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GOTTMAN COUPLES THERAPY
 METHOD PRESENTATION #2
Brian Van Walleghem
Brian Van Walleghem




                                      g
                             tstandin
                       for Ou h
             ss Award esearc
19 94 Burge      ry and
                        R
       ri n Theo
Caree
Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential
                            Therapists of the past quarter-century by the
                            Psychotherapy Networker

                                   Brian Van Walleghem




                                      g
                             tstandin
                       for Ou h
             ss Award esearc
19 94 Burge      ry and
                        R
       ri n Theo
Caree
Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential
                                           Therapists of the past quarter-century by the
                                           Psychotherapy Networker

                                                  Brian Van Walleghem




                                                     g
                                            tstandin
                                      for Ou h
                            ss Award esearc
               19 94 Burge      ry and
                                       R
                      ri n Theo
               Caree
World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has
conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential
                                         Therapists of the past quarter-century by the
                                         Psychotherapy Networker

                                               Brian Van Walleghem




                                                  ic
                                         a cadem .
                               b lished 0 books
                      190 pu thor of 4
            au thor of r co-au
 He  is the     author
                       o
              d
 artic les an
                                                            g
                                                   tstandin
                                            for Ou h
                               ss   Award esearc
                 19 94 Burge         ry and
                                             R
                         ri n Theo
                  Caree
World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has
conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
l
                           f Menta       Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential
                ns titute o t Awards
        tional I Scientis                Therapists of the past quarter-century by the
Four Na search                           Psychotherapy Networker
He alth Re

                                               Brian Van Walleghem




                                                  ic
                                         a cadem .
                               b lished 0 books
                      190 pu thor of 4
            au thor of r co-au
 He  is the     author
                       o
              d
 artic les an
                                                            g
                                                   tstandin
                                            for Ou h
                               ss   Award esearc
                 19 94 Burge         ry and
                                             R
                         ri n Theo
                  Caree
World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has
conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
l
                             f  Menta     Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential
                  ns titute o t Awards
         tional I Scientis                Therapists of the past quarter-century by the
Four Na search                            Psychotherapy Networker
H e alth Re                  o
                                     al
                               f Ment s
                  In stitute st Award
           tional
Fo ur Na
   ealth R
             esearc
                     h Scient
                               i
                                                Brian Van Walleghem
 H




                                                  ic
                                         a cadem .
                               b lished 0 books
                      190 pu thor of 4
            au thor of r co-au
 He  is the     author
                       o
              d
 artic les an
                                                            g
                                                   tstandin
                                            for Ou h
                               ss   Award esearc
                 19 94 Burge         ry and
                                             R
                         ri n Theo
                  Caree
World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has
conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
l
                             f  Menta     Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential
                  ns titute o t Awards
         tional I Scientis                Therapists of the past quarter-century by the
Four Na search                            Psychotherapy Networker
H e alth Re                  o
                                     al
                               f Ment s
                  In stitute st Award
           tional
Fo ur Na
   ealth R
             esearc
                     h Scient
                               i
                                                Brian Van Walleghem
 H




                                                         t
                                               S cientis
                                     es earch
                          is hed R
             FTD  istingu                  a cadem .
                                                    ic
 Th e AAM                        b lished 0 books
                        190 pu thor of 4
             au thor of r co-au
 He   is the     author
                         o
               d
  artic les an
                                                              g
                                                     tstandin
                                              for Ou h
                                 ss   Award esearc
                   19 94 Burge         ry and
                                               R
                           ri n Theo
                    Caree
World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has
conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
l
                             f  Menta     Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential
                  ns titute o t Awards
         tional I Scientis                Therapists of the past quarter-century by the
Four Na search                            Psychotherapy Networker
H e alth Re                  o
                                     al
                               f Ment s
                  In stitute st Award
           tional
Fo ur Na
   ealth R
             esearc
                     h Scient
                               i
                                                Brian Van Walleghem
 H



