This document provides an overview of kink and discusses topics relevant for therapists working with clients involved in kink. It defines kink, explores various kink activities and dynamics, discusses prevalence and models of treatment. The PLISSIT model and Johari window are presented as frameworks for therapists. Guidelines are provided for assessing clients in a kink-aware and non-judgmental manner. Countertransference, disclosure processes, and community resources are also reviewed.

1. Kink Overview
Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes PhD, LPC-MHSP, LMHC
Executive Director: AllCEUs.com
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2. Trigger Warning and Cautions
 The following presentation involves frank
discussions of kink and sexuality.
 While not graphic, some of the content might be
triggering for some people.
 This series is meant to provide an overview to
help clinicians to understand kink, BDSM and Poly,
but is by no means all inclusive. It is designed to
increase awareness of common issues and help
clinicians identify areas where they may need
further training.
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3. Objectives
 Define Kink
 Learn about the breadth of kink including but not
limited to BDSM activities
 Learn about the prevalence of kink
 Identify ways that a kink-aware therapist can
modify assessment paperwork to be more
inclusive
 Learn about the PLISST model for treatment
 Explore the application of the Johari window
 Review the “Kink Aware Pledge”
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4. What is Kink
 It’s a form of “playing.” It’s everything that falls outside of the
confines of having sex simply to orgasm, which means it can take
many different forms.
 Kink is an umbrella term that includes everything from sadomasochism
(SM) to bondage, fantasy, sensation and toy play and furries.
 Furries are a subculture of the kink scene that dress up in fur suits to
do animal role playing. Not your cup of tea? No worries. There are
also leather folk, rope experts and more.
 The first rule of the kink community is that you lose the right to judge
others. What one person is into may not be your cup of tea, and that
is okay.
 In a world where women have long been told sex is just to make
babies, addressing what gets you off can be a powerful way to take
control of your sexuality
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5. Getting Into Kink
 Set boundaries beforehand with lists like the
“Yes/No/Maybe”
 Read, explore websites that feature sex toys,
alternate sexual activities
 A mistake people make A lot of people get the
idea that kink/BDSM somehow magically absolves
you from having to communicate, or figure out
what you like.
 “After all, if one partner is always in control, not only
is there no need for communicating, and no room for
the submissive partner to voice their wishes or needs.”
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6. A Brief Exploration of Kink
A more complete listing can be found here on the BDSM Wiki
 A is for Age Play, Anal Play
 B is for Bondage (alone or with someone else) including
blindfolds
 C is for Cuckolding (having sex with someone else to
arouse (or humiliate) your partner, chastity, CBT
 D is for Dominance, Discipline, Deep Throating
 E is for Exhibitionism
 F is for Fetishism –worship or humiliation, Financial
worship, Furries
 G is for Gagging or Grooming
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7. A Brief Exploration of Kink
 H is for Humiliation including name calling and verbal
abuse
 To humiliate someone is to assert power over him by denying and
destroying his status claims
 Hazing rituals emphasize that the group takes precedence over its
individual members—bonding
 The sub has to find the strength and self-esteem to come to terms
with his humiliation
 Erotic humiliation is consensual psychological humiliation
performed in order to produce erotic excitement or sexual
arousal. This can be for either the person(s) being humiliated and
demeaned or the person(s) humiliating, or both.
 NOTE: Please do not humiliate anyone in a Vanilla setting such as a
restaurant or supermarket with a possibility of a vanilla person
seeing this and being triggered or offended.
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8. A Brief Exploration of Kink
 I is for Impact play (hands, paddles, whips, brushes)
 J is for Japanese bondage “Shibari” is the art of binding
someone (more on that in the BDSM episode)
 K is for Klismaphilia –pleasure from enemas
 L is for Limits hard and soft
 M is for Masochism deriving pleasure from pain
 N is for needles, non-suicidal self-injuring (NSSI)
 Outdoor sex, orgasm denial, obedience training
 P is for Pregnancy
 Q is for Quirofilia (hand fetish), queening
 R is for roleplay
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9. A Brief Exploration of Kink
 S is for submission, scat play,
 T is for teacher/student, talking dirty, threesome
 U is for Urophilia (Water sports)
 V is for Voyeurism (consensual), vinyl
 W is for Whips and wax play
 Z is for Zappers
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10. Polydynamic Relationships in BDSM
 In BDSM sometimes alternate relationship
structures are referred to as “family” or
“polyservice”
 Master, Dominant or Daddy is in charge of multiple
slaves, submissives or littles.
