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Gottman Presentation Sound Marital House

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Rod Minaker
Rod Minaker

John Gottman’s Sound Marital House Theory is based upon 30+ years of researching couple interactions. This research reinforces that relationship success depends heavily upon the contingencies of relationship repair and the state of the couple friendship

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GOTTMAN COUPLES THERAPY METHOD PRESENTATION #2
Brian Van Walleghem
Brian Van Walleghem g tstandin for Ou h ss Award esearc 19 94 Burge ry and R ri n Theo Caree
Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential Therapists of the past quarter-century by the Psychotherapy Networker Brian Van Walleghem g tstandin for Ou h ss Award esearc 19 94 Burge ry and R ri n Theo Caree
Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential Therapists of the past quarter-century by the Psychotherapy Networker Brian Van Walleghem g tstandin for Ou h ss Award esearc 19 94 Burge ry and R ri n Theo Caree World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential Therapists of the past quarter-century by the Psychotherapy Networker Brian Van Walleghem ic a cadem . b lished 0 books 190 pu thor of 4 au thor of r co-au He is the author o d artic les an g tstandin for Ou h ss Award esearc 19 94 Burge ry and R ri n Theo Caree World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
l f Menta Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential ns titute o t Awards tional I Scientis Therapists of the past quarter-century by the Four Na search Psychotherapy Networker He alth Re Brian Van Walleghem ic a cadem . b lished 0 books 190 pu thor of 4 au thor of r co-au He is the author o d artic les an g tstandin for Ou h ss Award esearc 19 94 Burge ry and R ri n Theo Caree World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
l f Menta Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential ns titute o t Awards tional I Scientis Therapists of the past quarter-century by the Four Na search Psychotherapy Networker H e alth Re o al f Ment s In stitute st Award tional Fo ur Na ealth R esearc h Scient i Brian Van Walleghem H ic a cadem . b lished 0 books 190 pu thor of 4 au thor of r co-au He is the author o d artic les an g tstandin for Ou h ss Award esearc 19 94 Burge ry and R ri n Theo Caree World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
l f Menta Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential ns titute o t Awards tional I Scientis Therapists of the past quarter-century by the Four Na search Psychotherapy Networker H e alth Re o al f Ment s In stitute st Award tional Fo ur Na ealth R esearc h Scient i Brian Van Walleghem H t S cientis es earch is hed R FTD istingu a cadem . ic Th e AAM b lished 0 books 190 pu thor of 4 au thor of r co-au He is the author o d artic les an g tstandin for Ou h ss Award esearc 19 94 Burge ry and R ri n Theo Caree World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
l f Menta Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential ns titute o t Awards tional I Scientis Therapists of the past quarter-century by the Four Na search Psychotherapy Networker H e alth Re o al f Ment s In stitute st Award tional Fo ur Na ealth R esearc h Scient i Brian Van Walleghem H c ademy he rapy A tributor a mi l y T h e d C o n e rican F istinguis T he Am Most D for e search Award ys tems R S cientis t to F a mi l y S es earch is hed R F TD istingu a cadem . ic Th e AAM b lished 0 books 190 pu thor of 4 au thor of r co-au He is the author o d artic les an g tstandin for Ou h ss Award esearc 19 94 Burge ry and R ri n Theo Caree World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
l f Menta Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential ns titute o t Awards ional I Scientis Therapists of the past quarter-century by the Fo ur Nat earch s Psychotherapy Networker He alth Re M ental ti tute of Awards nal Ins cientist Fo th Res io ur Nat earch S cadem yBrian Van Walleghem Heal h erapy A a mily T hed Ame rican F istinguis esearc h The M ost D ys tems R Aw ard for to Family S Cont ributor c ademy he rapy A tributor a mi l y T h e d C o n e rican F istinguis T he Am Most D for e search Award ys tems R S cientis t to F a mi l y S es earch is hed R F TD istingu a cadem . ic Th e AAM b lished 0 books 190 pu thor of 4 au thor of r co-au He is the author o d artic les an g tstandin for Ou h ss Award esearc 19 94 Burge ry and R ri n Theo Caree World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
l f Menta Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential ns titute o t Awards ional I Scientis Therapists of the past quarter-century by the Fo ur Nat earch s Psychotherapy Networker He alth Re M ental ti tute of Awards nal Ins cientist Fo th Res io ur Nat earch S cadem Brian Van Walleghem y Heal h erapy A a mily T hed Ame rican F istinguis esearc h The M ost D ys tems R Aw ard for to Family S Cont ributor c ademy he rapy A tributor a mi l y T h e d C o n e rican F istinguis T he Am Most D for e search Award ys tems R S cientis t to F a mi l y S es earch is hed R F TD istingu a cadem . ic Th e AAM b lished 0 books 190 pu thor of 4 au thor of r co-au He is the author o r article s and a tion fo ntribution n tial Cit arch Co P reside e Rese tandin g T he APA ng Lifetim for Ou h ts ndi ss Award esearc Outsta 94 Burge y and R 19 r ri n Theo Caree World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