                                             c ademy
                                 he rapy A tributor
                      a mi l y T h e d C o n
           e rican F istinguis
T  he Am Most D
          for                  e search
 Award           ys tems R                          S cientis
                                                              t
  to F a mi l y S                        es earch
                              is hed R
              F TD  istingu                     a cadem .
                                                         ic
 Th e AAM                            b lished 0 books
                           190 pu thor of 4
               au thor of r co-au
 He   is the       author
                             o
                d
  artic les an
                                                                   g
                                                          tstandin
                                                   for Ou h
                                     ss   Award esearc
                     19 94    Burge        ry and
                                                    R
                               ri n Theo
                      Caree
World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has
conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
l
                                    f Menta                   Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential
                     ns  titute o t Awards
            ional I Scientis                                  Therapists of the past quarter-century by the
Fo  ur Nat earch
                s                                             Psychotherapy Networker
 He  alth Re                           M  ental
                          ti tute of Awards
                 nal Ins cientist
 Fo
        th Res
              io
     ur Nat earch S
                                                 cadem
                                                          yBrian Van Walleghem
 Heal                               h erapy
                                               A
                        a mily T hed
       Ame     rican F istinguis                    esearc
                                                            h
 The             M  ost D             ys tems R
  Aw  ard for to Family S
   Cont  ributor                                 c ademy
                                   he  rapy A tributor
                        a mi l y T h e d C o n
           e rican F istinguis
T  he Am Most D
           for                   e search
 Award             ys tems R                            S cientis
                                                                  t
  to F a mi l y S                           es earch
                                is hed R
               F TD  istingu                        a cadem .
                                                              ic
 Th e AAM                               b lished 0 books
                              190 pu thor of 4
                au thor of r co-au
 He   is the        author
                               o
                  d
  artic les an
                                                                        g
                                                               tstandin
                                                       for Ou h
                                        ss   Award esearc
                       19 94    Burge         ry and
                                                        R
                                 ri n Theo
                       Caree
World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has
conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
l
                                     f Menta                    Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential
                     ns  titute o t Awards
            ional I Scientis                                    Therapists of the past quarter-century by the
Fo  ur Nat earch
                s                                               Psychotherapy Networker
 He  alth Re                            M  ental
                          ti tute of Awards
                 nal Ins cientist
 Fo
        th Res
              io
     ur Nat earch S
                                                   cadem
                                                            Brian Van Walleghem
                                                            y
 Heal                                h erapy
                                                 A
                        a mily T hed
       Ame     rican F istinguis                      esearc
                                                              h
 The             M  ost D              ys tems R
  Aw  ard for to Family S
   Cont  ributor                                   c ademy
                                    he  rapy A tributor
                        a mi l y T h e d C o n
           e rican F istinguis
T  he Am Most D
           for                    e search
 Award             ys tems R                              S cientis
                                                                    t
  to F a mi l y S                             es earch
                                 is hed R
               F TD  istingu                          a cadem .
                                                                ic
 Th e AAM                                b  lished 0 books
                               190 pu thor of 4
                au thor of r co-au
 He   is the        author
                                o
                                                    r
  article
          s and                         a tion fo ntribution
                           n  tial Cit arch Co
                P reside e Rese                                    tandin
                                                                          g
 T  he APA ng Lifetim                                    for Ou h
                                                                 ts
            ndi                           ss   Award esearc
   Outsta                 94    Burge            y and
                                                          R
                       19                       r
                                  ri n Theo
                       Caree
World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has
conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
l
                                     f Menta                    Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential
                     ns  titute o t Awards
            ional I Scientis                                    Therapists of the past quarter-century by the
Fo  ur Nat earch
                s                                               Psychotherapy Networker
 He  alth Re                            M  ental
                          ti tute of Awards
                 nal Ins cientist
 Fo
        th Res
              io
     ur Nat earch S
                                                   cadem
                                                            y     Dr. John Gottman
 Heal                                h erapy
                                                 A
                        a mily T hed
       Ame     rican F istinguis                      esearc
                                                              h
 The             M  ost D              ys tems R
  Aw  ard for to Family S
   Cont  ributor                                   c ademy
                                    he  rapy A tributor
                        a mi l y T h e d C o n
           e rican F istinguis
T  he Am Most D
           for                    e search
 Award             ys tems R                              S cientis
                                                                    t
  to F a mi l y S                             es earch
                                 is hed R
               F TD  istingu                          a cadem .
                                                                ic
 Th e AAM                                b  lished 0 books
                               190 pu thor of 4
                au thor of r co-au
 He   is the        author
                                o
                                                    r
  article
          s and                         a tion fo ntribution
                           n  tial Cit arch Co
                P reside e Rese                                    tandin
                                                                          g
 T  he APA ng Lifetim                                    for Ou h
                                                                 ts
            ndi                           ss   Award esearc
   Outsta                 94    Burge            y and
                                                          R
                       19                       r
                                  ri n Theo
                       Caree
World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has
conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
Unrealistic Expectations Cause
Quid Pro Quo
               Marital Dysfunction
               Need Complementarity is Functional
                Gender Differences Cause Divorce
                   Monogamy is for Women
                    Dominance Structures are
                    Dysfunctional
                  Extra-Marital Affairs Cause Divorce

                  Problem solving/Resolving Conflicts
                  Remedy Ailing Marriages
                Active Listening Remedies
                Ailing Marriages
Sound Marital House
Sound Marital House
Sound Marital House




                LOVE MAPS
Sound Marital House




            Fondness & admiration

                 LOVE MAPS
Sound Marital House




               Turning Towards vs
                  Turning Away

            Fondness & admiration

                 LOVE MAPS
Sound Marital House




           Positive Sentiment Override

                Turning Towards vs
                   Turning Away

            Fondness & admiration

                  LOVE MAPS
Sound Marital House




              4 Parts of Problem Solving &
             Dialogue with perpetual issues

           Positive Sentiment Override

                Turning Towards vs
                   Turning Away

            Fondness & admiration

                   LOVE MAPS
Sound Marital House




           Making Dreams come true
              4 Parts of Problem Solving &
             Dialogue with perpetual issues

           Positive Sentiment Override

                Turning Towards vs
                   Turning Away

            Fondness & admiration

                   LOVE MAPS
Sound Marital House
                   cREATING
                sHARED mEANING


           Making Dreams come true
              4 Parts of Problem Solving &
             Dialogue with perpetual issues

           Positive Sentiment Override

                Turning Towards vs
                   Turning Away

            Fondness & admiration

                   LOVE MAPS
Sound Marital House
Sound Marital House
Sound Marital House




                LOVE MAPS
Sound Marital House
      • Over half of all divorces occur in the
       first 7 years of marriage




