good words (right order) Jan 21 2010

good words (right order)
class presentation
1/21/10

patrick@goodwordsrightorder.com

_________________________________________________
to write clearly is to think clearly

“Though the origin of most
of our words is forgotten,
each word was at first a
stroke of genius.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

{ part one }

What They Didn’t Tell
You About Writing
(and English)

1. How (and why) did the
written language develop?

a 5,300 year old record of oil deliveries

The written word developed to
facilitate commerce.

Literary art began with the
spoken word.

In the absence of the written word,
humanity relied on rhyme and meter
as a mnemonic device.

There once was a man from
Nantucket...

It’s really hard to
make a ledger rhyme.

Writing solves that problem by giving
us a more reliable kind of of memory.

In fact, the language itself
is a kind of memory

Writing gives you the power to
preserve words through time and
transmit them across distance.

But this power comes at a price.

: alone with him that is Tiger: send it again. I didn't pick up on weird why you decided on me. to the bathroom and
which is that Tiger: go
ee: haha I wish Tiger: you just need some attention from me an asian mother Jaimee: haha ur too much
Tiger: having and a military father you
cannot and will not ever be full of yourself
ee: miss u (Sept. 27, 6:38 Tiger: do you have a boy friend (8:45 p.m.)
p.m.) Jaimee: are u leaving me caus
Jaimee: I have fun with u, you always make me smile and I
: now that's hot so who isJaimee: I don'ttoy have someone I am dating ... no ... u can ( I am lonely now ... i like falli
your new boy even
am not afraid to be myself or say anything to u ... the day I
18, 11:38 p.m.)
be my boyfriend ;)
ee: no new boy toy ... still running dry... been on 2 real met u I thought u were going to kick me out a few times but
in the pat 2 months :( Tiger: then I am for someone reason you didn't and u have told meI numerouss
Tiger: sorry baby just can't
: I need you Jaimee: I wish times I talk to much but slowlyTiger: she is not here. They le
as I get to know u iI think
your absolutely amazing
ee: then get your tight assTiger: quiet and secretively we will always be together
over here and visit me! I need Jaimee: well I appreciate you
Tiger: you are wrong I'm boneif y couldn't sleep I would hav
thugs in harmon
Tiger: when was the last time you got laid
: I will wear you out soon Jaimee: Something wrong babe?I was find out to sepnd time
more ... excited why I keep fa
Jaimee: if we hang out on a Sundwaythis week (Oct. 15, 6:40 p.m.)
with u we can watch Tiger: Because I'm blasian :)
ee: how soon? I got a new piercing houswives again haha (Sept. 30, 3:38 p.m.)
desperate
Tiger: I will you Sunda night. Its the onlysorry babe. Im alrea
Tiger: I'm night in which I
: really. Where Tiger: oh god am totally free but I have to leave at 530 Monday morning to
Jaimee: I'm putting my underw
ee: I just sent u a pic of it Jaimee:my cheek below my drive up to the valley for an outing for one of my sponsors.
... is on take a break from watching boring old golf
See you at 8 pm on Sunday in newport them off
come take
implanted a little diamond Jaimee: I mean the amazing sport of golf ;)
Tiger: :) you are too funny
Tiger: don't text me back till tomorrow morning. I have to
: send it again. I didn't pick up on [more than an hour later] babe I was kidding
Jaimee: that
many people around me right now Tiger: sorry baby I just can't s
: you just need some attention from me sexy
Tiger: I know
Tiger: send me something very naughty (Oct. 18, 3:40 p.m.)
Tiger: she is not here. They le
: do you have a boy friend (8:45 p.m.) orange county time yet? (Oct. 1, 6:06 p.m.)
Jaimee: is it
Jaimee: some things are worthJaimee: for lol appreciate im
waiting well I ... besides you
ee: I don't even have someone I am dating ... no ... u can
Tiger: oh stop :) at work if y couldn't sleep I would hav
boyfriend ;)
Jaimee: hahaha I know ... but you canceledthe bathroom and moreit find out why I keep fa
Tiger: go to on me last time take ...
: then I am so the anticipation is killing me ... im finding myself Tiger: Because I'm blasian :)
Jaimee: haha ur too much
ee: I wish watching sports center ... haha j/k it isn't that bad

“Keep a diary and it will
keep you.” Mae West

Anything you write can be
instantaneously
delivered to everyone in the world.

