This is an editing sample of a movie review for the Star Wars movie "Rogue One." It demonstrates my abilities to edit for grammar, semantics, pragmatics, lexicon, and mechanics. The document may serve as the basis for a writing workshop.

1. Eggum, R., Star Wars (Tracking and Comments) 1/3
MOVIES
Why Is Rogue One Is as Important
to the Star Wars Franchise? as
Episode VII
Rob Bricken
2/24/16 3:23pm • Filed to: RANT
The Force Awakens was a huge milestone: the first continuation of the Star Wars movie saga since 1983's Return of the Jedi. But,
but the upcoming Rogue One is just as important to the future of Star Wars, if not more so. Artwork: Darren Tan © 2015-2018
There’s There is a lotmuch riding on Rogue One’s X-Wings. The first stand-alone story movie in Disney’s
revitalized Star Wars movie machinefranchise, (premiering on December 16), is going towill be different
from the other previous seven episodes in the franchise for a lot ofseveral reasons—and its success or
failure could have a major, permanentan indelible impact effect on upon all Star Wars movies yet to come.
Minor spoilers ahead...Spoilers loom ahead.
In the very unlikely implausible event that you don’t do not already know, Rogue One is about a group of
Rebellion pilots who are tasked with getting retrieving the plansschematics for of the original Death Star—
the very plans that Princess Leia gave to R2-D2 in A New Hope. It’s It has been described both a heist
Comment [NA1]: The author never mentions
the importance of Episode VII within his review. It
should, therefore, not be mentioned in the title.
Comment [NA2]:
EDITOR recommends that the author not begin a
sentence with a conjunction within a news article.
Comment [NA3]: All visual materials
must be cited within a caption.
Comment [NA4]:
EDITOR recommends that the author not use
contractions within a news article.
Comment [NA5]:
EDITOR recommends that the author place
supplemental information within parentheses.
Comment [NA6]:
EDITOR recommends that the author not use the
going to be construction, as it is used for informal
register; not a news article.
Comment [NA7]:
EDITOR recommends that the author excise the
adjective minor because its connotation will not
motivate readers to continue reading the news
article in its entirety; which would prevent them
from reading advertisements.

2. Eggum, R., Star Wars (Tracking and Comments) 2/3
movie and as a war movieas a war movie that involves a heist, which means indicates that it’s going to it
will be the first Star Wars movie with a specific theme to it beyond its general “space fantasy” aegisto
deliver more than should be expected from a generic space fantasy. Presumably, this it will also be the
first Star Wars movie that does not to include a Jedi (or possibly not even anyone someone with Force
sensitivitywho can use the Force). Perhaps most more importantly, it’s going toit will be the first Star
Wars filmmovie without a Luke Skywalker at its centeras its main character.
And that’sWhich begs the question: Are audiences theatre-goers ready for Star Wars sans Skywalkers?
Given the current international appetitetrends for all things from a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away,
right now I am certain peopleaudiences are willing, more than ever before, willing to take a chance to find
out. I also have zeroThere can be little doubt that ticket sales for the first weekend will be
amazingprofitable, and that the movie will turn a profit. But but abundant sales cannot guarantee that’s
fans will doesn’t mean the movie will be enjoyed the movie. If ticket sales drop precipitously after the first
weekend, or word-of-mouth turns bad—or, basically, if this movie sucks—Rogue One may might make a
profit, but if word of mouth is negative than it will also make audiences much more wary of all the
other Star Wars stories movies, which Disney plans on churningto churn out until the world
endskingdom come.
A relative failure wouldn’t would not stop Disney from making more stand-alone Star Wars filmsmovies,
but the next spin-off on the slate is amight feature a young Han Solo movie; . after After that, the movies
that are most often rumored to follow include solo isolated adventures for Boba Fett and Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Mining Relying on the histories back-stories of these well-known, beloved characters is smart and
obviousan understandable choice when planning for future Star Wars episodes. But it’s, but it might
become also kind of a bummerlackluster; to think that the Star Wars movies are going to perennially stick
to the same dozen or so characters, especially when there’s literallythere is an entire galaxy universe for
the audience to explore, filled with new characters to encounter.
This is whyThe lure of fresh characters makes Rogue One isso important. Sure, it links directly to A New
Hope, so audiences do understand the stakes immediately and easily. But other Other than a rumored
appearance by Darth Vader, this the movie stars reveals an entirely new group of heroes on the big screen,
with an entirely new battle against the Galactic Empire that is distinctly all their own. Getting a more in-
depth view ofBy providing an in-depth focus on the Rebellion, the movie exposes—and getting to see just
how a desperate insurgency as its fight combats against the Empire was in the heights of its tyrannical
tyranny. power—would be fascinating enough. But the chance to seeIt also presents, on the big screen,
what life in the Star Wars universe is like for regular ordinary people in the Star Wars universe, ; people
who don’t do not hang outassociate with ultra-powerful space-wizards, is even more enticing.
This movie has the potential to give us a wider view of the Star Wars universe than we’ve ever seen
before—literally an entire universe full of stories Lucasfilm and Disney could tell. There could be countless
heroes and villains out there, who are just as cool as Han Solo or as terrifying as Darth Vader, but we’ll
Comment [NA8]: EDITOR recommends that the
author use a phrase that is directly from the first
film within the Star Wars franchise.
Comment [NA9]: Refer to Comment [NA8].
Comment [NA10]: Although movie reviews
permit for the use of personal pronouns, the
EDITOR recommends that the author not use
them since it is his intent to express a
professional opinion based on expertise.
Comment [NA11]:
1.) Refer to Comment [NA10].
2.) EDITOR recommends that the author
not use words that are absolute in denotation.
Comment [NA12]:
EDITOR recommends that the author:
1.) not engage in predicting the future, especially
when being accurate would be against his wishes,
2.) delete the phrase if the movie sucks, as it is a
premature judgment without support and contains
a word that some readers may find objectionable
(even possibly vulgar),
3.) change the hyphenated compound noun word-
of-mouth to a phrase which is not hyphenated
because it does not precede a noun or function as
an adjective, AND
4.) transfer the phrase word of mouth to the
subsequent sentence.
Comment [NA13]: EDITOR recommends that
the author use the hyperbolic idiom kingdom come
instead of the more prosaic phrase until the world
ends because it emphasizes the point of the author
and it also harkens to another name for Disney:
The Magic Kingdom.
Comment [NA14]: EDITOR recommends that
the author not use the adjective solo as it is a
homonym of the proper noun Solo. The immediate
repetition in sound does not contribute to the
meaning of the sentence or emphasize an intent.
Comment [NA15]: EDITOR recommends that
the author not determine what is and is not obvious.
Comment [NA16]: EDITOR recommends that
the author delete this phrase because it is, as of yet,
unmerited. The author should not assert ...
Comment [NA17]: EDITOR recommends that
the author substitute the word lure for enticing and
transfer it from the last word of the paragraph to
the second word of the paragraph.
Comment [NA18]: EDITOR recommends that
the author not use the verb stars after the noun
movie since, together, the two words read as the
plural open compound noun movie stars.
Comment [NA19]: EDITOR recommends that
the author transfer this phrase from the end of the
paragraph to the beginning.

