This document summarizes characteristics of socialization and child rearing among Filipino families. It notes that while the nuclear family is the basic household unit, families frequently interact closely with extended family living nearby. Children are raised communally with multiple parenting figures like grandparents, aunts, uncles, and older cousins who share responsibilities. This environment allows for a long, leisurely period of dependent caretaking without significant stress or frustration for children, as their needs are met within the wider family circle. Children also gradually take on roles to help adults as part of learning social values in a context where generational boundaries are more blended than separated.

1. Enculturation and Socialization
Filipino Children in Family and Society: Growing Up
in a Many-People Environment
By Hiromu Shimizu
The objective of this presentation is to report on the social environment in which children
grow up in the Philippines. To be more specific, this is a report on the characteristics of
the socialization process of Filipino children who are born and brought up in the many-
people environment beyond the nuclear family, with complicated dyadic relations and
various parenting figures. The reference materials I have used concern the Tagalog
people living in the central and southern areas of the island of Luzon, but basically these
findings will also apply to the group called lowland Christians.
The Family Circle Around the Child
In the Philippines, the nuclear family is the basic form of household. A closer view of the
people in daily life, however, shows that the nuclear family is not a closed, isolated unit
consisting of only the married couple and their unmarried children. It has frequent and
intimate interactions with the families living nearby. It is not unusual to find elderly parents
or elderly unmarried siblings of the household’s head still living together in the same
household.
Even newlywed couples frequently live in the home of the parents of either the husband
or the wife. They build a new house after one or two children are born, but even then they
prefer to build the house within the compound of the parent’s house or in the same
neighborhood. There are no set rules about whether they live with the husband’s parents
or the wife’s parents. Statistics show that the Bisayan and Bikol groups tend to choose
the wife’s family and the Tagalog and Ilocano groups the husband’s family. In either case,
however, the choice seems to depend basically on which family offers better economic
conditions, such as wealth, amount of agricultural land, housing, or job opportunities. No
clear-cut differences can be observed between men and women, as the parents’ estate
is divided equally among brothers and sisters.
Besides children continuing to live in the parents’ house or in the same compound after
marriage, there are many instances of relatives living on adjoining or nearby land. When
relatives live in the same neighborhood or group together in one place, there is frequent
visiting and sharing of food among them. According to Murray (1973), a local kin group is
formed in such a case. Three relationships are formed simultaneously in this group:
magkamag-anak (consanguineal or affinal relations), magkapitbahay (neighboring
relations). These combine to form organic relationship that surpasses the nuclear family,
which Murray says is “somewhat like a unilineal group.” To quote from his report:
“Among the Northern Tagalog as found in San Isidro, Nueva Ecija, there are corporate
local kin groups composed of family-households. There is no Tagalog term for such
groups, but residents recognize their existence… Local kin groups are the supra familial

2. units within which all important day-to-day, face-to-face interaction occurs (particularly for
the very old and the very young)… Although component nuclear-family households are
distinguishable from one another in terms of separate roofs, interaction pattern makes
this distinction less clear at all phases of the nuclear family’s development… Moreover,
since the children born to family-households belonging to such a local kin group tend at
marriage to remain in the group, the local kin group persists over time. In this it is
somewhat like a unilineal group” (pp.28, 34–35).
While Murray (1973) states that neighbors who do not have consanguineal or affinal
relations are not members of this local kin group (p32), he recognizes the basis of this
group as locality rather than descent (p30). Takahashi (1972), who conducted a survey
in Bulacan in central Luzon, points out the importance to daily life of a neighboring
household group, which is formed on the basis of kinship relations but also includes non-
kin neighbors.
Although all the people in the barrio have a friendly relationship, they do not have equal
relations with everyone in the community. There is a much closer relationship in every
aspect of daily living among those who live within shouting distance of each other. These
groups of people who have face-to-face contacts are called kapitbahay (neighbors). To
use the words of a friend who lives in Baliwag town, kapitbahay are those living within a
stone’s throw.
