1. August 7, 2009 Dear God, You said you would never flood this world again, but every day is a raining day. You said you would not give me anything that I could not handle… maybe it is wrong to question you, but I am beginning to. No one knows me better than you, you see me cry in the middle of the night. You hear my scream in the middle of daylight. You know my face never dries. You know I am not happy when no one else in the world knows. You know everything, don’t you? Then, tell me why you are putting me through this pain. Are you testing me, and if so, what for? What have I done, have I sinned so much in my life that I deserve this pain and suffering? I never asked much from you or any one in particular. You would know. For Christmas last year, I prayed for a beautiful Christmas, but you gave me a crooked father with a mistress. For Thanksgiving last year, I asked for a nice family dinner, but you gave me divorced parents. For my birthday last year, I just wanted my family to be around, but I stood all alone in my campus dorm crying endlessly. Were you happy when you were watching my brother beating me as a result of removing my mother from an abusive relationship with my father? Were you drinking wine in heaven? Was this direct television for you? If so, at least invite me for the beer, I would appreciate that ask. After all of these occurrences, I told myself you were the last person to turn their back on me. That is what I thought. But even today, God, I am starting to question you. It may be wrong to assume such things about you, but what have you done? Show me. If you are indeed the father who I have been worshipping all my life, then is this how a parent-child relationship is? I saved my mother, and I attempted to save my family. But these attempts failed one by one, minute after minute and I thought you would put in some effort. I’ve been a good person, a good woman, haven’t I? I don’t steal. I don’t cheat. I don’t hate. I don’t kill. I am not selfish. I am not cruel but yet, all you’ve ever done was granted me more and more selfish people. All I’ve manage to see is problem after problem. I just want to know when this test will end, and if there is any light at the end of the tunnel? If I have done such a cruel act to deserve such a life, then I will accept my fate. Please let me know so that I can apologize to those people whom I have hurt. Show me, and I will accept this. I remember my first prayer to you when I was eight; you answered it directly and immediately. That was when I began to believe in you, and when I started to fall in love with you God. I don’t know, maybe you’ve been working miracles all over the world and just forgot about me… that is my life. All those people who should love me use me. All those people who should take care of me hate me. All those people who you gave to me have been taken away from me, and all the values, gone. I am waiting, hoping, and praying that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I’ve manage to go to college, and I’ve manage to maintain a wonderful job. I’ve decided to do all these great things without the recognition or acknowledgement of my family and the people who should love me. I forgave them. I forgave you. You know you’ve made me cried. Tell me, what more do you want me to do? Will you continue to test me? I don’t know if I can handle it anymore. I love my neighbors, my friends, and my community but you’ve given me something that I cannot be proud of. You should be aware of the thoughts traveling through the space in my mind. Sometimes I want to cry, and other times, I want to be happy because you are still there for me. Maybe there are others who are suffering more than me, and need you now. I can understand that, and I’ve prayed for them as well. I would like to know if I am close to you on your list of to-do. I never asked for a $40,000 dollar car, not even a $1,000 dollar car. I never asked you for a million dollar house, not even a $1.00 house. I never asked you for a miracle, just a will. I never asked for a perfect family, just a decent family. I never asked you to give me a long-lasting life, I will accept death if you are calling me. I never asked to be the smartest man on earth. I just wanted to be loved. Even so, this prayer is pending… do you need an id and a social security copy as well? I will be happy to submit that to you; please give me your fax number there in heaven. Anyways, I have already written too much. If you want more information, you can easily access it since you are my father, the one who knows all. I am not angry with you God; I would just like to know. Is there light at the end of the tunnel? Is there gold at the end of the rainbow? Is their peace after the battle? If so, I have waited all my life and I don’t mind to wait 10-20 more years. You know how much I have sacrifice for everyone, and have received no turn out. But I have forgiven and forgotten. I am definitely no selfish woman. I have starved for others. I have lived homelessly in order for others to live in sheltered. I am looking forward to speaking with you soon. You know my email, and you have my phone number. Of course, you would also know the whole situation about the cell phone as well. You know the places where I have lived, and where I am living now. It will not be difficult for you to get in contact with me. I am writing to you to let you know that I am on the verge of giving up and of hope. Answer me in a timely manner; I think I have been patient all my life. I have been tested on; I am no longer being interested in being a genie pig. I am not interested in your lab experiments anymore. I am giving you a time span to respond God, and if you failed to respond during this time. I have to apologize, but I will have to resign my position as your daughter. My next letter will be a resignation from the house of Lord. You know I love you God, and you know I have cried for your presence. I am hurting so much writing this letter to you. But you need to know in written form, otherwise, you will ask me later in the realm of heaven and you may punish me. As long as you have this in your file cabinet, then I will not regret or have guilt in my decision to emancipate myself from the Lord I have always followed. Please watch over my family and my friends, watch over all the children in this world who don’t and do follow you. Grant them all that you can and I will forever be in debt to you because of the great things you have done for me and for everyone.