...for free.
(zero marginal cost)

The persistence of the written word
(what makes writing useful)
also makes it very dangerous.

(okay smart-ass, where does the
dictionary get them?)

What happens when
you don’t have a dictionary?

When he found himself lacking a
word, he made one to fit.

Nouns manager Adjectives nervy
dialogue aerial
accused mimic noiseless
dislocate auspicious
addiction misgiving obscene
divest baseless
alligator mountaineer olympian
drug beached
amazement ode premeditated
dwindle bloodstained
anchovies outbreak promethean
elbow blushing
assassination pageantry quarrelsome
enmesh circumstantial
backing pedant radiance
film consanguineous
bandit perusal rancorous
forward deafening
bedroom questioning reclusive
gossip disgraceful
bump reinforcement remorseless
grovel domineering
buzzers retirement rival
hobnob enrapt
courtship roadway sacrificial
humour
critic rumination epileptic sanctimonious
hurry
dauntless savagery equivocal softhearted
impedes
dawn scuffles eventful splitting
jet
design shudders fashionable stealthy
jig
dickens switch foregone traditional
label
discontent tardiness frugal tranquil
lapse
embrace transcendence generous unmitigated
lower
employer urging gloomy unreal
misquote
engagements watchdog gnarled varied
negotiate
excitements wormhole hush vaulting
numb
exposure zany inaudible viewless
pander
eyeball Verbs invulnerable widowed
partner
fixture besmirch jaded worthless
petition
futurity bet juiced yelping
puke
glow blanket lackluster Adverbs
rant
gust cake laughable importantly
reword
hint cater lonely instinctively
secure
immediacy champion lustrous obsequiously
submerge
investments compromise madcap threateningly
swagger
kickshaws cow majestic tightly
torture
leapfrog denote marketable trippingly
unclog
luggage deracinate monumental unaware

So how do you make a dictionary?

“The chief intent of it is to preserve the purity, and ascertain the meaning of our
English idiom; and this seems to require nothing more than that our language be
considered, so far as it is our own; that the words and phrases used in the general
intercourse of life... The value of a work must be estimated by its use; it is not
enough that a dictionary delights the critick, unless, at the same time, it instructs
the learner; as it is to little purpose that an engine amuses the philosopher by the
subtlety of its mechanism, if it requires so much knowledge in its application as
to be of no advantage to the common workman.”

Samuel Johnson from ‘The Plan of an English Dictionary”

“our language be considered the words and
phrases used in the general intercourse of life”

Samuel Johnson from ‘The Plan of an English Dictionary”

We can make a word right now.
And it can be in the next
revision of the dictionary.

You are the source of your
authentic language.

3. Why aren’t words spelled
like they sound?

pepulle pupill
pepille pupyll
pepil pupul
pepylle peuple
pepyll pople
peeple poepul
poepull puple

All valid spellings
of the word “people”

All valid spellings
of the word “people”
before the 15th century.

In the 15th and 16th centuries
the spelling of words in the
English language was fixed by a
special kind of English court
called the Chancery.

This was done to standardize
contracts and payments.

But after the spelling was
fixed the pronunciation of
words continued to evolve.

Linguists call it the
‘Great Vowel Shift’

( obligatory “vowel movement”
joke goes here )

the other reason that spelling
and pronunciation don’t match
well in English is contained in

4. Why does English have so
many synonyms?

Hunger comes from the Old
English word ‘hungor’

So where’d the French come from?