3. Eggum, R., Star Wars (Tracking and Comments) 3/3
never know, unless someone gets to tell their stories. There are other battles against the Empire, other
foes to vanquish, other adventures to be had, and surely some of them have to be more interesting than
giving us a bit of back-story on characters we already know pretty well. (Han Solo may be one thing, but
every part we know of Boba Fett’s life prior to Empire Strikes Backwas dumb, and we’re all very aware
that Jedi used to be assholes. I do not actually need more Fett or Obi-Wan in my Star Wars movies.)
Rogue One is only a the first step into this largera more intricate world. But, but if the movie doesn’t does
not perform to itsexceed the expectations, both financial and critical of the box office and of its critics,
then Disney is will almost certainly going revert to step right back, and concentrate concentrating solely
on established Star Wars characters for itsin the future stand-alone films. This is hardly the worst fate in
the world, to be sure—but what an opportunity would be missed! Surely, that would be a squandered
opportunity!
The reason most of usthat its fans fell in love with Star Wars in the first place is was that it felt real. All
thoseThe little elaborate details—the fact thatsuch as vehicles looked usedthat were visibly worn and
battered, the allusions to the a mythic and complex past, the and countless aliens you sawseen once and
then inextricably never again—made it feel likeconvincingly suggested that countless things were
happening not just off-screen, but all around the galaxyan eventful galaxy existed off-screen. This, and
the sense that every character, seen or unseen, has his/her/its own agency, life, goals, whatever,had a life
with purpose and agency, is what made this elaborate, epic storygave Star Wars about a family of space
wizards seem real. I am completely confident when I say that a great deal of Star Wars’ enduring appeal
comes from its near-miraculous ability to make the unreal seem so realits enduring appeal; making it an
epic for the ages. Consequently, the future of Star Wars depends upon the characters of Rogue One being
just as memorable as the original ones.
Comment [NA20]: EDITOR recommends that
the author excise this paragraph from the article.
It does not state any new information that has not
already been stated nor does it function as a
transition within the news article. It also contains
unsubstantiated judgments and a gratuitous use of
a vulgar word.
Comment [NA21]: EDITOR recommends that
the author excise this sentence as it contradicts his
most poignant argument within the news article;
that being, that Star Wars should focus on the
development of new characters and withdraw
from established characters whose storylines
have concluded.
Comment [NA22]:
1.) Refer to Comment [NA10].
2.) EDITOR recommends that the author substitute
fans for most of us because the phrase is not
inclusive of those readers who were unable to
watch the original three movies due to age and
because it unintentionally reinforces the viewpoint
that those readers who did not love Stars Wars
movies in the past should continue to hate them
now and in the future.
Comment [NA23]: EDITOR recommends that
the author excise this sentence as it has already
been stated and uses personal pronouns.
Comment [NA24]: EDITOR recommends
the final sentence as a coda to the movie review.
It would connect the conclusion to the previous
paragraphs, and it would answer the title of the
news article: Why Is Rogue One Important to the
Star Wars Franchise?