In the case of my village, in various places in the paddy fields, there are several slightly
raised plots of land, called pulo (meaning ‘island’), surrounded by trees or bamboo forests
where several to ten odd houses are grouped together. Not all the people living in one
pulo are consanguineal nor affinal relatives, but the relationship in each group is a very
close one. Members of the kapitbahay spend their time sitting together and chatting day
and night and it is also the kapitbahay members who help in the search for a lost carabao
(water buffalo). When there was a funeral, the people who were providing the utmost
assistance, such as in the kitchen, were kapitbahay members. It is also among the
kapitbahay members that the custom of the housewife borrowing food and daily living
commodities from friends and neighbors (humingi) is most frequently observed. This
kapitbahay is truly a primary group supported by feelings of solidarity and unity, and it is
where social regulations in daily living are strongest” (p.166).
It is questionable whether the group that Murray calls the local kin group and Takahashi
calls the neighboring household group is really a social group. This group has no
membership rules or fixed boundaries and the way it is formed differs according to the
situation. It may be more appropriate to call this, as Kaut (1965) does, a social grouping
or a family circle of interwoving dyadic relations. Furthermore, the kind of family group
having a clearly delineated framework, as reported by Murray and Takahashi, does not
exist in every Tagalog region. However, since this report does not aim to present a study
of Filipino social structure of analytical concepts, I only wish to point out and stress the
fact that the nuclear family in this case is not a closed and isolated unit but part of a more
open relationship. Some researchers point to the existence of the extended family as a
group that transcends the nuclear family and its significant role in child rearing practices.

3. Features of Child Rearing
A newlywed couple will rarely live in isolation among complete strangers. They will usually
live close to the parents of either the husband or wife, within the same house or in a small
house built near the parents’ house. They will begin their new life together in a place
where parents, uncles and aunts, brothers and sisters, and cousins are grouped together.
They will also associate with families living in the neighborhood practically as though they
were relatives, even if they are not consanguineally or affinally related. When one
considers the growing-up process of Filipino children within this network of close human
relations, the following can be pointed out as effects of the surrounding environment.
First of all, the presence of many parenting figures, or surrogates for the mother and
father, such as grandparents, uncles and aunts, and older cousins, has the most
significance. The responsibility for child rearing does not rest solely on the child’s parents.
“As soon as the child can be carried outside the house, he generally passes from one
hand to another—fondled, kissed, pinched and caressed by almost everyone”. There is
always someone close at hand to take care of the child when the mother has to go to
work or leave the house on some errand.
Women are extremely active in Filipino society, in politics, economics, administration,
education, and many other fields, and the status of women is generally high. Although the
fact that society has a climate that can accept the social activity of women is a very
important background factor. The fact that women can easily find someone to take over
their child rearing and housework is also a major factor. Wealthy and middle-class families
in the cities employ housemaids at low wages; but when women of the general populace,
or women living in rural villages or smaller cities go out to work in retail business or as
civil servants or teachers or when they go out to do farm work with their husbands, even
they can easily find someone (such as the children’s grandparents or an uncle or aunt) to
take care of their children.
If a daughter becomes an unwed mother or is separated from her husband, the
grandparents will become parent surrogates for the child or an uncle may become a father
surrogate. Even if the family is angry at the daughter and will not speak to her, the child
is fully accepted into the family and treated warmly.
The second characteristic of the child’s socialization process in the Philippines is that the
child is taken care of for a long period of time, owing to the fact that, as seen in the primary
characteristic, there are many adults or elderly people who can become parenting figures.