                     LOVE MAPS
Sound Marital House
      • Over   half of all divorces occur in the
        first 7 years of marriage
      • 67% of all couples (mainly wives)
        experience a drop in marital
        satisfaction




                      LOVE MAPS
Sound Marital House
      • Over   half of all divorces occur in the
        first 7 years of marriage
      • 67% of all couples (mainly wives)
        experience a drop in marital
        satisfaction
      • the remaining 33% that had kept
        their satisfaction in tact had
        “cognitive room” or an awareness of
       the other’s psychological world



                      LOVE MAPS
Sound Marital House
      • Over   half of all divorces occur in the
        first 7 years of marriage
      • 67% of all couples (mainly wives)
        experience a drop in marital
        satisfaction
      • the remaining 33% that had kept
        their satisfaction in tact had
        “cognitive room” or an awareness of
        the other’s psychological world
      • Husbands that knew their wives’ “world”
        wound up in the 33% group
                      LOVE MAPS
Sound Marital House
Sound Marital House
Sound Marital House




            Fondness & admiration
Sound Marital House
• Inhis book, The Marriage Clinic, Gottman
 mentions how useful having a map of
 the interests, aspirations, trials, and
 triumphs of the other person really is
 towards developing admiration and
 respect




                          Fondness & admiration
Sound Marital House
• In his book, The Marriage Clinic, Gottman
  mentions how useful having a map of
  the interests, aspirations, trials, and
  triumphs of the other person really is
  towards developing admiration and
  respect
• He states that having a love map gives a
  person an opportunity to really be
  connected in the world of their spouse.




                           Fondness & admiration
Sound Marital House
• In his book, The Marriage Clinic, Gottman
  mentions how useful having a map of
  the interests, aspirations, trials, and
  triumphs of the other person really is
  towards developing admiration and
  respect
• He states that having a love map gives a
  person an opportunity to really be
  connected in the world of their spouse.
• The presence of fondness and
  admiration in the couple’s relationship
  was also highly correlated w/33%
                           Fondness & admiration
Sound Marital House
Sound Marital House
Sound Marital House




               Turning Towards vs
                  Turning Away
Sound Marital House
• This concept has its basis in the
 everyday mundane interactions in the
 apt lab.




                         Turning Towards vs
                            Turning Away
Sound Marital House
• This  concept has its basis in the
  everyday mundane interactions in the
  apt lab.
• The idea is that as one person turns
  towards their partner it is “emotional
  money-in-the-bank”




                           Turning Towards vs
                              Turning Away
Sound Marital House
• This  concept has its basis in the
  everyday mundane interactions in the
  apt lab.
• The idea is that as one person turns
  towards their partner it is “emotional
  money-in-the-bank”
• This turning away is cumulative and
  impacts the conflict discussion in its
  mood and outcome



                           Turning Towards vs
                              Turning Away
Sound Marital House
• This  concept has its basis in the
  everyday mundane interactions in the
  apt lab.
• The idea is that as one person turns
  towards their partner it is “emotional
  money-in-the-bank”
• This turning away is cumulative and
  impacts the conflict discussion in its
  mood and outcome
• People who have been turned away
  do not remake their bid
                           Turning Towards vs
                              Turning Away
Sound Marital House
• This  concept has its basis in the
  everyday mundane interactions in the
  apt lab.
• The idea is that as one person turns
  towards their partner it is “emotional
  money-in-the-bank”
• This turning away is cumulative and
  impacts the conflict discussion in its
  mood and outcome
• People who have been turned away
  do not remake their bid
                           Turning Towards vs
                              Turning Away
Sound Marital House
Sound Marital House
Sound Marital House




            Positive Sentiment Override
Sound Marital House
      •   Negative affect reciprocity is the most common
          discriminator between distressed and non-distressed
          couples




                    Positive Sentiment Override
Sound Marital House
      • Negative affect reciprocity is the most common
        discriminator between distressed and non-distressed
        couples
      • NAR is the sequential pattern of how likely negative affect
        by a spouse will be reciprocated from the partner.




                  Positive Sentiment Override
Sound Marital House
      • Negative affect reciprocity is the most common
        discriminator between distressed and non-distressed
        couples
      • NAR is the sequential pattern of how likely negative affect
        by a spouse will be reciprocated from the partner.
      • The importance for a couple to repair the interaction and
        get off of this cycle cannot be understated




                  Positive Sentiment Override
Sound Marital House
      • Negative affect reciprocity is the most common
        discriminator between distressed and non-distressed
        couples
      • NAR is the sequential pattern of how likely negative affect
        by a spouse will be reciprocated from the partner.
      • The importance for a couple to repair the interaction and
        get off of this cycle cannot be understated
      • The success of the repair attempt could not be predicted
        by any parameter of delivery, context, or timing.