l f Menta Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential ns titute o t Awards ional I Scientis Therapists of the past quarter-century by the Fo ur Nat earch s Psychotherapy Networker He alth Re M ental ti tute of Awards nal Ins cientist Fo th Res io ur Nat earch S cadem y Dr. John Gottman Heal h erapy A a mily T hed Ame rican F istinguis esearc h The M ost D ys tems R Aw ard for to Family S Cont ributor c ademy he rapy A tributor a mi l y T h e d C o n e rican F istinguis T he Am Most D for e search Award ys tems R S cientis t to F a mi l y S es earch is hed R F TD istingu a cadem . ic Th e AAM b lished 0 books 190 pu thor of 4 au thor of r co-au He is the author o r article s and a tion fo ntribution n tial Cit arch Co P reside e Rese tandin g T he APA ng Lifetim for Ou h ts ndi ss Award esearc Outsta 94 Burge y and R 19 r ri n Theo Caree World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
Unrealistic Expectations Cause Quid Pro Quo Marital Dysfunction Need Complementarity is Functional Gender Differences Cause Divorce Monogamy is for Women Dominance Structures are Dysfunctional Extra-Marital Affairs Cause Divorce Problem solving/Resolving Conflicts Remedy Ailing Marriages Active Listening Remedies Ailing Marriages
Sound Marital House
Sound Marital House
Sound Marital House LOVE MAPS
Sound Marital House Fondness & admiration LOVE MAPS
Sound Marital House Turning Towards vs Turning Away Fondness & admiration LOVE MAPS
Sound Marital House Positive Sentiment Override Turning Towards vs Turning Away Fondness & admiration LOVE MAPS
Sound Marital House 4 Parts of Problem Solving & Dialogue with perpetual issues Positive Sentiment Override Turning Towards vs Turning Away Fondness & admiration LOVE MAPS
Sound Marital House Making Dreams come true 4 Parts of Problem Solving & Dialogue with perpetual issues Positive Sentiment Override Turning Towards vs Turning Away Fondness & admiration LOVE MAPS
Sound Marital House cREATING sHARED mEANING Making Dreams come true 4 Parts of Problem Solving & Dialogue with perpetual issues Positive Sentiment Override Turning Towards vs Turning Away Fondness & admiration LOVE MAPS
Sound Marital House
Sound Marital House
Sound Marital House LOVE MAPS
Sound Marital House • Over half of all divorces occur in the first 7 years of marriage LOVE MAPS
Sound Marital House • Over half of all divorces occur in the first 7 years of marriage • 67% of all couples (mainly wives) experience a drop in marital satisfaction LOVE MAPS
Sound Marital House • Over half of all divorces occur in the first 7 years of marriage • 67% of all couples (mainly wives) experience a drop in marital satisfaction • the remaining 33% that had kept their satisfaction in tact had “cognitive room” or an awareness of the other’s psychological world LOVE MAPS
Sound Marital House • Over half of all divorces occur in the first 7 years of marriage • 67% of all couples (mainly wives) experience a drop in marital satisfaction • the remaining 33% that had kept their satisfaction in tact had “cognitive room” or an awareness of the other’s psychological world • Husbands that knew their wives’ “world” wound up in the 33% group LOVE MAPS
Sound Marital House
Sound Marital House
Sound Marital House Fondness & admiration
Sound Marital House • Inhis book, The Marriage Clinic, Gottman mentions how useful having a map of the interests, aspirations, trials, and triumphs of the other person really is towards developing admiration and respect Fondness & admiration
Sound Marital House • In his book, The Marriage Clinic, Gottman mentions how useful having a map of the interests, aspirations, trials, and triumphs of the other person really is towards developing admiration and respect • He states that having a love map gives a person an opportunity to really be connected in the world of their spouse. Fondness & admiration
Sound Marital House • In his book, The Marriage Clinic, Gottman mentions how useful having a map of the interests, aspirations, trials, and triumphs of the other person really is towards developing admiration and respect • He states that having a love map gives a person an opportunity to really be connected in the world of their spouse. • The presence of fondness and admiration in the couple’s relationship was also highly correlated w/33% Fondness & admiration
Sound Marital House
Sound Marital House
Sound Marital House Turning Towards vs Turning Away
Sound Marital House • This concept has its basis in the everyday mundane interactions in the apt lab. Turning Towards vs Turning Away
Sound Marital House • This concept has its basis in the everyday mundane interactions in the apt lab. • The idea is that as one person turns towards their partner it is “emotional money-in-the-bank” Turning Towards vs Turning Away
Sound Marital House • This concept has its basis in the everyday mundane interactions in the apt lab. • The idea is that as one person turns towards their partner it is “emotional money-in-the-bank” • This turning away is cumulative and impacts the conflict discussion in its mood and outcome Turning Towards vs Turning Away
Sound Marital House • This concept has its basis in the everyday mundane interactions in the apt lab. • The idea is that as one person turns towards their partner it is “emotional money-in-the-bank” • This turning away is cumulative and impacts the conflict discussion in its mood and outcome • People who have been turned away do not remake their bid Turning Towards vs Turning Away
