John Gottman’s Sound Marital House Theory is based upon 30+ years of researching couple interactions. This research reinforces that relationship success depends heavily upon the contingencies of relationship repair and the state of the couple friendship
3. Brian Van Walleghem
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Therapists of the past quarter-century by the
Psychotherapy Networker
Brian Van Walleghem
g
tstandin
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ri n Theo
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5. Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential
Therapists of the past quarter-century by the
Psychotherapy Networker
Brian Van Walleghem
g
tstandin
for Ou h
ss Award esearc
19 94 Burge ry and
R
ri n Theo
Caree
World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has
conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
6. Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential
Therapists of the past quarter-century by the
Psychotherapy Networker
Brian Van Walleghem
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19 94 Burge ry and
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Caree
World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has
conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
7. l
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ns titute o t Awards
tional I Scientis Therapists of the past quarter-century by the
Four Na search Psychotherapy Networker
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Brian Van Walleghem
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190 pu thor of 4
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19 94 Burge ry and
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World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has
conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
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ns titute o t Awards
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19 94 Burge ry and
R
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Caree
World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has
conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
9. l
f Menta Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential
ns titute o t Awards
tional I Scientis Therapists of the past quarter-century by the
Four Na search Psychotherapy Networker
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19 94 Burge ry and
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Caree
World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has
conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
10. l
f Menta Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential
ns titute o t Awards
tional I Scientis Therapists of the past quarter-century by the
Four Na search Psychotherapy Networker
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19 94 Burge ry and
R
ri n Theo
Caree
World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has
conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
11. l
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ns titute o t Awards
ional I Scientis Therapists of the past quarter-century by the
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o
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artic les an
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tstandin
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ss Award esearc
19 94 Burge ry and
R
ri n Theo
Caree
World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has
conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
12. l
f Menta Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential
ns titute o t Awards
ional I Scientis Therapists of the past quarter-century by the
Fo ur Nat earch
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ti tute of Awards
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World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has
conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
13. l
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ns titute o t Awards
ional I Scientis Therapists of the past quarter-century by the
Fo ur Nat earch
s Psychotherapy Networker
He alth Re M ental
ti tute of Awards
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Fo
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o
r
article
s and a tion fo ntribution
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P reside e Rese tandin
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T he APA ng Lifetim for Ou h
ts
ndi ss Award esearc
Outsta 94 Burge y and
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19 r
ri n Theo
Caree
World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has
conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
14.
15.
16. Unrealistic Expectations Cause
Quid Pro Quo
Marital Dysfunction
Need Complementarity is Functional
Gender Differences Cause Divorce
Monogamy is for Women
Dominance Structures are
Dysfunctional
Extra-Marital Affairs Cause Divorce
Problem solving/Resolving Conflicts
Remedy Ailing Marriages
Active Listening Remedies
Ailing Marriages
21. Sound Marital House
Turning Towards vs
Turning Away
Fondness & admiration
LOVE MAPS
22. Sound Marital House
Positive Sentiment Override