Even when the next child is born and the mother’s attention is focused on the newborn
baby, there is no lack of parenting figures to take care of the older child and therefore no
need for the child to become independent immediately. If the child cannot carry out such
activities as bathing, dressing, or cleansing after elimination independently, there is
always someone nearby to help. Even when the child can do those things unaided, it is
not unusual for someone to help anyway. Furthermore, when the child has matured to a
certain degree, he or she will have to look after younger brothers and sisters, and cousins

4. in the same way. In general, there are no rules or requirements in the Philippines
regarding what the child must be able to do at a certain age. “Maturation is a leisurely
process, not to be accelerated by parental encouragement or too deliberate training. The
child will eventually come around to it when he understands”. It is neither unusual nor
embarrassing for one child to be unable to do at the age of four what another can do at
the age of two. Furthermore, it is strongly believed that the longer the parents sleep with
the child, the longer the child feels affection for the parents and family after growing up
and the longer the child stays close to the family. Therefore, the child is not trained to
sleep alone. The third characteristic is that the child has very little stress or feelings of
frustration, because there were many parent surrogates to satisfy his or her desires. Even
if the child’s parents do not satisfy his desires, someone he can select from among the
close relationships, such as the grandparents, uncles, or aunts, will realize his wishes.
When the mother ignores or refuses to indulge the child’s wishes, it will not be such a
great psychological strain on the child. Even if the child has feelings of sorrow, anger, or
rebellion, such feelings are temporary and never long lasting, and there will be no
accumulation of great stress that may change the child’s character. It is probably because
there is so little stress of this kind that the so-called juvenile delinquency in the Philippines
is rarely associated with great violence.
Observing the socialization process of the child in the Philippines, the characteristics may
be described, in a word, as extremely dependent. The concept of dependency has
negative connotations, such as mental or physical weakness, but in the Philippines, it
does not have a negative meaning. Dependency must be understood as a relationship
that begins with the recognized relationship that the child forms with the adults in the
environment and eventually extends into a mutually dependent, cooperative relationship
in which all the members depend on each other and help each other. At least among
family members, neighbors, friends, and acquaintances, living in a relationship of mutual
cooperation and assistance is an important social philosophy that does not change, no
matter what age one attains, and is considered an ideal way of social life. In their
discussion of dependency and the child’s seeking of nurturance, which extends into
habitual succoring adults. The child seeks help even when he does not need it as a bid
for attention and affection. If he picks the right time, he gets it. If not, the situation is plain
enough or he is there, he is called on to help. He is not so much an individual as he is a
part of a family whose older members are his support and whose younger members are
his responsibility. Responsibilities are not pushed on him when he reaches a certain age.
Instead he grows into them, gaining the necessary skills as he participates in the day-to-
day activities of the family.
From childhood he learns to enjoy being taken care of and realizes that he can make
others happy by being dependent on them. There is no age when a child is expected to
leave home or an age when he is expected to become fully self-reliant.
Conditions of A Good Child
The fact that the child has multiple choices besides the parents in receiving love and
protection has many positive aspects. The child, however, does not receive such favors

5. one-sidedly. The child also has to carry out the role and behavior that the adults in his
environment expect of him.
In the Philippines, a child is a blessing from God and is considered proof that the family
is living in the grace of God. At the same time, for the parents, the child is a form of
investment and security in old age. For this reason it is generally believed that the greater
the number of children and the larger the family, the happier the family will be. The
government is conducting various family planning campaigns to reduce the annual
population growth rate, which is close to three percent, but with very little effect. Not
because Roman Catholic doctrine forbids it (the people are rarely conscious of the fact
that it is forbidden) but because of the strong desire to have many children. Even if the
wife attends lectures on family planning and takes an interest in birth control, it may be
difficult to practice because the husband, who thinks many children to be proof of
manliness, might be uncooperative or the parents, who believe a large family ideal, might
be against it. The average number of children born alive per couple is presently about 5.4
(1970 census). The figure is lower in Metro Manila and other urban areas and higher in
rural areas. It is not unusual to find couples with more than ten children.