Pre 1066 – William the Bastard

Post 1066 – William the Conqueror

When the Normans (French)
conquered England, they doubled
the size of the English language.

anger rage follow ensue
wrath ire forbid prohibit, interdict
ask inquire forgetting oblivion
aware cognizant foretell predict
back dorsal fox-like vulpine
begin commence freedom liberty
belief creed friendly amicable
belly abdomen gather assemble
bodily corporal get off descend
brotherly fraternal get out produce
buy purchase give provide
calf veal gladness joy, delight
cool acquiesce god deity
child infant go on proceed
come arrive guess suppose
cow beef, bovine hearing audience
deadly mortal, fatal heed attention
deep profound height altitude
deer venison help assist
earth soil hen poultry
end finish, complete hill mount
fatherly paternal horse equestrian
feeling sentiment hound-like canine
fill up replenish itch irritate
flood inundate know recognize

English is a promiscuous language.

wile
trick
device
finesse
artifice
stratagem

wile O.E.
trick Dutch
device Old French
finesse French
artifice Latin
stratagem Greek

5. With all these words, how do
you know which ones to use?

“First, learn to hammer in the
nails, and if what you build is
sturdy and serviceable, take
satisfaction in it’s plain
strength.” William Zinnser

good words are words of clear,
unambiguous meaning

these are usually words
that are real things

The more specific you can be
the better off you are.

“The perpetrator performed an
aggravated assault on the victim
which resulted in substantial
injuries and the subsequent...”

“Bill hit Steve in the
head with a hammer.”

2. Use as few words as possible.

omit needless words
–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––
Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain
no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary
sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have
no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary
parts. This requires not that the writer make all his
sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his
subjects only in outline, but that every word tell.

– from “The Elements of Style” by Strunk and White

3. No adverbs, few adjectives.

“The road to hell is paved with adverbs.”
Stephen King

rewriting mini procedure
–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––
1. Kill all the adverbs.
2. Kill all the adjectives.
3. See if the sentence can be saved.

The camel died quite suddenly on the
second day, and Selena fretted sulkily
and, buffing her already impeccable
nails--not for the first time since the
journey began--pondered snidely if this
would dissolve into a vignette of minor
inconveniences like all the other
holidays spent with Basil.
Gail Cain 1983 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest Winner

The camel died on the second day.
Selena fretted, not for the first time
since the journey began -- pondered if
this would dissolve into a vignette of
minor inconveniences like all the other
holidays spent with Basil.

3. No jargon, buzzwords,
technical terms or acronyms.

Why would someone say,
“Are you experiencing any pain,”
instead of...

Maybe being
unintelligible feels safe.

Unclear communication isn’t just a
waste of time, it’s terribly
destructive.

Density is typically measured as
basal area in square feet per acre.

MegaMicroSystems is a key industry player
with global tangible assets, strategic allied
partnerships, and an information-driven
technology base. We utilize user-centric
methodologies, grow visionary systems, and
orchestrate strategic functionalities in order to
generate successful customer and end-user
experiences. The ultimate goal for our targeted
client base is to allow them to implement
world-class synergies, generate end-to-end
communities, and launch successful
implemented platforms.

Words have two kinds of meaning:


1. Denotation (dictionary definition)


1. Denotation (dictionary definition)

2. Connotation (everything else)

When you put two words next to each
other, a third meaning, is created
that cannot be contained within mere
denotation.

“Would you mind asking
your husband to stop
cramming sandwiches
down his ham funnel?”

It’s important to be able to do this with
language, because we don’t have a word
ready-made for every shade of meaning
we might need to convey.

“...a great vampire squid wrapped
a r o u n d t h e f a c e o f h u m a n i t y,
relentlessly jamming it’s blood funnel
into anything that smells like money.”
Matt Tabbibi describing Goldman Sachs

Mr. Tabbibi is obviously upset.

Mr. Tabbibi is eloquently upset.

“What does it say that Iranians can
march by the millions, put life and
limb on the line, while Americans sit
meekly by as a financial colossus with
tentacles deep into the federal
government enriches itself beyond our
imagination on the backs of the poor
and the struggling?”
Peter Daou on Goldman Sachs

5. If possible avoid any word
from with a French, Latin or
Greek root.

The core of the English language,
Anglo-Saxon, is still our best source of
clear and powerful words.

“I gained an immense
advantage over the cleverer
boys... I got into my bones the
essential structure of the
ordinary sentence– which is a
noble thing.”
Sir Winston Churchill

A sentence is any combination
of words that expresses
a complete thought.