 These relationships may or may not have a sexual
component to them, and the focus is on how the
submissive can contribute resources to the dominant
partner, and provide for some of their needs or
advance their goals.
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11. Kink and NSSI
 "What are your expectations or motivations for engaging in intense sensation
play?"
 "What kinds of thoughts and feelings do you typically experience prior to
intense sensation play?"
 "What kinds of thoughts and feelings do you typically experience during
intense sensation play?”
 "What kinds of thoughts and feelings do you typically experience after intense
sensation play?"
 "How does intense sensation play affect how you feel in relation to others?"
 "How does intense sensation play affect how you feel about yourself?"
 Findings of Michael Aaron, Ph.D.
 Individuals that struggled with NSSI experienced overwhelming negative feeling states
prior to self-injury, then felt a wave of relief and distraction, followed by deep regret
and shame afterwards.
 The BDSM group however stated that they felt excitement and anticipation ahead of
time, a sense of excitement and pleasure during the encounter, and a wave of deep
connection to their partner afterward, as well as a stronger sense of self-empowerment
and authenticity.
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12. Changing the Assessment
 No Married/Divorced/Single/Widowed questions
 Ask open ended questions
 “Tell me about your romantic relationships.”
 “Tell me about your partners.”
 “What struggles do you face in your love life?”
 “Do you have any sexual partners?”
 “Are you in a relationship? With whom?”
 “Do you have sex with men, women or both?”
 “Do you or your partner have sexual or romantic
relationships with anyone else?”
 “Are you and your partner monogamous*?”
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13. Assessment Dimensions
 Is the Kink involvement impairing the client’s health, happiness,
ability to function independently? Or otherwise impairing the client’s
functionality as the client defines it.
 Are the therapist’s perspectives and value systems being used to make
a negative judgement about the client’s BDSM involvement?
 Are all parties involved in the BDSM relationship adults and capable of
providing consent.
 Do the participants have a clear and realistic understanding of the
intended and potentially unintended short and long term impact of
the Kink/BDSM activity?
 Are they willing to accept all of the potential outcomes of engaging in
the activity or relationship?
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14. More Assessment
 What is your understanding about consensual poly/kink/BDSM?
 Have you discussed issues about consent with your partners?
 How do you define consent in your practice/relationships?
 Do changes made within the relationship dynamics involve the
active consent of all partners regardless of D/s status?
 Can you choose to leave the relationship? If so what supports
and barriers exist?
 Does the dominant demonstrate a responsible approach to
those under his/her authority?
 Do you feel respected and valued as a result of engaging in
BDSM/kink/poly? How does this help you fulfil your personal
needs, wants and desires?
 Do you feel a sense of expansion or liberation as a result of
engaging in the BDSM/Kink/Poly activities?
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15. Useful questions for the therapist
 How aware is the client of their own boundaries, limits and needs?
 What do you know of what the client is doing to make sure their
BDSM/Kink practice is safe, sane and consensual?
 Is the behavior experienced as nourishing or diminishing?
 What does the behavior ‘do’ for the client?
 What might it release the client from?
 Is client discomfort limited to or associated with specific practices,
scenes or words?
 What does the client enjoy or value within their alternative
relationship or practices?
 When thinking about voicing concerns, consider which part of the
practice does not feel ‘okay’ to you, the therapist?
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16. Dealing with Countertransference
 “Cultural countertransference” was coined by Perez Foster in
1998 to describe the countertransference feelings experienced
by psychotherapists, who serve culturally diverse populations.
 In the practice of BDSM, emotions and behaviors that are
normally considered unhealthy and undesirable, namely, shame,
powerlessness, domination, submission, receiving pain, giving
pain, giving up control, are normalized and eroticized.
 Cultural countertransference, as it applies to kinky clients and
their sexuality professionals, means that professionals have to
confront their own mainstream value system, theoretical
beliefs and practice orientation, subjective biases and feelings
about various aspects of BDSM, and their own sexuality.