Sound Marital House • This concept has its basis in the everyday mundane interactions in the apt lab. • The idea is that as one person turns towards their partner it is “emotional money-in-the-bank” • This turning away is cumulative and impacts the conflict discussion in its mood and outcome • People who have been turned away do not remake their bid Turning Towards vs Turning Away
Sound Marital House
Sound Marital House
Sound Marital House Positive Sentiment Override
Sound Marital House • Negative affect reciprocity is the most common discriminator between distressed and non-distressed couples Positive Sentiment Override
Sound Marital House • Negative affect reciprocity is the most common discriminator between distressed and non-distressed couples • NAR is the sequential pattern of how likely negative affect by a spouse will be reciprocated from the partner. Positive Sentiment Override
Sound Marital House • Negative affect reciprocity is the most common discriminator between distressed and non-distressed couples • NAR is the sequential pattern of how likely negative affect by a spouse will be reciprocated from the partner. • The importance for a couple to repair the interaction and get off of this cycle cannot be understated Positive Sentiment Override
Sound Marital House • Negative affect reciprocity is the most common discriminator between distressed and non-distressed couples • NAR is the sequential pattern of how likely negative affect by a spouse will be reciprocated from the partner. • The importance for a couple to repair the interaction and get off of this cycle cannot be understated • The success of the repair attempt could not be predicted by any parameter of delivery, context, or timing. Positive Sentiment Override
Sound Marital House • Negative affect reciprocity is the most common discriminator between distressed and non-distressed couples • NAR is the sequential pattern of how likely negative affect by a spouse will be reciprocated from the partner. • The importance for a couple to repair the interaction and get off of this cycle cannot be understated • The success of the repair attempt could not be predicted by any parameter of delivery, context, or timing. • The success of the repair attempt is solely determined by the presence of PSO Positive Sentiment Override
Sound Marital House • Negative affect reciprocity is the most common discriminator between distressed and non-distressed couples • NAR is the sequential pattern of how likely negative affect by a spouse will be reciprocated from the partner. • The importance for a couple to repair the interaction and get off of this cycle cannot be understated • The success of the repair attempt could not be predicted by any parameter of delivery, context, or timing. • The success of the repair attempt is solely determined by the presence of PSO • In PSO spouses can say things with negative affect and it is taken in a neutral way Positive Sentiment Override
Sound Marital House • Negative affect reciprocity is the most common discriminator between distressed and non-distressed couples • NAR is the sequential pattern of how likely negative affect by a spouse will be reciprocated from the partner. • The importance for a couple to repair the interaction and get off of this cycle cannot be understated • The success of the repair attempt could not be predicted by any parameter of delivery, context, or timing. • The success of the repair attempt is solely determined by the presence of PSO • In PSO spouses can say things with negative affect and it is taken in a neutral way • In NSO partners can say things in a neutral way but it is taken in a negative way. Positive Sentiment Override
Sound Marital House • Negative affect reciprocity is the most common discriminator between distressed and non-distressed couples • NAR is the sequential pattern of how likely negative affect by a spouse will be reciprocated from the partner. • The importance for a couple to repair the interaction and get off of this cycle cannot be understated • The success of the repair attempt could not be predicted by any parameter of delivery, context, or timing. • The success of the repair attempt is solely determined by the presence of PSO • In PSO spouses can say things with negative affect and it is taken in a neutral way • In NSO partners can say things in a neutral way but it is taken in a negative way. • Need to also look at precipitating conditions for NSO Positive Sentiment Override
Sound Marital House
Sound Marital House
Sound Marital House 4 Parts of Problem Solving
Sound Marital House • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved. How couples approach these issues rather than solving the issues is key. 4 Parts of Problem Solving
Sound Marital House • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved. How couples approach these issues rather than solving the issues is key. • The 4 aspects of solving problems 4 Parts of Problem Solving
Sound Marital House • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved. How couples approach these issues rather than solving the issues is key. • The 4 aspects of solving problems • Softening the start up 4 Parts of Problem Solving
Sound Marital House • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved. How couples approach these issues rather than solving the issues is key. • The 4 aspects of solving problems • Softening the start up • Accepting Influence (men) 4 Parts of Problem Solving
Sound Marital House • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved. How couples approach these issues rather than solving the issues is key. • The 4 aspects of solving problems • Softening the start up • Accepting Influence (men) • Repair and De-escalation 4 Parts of Problem Solving