The many children born in this environment have various important roles to play in family
life according to their stage of maturation. When the child is still a baby, he is the center
of the love and attention of the parents and other adults and is expected to provide
laughter and joy through his smile and gestures. Weaning and toilet training are not as
forced or early as in the United States or Japan and have even been described as
permissive, but it is not important in the child’s development that he become able to take
care of himself. Rather, it is considered more important that the child learns to respond
actively to the people surrounding him and to communicate intimately with them.
Eventually, the child must take care of younger brothers and sisters and carry out such
daily tasks as drawing water. Boys must eventually help with their father’s work and look
after domestic animals and girls must help their mothers with housework and shopping.
In the Philippines, the world of adults and the world of children are not separated and the
children assume certain roles in the family that they are capable of assuming in
accordance with their ages. The children learn as they help the adults in their work, by
imitating what they observe or by receiving specific training. There are therefore very few
tasks or activities from which the adults will exclude the children. Even at bedtime, there
is no set time beyond which the children are not allowed to stay awake and they are
allowed to stay up late with the adults if they wish to do so. However, the children are
usually exhausted by the day’s activities and will go to sleep before the adults. Even if a
separation into the world of adults and the world of children were possible, in the
Philippines the two worlds would exist in a relationship of interaction, super imposed over
each other.
The child’s growth, therefore, is not a process in which the child becomes an adult through
a sequence of rites of passage, receiving a clear-cut status in each stage of development.
It is, rather, one in which the child, with the exception of certain rites—such as entering
elementary school or Confirmation—assumes the world of adults little by little in

6. accordance with his physical growth and gradually enters the adult world. At the same
time, he learns the values and behavior patterns of the adults.
Returning to a previous point of discussion, in a life style in which the families of relatives
live close to one another and friendly relations are maintained with neighbors who are not
relatives, there are many parent surrogates but there are at the same time a great number
of children. The child has many choices regarding parenting figures, but at the same time
the child is not the sole focus of the love and attention of each adult or elderly person.
There are always several competitors, such as siblings close in age or cousins of the
same age. In such complex relationships, even a child cannot always demand attention
or depend unconditionally on the people in his environment:
Very early the child learns to relate at many different levels to several different adults and,
if necessary, learns to manipulate situations, to weave his way through to get his own
specific needs met, and his uniqueness acknowledged. He has to find a place of his own
in this many people environment, or else his value may not be recognized. If one
considers the complexity of the combinations of interrelationships involved; one cannot
but marvel at how smoothly and rhythmically this machinery of the Filipino family can
operate in spite of all odds!
In order to fulfill one’s desires or objectives, one first of all must be accepted by others
and maintain close and friendly relations with them. “With many people living in a close
physical and social relationship, the handling of hostility is of crucial importance. A good
deal of emphasis is placed on the ability to avoid potentially angry situations”. Therefore,
as Lynch (1973) emphasizes, the building of “smooth interpersonal relations” is
indispensable for the realization of “social acceptance”, the most important motivating
factor in the behavior of the Filipinos.
Filipino children are indulged by many parenting figures during the early infant period, but
once they reach a certain developmental state, they are taught not to be self-centered or
to try and have their own way in everything, but to always be considerate of other family
members and all the other people in the environment. The child is repeatedly told that
other people have likes, dislikes, and desires just as he does and that if a conflict of
interest should arise, he should always be the one to give in to others. The child thus
learns at a relatively early stage to refrain from asserting his ego and that he should not
try to push his demands through the end. The child is also taught that other people have
different characters and personalities just as he has different tastes and desires, and that
he should be able to get along with all types of people. In order to do this, he should be
careful about his attitude and language so as not to anger, hurt, or annoys the other party.
Even when he feels uncomfortable or angry, he should not let the other party detect it by
letting it show in his facial expression. So he must smile when the situation requires it
even when he is not amused, and pretend to be calm even when he feels violent rage. A
rebellious attitude should be avoided more than anything else and is strongly suppressed.