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17. Common Therapeutic Issues
 Five common psychotherapeutic issues individuals
who practice BDSM may raise.
 Coming out/been outed
 Guilt and Shame
 Internalized kinkophobia
 Depression/anxiety
 Isolation
 Three common relationship issues people who
practice BDSM may present with.
 Mixed orientation relationships
 Mismatched sexual interests
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18. Othering
 Other and Othering identify the ways in which
personal psychotherapy others
 Othering describes the reductive action of labeling a
person as someone who belongs to a subordinate social
category defined as the Other. The practice of
Othering is the exclusion of persons who do not fit the
norm of the social group, which is a version of the Self.
 Therapists must be aware of Kinkophobia and
heteronormative beliefs and identify the ways in which
they other atypical sexualities.
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19. Acceptance/Disclosure
 Describe the process of acceptance.
 Stage 1 – Self Discovery of having nontraditional sexual
interests
 Stage 2 – Disclosure to Others. ...
 Stage 3 – Socialization with others in the kink
community
 Stage 4 – Positive Self-Identification. ...
 Stage 5 – Integration and Acceptance. ...
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20. PLISSIT Model
 Permission to comfortably talk about interests and explore personal
comfort levels and concerns.
 Limited Information: Accurate, specific and relevant information is
provided
 Specific Suggestions: are made for homework assignments in line with
the client’s interests and values and relationship agreements with
other partners.
 Ex. Exploring alternate relationship structures, doing a Yes, No, Maybe
checklist with current partners, learning more about specific practices of
interest…
 Intensive Therapy: (Often a referral) to
 Help client explore interests and sexual identity and decide how best to
proceed.
 Foster support and trust with each client by recognizing areas of compatibility
and differences
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21. Johari Window
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OPEN Self
Information about you
that both you and others
know
BLIND Self
Information about you
that you don’t know, but
others do
HIDDEN Self
Information about you
that you know, but others
don’t
UNKNOWN Self
Information about you that
neither you or others know
Toward Self-Awareness and Self-Acceptance

22. Kink Aware Pledge
 I won’t assume that the issue you’re seeking help with is caused by or
is related to your kink or poly orientation.
 I won’t make assumptions about your treatment goals – particularly
that these goals include changing your sexual desires.
 I won’t try to “cure” you of BDSM or poly desires.
 I will be aware that any distress you have about your kink or poly
identity may be a normal part of internalized cultural bias against
your sexual orientation rather than evidence of a disorder. I will help
you to locate and get support from community resources.
 I will be sensitive to whether and how your kink or poly identity
affects your work, social, and family relationships.
 I will not assume abuse when you are in a BDSM relationship. I will not
assume you are cheating or are tolerating cheating if you bring up
other partners.
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23. Kink Aware Pledge
 I will not assume that BDSM interests mean that you are not also
interested in vanilla sexual behaviors.
 If you have experienced abuse within a BDSM relationship, I can help
you to process and understand that. I know that this can sometimes
happen and that it can be very difficult to talk about.
 I can help you to navigate the terms of your poly relationship and
negotiate agreements that best serve you and your partners,
identifying and honoring your needs.
 I will remain aware of my own issues and how they may enter the
therapy.
 I will consult with colleagues who are knowledgeable about altsex
behavior if you bring in issues that are outside of my knowledge base
or boundaries of competence.
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24. Meet-Up Sites
 Fetlife
 Polymatchmaker
 KinkedIn
 “Munch,” is a plainclothes gathering where
people with different sexual interests meet and
mingle
 Kink Aware Professionals
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25. Summary
 A majority of adults experiments with kink-related behaviors in
their lifetime.
 It is important for therapists to understand the range of
behaviors which might occur and be sensitive to the needs of
those with alternative sexual lifestyles.
 Therapists are advised to do significant reflection on their own
attitudes and values about sex as well as the variety of sexual
behaviors.
 Would you do it?
 If you wouldn’t do it, do you feel there is something wrong or harmful
with it? If so, what and why? (explore biases)
 There are many books out there on becoming a kink-aware
therapist and kink-related behaviors.
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