Sound Marital House • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved. How couples approach these issues rather than solving the issues is key. • The 4 aspects of solving problems • Softening the start up • Accepting Influence (men) • Repair and De-escalation • Compromise 4 Parts of Problem Solving
Sound Marital House • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved. How couples approach these issues rather than solving the issues is key. • The 4 aspects of solving problems • Softening the start up • Accepting Influence (men) • Repair and De-escalation • Compromise • Simply mentioning the 69% stat of the amount of conflict issues that will be perpetual empowers the couple 4 Parts of Problem Solving
Sound Marital House • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved. How couples approach these issues rather than solving the issues is key. • The 4 aspects of solving problems • Softening the start up • Accepting Influence (men) • Repair and De-escalation • Compromise • Simply mentioning the 69% stat of the amount of conflict issues that will be perpetual empowers the couple • to discern their expectations from the conflict 4 Parts of Problem Solving
Sound Marital House • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved. How couples approach these issues rather than solving the issues is key. • The 4 aspects of solving problems • Softening the start up • Accepting Influence (men) • Repair and De-escalation • Compromise • Simply mentioning the 69% stat of the amount of conflict issues that will be perpetual empowers the couple • to discern their expectations from the conflict • to relinquish the need to agree (win the argument) 4 Parts of Problem Solving
Sound Marital House • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved. How couples approach these issues rather than solving the issues is key. • The 4 aspects of solving problems • Softening the start up • Accepting Influence (men) • Repair and De-escalation • Compromise • Simply mentioning the 69% stat of the amount of conflict issues that will be perpetual empowers the couple • to discern their expectations from the conflict • to relinquish the need to agree (win the argument) • to increase positive affect around perpetual issues 4 Parts of Problem Solving
Sound Marital House
Sound Marital House
Sound Marital House “What determined the future of the marriage in the problem-solving domain was not whether a couple solved a perpetual problem, but rather the accompanying affect with which they do not solve the perpetual problem”
Sound Marital House “What determined the future of the marriage in the problem-solving domain was not whether a couple solved a perpetual problem, but rather the accompanying affect with which they do not solve the perpetual problem” Dialogue with
Sound Marital House “What determined the future of the marriage in the problem-solving domain was not whether a couple solved a perpetual problem, but rather the accompanying affect with which they do not solve the perpetual problem” • Such couples know how to express amusement and affecting while seeking change Dialogue with
Sound Marital House “What determined the future of the marriage in the problem-solving domain was not whether a couple solved a perpetual problem, but rather the accompanying affect with which they do not solve the perpetual problem” • Such couples know how to express amusement and affecting while seeking change • However, if they cannot establish such a dialogue they move into gridlocked conflict Dialogue with
Sound Marital House “What determined the future of the marriage in the problem-solving domain was not whether a couple solved a perpetual problem, but rather the accompanying affect with which they do not solve the perpetual problem” • Such couples know how to express amusement and affecting while seeking change • However, if they cannot establish such a dialogue they move into gridlocked conflict • Gridlocked conflicts lead to high NAR (The 4 Horsemen) or to affectlessness / emotional disengagements Dialogue with
Sound Marital House
Sound Marital House
Sound Marital House REPAIR
Sound Marital House • Gridlockednegativity predicts divorce for newly-weds over a 6 yr. period with an 85% accuracy REPAIR
Sound Marital House • Gridlocked negativity predicts divorce for newly-weds over a 6 yr. period with an 85% accuracy • Of the highly negative newlyweds who repair effectively 83% wind up in stable/happy marriages 6yrs. REPAIR
Sound Marital House • Gridlocked negativity predicts divorce for newly-weds over a 6 yr. period with an 85% accuracy • Of the highly negative newlyweds who repair effectively 83% wind up in stable/happy marriages 6yrs. • Again the sole determinant found to impact the ability of a couple to navigate perpetual problems and stay out of NAR and gridlock is the quality of the couple’s marital friendship. REPAIR

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Gottman Presentation Sound Marital House

  • 1. GOTTMAN COUPLES THERAPY METHOD PRESENTATION #2
  • 3. Brian Van Walleghem g tstandin for Ou h ss Award esearc 19 94 Burge ry and R ri n Theo Caree
  • 4. Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential Therapists of the past quarter-century by the Psychotherapy Networker Brian Van Walleghem g tstandin for Ou h ss Award esearc 19 94 Burge ry and R ri n Theo Caree
  • 5. Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential Therapists of the past quarter-century by the Psychotherapy Networker Brian Van Walleghem g tstandin for Ou h ss Award esearc 19 94 Burge ry and R ri n Theo Caree World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
