Managing People with Love and Logic

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Managing People with
Love and Logic
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Would it be a benefit to your
organization if you could improve
productivity?
• 70 % of organizations
believe their performance
management programs
are average or below
average

Organizations that do goals reviews
quarterly – or even more often are:
• 50 % more likely to have
above average customer
satisfaction
• 65% more likely to be effective
at controlling costs than
organizations that revise goals
only once a year

For performance management to be
effective employees must have a clear
understanding of what is expected of them,
yet…
• Nearly 50% don’t know
what is expected of them
• The average employee
spends 50% of their time
on non-productive work

How does your organization function?
• Poor behavior issues?
• Trust, respect,
productivity and/or
morale could improve?
• Emotions sometimes
hard to control from
frustration or anger?
• Crisis mode…putting out
fires a lot?

Why is a deeper understanding good?
How can we improve and excel?
Do leaders need to be trusted and
respected…
– from higher ups?
– from customers?
– from subordinates?
Do you know a leader who isn’t trusted?
How does that work?

Our Objectives
• Learn why and how to change poor behavior without
compromising morale and productivity
• Learn to build trust and respect as a leader
• Learn the importance of controlling your emotions at
work
• Learn to be compassionate in dealing with conflict
• Learn how to manage your time to stay out of crisis
mode, prevent problems from occurring, and
improve your knowledge base

ChangingBehavior
“You can’t talk yourself out of a
problem you behaved yourself into.
You can restore trust through
credibility and behavior.” Adapted from Stephen Covey

ChangingBehavior • What happens when we are too hard
on employees?
• What happens when we are too easy
on them?
• What if there is more to the story than
we know about?

ChangingBehavior • Address specific behavior
– Facts only, who, what, where, when
– No opinions, no speculation
• Explain why
– Impact of their actions on individuals, team, organization
• Clarify expectations
– Expected behavior must be very clear
– Allow for input, questions, clarification
– Ask them to describe expected behavior
• Listen
– EAP, Developmental needs, Resources

ChangingBehavior • What is empowerment?
• How does empowerment affect the
workplace?
• Who would like their employees to be
– Self-motivated?
– Conscientious?
– Productive?
– Happy?

ChangingBehavior
A Leader Cannot
Motivate Anyone
A leader can help in creating an
environment where people are more
likely to motivate themselves.
Susan Fowler - Senior Consulting Partner at The Ken Blanchard Companies
& Author of “Why motivating people doesn't work...And what does”

ChangingBehavior
Worker Motivation
Susan Fowler - Senior Consulting Partner at The Ken Blanchard Companies
& Author of “Why motivating people doesn't work...And what does”

ChangingBehavior
What is Intrinsic Motivation?
• Autonomy = Empowered
• Mastery = Competence
• Purpose = Big Picture
Adapted from Daniel Pink’s Best Selling Book “Drive”.

ChangingBehavior Benefits that motivate employees?
Higher Salary vs. Comprehensive Health Benefits
• 75% of employees prefer good health coverage vs. higher salary
• How much was it worth?
– An extra $11,000 in yearly salary to give up medical benefits
What do employees really want from
managers?
• 92% say honesty from the organization
• 89% trust from supervisors
• 87% fair opportunities for advancement
• 25% emotional support
• 20% flexible schedules
• 15% family-friendly programs
• 3% widespread friendship and socialization with colleagues
• 2% explanations from upper management of the company’s long-term
goals
Adapted from http://www.hrbenefitsalert.com/

ChangingBehavior
What is a Coach?
• Situational*
• Developmental*
• Coaching Change
1. Pre-contemplation
2. Contemplation
3. Preparation
4. Action
5. Maintenance
* Ken Blanchard – The Ken Blanchard Companies

ChangingBehavior Coaching Employees?
• Questions equal Empowerment
– Do you feel more empowered when doing
…what someone told you to do
…what someone told you needs to be done
…what you decided you should do
…what you decided needs to be done

ChangingBehavior
Good Coaching
1. Keen observation
2. Powerful inquiry
3. Active listening with clarity
4. Responding tactfully
Bad Coaching
1. Diagnosing problems
2. Analyzing past behaviors
3. Offering solutions or advice
4. Imposing decisions
Coach vs. Consultant vs. Therapist