                  Positive Sentiment Override
Sound Marital House
      •   Negative affect reciprocity is the most common
          discriminator between distressed and non-distressed
          couples
      •   NAR is the sequential pattern of how likely negative affect
          by a spouse will be reciprocated from the partner.
      •   The importance for a couple to repair the interaction and
          get off of this cycle cannot be understated
      •   The success of the repair attempt could not be predicted
          by any parameter of delivery, context, or timing.
      •   The success of the repair attempt is solely determined by
          the presence of PSO




                    Positive Sentiment Override
Sound Marital House
      •   Negative affect reciprocity is the most common
          discriminator between distressed and non-distressed
          couples
      •   NAR is the sequential pattern of how likely negative affect
          by a spouse will be reciprocated from the partner.
      •   The importance for a couple to repair the interaction and
          get off of this cycle cannot be understated
      •   The success of the repair attempt could not be predicted
          by any parameter of delivery, context, or timing.
      •   The success of the repair attempt is solely determined by
          the presence of PSO
      •   In PSO spouses can say things with negative affect and it is
          taken in a neutral way




                    Positive Sentiment Override
Sound Marital House
      •   Negative affect reciprocity is the most common
          discriminator between distressed and non-distressed
          couples
      •   NAR is the sequential pattern of how likely negative affect
          by a spouse will be reciprocated from the partner.
      •   The importance for a couple to repair the interaction and
          get off of this cycle cannot be understated
      •   The success of the repair attempt could not be predicted
          by any parameter of delivery, context, or timing.
      •   The success of the repair attempt is solely determined by
          the presence of PSO
      •   In PSO spouses can say things with negative affect and it is
          taken in a neutral way
      •   In NSO partners can say things in a neutral way but it is
          taken in a negative way.



                    Positive Sentiment Override
Sound Marital House
      •   Negative affect reciprocity is the most common
          discriminator between distressed and non-distressed
          couples
      •   NAR is the sequential pattern of how likely negative affect
          by a spouse will be reciprocated from the partner.
      •   The importance for a couple to repair the interaction and
          get off of this cycle cannot be understated
      •   The success of the repair attempt could not be predicted
          by any parameter of delivery, context, or timing.
      •   The success of the repair attempt is solely determined by
          the presence of PSO
      •   In PSO spouses can say things with negative affect and it is
          taken in a neutral way
      •   In NSO partners can say things in a neutral way but it is
          taken in a negative way.
      •   Need to also look at precipitating conditions for NSO

                    Positive Sentiment Override
Sound Marital House
Sound Marital House
Sound Marital House




            4 Parts of Problem Solving
Sound Marital House
      •   31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved.
          How couples approach these issues rather than
          solving the issues is key.




                   4 Parts of Problem Solving
Sound Marital House
      • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved.
        How couples approach these issues rather than
        solving the issues is key.
      • The 4 aspects of solving problems




                 4 Parts of Problem Solving
Sound Marital House
      • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved.
        How couples approach these issues rather than
        solving the issues is key.
      • The 4 aspects of solving problems
         • Softening the start up




                 4 Parts of Problem Solving
Sound Marital House
      • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved.
        How couples approach these issues rather than
        solving the issues is key.
      • The 4 aspects of solving problems
         • Softening the start up
         • Accepting Influence (men)




                 4 Parts of Problem Solving
Sound Marital House
      • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved.
        How couples approach these issues rather than
        solving the issues is key.
      • The 4 aspects of solving problems
         • Softening the start up
         • Accepting Influence (men)
         • Repair and De-escalation




                 4 Parts of Problem Solving
Sound Marital House
      • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved.
        How couples approach these issues rather than
        solving the issues is key.
      • The 4 aspects of solving problems
         • Softening the start up
         • Accepting Influence (men)
         • Repair and De-escalation
         • Compromise




                 4 Parts of Problem Solving
Sound Marital House
      • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved.
        How couples approach these issues rather than
        solving the issues is key.
      • The 4 aspects of solving problems
         • Softening the start up
         • Accepting Influence (men)
         • Repair and De-escalation
         • Compromise
      • Simply mentioning the 69% stat of the amount of
        conflict issues that will be perpetual empowers the
        couple




                 4 Parts of Problem Solving
Sound Marital House
      • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved.
        How couples approach these issues rather than
        solving the issues is key.
      • The 4 aspects of solving problems
         • Softening the start up
         • Accepting Influence (men)
         • Repair and De-escalation
         • Compromise
      • Simply mentioning the 69% stat of the amount of
        conflict issues that will be perpetual empowers the
        couple
         • to discern their expectations from the conflict




                 4 Parts of Problem Solving
Sound Marital House
      • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved.
        How couples approach these issues rather than
        solving the issues is key.
      • The 4 aspects of solving problems
         • Softening the start up
         • Accepting Influence (men)
         • Repair and De-escalation
         • Compromise
      • Simply mentioning the 69% stat of the amount of
        conflict issues that will be perpetual empowers the
        couple
         • to discern their expectations from the conflict
         • to relinquish the need to agree (win the argument)




                 4 Parts of Problem Solving
Sound Marital House
      • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved.
        How couples approach these issues rather than
        solving the issues is key.
      • The 4 aspects of solving problems
         • Softening the start up
         • Accepting Influence (men)
         • Repair and De-escalation
         • Compromise
      • Simply mentioning the 69% stat of the amount of
        conflict issues that will be perpetual empowers the
        couple
         • to discern their expectations from the conflict
         • to relinquish the need to agree (win the argument)
         • to increase positive affect around perpetual issues