  • 6. Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential Therapists of the past quarter-century by the Psychotherapy Networker Brian Van Walleghem ic a cadem . b lished 0 books 190 pu thor of 4 au thor of r co-au He is the author o d artic les an g tstandin for Ou h ss Award esearc 19 94 Burge ry and R ri n Theo Caree World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
  • 7. l f Menta Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential ns titute o t Awards tional I Scientis Therapists of the past quarter-century by the Four Na search Psychotherapy Networker He alth Re Brian Van Walleghem ic a cadem . b lished 0 books 190 pu thor of 4 au thor of r co-au He is the author o d artic les an g tstandin for Ou h ss Award esearc 19 94 Burge ry and R ri n Theo Caree World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
  • 8. l f Menta Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential ns titute o t Awards tional I Scientis Therapists of the past quarter-century by the Four Na search Psychotherapy Networker H e alth Re o al f Ment s In stitute st Award tional Fo ur Na ealth R esearc h Scient i Brian Van Walleghem H ic a cadem . b lished 0 books 190 pu thor of 4 au thor of r co-au He is the author o d artic les an g tstandin for Ou h ss Award esearc 19 94 Burge ry and R ri n Theo Caree World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
  • 9. l f Menta Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential ns titute o t Awards tional I Scientis Therapists of the past quarter-century by the Four Na search Psychotherapy Networker H e alth Re o al f Ment s In stitute st Award tional Fo ur Na ealth R esearc h Scient i Brian Van Walleghem H t S cientis es earch is hed R FTD istingu a cadem . ic Th e AAM b lished 0 books 190 pu thor of 4 au thor of r co-au He is the author o d artic les an g tstandin for Ou h ss Award esearc 19 94 Burge ry and R ri n Theo Caree World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
  • 10. l f Menta Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential ns titute o t Awards tional I Scientis Therapists of the past quarter-century by the Four Na search Psychotherapy Networker H e alth Re o al f Ment s In stitute st Award tional Fo ur Na ealth R esearc h Scient i Brian Van Walleghem H c ademy he rapy A tributor a mi l y T h e d C o n e rican F istinguis T he Am Most D for e search Award ys tems R S cientis t to F a mi l y S es earch is hed R F TD istingu a cadem . ic Th e AAM b lished 0 books 190 pu thor of 4 au thor of r co-au He is the author o d artic les an g tstandin for Ou h ss Award esearc 19 94 Burge ry and R ri n Theo Caree World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
  • 11. l f Menta Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential ns titute o t Awards ional I Scientis Therapists of the past quarter-century by the Fo ur Nat earch s Psychotherapy Networker He alth Re M ental ti tute of Awards nal Ins cientist Fo th Res io ur Nat earch S cadem yBrian Van Walleghem Heal h erapy A a mily T hed Ame rican F istinguis esearc h The M ost D ys tems R Aw ard for to Family S Cont ributor c ademy he rapy A tributor a mi l y T h e d C o n e rican F istinguis T he Am Most D for e search Award ys tems R S cientis t to F a mi l y S es earch is hed R F TD istingu a cadem . ic Th e AAM b lished 0 books 190 pu thor of 4 au thor of r co-au He is the author o d artic les an g tstandin for Ou h ss Award esearc 19 94 Burge ry and R ri n Theo Caree World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
  • 12. l f Menta Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential ns titute o t Awards ional I Scientis Therapists of the past quarter-century by the Fo ur Nat earch s Psychotherapy Networker He alth Re M ental ti tute of Awards nal Ins cientist Fo th Res io ur Nat earch S cadem Brian Van Walleghem y Heal h erapy A a mily T hed Ame rican F istinguis esearc h The M ost D ys tems R Aw ard for to Family S Cont ributor c ademy he rapy A tributor a mi l y T h e d C o n e rican F istinguis T he Am Most D for e search Award ys tems R S cientis t to F a mi l y S es earch is hed R F TD istingu a cadem . ic Th e AAM b lished 0 books 190 pu thor of 4 au thor of r co-au He is the author o r article s and a tion fo ntribution n tial Cit arch Co P reside e Rese tandin g T he APA ng Lifetim for Ou h ts ndi ss Award esearc Outsta 94 Burge y and R 19 r ri n Theo Caree World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
  • 13. l f Menta Voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential ns titute o t Awards ional I Scientis Therapists of the past quarter-century by the Fo ur Nat earch s Psychotherapy Networker He alth Re M ental ti tute of Awards nal Ins cientist Fo th Res io ur Nat earch S cadem y Dr. John Gottman Heal h erapy A a mily T hed Ame rican F istinguis esearc h The M ost D ys tems R Aw ard for to Family S Cont ributor c ademy he rapy A tributor a mi l y T h e d C o n e rican F istinguis T he Am Most D for e search Award ys tems R S cientis t to F a mi l y S es earch is hed R F TD istingu a cadem . ic Th e AAM b lished 0 books 190 pu thor of 4 au thor of r co-au He is the author o r article s and a tion fo ntribution n tial Cit arch Co P reside e Rese tandin g T he APA ng Lifetim for Ou h ts ndi ss Award esearc Outsta 94 Burge y and R 19 r ri n Theo Caree World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce, John Gottman has conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.