Turning Towards vs
Turning Away
Fondness & admiration
LOVE MAPS
23. Sound Marital House
4 Parts of Problem Solving &
Dialogue with perpetual issues
Positive Sentiment Override
Turning Towards vs
Turning Away
Fondness & admiration
LOVE MAPS
24. Sound Marital House
Making Dreams come true
4 Parts of Problem Solving &
Dialogue with perpetual issues
Positive Sentiment Override
Turning Towards vs
Turning Away
Fondness & admiration
LOVE MAPS
25. Sound Marital House
cREATING
sHARED mEANING
Making Dreams come true
4 Parts of Problem Solving &
Dialogue with perpetual issues
Positive Sentiment Override
Turning Towards vs
Turning Away
Fondness & admiration
LOVE MAPS
29. Sound Marital House
• Over half of all divorces occur in the
first 7 years of marriage
LOVE MAPS
30. Sound Marital House
• Over half of all divorces occur in the
first 7 years of marriage
• 67% of all couples (mainly wives)
experience a drop in marital
satisfaction
LOVE MAPS
31. Sound Marital House
• Over half of all divorces occur in the
first 7 years of marriage
• 67% of all couples (mainly wives)
experience a drop in marital
satisfaction
• the remaining 33% that had kept
their satisfaction in tact had
“cognitive room” or an awareness of
the other’s psychological world
LOVE MAPS
32. Sound Marital House
• Over half of all divorces occur in the
first 7 years of marriage
• 67% of all couples (mainly wives)
experience a drop in marital
satisfaction
• the remaining 33% that had kept
their satisfaction in tact had
“cognitive room” or an awareness of
the other’s psychological world
• Husbands that knew their wives’ “world”
wound up in the 33% group
LOVE MAPS
36. Sound Marital House
• Inhis book, The Marriage Clinic, Gottman
mentions how useful having a map of
the interests, aspirations, trials, and
triumphs of the other person really is
towards developing admiration and
respect
Fondness & admiration
37. Sound Marital House
• In his book, The Marriage Clinic, Gottman
mentions how useful having a map of
the interests, aspirations, trials, and
triumphs of the other person really is
towards developing admiration and
respect
• He states that having a love map gives a
person an opportunity to really be
connected in the world of their spouse.
Fondness & admiration
38. Sound Marital House
• In his book, The Marriage Clinic, Gottman
mentions how useful having a map of
the interests, aspirations, trials, and
triumphs of the other person really is
towards developing admiration and
respect
• He states that having a love map gives a
person an opportunity to really be
connected in the world of their spouse.
• The presence of fondness and
admiration in the couple’s relationship
was also highly correlated w/33%
Fondness & admiration
42. Sound Marital House
• This concept has its basis in the
everyday mundane interactions in the
apt lab.
Turning Towards vs
Turning Away
43. Sound Marital House
• This concept has its basis in the
everyday mundane interactions in the
apt lab.
• The idea is that as one person turns
towards their partner it is “emotional
money-in-the-bank”
Turning Towards vs
Turning Away
44. Sound Marital House
• This concept has its basis in the
everyday mundane interactions in the
apt lab.
• The idea is that as one person turns
towards their partner it is “emotional
money-in-the-bank”
• This turning away is cumulative and
impacts the conflict discussion in its
mood and outcome
Turning Towards vs
Turning Away
45. Sound Marital House
• This concept has its basis in the
everyday mundane interactions in the
apt lab.
• The idea is that as one person turns
towards their partner it is “emotional
money-in-the-bank”
• This turning away is cumulative and
impacts the conflict discussion in its
mood and outcome
• People who have been turned away
do not remake their bid
Turning Towards vs
Turning Away
46. Sound Marital House
• This concept has its basis in the
everyday mundane interactions in the
apt lab.
• The idea is that as one person turns
towards their partner it is “emotional
money-in-the-bank”
• This turning away is cumulative and
impacts the conflict discussion in its
mood and outcome
• People who have been turned away
do not remake their bid
Turning Towards vs
Turning Away
50. Sound Marital House
• Negative affect reciprocity is the most common
discriminator between distressed and non-distressed
couples
Positive Sentiment Override
51. Sound Marital House
• Negative affect reciprocity is the most common
discriminator between distressed and non-distressed
couples
• NAR is the sequential pattern of how likely negative affect
by a spouse will be reciprocated from the partner.
Positive Sentiment Override
52. Sound Marital House
• Negative affect reciprocity is the most common
discriminator between distressed and non-distressed
couples
• NAR is the sequential pattern of how likely negative affect
by a spouse will be reciprocated from the partner.
• The importance for a couple to repair the interaction and
get off of this cycle cannot be understated
Positive Sentiment Override
53. Sound Marital House
• Negative affect reciprocity is the most common
discriminator between distressed and non-distressed
couples
• NAR is the sequential pattern of how likely negative affect
by a spouse will be reciprocated from the partner.