                 4 Parts of Problem Solving
Sound Marital House
Sound Marital House
Sound Marital House
“What determined the future of the marriage in the
problem-solving domain was not whether a couple solved
a perpetual problem, but rather the accompanying affect
with which they do not solve the perpetual problem”
Sound Marital House
“What determined the future of the marriage in the
problem-solving domain was not whether a couple solved
a perpetual problem, but rather the accompanying affect
with which they do not solve the perpetual problem”




                              Dialogue with
Sound Marital House
“What determined the future of the marriage in the
problem-solving domain was not whether a couple solved
a perpetual problem, but rather the accompanying affect
with which they do not solve the perpetual problem”
 • Such couples know how to express
   amusement and affecting while seeking
   change




                              Dialogue with
Sound Marital House
“What determined the future of the marriage in the
problem-solving domain was not whether a couple solved
a perpetual problem, but rather the accompanying affect
with which they do not solve the perpetual problem”
 • Such couples know how to express
   amusement and affecting while seeking
   change
 • However, if they cannot establish such a
   dialogue they move into gridlocked conflict




                              Dialogue with
Sound Marital House
“What determined the future of the marriage in the
problem-solving domain was not whether a couple solved
a perpetual problem, but rather the accompanying affect
with which they do not solve the perpetual problem”
 • Such couples know how to express
   amusement and affecting while seeking
   change
 • However, if they cannot establish such a
   dialogue they move into gridlocked conflict
 • Gridlocked conflicts lead to high NAR
   (The 4 Horsemen) or to affectlessness /
   emotional disengagements
                              Dialogue with
Sound Marital House
Sound Marital House
Sound Marital House




        REPAIR
Sound Marital House
• Gridlockednegativity predicts divorce
 for newly-weds over a 6 yr. period
 with an 85% accuracy




               REPAIR
Sound Marital House
• Gridlocked   negativity predicts divorce
  for newly-weds over a 6 yr. period
  with an 85% accuracy
• Of the highly negative newlyweds who
  repair effectively 83% wind up in
  stable/happy marriages 6yrs.




               REPAIR
Sound Marital House
• Gridlocked   negativity predicts divorce
  for newly-weds over a 6 yr. period
  with an 85% accuracy
• Of the highly negative newlyweds who
  repair effectively 83% wind up in
  stable/happy marriages 6yrs.
• Again the sole determinant found to
  impact the ability of a couple to
  navigate perpetual problems and stay
  out of NAR and gridlock is the quality
  of the couple’s marital friendship.

               REPAIR

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Gottman Presentation Sound Marital House