BuildingTrust&Respect Trends in High Performing Organizations
FOCUS ON…
 Your People
 Transparency
 Collaboration
 Engagement
5 Major Insights
1. Economy improving with trust in leadership
2. Transparency from leaders about improvements
3. Involvement of employees in company affairs
4. Engagement skyrocketing
5. Leaders “Walking the Talk”
Adapted from Interaction Associates and the Human Capital Institute (HCI) Research Study

BuildingTrust&Respect
Employee perceptions of:
• fairness in dealing with diverse
customers and employees
Murat Philippe, director of
workforce consulting
services, Avatar Solutions,
Chicago, Sept. 10, 2015.
Employee perceptions of:
• job satisfaction
• career development and
recognition
• co-worker satisfaction
• supervisory satisfaction
• organizational effectiveness
…is at the root of the relationship

"Who's sinking your boat?" by Bob Kelleher and his company, the Employee Engagement Group.

Being an example is not
a way of influencing
others,
it is the only way.
-Albert Einstein

Developing Individuals:
• Always ask a question before providing feedback.
 See if they are open to suggestions before offering advice.
3 Steps to Ownership:
1. Share positive attributes
2. Share opportunities for
improvement
3. Ask if they agree “Avoid the
power over
differential”

5 Top Leadership Actions
1. Set employees up for success
(i.e. tools, resources, learning opportunities)
2. Provide adequate information around decisions
3. Seek input prior to making decisions
4. Consistently act in alignment with company values
5. Give employees inspiring, shared purpose to work
toward
Adapted from Interaction Associates and the Human Capital Institute (HCI) Research Study

Priorities of these organizations (HPOs)
1. Focus on customer loyalty
2. Attraction, deployment and development of talent
3. Consistent execution of strategy
4 most effective traits appreciated in leaders
1. Optimism and confidence
2. Continually aligned with organizational values
3. Acknowledging team and individual performance
4. Being an effective communicator
Adapted from Interaction Associates
and the Human Capital Institute (HCI)
Research Study

BuildingTrust&Respect I'm not concerned
with your liking or
disliking me. All I
ask is that you
respect me as a
human being.
- Jackie Robinson
“Treat everyone with
respect…You don't have to
respect someone in order to
treat them with respect.”
- Brad Worthley

If you have the choice
would you rather be
liked or respected?

“How an Accounting
Firm Convinced Its
Employees They Could
Change the World”
Harvard Business Review 10/6/15,
by Bruce Pfau, PhD., Vice Chair of KPMG
Human Resources and Communications
Engagement Video

ControllingEmotions Do our emotions control us?
Reacting with emotions can hand control over to others
1. Time out from the situation (still urgent but without immediacy)
2. Reflection (think it over while timing out)
3. Left brain it
Left brain - logical, analytical, objective
Right brain - intuitive, thoughtful, subjective
What other ways to control emotions?
• Assertiveness – stay out of the Drama Triangle
• Verbal Judo – use tactful words
• Coaching – ask questions to clarify
Should you hire for Personality or Attitude?

Pattern of Conflict
Drama
Triangle
Persecuto
r
Victim
Rescuer
Nonassertive, inadequate,
helpless, sad, scared, guilty,
I’m NOT OK. Stress or low
self-esteem attracts rescuers
or persecutors.
Aggressive,
attacking, direct or
indirect sabotage,
angry, righteous,
superior…Makes
victims feel they
are NOT OK!
Nonassertive or
aggressive, won’t say
“NO”, assumes
superiority over victim.
ControllingEmotionsHowdoesAssertivenesskeepyououtoftheDramaTriangle?
Adapted from Karpman MD, Steven (1968). The Karpman Drama Triangle

ControllingEmotions
Words and phrases to eliminate
‘you know’…‘maybe’…‘kind of’…‘sort of’…‘only’…‘just’…‘I guess’
Avoid exaggerations and negative judgments
“Those idiots never do it right the first time!”
“These inaccuracies are happening too often!”
Polite Commands or Direct Requests
“Would you mind doing this so I can get to my meeting on time?”
(only asks the person to consider doing it – does not ask them to do it)
“Will you please do this so I can get to my meeting on time?”