• The importance for a couple to repair the interaction and
get off of this cycle cannot be understated
• The success of the repair attempt could not be predicted
by any parameter of delivery, context, or timing.
Positive Sentiment Override
54. Sound Marital House
• Negative affect reciprocity is the most common
discriminator between distressed and non-distressed
couples
• NAR is the sequential pattern of how likely negative affect
by a spouse will be reciprocated from the partner.
• The importance for a couple to repair the interaction and
get off of this cycle cannot be understated
• The success of the repair attempt could not be predicted
by any parameter of delivery, context, or timing.
• The success of the repair attempt is solely determined by
the presence of PSO
Positive Sentiment Override
55. Sound Marital House
• Negative affect reciprocity is the most common
discriminator between distressed and non-distressed
couples
• NAR is the sequential pattern of how likely negative affect
by a spouse will be reciprocated from the partner.
• The importance for a couple to repair the interaction and
get off of this cycle cannot be understated
• The success of the repair attempt could not be predicted
by any parameter of delivery, context, or timing.
• The success of the repair attempt is solely determined by
the presence of PSO
• In PSO spouses can say things with negative affect and it is
taken in a neutral way
Positive Sentiment Override
56. Sound Marital House
• Negative affect reciprocity is the most common
discriminator between distressed and non-distressed
couples
• NAR is the sequential pattern of how likely negative affect
by a spouse will be reciprocated from the partner.
• The importance for a couple to repair the interaction and
get off of this cycle cannot be understated
• The success of the repair attempt could not be predicted
by any parameter of delivery, context, or timing.
• The success of the repair attempt is solely determined by
the presence of PSO
• In PSO spouses can say things with negative affect and it is
taken in a neutral way
• In NSO partners can say things in a neutral way but it is
taken in a negative way.
Positive Sentiment Override
57. Sound Marital House
• Negative affect reciprocity is the most common
discriminator between distressed and non-distressed
couples
• NAR is the sequential pattern of how likely negative affect
by a spouse will be reciprocated from the partner.
• The importance for a couple to repair the interaction and
get off of this cycle cannot be understated
• The success of the repair attempt could not be predicted
by any parameter of delivery, context, or timing.
• The success of the repair attempt is solely determined by
the presence of PSO
• In PSO spouses can say things with negative affect and it is
taken in a neutral way
• In NSO partners can say things in a neutral way but it is
taken in a negative way.
• Need to also look at precipitating conditions for NSO
Positive Sentiment Override
61. Sound Marital House
• 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved.
How couples approach these issues rather than
solving the issues is key.
4 Parts of Problem Solving
62. Sound Marital House
• 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved.
How couples approach these issues rather than
solving the issues is key.
• The 4 aspects of solving problems
4 Parts of Problem Solving
63. Sound Marital House
• 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved.
How couples approach these issues rather than
solving the issues is key.
• The 4 aspects of solving problems
• Softening the start up
4 Parts of Problem Solving
64. Sound Marital House
• 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved.
How couples approach these issues rather than
solving the issues is key.
• The 4 aspects of solving problems
• Softening the start up
• Accepting Influence (men)
4 Parts of Problem Solving
65. Sound Marital House
• 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved.
How couples approach these issues rather than
solving the issues is key.
• The 4 aspects of solving problems
• Softening the start up
• Accepting Influence (men)
• Repair and De-escalation
4 Parts of Problem Solving
66. Sound Marital House
• 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved.
How couples approach these issues rather than
solving the issues is key.
• The 4 aspects of solving problems
• Softening the start up
• Accepting Influence (men)
• Repair and De-escalation
• Compromise
4 Parts of Problem Solving
67. Sound Marital House
• 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved.
How couples approach these issues rather than
solving the issues is key.