  • 1. GOTTMAN COUPLES THERAPY METHOD PRESENTATION #2
  • 3. Brian Van Walleghem g tstandin for Ou h ss Award esearc 19 94 Burge ry and R ri n Theo Caree
  • 4. Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential Therapists of the past quarter-century by the Psychotherapy Networker Brian Van Walleghem g tstandin for Ou h ss Award esearc 19 94 Burge ry and R ri n Theo Caree
  • 5. Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential Therapists of the past quarter-century by the Psychotherapy Networker Brian Van Walleghem g tstandin for Ou h ss Award esearc 19 94 Burge ry and R ri n Theo Caree World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
  • 6. Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential Therapists of the past quarter-century by the Psychotherapy Networker Brian Van Walleghem ic a cadem . b lished 0 books 190 pu thor of 4 au thor of r co-au He is the author o d artic les an g tstandin for Ou h ss Award esearc 19 94 Burge ry and R ri n Theo Caree World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
  • 7. l f Menta Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential ns titute o t Awards tional I Scientis Therapists of the past quarter-century by the Four Na search Psychotherapy Networker He alth Re Brian Van Walleghem ic a cadem . b lished 0 books 190 pu thor of 4 au thor of r co-au He is the author o d artic les an g tstandin for Ou h ss Award esearc 19 94 Burge ry and R ri n Theo Caree World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
  • 8. l f Menta Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential ns titute o t Awards tional I Scientis Therapists of the past quarter-century by the Four Na search Psychotherapy Networker H e alth Re o al f Ment s In stitute st Award tional Fo ur Na ealth R esearc h Scient i Brian Van Walleghem H ic a cadem . b lished 0 books 190 pu thor of 4 au thor of r co-au He is the author o d artic les an g tstandin for Ou h ss Award esearc 19 94 Burge ry and R ri n Theo Caree World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
  • 9. l f Menta Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential ns titute o t Awards tional I Scientis Therapists of the past quarter-century by the Four Na search Psychotherapy Networker H e alth Re o al f Ment s In stitute st Award tional Fo ur Na ealth R esearc h Scient i Brian Van Walleghem H t S cientis es earch is hed R FTD istingu a cadem . ic Th e AAM b lished 0 books 190 pu thor of 4 au thor of r co-au He is the author o d artic les an g tstandin for Ou h ss Award esearc 19 94 Burge ry and R ri n Theo Caree World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
  • 10. l f Menta Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential ns titute o t Awards tional I Scientis Therapists of the past quarter-century by the Four Na search Psychotherapy Networker H e alth Re o al f Ment s In stitute st Award tional Fo ur Na ealth R esearc h Scient i Brian Van Walleghem H c ademy he rapy A tributor a mi l y T h e d C o n e rican F istinguis T he Am Most D for e search Award ys tems R S cientis t to F a mi l y S es earch is hed R F TD istingu a cadem . ic Th e AAM b lished 0 books 190 pu thor of 4 au thor of r co-au He is the author o d artic les an g tstandin for Ou h ss Award esearc 19 94 Burge ry and R ri n Theo Caree World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
  • 11. l f Menta Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential ns titute o t Awards ional I Scientis Therapists of the past quarter-century by the Fo ur Nat earch s Psychotherapy Networker He alth Re M ental ti tute of Awards nal Ins cientist Fo th Res io ur Nat earch S cadem yBrian Van Walleghem Heal h erapy A a mily T hed Ame rican F istinguis esearc h The M ost D ys tems R Aw ard for to Family S Cont ributor c ademy he rapy A tributor a mi l y T h e d C o n e rican F istinguis T he Am Most D for e search Award ys tems R S cientis t to F a mi l y S es earch is hed R F TD istingu a cadem . ic Th e AAM b lished 0 books 190 pu thor of 4 au thor of r co-au He is the author o d artic les an g tstandin for Ou h ss Award esearc 19 94 Burge ry and R ri n Theo Caree World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
  • 12. l f Menta Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential ns titute o t Awards ional I Scientis Therapists of the past quarter-century by the Fo ur Nat earch s Psychotherapy Networker He alth Re M ental ti tute of Awards nal Ins cientist Fo th Res io ur Nat earch S cadem Brian Van Walleghem y Heal h erapy A a mily T hed Ame rican F istinguis esearc h The M ost D ys tems R Aw ard for to Family S Cont ributor c ademy he rapy A tributor a mi l y T h e d C o n e rican F istinguis T he Am Most D for e search Award ys tems R S cientis t to F a mi l y S es earch is hed R F TD istingu a cadem . ic Th e AAM b lished 0 books 190 pu thor of 4 au thor of r co-au He is the author o r article s and a tion fo ntribution n tial Cit arch Co P reside e Rese tandin g T he APA ng Lifetim for Ou h ts ndi ss Award esearc Outsta 94 Burge y and R 19 r ri n Theo Caree World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
  • 13. l f Menta Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential ns titute o t Awards ional I Scientis Therapists of the past quarter-century by the Fo ur Nat earch s Psychotherapy Networker He alth Re M ental ti tute of Awards nal Ins cientist Fo th Res io ur Nat earch S cadem y Dr. John Gottman Heal h erapy A a mily T hed Ame rican F istinguis esearc h The M ost D ys tems R Aw ard for to Family S Cont ributor c ademy he rapy A tributor a mi l y T h e d C o n e rican F istinguis T he Am Most D for e search Award ys tems R S cientis t to F a mi l y S es earch is hed R F TD istingu a cadem . ic Th e AAM b lished 0 books 190 pu thor of 4 au thor of r co-au He is the author o r article s and a tion fo ntribution n tial Cit arch Co P reside e Rese tandin g T he APA ng Lifetim for Ou h ts ndi ss Award esearc Outsta 94 Burge y and R 19 r ri n Theo Caree World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
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  • 16. Unrealistic Expectations Cause Quid Pro Quo Marital Dysfunction Need Complementarity is Functional Gender Differences Cause Divorce Monogamy is for Women Dominance Structures are Dysfunctional Extra-Marital Affairs Cause Divorce Problem solving/Resolving Conflicts Remedy Ailing Marriages Active Listening Remedies Ailing Marriages
  • 19. Sound Marital House LOVE MAPS
  • 20. Sound Marital House Fondness & admiration LOVE MAPS
  • 21. Sound Marital House Turning Towards vs Turning Away Fondness & admiration LOVE MAPS
  • 22. Sound Marital House Positive Sentiment Override Turning Towards vs Turning Away Fondness & admiration LOVE MAPS
  • 23. Sound Marital House 4 Parts of Problem Solving & Dialogue with perpetual issues Positive Sentiment Override Turning Towards vs Turning Away Fondness & admiration LOVE MAPS
  • 24. Sound Marital House Making Dreams come true 4 Parts of Problem Solving & Dialogue with perpetual issues Positive Sentiment Override Turning Towards vs Turning Away Fondness & admiration LOVE MAPS
