Why the 3Rs of Middle Schooling (and beyond) needs to be Relationship, Relationship and Relationship David Wilcox January 2018

1. The 3R’s of Middle Years Education:
Relationship, Relationship and Relationship
DAVID WILCOX

2. Participating Today
padlet.com/davidw/rftdb761x7jn
http://bit.ly/2D6Lq2N

3. Overview
The Why of Relationships
The Adolescent Brain
The Contextualised you, me and them
Classroom strategies – sharing experiences
How to get it wrong
Action planning

4. Foundational Premise
As Middle Years educators, everything we do
will be shaped by the quality of the
relationships we build with our young
adolescent learners.
As we build relationships that are founded on trust, care,
and mutual respect, we will find that our students will
follow us anywhere – into better learning, better behaviour
choices, better life choices, better futures…

6. Christian Outreach College Toowoomba

7. Because life can’t be too busy (apparently)…

8. Some of my greatest achievements (and best professional learning)

9. Why Relationships?

10. Declining Mental Health
In just the five years between 2010 and 2015, the number of U.S. teens
who felt useless and joyless – classic symptoms of depression – surged
33 percent in large national surveys. Teen suicide attempts increased
23 percent. Even more troubling, the number of 13- to 18-year-olds
who committed suicide jumped 31 percent.
All told, our analysis found that the generation of teens I call “iGen” –
those born after 1995 – is much more likely to experience mental
health issues than their millennial predecessors.
Jean Twenge theconversation.com
Over 4 million Australians experience mental health issues every year
Government to invest $100 million (Teacher training to start in 2018)
Positive relationships create an environment for appropriate disclosure
and support

11. The Value In Mentoring Our Youth
By introducing youth to new experiences and sharing positive
values, mentors can help young people avoid negative
behaviours and achieve success. For example:
59 percent of mentored teenagers earn better grades.
27 percent of mentored youth are less likely to begin using
alcohol.
52 percent of mentored youth are less likely to skip school.
Youth with mentors have increased likelihood of going to
college, better attitudes toward school, increased social and
emotional development, and improved self-esteem.
Arly Nguyen
Socialworklicencemap.com

12. Culture & Community
Every student’s academic and
personal development is
guided by an adult advocate

15. The Power of Relationship
"Time and again I asked the students who their role models
were and who influenced their view of what makes a good man,
and almost always they ... made a very definite distinction
between men they admired and those they actually wanted to
be like and were very clear in their assertions that they needed
to know a man personally before they could decide whether he
merited being described as a good man."
…they identified three distinct groups of men…
"There were the men who had access to what the students
might want in later life [and] the men who had achieved
excellence in their particular field of interest; and the men they
might actually want to be like…
"These [the third group] were the men they knew personally,
the men they actually aspired to be like. In this group were
their grandfathers, their uncles, their older brothers, their
teachers and their coaches, and on rare occasions, their fathers.

16. A Teacher on Our Side
From their new perspective as adolescents, students in the
middle grades begin to watch their teachers in new ways.
They notice every little thing about who you are, what you
do, and how you do it.
They are always assessing what they see: Do they trust you,
or not? Do they want to be like you, or not? Do you respect
them, or not? Are you on their side, or not?

17. A Teacher on Our Side
“A lot of kids don’t have anybody to look up to. Somebody
that you know – to follow in their footsteps, to learn from
their mistakes, or just to help out – it’s really hard without
that. Teachers can be like that, but a lot of teachers aren’t.
They teach you social studies, and just that. They don’t find
that special bond or connection with you.” Alma
“She was real down to earth, really talkative, but she was
also very… ‘teachative’ – I don’t know what word. She was
very smart. She’d teach you. She’d try with you until you got
it, and she was real nice. She’d offer to stay after school, so
you could go there if you didn’t get it” Martin

18. Gibbs & Poskitt Literary Review (NZ)
Factors that influence student engagement

19. Katherine Main and Donna Pendergaast have adapted
Gibbs & Poskitt’s review, listing the following as having
“strong and compelling” evidence of a positive effect:
1. Relationships with teachers and other students
2. Motivation and interest in learning
3. Goal orientation
4. Academic self regulation
5. Self efficacy

20. Engaging the Middle Years Student
[Adolescence is] a period when students’ motivation and
engagement decline… The causes of alienation are
multifaceted and complex. However… literature
consistently reported several predictors… that need to be
considered to improve student motivation and engagement,
including:
… Student-Teacher relationships – Supportive relationships
that involve positive interactions with students are
important for students to feel challenged and motivated.
…Positive student-teacher relationships were significantly
and positively correlated with both engagement and
achievement, with engagement being the stronger
association.