4 Steps to Influence Responsibility and Self-Confidence
1. Give them a responsibility
 You will be the judge of how important the task, start small!
2. Trust them to carry it out, with some direction and positive
coaching
3. Allow them to fail without coaching or ridicule. Express empathy!
4. Turn right around and give them the same responsibility all over
again with little guidance
 Implication that they are capable of figuring it out on their own. People learn
from their mistakes and they will learn also.
REPEAT…with bigger responsibility
ReducingConflict Using Compassion…
Foster Cline, MD and
Jim Fay, “Parenting with
Love and Logic”

Help them draw strength from their strengths…
1. What are they best at?
2. Give them strength for other tasks they don’t do so
well.
 Encourage them to do other tasks like the things they do
best…same passion, commitment, resourcefulness.
3. Ask them how you might be able to help.
4. Never take something away they do well until they
improve greatly in things they don’t do well.
 Leads to discouragement that they can’t do anything well
except what they are no longer tasked with.
Adapted from Foster Cline, MD and Jim Fay, “Parenting with Love and Logic”

Learning how to say NO!
1. Say “NO” as seldom as possible.
 Don’t use the word if you don’t need to.
2. Say no as much as necessary.
 Use the word only if you must.
3. Mean business when you do say “NO”!

Asking questions without
interrogating
“It seems to me that…”
“I’ve noticed… Do you have any thoughts
on that?”
“I’m pleased that you did well on… What
did you think about it?

Time Management Matrix
 Your organization’s Vision or Mission
Statement clarifies:
• What is most important
• What gives the organization meaning
• Purpose for being
 Important activities support your vision,
values and department goals
 Activities are urgent if you or others feel
they require immediate attention
TimeManagement
Adapted from Steven Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Successful People.

Time Management Matrix
Not UrgentUrgent
ImportantNotImportant
I II
III IV
ACTIVITIES:
• Some interruptions
• Some phone calls
• Some meetings
ACTIVITIES:
• Prevention
• Production capability
activities
• Relationship building
• Coaching and developing
• Exercise
ACTIVITIES:
• Crises
• Pressing problems
• Deadline driven
projects
ACTIVITIES:
• Busy work
• Junk mail
• Some phone calls
• Time wasters
• Personal emails

Avoiding Crisis Mode…
Managing your emotional energy
My Emotional Energy
Unmanaged
Finding what's wrong with the world
Strategic focus /how can we fix it?
TimeManagement
My Emotional Energy
Managed
Observing how things are changing
Making legitimate efforts to manage the change
Coaching and Directing Employees

3 Principles to help you “bite your tongue”
…and use tactful language
1. If it’s not an emergency it doesn’t have to be handled right then.
“Can we meet tomorrow about this issue, I have an opening at 2pm?
2. Generally speaking, the more emotional the situation the more
important it is to gather your thoughts, make notes and be
prepared for the discussion.
Decide what you plan to say ahead of time and envision how you will say it and
what questions you will ask for buy-in and clarification.
3. Discuss it with someone before you decide what to do.
Allow time to leave the “emotional state” and enter the “thinking state”.
TimeManagement Reducing / Preventing Problems…

1. Improve your knowledge base…
 Schedule yourself time to read related articles, books or
attend seminars or webinars. “Always learning, always
growing”
2. Plan your morning, afternoon, day, week, month,
quarter
3. Plan physical time
4. Plan mental time
TimeManagement Take time for yourself…

Mindfulness
– the opposite of multitasking –
…Focused, more productive, fewer mistakes –
achieved through a few minutes of daily
meditation.
STOP = Stop; Take a break; Open up, soften
observe; Proceed
TimeManagement Take time for yourself…

IncreasingEngagement How to increase your employee
engagement factor…

• Don’t expect an overnight transformation
• You’ll quickly get discouraged. Take it one step at a time
• Don’t go back to the old status quo
• Apply something you’ve learned today
What really stood out for you that you
could implement next week?
Reality Things to remember…

Don Johnson
Reality Things to remember…

Managing People with Love and Logic

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