me the way I'd like to be
perceived?
 Am I communicating with people the way I'd like to?

Self Awareness
 While also incorporating a self-compassionate lens that helps
you realize that, if any of these are not working out for you, it
is not your fault.
 The way we relate to others is an extension of our early
relationships and what we received or did not receive
from our caregivers.
 And, while there's always room for improvement, the
fact you take time to think about the way you relate to
others is remarkable on its own.
 Self-awareness is opening yourself to the possibility of
looking at yourself–your upbringing, your inner world,
your coping mechanisms–before you look at others.
 But, never forget to do it from a place of compassion,
patience, and understanding.

 Top five skills which everyone should have
in their emotional toolbox are
 1.Resilience
 2.Creativity
 3.Assertiveness
 4.Mental Flexibility
 5.Self Awareness