  • 14.
  • 15.
  • 16. Unrealistic Expectations Cause Quid Pro Quo Marital Dysfunction Need Complementarity is Functional Gender Differences Cause Divorce Monogamy is for Women Dominance Structures are Dysfunctional Extra-Marital Affairs Cause Divorce Problem solving/Resolving Conflicts Remedy Ailing Marriages Active Listening Remedies Ailing Marriages
  • 19. Sound Marital House LOVE MAPS
  • 20. Sound Marital House Fondness & admiration LOVE MAPS
  • 21. Sound Marital House Turning Towards vs Turning Away Fondness & admiration LOVE MAPS
  • 22. Sound Marital House Positive Sentiment Override Turning Towards vs Turning Away Fondness & admiration LOVE MAPS
  • 23. Sound Marital House 4 Parts of Problem Solving & Dialogue with perpetual issues Positive Sentiment Override Turning Towards vs Turning Away Fondness & admiration LOVE MAPS
  • 24. Sound Marital House Making Dreams come true 4 Parts of Problem Solving & Dialogue with perpetual issues Positive Sentiment Override Turning Towards vs Turning Away Fondness & admiration LOVE MAPS
  • 25. Sound Marital House cREATING sHARED mEANING Making Dreams come true 4 Parts of Problem Solving & Dialogue with perpetual issues Positive Sentiment Override Turning Towards vs Turning Away Fondness & admiration LOVE MAPS
  • 28. Sound Marital House LOVE MAPS
  • 29. Sound Marital House • Over half of all divorces occur in the first 7 years of marriage LOVE MAPS
  • 30. Sound Marital House • Over half of all divorces occur in the first 7 years of marriage • 67% of all couples (mainly wives) experience a drop in marital satisfaction LOVE MAPS
  • 31. Sound Marital House • Over half of all divorces occur in the first 7 years of marriage • 67% of all couples (mainly wives) experience a drop in marital satisfaction • the remaining 33% that had kept their satisfaction in tact had “cognitive room” or an awareness of the other’s psychological world LOVE MAPS
  • 32. Sound Marital House • Over half of all divorces occur in the first 7 years of marriage • 67% of all couples (mainly wives) experience a drop in marital satisfaction • the remaining 33% that had kept their satisfaction in tact had “cognitive room” or an awareness of the other’s psychological world • Husbands that knew their wives’ “world” wound up in the 33% group LOVE MAPS
  • 35. Sound Marital House Fondness & admiration
  • 36. Sound Marital House • Inhis book, The Marriage Clinic, Gottman mentions how useful having a map of the interests, aspirations, trials, and triumphs of the other person really is towards developing admiration and respect Fondness & admiration
  • 37. Sound Marital House • In his book, The Marriage Clinic, Gottman mentions how useful having a map of the interests, aspirations, trials, and triumphs of the other person really is towards developing admiration and respect • He states that having a love map gives a person an opportunity to really be connected in the world of their spouse. Fondness & admiration
  • 38. Sound Marital House • In his book, The Marriage Clinic, Gottman mentions how useful having a map of the interests, aspirations, trials, and triumphs of the other person really is towards developing admiration and respect • He states that having a love map gives a person an opportunity to really be connected in the world of their spouse. • The presence of fondness and admiration in the couple’s relationship was also highly correlated w/33% Fondness & admiration
  • 41. Sound Marital House Turning Towards vs Turning Away
  • 42. Sound Marital House • This concept has its basis in the everyday mundane interactions in the apt lab. Turning Towards vs Turning Away
  • 43. Sound Marital House • This concept has its basis in the everyday mundane interactions in the apt lab. • The idea is that as one person turns towards their partner it is “emotional money-in-the-bank” Turning Towards vs Turning Away
  • 44. Sound Marital House • This concept has its basis in the everyday mundane interactions in the apt lab. • The idea is that as one person turns towards their partner it is “emotional money-in-the-bank” • This turning away is cumulative and impacts the conflict discussion in its mood and outcome Turning Towards vs Turning Away
  • 45. Sound Marital House • This concept has its basis in the everyday mundane interactions in the apt lab. • The idea is that as one person turns towards their partner it is “emotional money-in-the-bank” • This turning away is cumulative and impacts the conflict discussion in its mood and outcome • People who have been turned away do not remake their bid Turning Towards vs Turning Away
  • 46. Sound Marital House • This concept has its basis in the everyday mundane interactions in the apt lab. • The idea is that as one person turns towards their partner it is “emotional money-in-the-bank” • This turning away is cumulative and impacts the conflict discussion in its mood and outcome • People who have been turned away do not remake their bid Turning Towards vs Turning Away
  • 49. Sound Marital House Positive Sentiment Override