It’s form was an exact quadrangle;
and we may calculate that a square
of about seven hundred yards was
sufficient for the encampment of
twenty thousand; though a similar
number of our own troops would
expose to the enemy a front of
more than treble of that extent.

Most of the languages in the
world convey a level of meaning
through word order.

For the vast majority of
languages this order is
SUBJECT, OBJECT, VERB.

For us, it’s
SUBJECT, VERB, OBJECT

If you are a native English
speaker, your brain is wired so
that this is the easiest order for
you to process language.

In fact, this order is a tool for
understanding the world.

“Use the analytic tool of
complete sentences, including
subjects, objects and predicates.”
-- Lou Gerstner, in the famous
memo that banned the use of
presentation slides at IBM

Every sentence, no matter how
complicated, confused or
unclear can be broken down
into a simpler sentence that fits
this form: Subject Verb (Object)

“Did you know that Abraham
Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg
Address while traveling from
Washington to Gettysburg on
the back of an envelope.”

“Robinson, who coaches the
Oregon State Beavers, was
cheered on by the President, who
snacked on popcorn, the First
Lady, Sasha, Malia and the girls’
grandmother Marian Robinson.”

“Avoid the passive voice.”

The problem is that it violates
the spirit of a subject, verb, object
word order.

It makes it harder to say what
we’re trying to say.

“An error has been
found in your account.”

The passive voice is the voice of
those who seek to dissemble,
obfuscate or cover their ass.

The passive voice also violates
the principle of omitting
needless words.

Many famous quotations from
Churchill, Roosevelt and
Kennedy were used by the
speaker in his talk on “Famous
Political Orators.”

The speaker quoted Churchill,
Roosevelt and Kennedy during
his discussion of “Famous
Presidential Orators.”

The paragraph is the
logical unit of composition.

“The first draft of
everything is shit.”
Ernest Hemingway

“Clutter is the
disease of American
writing.”
William Zinnser, Author of ‘On Writing’

“There is no great writing,
only great rewriting.”
Justice Brandeis

The more time you spend
rewriting, the better your
writing becomes.

I have a hard time
remembering things.

So I named my company for
both the goal of and the method
to create great writing.

subject verb (object)

rewriting procedure
–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––
1. read it out loud
2. figure out what it is trying to say
3. check for bad words
4. check for wrong order
5. rewrite it
6. read it out loud

There are only two possible problems
with any piece of writing.

1) The words don’t communicate
what you want to say.

2) The words communicate
something you don’t want to say.

So as you rewrite, you are
constantly adjusting your aim.

“Take dead aim.”
Harvey Pennick

When workloads increase to a level requiring
hours in excess of an employee's regular duty
assignment, and when such work is estimated
to require a full shift of eight (8) hours or
more on two (2) or more consecutive days,
even though unscheduled days intervene, an
employee's tour of duty shall be altered so as
to include the hours when such work must be
done, unless an adverse impact would result
from such employee's absence from his
previously scheduled assignment.

The building is a huge structure that houses
federal courts as well as other agencies,
including the offices of Senators Harry Reid,
the Democratic majority leader, and John
Ensign, a Republican.

If it were just you and I talking, sitting close
together at small table in an uncertain port, a
place just far enough away from all that we
know that we could be honest with one
another, here's what I would tell you:

I utilized a multi-tined tool to
process a starch resource.

On Monday, the digital content
organization plans to announce
several moves that signal it is
ready for companies to start
building devices and services
with the technology this year.

Celebrations moved like a wave
from east to west as midnight
joyously struck across the globe
and the world welcomed 2010.
In New York, at least 1 million
people watch the iconic ball drop
in Times Square.

If, for a while, the ruse of desire is calculable
for the uses of discipline soon the repetition
of guilt, justification, pseudo-scientific
theories, superstition, spurious authorities,
and classifications can be seen as the
desperate effort to "normalize" formally the
disturbance of a discourse of splitting that
violates the rational, enlightened claims of its
enunciatory modality.