Thus, the social environment in which Filipino children grow up nips an aggressive
attitude in the bud and orients the child’s development and character formation toward

7. getting along and cooperating with others. In other words, respecting the emotions and
feelings of others, and suppressing one’s own anger or displeasure for the sake of smooth
interpersonal relations, is valued more than anything else. The child must learn the art of
sociability in his own way and play the role of the good child.
In concrete terms this means not only that the child must not argue or fight but also that
the child must avoid getting into tense situations that could lead to arguments or fights.
When the child loses his temper or raises his voice in anger, such behavior is regarded
as reflecting the bad character or disposition of the whole family. Even when the child is
angry, he must not talk back and must always remain cool and composed and assume a
friendly attitude. When he cannot do so, he can, for example, cry or use some other
peaceful method of expression to show the other party or the adults in the environment
how hurt or angry he is and thus try to receive their protection.
Expansion and Manipulation of Dyadic Relations
The diverse human relations that surround the child are not limited to relatives and
acquaintances living in the same grounds or neighborhood. As the next baby is born and
the child retreats from the center of attraction, the circle of attention with which he has
frequent contacts will grow. He will gradually assume closer contacts with playmates,
people in the same village (kababaryo), relatives living in other areas, godparents with
whom he will associate through the compadre system, and so forth.
When one meets Filipino people, one is immediately struck by the strength of their family
bonds and by the great number of relatives they seem to have. In various daily-life
situations it is not unusual to be introduced to one person after another and to find that
they are related. In the Philippines, the third cousins of the ego and the spouse, that is,
the descendants of the siblings of the great-grandparents are usually recognized as
relatives. In some instances the fourth or even more remote cousins are recognized as
relatives. Since the average nuclear family size is seven to eight members, the number
of relatives’ swells to tremendous proportions by geometric progression. According to the
calculations of one sociologist, one Filipino person will have three hundred relatives
during his lifetime, even by the most modest estimates.
In actual daily life, however, it is impossible to maintain equally close relations with such
a great number of relatives. The actual number with whom one can associate and
maintain close and frequent contacts will be much smaller. The relatives with whom one
has intimate relations are not necessarily determined by set rules, such as the degree of
consanguinity, but by one’s personal tastes and voluntary selection, based on how well
one gets along with them, proximity of location, economic merit, and so forth. This creates
what is known in social anthropology as a “personal kindred.” The personal kindred is a
social category consisting of an individual’s circle of relatives or that range of a person’s
relatives accorded special cultural recognition. It is not a clearly delineated group, such
as a lineage of descendants of a particular ancestor, but is an ego centered circle of
consanguineal (and affinal) relatives. The dyadic relationship of ego with each relative is
not fixed and unchanging. When the individual is on bad terms with a relative, he stops

8. associating with him regardless of the degree of consanguinity, while a distant relative
becomes an important member of the circle if he lives nearby and is on friendly terms.
The kindred of the parents or the circle of relatives plays an extremely important role in
the growing up and socialization of the child. Kaut (1965) calls this form of grouping that
occurs freely, according to the will and tastes of the individual, the “principle of
contingency” and explains it as follows:
“It is my hypothesis that social groupings—not social groups in the sense defined above—
are constantly changing their boundaries and dimensions in Tagalog society as
successful, unsuccessful, and accidental activation of modes of interaction create,
strengthen, or weaken social bonds of obligation. Kinship and descent act mostly as
points of departure rather than eliminating strictures”.
Another important factor in the development and social relations of the Filipino child is the
ritual kinship called the compadre system. This is a system of establishing ritual parent-
child relations as godparent-godchild through the baptism ceremony of the Roman
Catholic religion. When a child is to be baptized, the parents ask Catholic relatives or
friends to become the child’s godparents, regardless of marital status, since it is not
required that godparents be married. I have been asked by friends on several occasions
to become godparent, even though they know I’m not a Catholic.