21. Relationship and the
Adolescent Brain
https://aspergersmom.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/teenagebrain2.jpg

22. Who am I, Who are They?
Relationships are based on a knowledge of self and of the other

24. The Contextualised Me
Who do my kids see?

25. Drilling deeper…

26. And a bit deeper…
Male
Married with children
A Cusper – Baby Boomer / Gen X – with older parents
Attended several school, lived in small communities
Lived away from parents to complete school
Experienced loss
A teacher who loves his job
Someone who believes he can make a difference (if only for one)

27. ◦ Be the widest, deepest person you can be: “Suck the marrow out of life”
◦ Andy Stanley (Global Leadership Summit 2017): “Your greatest contribution
to the world may not be something you do but someone you [help] raise”

28. The Contextualised You
Take a moment to note…
Be self-evaluative
What is your Why? As a teacher, as an individual, in your school
community?
What are your skills, talents, abilities, experiences, likes, dislikes…
◦ everything you do should be considered professional development.

29. Some people I know

30. Teaching my Grade 8's to cook hashbrowns today and one of the boys
stands next to me and says, "Move Teach, I got this..." He takes the
spatula out of my hand and gets ready to flip the next batch. He asks,
"Miss, will these taste like McDonalds hashbrowns?" I reply, "Nope,
these are better!" He quizzes me, "Why?" I tell him, "Cause we put love
into these ones..." He gets this worried look on his face and tells me,
"But Miss, I don't have any love in my hands!!" That's when I say, "Nah, I
put it in there myself, we're all good." He's happy with that and I think,
"I am a massive girly idiot" and I'm happy with that.

31. Know your students

32. Love Languages

33. Myers Briggs
16 personality types – help to create understanding of self and others
Find online test suitable for teens
I am ISFJ –
Introversion (I), Sensing (S),
Feeling (F), Judgment (J)

36. Classroom Strategies - Pedagogy

37. Classroom Strategies - Behaviour

39. Classroom Strategies - Pastoral

40. The Power of Words

41. Proximate Relationship
…we will be most effecting when we are ‘proximate’ with others - we
need to get into the hard places in life and help people feel that we are
supporting them. There is power in proximity. We discover that we
don’t need an answer because the answer comes from our proximity to
the one with this problem. Hopefulness is essential but it takes courage
to remain hopeful in some situations [with some kids] and we are often
called to do the uncomfortable things [eg love the unlovable kids].
Bryan Stevenson (Director of Equal Justice Initiative)

42. Classroom Strategies - Culture

43. How to get it wrong…
•Friend vs mentor relationship
•Poor knowledge of self
•Acting out of own neediness. Be the adult not the teen-wannabe
•Sarcasm
•Ingenuine relationship (you can’t fake it until you make it with teens)
•Favouritism (perceived or real)
•Expecting you’ll be the most significant voice in their world.

44. How to get it wrong…
•Use your mouth more than your ears
•Rush and don’t give time.
•Be the Mumma bear with no teeth
•Presume your role is giving feedback. This will be seen as a threat. Your
role is to coach and be supportive (for it will be seen that way).
•Inconsistency. Sometimes you need to play the role of the relational
teacher when you least want to
•Forget that adolescents change, especially during adolescence

45. Action
Laszlo Bock (past Senior VP of People at Google):
◦ Find out why you are doing what you are doing
◦ Write it down
◦ Visit it often
◦ Tell others about it
◦ Talk to the beneficiaries of your work
◦ Life is hard, brutal and distracting so be reminded and refreshed
often.

46. My action list
Be myself. Be real.
Know myself. Develop myself (deep and wide)
Smile, joke, laugh, greet
Love my students
Know my students, ask about them, learn about them
Know the adolescent zeitgeist
Be a model. Be a mentor. Be a voice.
Be passionate about life and learning
Help students feel safe
Have routines
Be present, attentive, engaged, challenging, demanding
Give them time
Trust them and be trustworthy

47. Action Plan

48. Continue the conversation
davidw@coct.qld.edu.au
PowerPoint available at
slideshare.net/DavidWilcox40/the-3rs-david-wilcox-amle-hawaii