  • 50. Sound Marital House • Negative affect reciprocity is the most common discriminator between distressed and non-distressed couples Positive Sentiment Override
  • 51. Sound Marital House • Negative affect reciprocity is the most common discriminator between distressed and non-distressed couples • NAR is the sequential pattern of how likely negative affect by a spouse will be reciprocated from the partner. Positive Sentiment Override
  • 52. Sound Marital House • Negative affect reciprocity is the most common discriminator between distressed and non-distressed couples • NAR is the sequential pattern of how likely negative affect by a spouse will be reciprocated from the partner. • The importance for a couple to repair the interaction and get off of this cycle cannot be understated Positive Sentiment Override
  • 53. Sound Marital House • Negative affect reciprocity is the most common discriminator between distressed and non-distressed couples • NAR is the sequential pattern of how likely negative affect by a spouse will be reciprocated from the partner. • The importance for a couple to repair the interaction and get off of this cycle cannot be understated • The success of the repair attempt could not be predicted by any parameter of delivery, context, or timing. Positive Sentiment Override
  • 54. Sound Marital House • Negative affect reciprocity is the most common discriminator between distressed and non-distressed couples • NAR is the sequential pattern of how likely negative affect by a spouse will be reciprocated from the partner. • The importance for a couple to repair the interaction and get off of this cycle cannot be understated • The success of the repair attempt could not be predicted by any parameter of delivery, context, or timing. • The success of the repair attempt is solely determined by the presence of PSO Positive Sentiment Override
  • 55. Sound Marital House • Negative affect reciprocity is the most common discriminator between distressed and non-distressed couples • NAR is the sequential pattern of how likely negative affect by a spouse will be reciprocated from the partner. • The importance for a couple to repair the interaction and get off of this cycle cannot be understated • The success of the repair attempt could not be predicted by any parameter of delivery, context, or timing. • The success of the repair attempt is solely determined by the presence of PSO • In PSO spouses can say things with negative affect and it is taken in a neutral way Positive Sentiment Override
  • 56. Sound Marital House • Negative affect reciprocity is the most common discriminator between distressed and non-distressed couples • NAR is the sequential pattern of how likely negative affect by a spouse will be reciprocated from the partner. • The importance for a couple to repair the interaction and get off of this cycle cannot be understated • The success of the repair attempt could not be predicted by any parameter of delivery, context, or timing. • The success of the repair attempt is solely determined by the presence of PSO • In PSO spouses can say things with negative affect and it is taken in a neutral way • In NSO partners can say things in a neutral way but it is taken in a negative way. Positive Sentiment Override
  • 57. Sound Marital House • Negative affect reciprocity is the most common discriminator between distressed and non-distressed couples • NAR is the sequential pattern of how likely negative affect by a spouse will be reciprocated from the partner. • The importance for a couple to repair the interaction and get off of this cycle cannot be understated • The success of the repair attempt could not be predicted by any parameter of delivery, context, or timing. • The success of the repair attempt is solely determined by the presence of PSO • In PSO spouses can say things with negative affect and it is taken in a neutral way • In NSO partners can say things in a neutral way but it is taken in a negative way. • Need to also look at precipitating conditions for NSO Positive Sentiment Override
  • 60. Sound Marital House 4 Parts of Problem Solving
  • 61. Sound Marital House • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved. How couples approach these issues rather than solving the issues is key. 4 Parts of Problem Solving
  • 62. Sound Marital House • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved. How couples approach these issues rather than solving the issues is key. • The 4 aspects of solving problems 4 Parts of Problem Solving
  • 63. Sound Marital House • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved. How couples approach these issues rather than solving the issues is key. • The 4 aspects of solving problems • Softening the start up 4 Parts of Problem Solving
  • 64. Sound Marital House • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved. How couples approach these issues rather than solving the issues is key. • The 4 aspects of solving problems • Softening the start up • Accepting Influence (men) 4 Parts of Problem Solving