In the Philippines, the religious significance of establishing a ritual parent is to have
someone to assume the role of guardian, to provide guidance so that the child will grow
up to be a devout Catholic. The godchild (inaanak) is supposed to show the godfather
(ninong) and godmother (ninang) the same respect and obedience that he must show to
his parents, and the godparents are expected to provide guidance and care, particularly
in matters of religion. Actually, however, secular and social responsibilities seem to
outweigh religious duties. For example, the godparents are expected to buy the godchild
clothes for the baptism and to provide remuneration to the church and other
congratulatory gifts. The godparents also continue to give gifts, such as at Christmas, and
continue to look after the child in various ways.
The compadre system was established for the better development of the child and it plays
a certain role, but actually it is the relationship between the godparents and the biological
parents, centering on the child that is more important. The compadre system functions as
a way of making more formal bond of a close friendship, or of drawing distant relatives
closer together, in other words, of making certain close relations even closer. The
godparents and biological parents call each other kumpare, in the case of men, and
kumare, in the case of women, and maintain an extremely close association in various
aspects of daily life. They constantly provide mutual assistance, such as helping each
other in farm work, lending each other commodities, and sharing food. When a compadre
relationship is formed between two families of different socio-economic statuses, it works
to establish or strengthen the so-called patron-client relationship.
Furthermore, although their social significance is not as great as that of the godparents
at the time of baptism, the sponsors or witnesses at the confirmation and wedding

9. ceremonies also form ritual parent-child relations with the child and are also called ninong,
ninang, kumpare, and kumare. The godparents at the baptism are not restricted to one
couple, and other “godparent” figures may be chosen separately for the confirmation and
wedding. The child thus has not only the relatives and neighbors but also the godparents
in the compadre system with whom he has close relationships. The parents will be able
to have at least three sets of “godparents” for one child (at baptism, confirmation and
wedding) and can choose different sets of “godparents” for each child, and will thus be
able to form ritual kindred relations with a large number of people. These ritual kinsfolk
combine with the actual relatives, who are numerous to begin with, to make kindred
relations in Filipino society unimaginably complex and intricate.
The socialization process of Filipino children growing up in such open, complicated and
diverse relationships may be summarized as a process of learning the art and behavior
patterns of maintaining, strengthening and extending these relationships. In the
Philippines, as compared with Japan, the formation of groups based on ba, that is, a
situational position in a given frame (see Nakane 1970), is not so strong, and the
individual’s personal kindred, or various circles or networks of people formed by dyadic
relations, have an important function in social life. As Lynch (1973) emphasizes:
“Every individual has a social universe which is distinctively his own, constantly changing
in size and content, its members playing various and often multiple role in this regard.
Each such role promises, in the abstract, more or less support to the central figure, and
is empowered to demand in return a greater or smaller share of his loyalty and energies.
One is surrounded at every moment, in other words, by people who are potentially or in
fact his allies, people he can count on to a greater or smaller degree”.
The importance of Filipino social life as well as the socialization process of children in the
Philippines therefore lies in the awareness of each person that he or she is situated in
interwoven diverse human relations, and particularly in the awareness that each dyadic
relation must be maintained always in good terms, so that the individual can depend on
it when the need arises. These relations are not fixed and unchanging once they are
established, and the bond may break naturally unless the social distance of the two
persons is constantly narrowed.
Such behavior patterns as pakikisama (concession, giving in, following the lead or
suggestion of others), euphemism, the use of go-betweens, and utang na loob (a debt
inside oneself) (sic) are indispensable methods of realizing “smooth interpersonal
relations.” For behavior that departs from these accepted norms, the concept of hiya (the
uncomfortable feeling that accompanies awareness of being in a socially unacceptable
position, or performing a socially unacceptable action) acts as an inhibitory force.
Guide Question
1. What is the context, content, processes, and consequences of the socialization of
Filipino children?