  • 25. Sound Marital House cREATING sHARED mEANING Making Dreams come true 4 Parts of Problem Solving & Dialogue with perpetual issues Positive Sentiment Override Turning Towards vs Turning Away Fondness & admiration LOVE MAPS
  • 28. Sound Marital House LOVE MAPS
  • 29. Sound Marital House • Over half of all divorces occur in the first 7 years of marriage LOVE MAPS
  • 30. Sound Marital House • Over half of all divorces occur in the first 7 years of marriage • 67% of all couples (mainly wives) experience a drop in marital satisfaction LOVE MAPS
  • 31. Sound Marital House • Over half of all divorces occur in the first 7 years of marriage • 67% of all couples (mainly wives) experience a drop in marital satisfaction • the remaining 33% that had kept their satisfaction in tact had “cognitive room” or an awareness of the other’s psychological world LOVE MAPS
  • 32. Sound Marital House • Over half of all divorces occur in the first 7 years of marriage • 67% of all couples (mainly wives) experience a drop in marital satisfaction • the remaining 33% that had kept their satisfaction in tact had “cognitive room” or an awareness of the other’s psychological world • Husbands that knew their wives’ “world” wound up in the 33% group LOVE MAPS
  • 35. Sound Marital House Fondness & admiration
  • 36. Sound Marital House • Inhis book, The Marriage Clinic, Gottman mentions how useful having a map of the interests, aspirations, trials, and triumphs of the other person really is towards developing admiration and respect Fondness & admiration
  • 37. Sound Marital House • In his book, The Marriage Clinic, Gottman mentions how useful having a map of the interests, aspirations, trials, and triumphs of the other person really is towards developing admiration and respect • He states that having a love map gives a person an opportunity to really be connected in the world of their spouse. Fondness & admiration
  • 38. Sound Marital House • In his book, The Marriage Clinic, Gottman mentions how useful having a map of the interests, aspirations, trials, and triumphs of the other person really is towards developing admiration and respect • He states that having a love map gives a person an opportunity to really be connected in the world of their spouse. • The presence of fondness and admiration in the couple’s relationship was also highly correlated w/33% Fondness & admiration
  • 41. Sound Marital House Turning Towards vs Turning Away
  • 42. Sound Marital House • This concept has its basis in the everyday mundane interactions in the apt lab. Turning Towards vs Turning Away
  • 43. Sound Marital House • This concept has its basis in the everyday mundane interactions in the apt lab. • The idea is that as one person turns towards their partner it is “emotional money-in-the-bank” Turning Towards vs Turning Away
  • 44. Sound Marital House • This concept has its basis in the everyday mundane interactions in the apt lab. • The idea is that as one person turns towards their partner it is “emotional money-in-the-bank” • This turning away is cumulative and impacts the conflict discussion in its mood and outcome Turning Towards vs Turning Away
  • 45. Sound Marital House • This concept has its basis in the everyday mundane interactions in the apt lab. • The idea is that as one person turns towards their partner it is “emotional money-in-the-bank” • This turning away is cumulative and impacts the conflict discussion in its mood and outcome • People who have been turned away do not remake their bid Turning Towards vs Turning Away
  • 46. Sound Marital House • This concept has its basis in the everyday mundane interactions in the apt lab. • The idea is that as one person turns towards their partner it is “emotional money-in-the-bank” • This turning away is cumulative and impacts the conflict discussion in its mood and outcome • People who have been turned away do not remake their bid Turning Towards vs Turning Away
  • 49. Sound Marital House Positive Sentiment Override
  • 50. Sound Marital House • Negative affect reciprocity is the most common discriminator between distressed and non-distressed couples Positive Sentiment Override
  • 51. Sound Marital House • Negative affect reciprocity is the most common discriminator between distressed and non-distressed couples • NAR is the sequential pattern of how likely negative affect by a spouse will be reciprocated from the partner. Positive Sentiment Override
  • 52. Sound Marital House • Negative affect reciprocity is the most common discriminator between distressed and non-distressed couples • NAR is the sequential pattern of how likely negative affect by a spouse will be reciprocated from the partner. • The importance for a couple to repair the interaction and get off of this cycle cannot be understated Positive Sentiment Override
  • 53. Sound Marital House • Negative affect reciprocity is the most common discriminator between distressed and non-distressed couples • NAR is the sequential pattern of how likely negative affect by a spouse will be reciprocated from the partner. • The importance for a couple to repair the interaction and get off of this cycle cannot be understated • The success of the repair attempt could not be predicted by any parameter of delivery, context, or timing. Positive Sentiment Override
  • 54. Sound Marital House • Negative affect reciprocity is the most common discriminator between distressed and non-distressed couples • NAR is the sequential pattern of how likely negative affect by a spouse will be reciprocated from the partner. • The importance for a couple to repair the interaction and get off of this cycle cannot be understated • The success of the repair attempt could not be predicted by any parameter of delivery, context, or timing. • The success of the repair attempt is solely determined by the presence of PSO Positive Sentiment Override
  • 55. Sound Marital House • Negative affect reciprocity is the most common discriminator between distressed and non-distressed couples • NAR is the sequential pattern of how likely negative affect by a spouse will be reciprocated from the partner. • The importance for a couple to repair the interaction and get off of this cycle cannot be understated • The success of the repair attempt could not be predicted by any parameter of delivery, context, or timing. • The success of the repair attempt is solely determined by the presence of PSO • In PSO spouses can say things with negative affect and it is taken in a neutral way Positive Sentiment Override
  • 56. Sound Marital House • Negative affect reciprocity is the most common discriminator between distressed and non-distressed couples • NAR is the sequential pattern of how likely negative affect by a spouse will be reciprocated from the partner. • The importance for a couple to repair the interaction and get off of this cycle cannot be understated • The success of the repair attempt could not be predicted by any parameter of delivery, context, or timing. • The success of the repair attempt is solely determined by the presence of PSO • In PSO spouses can say things with negative affect and it is taken in a neutral way • In NSO partners can say things in a neutral way but it is taken in a negative way. Positive Sentiment Override