Valais is the first water bottled in the Swiss
Alps to be sold in the United States. The final
design for the bottle label reflects the Swiss
heritage by featuring a mountain images, as
well as a Swiss flag icon. It informs
consumers visually that this is a refreshing,
natural beverage.

Most gardeners limit their experience of
growing beans in their backyard gardens to
snap beans. In fact, snap beans are second in
popularity only to the omniscient tomato.

Much too frequently, the criminal manages
to escape the scene of a crime because he
manages to escape the visual capability of the
responding officers.

History is replete with examples to show that
throughout our long and rewarding relations
with the Chinese, they have time and again
proved to be totally untrustworthy.

All patient meals will be rethermalized by
use of a microwave oven before delivery to
patients.

Firefighters are often called upon to save
lives. Occasionally, they must help begin
lives. Such was the case yesterday morning
when five Elyria firefighters gave birth to a
girl in the bathroom of an apartment.

Businesses planning sales strategy perceive
buying power as a gauge of the general ability
of potential customers to buy their products.

“It is one thing to study war
and another to live
the warrior's life.”
Telemon of Arcadia

writing is either:
–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

a. The act of putting words on paper.

b. A process through which we discover
what we are trying to say.

writing is either:
–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

b. A process through which we discover
what we are trying to say.

In fact, you can’t do creative
work without getting lost. It’s a
fundamental part of the process.

The Creative Process
is like an iceberg

This why it’s hard
for us to manage.

the process
–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––
1. There is a problem.
2. You gather information.
3. You develop solutions/options.
4. Some of them seem okay. Not great.
5. You run out of ideas.
6. You put it out of your mind completely.
7. The Eureka moment.

The cycle can take five minutes
or five years, but the steps are
always the same.

The discipline of focusing and
relaxing your mind is what
makes the process go.

“I am a bear of very little brain
and long words bother me.”
Winnie the Pooh

We are far more simple
creatures than our egos will
allow us to understand.

I believe that we
get, at the most, six periods of
concentration a day.

“A writer only gets 2-3 hours of
productive time a day.”

Your biggest difficulty with
writing may have nothing to do
with writing at all.

“The writing part isn’t hard,
it’s sitting down to write.”
Steven Pressfield

This is exacerbated by the
interrupt-driven workplace.

To write well, you need to
manage your attention,
not your time.

Any system will work,
but I suggest
the Pomodoro Technique.

The Pomodoro Technique
1. Choose a task
2. Set timer to 25 minutes
3. Work on the task until the timer rings.*
4. Take a short break.
5. Every four Pomodoros, a longer break.
http://www.pomodorotechnique.com/

If you are interrupted
or lose focus, you don’t
count the Pomodoro.

You take a break,
then wind the timer
up and try again.

The next Pomodoro
will be better.

The secret is, the Pomodoro
Technique isn’t about time. It’s
about your awareness of time.

Writing is spiritually difficult
because of the anxiety of becoming
that creeps into the process.

You can’t directly control your
‘inspiration’ or ‘talent.’

You can’t directly
control your emotions.

I don’t think we have that much
control over our thoughts.

If you attempt to write
something difficult,
you will, as some point
feel inadequate.

It happens to everyone,
but fear not,

“He writes the worst English that I
have ever encountered. It reminds me
of a string of wet sponges; it reminds
me of tattered washing on the line; it
reminds me of stale bean soup, of
college yells, of dogs barking idiotically
through endless nights. It is so bad that
a sort of grandeur creeps into it.”
H.L. Mencken on Warren G. Harding

...you can’t possibly write as bad
as Warren G. Harding.

The only thing that is truly
within your power to control is
your attention.

But we can choose which
thoughts we pay attention to.

What we do is a consequence of
what we pay attention to.

“I am a teacher of athletes. He
that by me spreads a wider
breast than my own proves the
worth of my own. He most
honors my style who learns
under it to destroy the teacher.”
Walt Whitman

____________________________________________
orwell’s rules for writing
1.Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which
you are used to seeing in print.
2.Never use a long word where a short one will do.
3.If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
4.Never use the passive where you can use the active.
5.Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word
if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
6.Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright
barbarous.

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