  • 65. Sound Marital House • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved. How couples approach these issues rather than solving the issues is key. • The 4 aspects of solving problems • Softening the start up • Accepting Influence (men) • Repair and De-escalation 4 Parts of Problem Solving
  • 66. Sound Marital House • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved. How couples approach these issues rather than solving the issues is key. • The 4 aspects of solving problems • Softening the start up • Accepting Influence (men) • Repair and De-escalation • Compromise 4 Parts of Problem Solving
  • 67. Sound Marital House • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved. How couples approach these issues rather than solving the issues is key. • The 4 aspects of solving problems • Softening the start up • Accepting Influence (men) • Repair and De-escalation • Compromise • Simply mentioning the 69% stat of the amount of conflict issues that will be perpetual empowers the couple 4 Parts of Problem Solving
  • 68. Sound Marital House • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved. How couples approach these issues rather than solving the issues is key. • The 4 aspects of solving problems • Softening the start up • Accepting Influence (men) • Repair and De-escalation • Compromise • Simply mentioning the 69% stat of the amount of conflict issues that will be perpetual empowers the couple • to discern their expectations from the conflict 4 Parts of Problem Solving
  • 69. Sound Marital House • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved. How couples approach these issues rather than solving the issues is key. • The 4 aspects of solving problems • Softening the start up • Accepting Influence (men) • Repair and De-escalation • Compromise • Simply mentioning the 69% stat of the amount of conflict issues that will be perpetual empowers the couple • to discern their expectations from the conflict • to relinquish the need to agree (win the argument) 4 Parts of Problem Solving
  • 70. Sound Marital House • 31% of conflicts are problems that can be solved. How couples approach these issues rather than solving the issues is key. • The 4 aspects of solving problems • Softening the start up • Accepting Influence (men) • Repair and De-escalation • Compromise • Simply mentioning the 69% stat of the amount of conflict issues that will be perpetual empowers the couple • to discern their expectations from the conflict • to relinquish the need to agree (win the argument) • to increase positive affect around perpetual issues 4 Parts of Problem Solving
  • 73. Sound Marital House “What determined the future of the marriage in the problem-solving domain was not whether a couple solved a perpetual problem, but rather the accompanying affect with which they do not solve the perpetual problem”
  • 74. Sound Marital House “What determined the future of the marriage in the problem-solving domain was not whether a couple solved a perpetual problem, but rather the accompanying affect with which they do not solve the perpetual problem” Dialogue with
  • 75. Sound Marital House “What determined the future of the marriage in the problem-solving domain was not whether a couple solved a perpetual problem, but rather the accompanying affect with which they do not solve the perpetual problem” • Such couples know how to express amusement and affecting while seeking change Dialogue with
  • 76. Sound Marital House “What determined the future of the marriage in the problem-solving domain was not whether a couple solved a perpetual problem, but rather the accompanying affect with which they do not solve the perpetual problem” • Such couples know how to express amusement and affecting while seeking change • However, if they cannot establish such a dialogue they move into gridlocked conflict Dialogue with
  • 77. Sound Marital House “What determined the future of the marriage in the problem-solving domain was not whether a couple solved a perpetual problem, but rather the accompanying affect with which they do not solve the perpetual problem” • Such couples know how to express amusement and affecting while seeking change • However, if they cannot establish such a dialogue they move into gridlocked conflict • Gridlocked conflicts lead to high NAR (The 4 Horsemen) or to affectlessness / emotional disengagements Dialogue with
  • 81. Sound Marital House • Gridlockednegativity predicts divorce for newly-weds over a 6 yr. period with an 85% accuracy REPAIR
  • 82. Sound Marital House • Gridlocked negativity predicts divorce for newly-weds over a 6 yr. period with an 85% accuracy • Of the highly negative newlyweds who repair effectively 83% wind up in stable/happy marriages 6yrs. REPAIR
  • 83. Sound Marital House • Gridlocked negativity predicts divorce for newly-weds over a 6 yr. period with an 85% accuracy • Of the highly negative newlyweds who repair effectively 83% wind up in stable/happy marriages 6yrs. • Again the sole determinant found to impact the ability of a couple to navigate perpetual problems and stay out of NAR and gridlock is the quality of the couple’s marital friendship. REPAIR

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