  • 57. Sound Marital House • Negative affect reciprocity is the most common discriminator between distressed and non-distressed couples • NAR is the sequential pattern of how likely negative affect by a spouse will be reciprocated from the partner. • The importance for a couple to repair the interaction and get off of this cycle cannot be understated • The success of the repair attempt could not be predicted by any parameter of delivery, context, or timing. • The success of the repair attempt is solely determined by the presence of PSO • In PSO spouses can say things with negative affect and it is taken in a neutral way • In NSO partners can say things in a neutral way but it is taken in a negative way. • Need to also look at precipitating conditions for NSO Positive Sentiment Override
  • 60. Sound Marital House 4 Parts of Problem Solving
  • 61. Sound Marital House • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved. How couples approach these issues rather than solving the issues is key. 4 Parts of Problem Solving
  • 62. Sound Marital House • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved. How couples approach these issues rather than solving the issues is key. • The 4 aspects of solving problems 4 Parts of Problem Solving
  • 63. Sound Marital House • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved. How couples approach these issues rather than solving the issues is key. • The 4 aspects of solving problems • Softening the start up 4 Parts of Problem Solving
  • 64. Sound Marital House • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved. How couples approach these issues rather than solving the issues is key. • The 4 aspects of solving problems • Softening the start up • Accepting Influence (men) 4 Parts of Problem Solving
  • 65. Sound Marital House • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved. How couples approach these issues rather than solving the issues is key. • The 4 aspects of solving problems • Softening the start up • Accepting Influence (men) • Repair and De-escalation 4 Parts of Problem Solving
  • 66. Sound Marital House • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved. How couples approach these issues rather than solving the issues is key. • The 4 aspects of solving problems • Softening the start up • Accepting Influence (men) • Repair and De-escalation • Compromise 4 Parts of Problem Solving
  • 67. Sound Marital House • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved. How couples approach these issues rather than solving the issues is key. • The 4 aspects of solving problems • Softening the start up • Accepting Influence (men) • Repair and De-escalation • Compromise • Simply mentioning the 69% stat of the amount of conflict issues that will be perpetual empowers the couple 4 Parts of Problem Solving
  • 68. Sound Marital House • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved. How couples approach these issues rather than solving the issues is key. • The 4 aspects of solving problems • Softening the start up • Accepting Influence (men) • Repair and De-escalation • Compromise • Simply mentioning the 69% stat of the amount of conflict issues that will be perpetual empowers the couple • to discern their expectations from the conflict 4 Parts of Problem Solving
  • 69. Sound Marital House • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved. How couples approach these issues rather than solving the issues is key. • The 4 aspects of solving problems • Softening the start up • Accepting Influence (men) • Repair and De-escalation • Compromise • Simply mentioning the 69% stat of the amount of conflict issues that will be perpetual empowers the couple • to discern their expectations from the conflict • to relinquish the need to agree (win the argument) 4 Parts of Problem Solving
  • 70. Sound Marital House • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved. How couples approach these issues rather than solving the issues is key. • The 4 aspects of solving problems • Softening the start up • Accepting Influence (men) • Repair and De-escalation • Compromise • Simply mentioning the 69% stat of the amount of conflict issues that will be perpetual empowers the couple • to discern their expectations from the conflict • to relinquish the need to agree (win the argument) • to increase positive affect around perpetual issues 4 Parts of Problem Solving
  • 73. Sound Marital House “What determined the future of the marriage in the problem-solving domain was not whether a couple solved a perpetual problem, but rather the accompanying affect with which they do not solve the perpetual problem”
  • 74. Sound Marital House “What determined the future of the marriage in the problem-solving domain was not whether a couple solved a perpetual problem, but rather the accompanying affect with which they do not solve the perpetual problem” Dialogue with
  • 75. Sound Marital House “What determined the future of the marriage in the problem-solving domain was not whether a couple solved a perpetual problem, but rather the accompanying affect with which they do not solve the perpetual problem” • Such couples know how to express amusement and affecting while seeking change Dialogue with
  • 76. Sound Marital House “What determined the future of the marriage in the problem-solving domain was not whether a couple solved a perpetual problem, but rather the accompanying affect with which they do not solve the perpetual problem” • Such couples know how to express amusement and affecting while seeking change • However, if they cannot establish such a dialogue they move into gridlocked conflict Dialogue with
  • 77. Sound Marital House “What determined the future of the marriage in the problem-solving domain was not whether a couple solved a perpetual problem, but rather the accompanying affect with which they do not solve the perpetual problem” • Such couples know how to express amusement and affecting while seeking change • However, if they cannot establish such a dialogue they move into gridlocked conflict • Gridlocked conflicts lead to high NAR (The 4 Horsemen) or to affectlessness / emotional disengagements Dialogue with
  • 81. Sound Marital House • Gridlockednegativity predicts divorce for newly-weds over a 6 yr. period with an 85% accuracy REPAIR
  • 82. Sound Marital House • Gridlocked negativity predicts divorce for newly-weds over a 6 yr. period with an 85% accuracy • Of the highly negative newlyweds who repair effectively 83% wind up in stable/happy marriages 6yrs. REPAIR
  • 83. Sound Marital House • Gridlocked negativity predicts divorce for newly-weds over a 6 yr. period with an 85% accuracy • Of the highly negative newlyweds who repair effectively 83% wind up in stable/happy marriages 6yrs. • Again the sole determinant found to impact the ability of a couple to navigate perpetual problems and stay out of NAR and gridlock is the quality of the couple’s marital friendship. REPAIR

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