• The 4 aspects of solving problems
• Softening the start up
• Accepting Influence (men)
• Repair and De-escalation
• Compromise
• Simply mentioning the 69% stat of the amount of
conflict issues that will be perpetual empowers the
couple
4 Parts of Problem Solving
68. Sound Marital House
• 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved.
How couples approach these issues rather than
solving the issues is key.
• The 4 aspects of solving problems
• Softening the start up
• Accepting Influence (men)
• Repair and De-escalation
• Compromise
• Simply mentioning the 69% stat of the amount of
conflict issues that will be perpetual empowers the
couple
• to discern their expectations from the conflict
4 Parts of Problem Solving
69. Sound Marital House
• 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved.
How couples approach these issues rather than
solving the issues is key.
• The 4 aspects of solving problems
• Softening the start up
• Accepting Influence (men)
• Repair and De-escalation
• Compromise
• Simply mentioning the 69% stat of the amount of
conflict issues that will be perpetual empowers the
couple
• to discern their expectations from the conflict
• to relinquish the need to agree (win the argument)
4 Parts of Problem Solving
70. Sound Marital House
• 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved.
How couples approach these issues rather than
solving the issues is key.
• The 4 aspects of solving problems
• Softening the start up
• Accepting Influence (men)
• Repair and De-escalation
• Compromise
• Simply mentioning the 69% stat of the amount of
conflict issues that will be perpetual empowers the
couple
• to discern their expectations from the conflict
• to relinquish the need to agree (win the argument)
• to increase positive affect around perpetual issues
4 Parts of Problem Solving
73. Sound Marital House
“What determined the future of the marriage in the
problem-solving domain was not whether a couple solved
a perpetual problem, but rather the accompanying affect
with which they do not solve the perpetual problem”
74. Sound Marital House
“What determined the future of the marriage in the
problem-solving domain was not whether a couple solved
a perpetual problem, but rather the accompanying affect
with which they do not solve the perpetual problem”
Dialogue with
75. Sound Marital House
“What determined the future of the marriage in the
problem-solving domain was not whether a couple solved
a perpetual problem, but rather the accompanying affect
with which they do not solve the perpetual problem”
• Such couples know how to express
amusement and affecting while seeking
change
Dialogue with
76. Sound Marital House
“What determined the future of the marriage in the
problem-solving domain was not whether a couple solved
a perpetual problem, but rather the accompanying affect
with which they do not solve the perpetual problem”
• Such couples know how to express
amusement and affecting while seeking
change
• However, if they cannot establish such a
dialogue they move into gridlocked conflict
Dialogue with
77. Sound Marital House
“What determined the future of the marriage in the
problem-solving domain was not whether a couple solved
a perpetual problem, but rather the accompanying affect
with which they do not solve the perpetual problem”
• Such couples know how to express
amusement and affecting while seeking
change
• However, if they cannot establish such a
dialogue they move into gridlocked conflict
• Gridlocked conflicts lead to high NAR
(The 4 Horsemen) or to affectlessness /
emotional disengagements
Dialogue with
81. Sound Marital House
• Gridlockednegativity predicts divorce
for newly-weds over a 6 yr. period
with an 85% accuracy
REPAIR
82. Sound Marital House
• Gridlocked negativity predicts divorce
for newly-weds over a 6 yr. period
with an 85% accuracy
• Of the highly negative newlyweds who
repair effectively 83% wind up in
stable/happy marriages 6yrs.
REPAIR
83. Sound Marital House
• Gridlocked negativity predicts divorce
for newly-weds over a 6 yr. period
with an 85% accuracy
• Of the highly negative newlyweds who
repair effectively 83% wind up in
stable/happy marriages 6yrs.
• Again the sole determinant found to
impact the ability of a couple to
navigate perpetual problems and stay
out of NAR and gridlock is the quality
of the couple’s marital friendship.
REPAIR