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The Critical
   Art of
Conversation


TMA World
Viewpoint
The Critical Art of Conversation

   The café is abuzz with conversations - some between
   family, some between friends and others between
   colleagues or potential business partners.


   Some are quiet and intimate, while others are closer to
   a form of battle.


   The latter reminded me of a conversation I observed in
   a global diversity seminar that I had facilitated the day
   before.
The Critical Art of Conversation

       I hadn’t given the      The conversation started relatively slowly with

       participants in the     people feeling out each other’s positions on the topic
                               and trying hard to be polite, but then it quickly
       conversation any
                               morphed into a passionate debate.
       guidelines on

       how to behave.          The speed with which people adopted positions and

       “Just be yourselves,”   fought for them was staggering.

       I said.
                               Gone was my advice of the day before –
                               first, listen to understand, think and then
                               speak.
The Critical Art of Conversation

                         No one was listening, people were talking over one
                         another to try and shut others down and win the
                         argument.


                         Positions were being misrepresented in order to
                         score points.


                         People stubbornly dug themselves into a rhetorical
                         hole that they couldn’t get out of without appearing
                         to lose face.


                         I had said nothing about debating or arguing,
                         I had just asked them to hold a conversation about
                         a work-related topic.
The Critical Art of Conversation

The linguist Deborah Tannen calls the conversational climate in which we live today the
‘Argument Culture’ and I couldn’t agree more with her descriptor.


This culture assumes that opposition is always the best way to get things done or to arrive
at the ‘truth’.


                                            It encourages an adversarial mindset
                                            in which views are polarized and
                                            fought for and active thinking can
                                            only be demonstrated by offering a
                                            critique.
The Critical Art of Conversation

You only to switch on CNN to witness the argument culture in action - find people with
opposing viewpoints, put them together on the same broadcast and let them fight it out.



                                        The person who can grab the most air
                                        time and speak over the other person
                                        the most and the loudest, wins.


                                        People aren’t invited on the programs to
                                        listen, to examine assumptions, to learn from
                                        each other and think through solutions
                                        together, that wouldn’t be attention-grabbing
                                        enough.


                                        However, it’s so important to the quality
                                        of our public policies and our business
                                        solutions.
The Critical Art of Conversation

In terms of leadership and management development, we must place a high priority
on conversational competence.

In getting things done through other people we need to spend considerable amounts of
time in talking.

There is more than one way to converse with others, but many professionals get stuck in
their talk-habits.

Business professionals need to have conversational options that they can apply
depending on the context and objective.

              Closed                                                Transactional
                                        Exploring


                                        Consulting


                                         Arguing

                                         Telling

               Open                                                 Transformational
The Critical Art of Conversation

Conversation can be placed along a spectrum from One-Way Telling (Closed) to Two-
Way Exploring (Open).

Along this spectrum are various options, the usefulness of which will depend on the
situation and the need.

Conversational options at the closed-end tend to be transactional (information exchange)
while those at the open-end have the potential for being transformational (shifts in
mindsets, mental models and underlying assumptions).




              Closed                                                 Transactional
                                         Exploring


                                        Consulting


                                          Arguing

                                          Telling

                Open                                                 Transformational
The Critical Art of Conversation

    Exploring is a learning conversation (also referred to
    as dialogue) and tends to be underused.


    Its primary aim is the creative uncovering and
    examination of deeply held assumptions, values,
    beliefs and mental models that shape the way we
    see and act in the world.


    Once uncovered and understood, breakthrough
    thinking becomes possible.
The Critical Art of Conversation




          What are some of the behaviours
             and techniques you should
         encourage your managers to adopt
         or avoid to promote greater use of
             the learning conversation?
The Critical Art of Conversation




                  ADOPT                                              AVOID
Asking open-ended questions                       A win-lose mindset
Being objective                                   A ‘one right answer’ mentality
Building on others’ ideas                         Being evasive
Identifying and examining all assumptions,        Blocking comments like “That won’t work
including one’s own                               here”
Listening to interpret meaning accurately         Listening only to find faults
                                                  Misconstruing the other person’s ideas to
Not trying to reach conclusions too quickly
                                                  suit your own purpose
Staying focused on the goal of mutual             Reacting too often with the “Yes, but...”
understanding and learning                        response
Suspending judgment                               Wanting quick and easy explanations
To learn more about how TMA World can help
   your organization, please contact us at
          enquiries@tmaworld.com
                   or visit
http://www.tmaworld.com/training-solutions/

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TMA World Viewpoint 15 The Critical Art Of Conversation

  • 1. The Critical Art of Conversation TMA World Viewpoint
  • 2. The Critical Art of Conversation The café is abuzz with conversations - some between family, some between friends and others between colleagues or potential business partners. Some are quiet and intimate, while others are closer to a form of battle. The latter reminded me of a conversation I observed in a global diversity seminar that I had facilitated the day before.
  • 3. The Critical Art of Conversation I hadn’t given the The conversation started relatively slowly with participants in the people feeling out each other’s positions on the topic and trying hard to be polite, but then it quickly conversation any morphed into a passionate debate. guidelines on how to behave. The speed with which people adopted positions and “Just be yourselves,” fought for them was staggering. I said. Gone was my advice of the day before – first, listen to understand, think and then speak.
  • 4. The Critical Art of Conversation No one was listening, people were talking over one another to try and shut others down and win the argument. Positions were being misrepresented in order to score points. People stubbornly dug themselves into a rhetorical hole that they couldn’t get out of without appearing to lose face. I had said nothing about debating or arguing, I had just asked them to hold a conversation about a work-related topic.
  • 5. The Critical Art of Conversation The linguist Deborah Tannen calls the conversational climate in which we live today the ‘Argument Culture’ and I couldn’t agree more with her descriptor. This culture assumes that opposition is always the best way to get things done or to arrive at the ‘truth’. It encourages an adversarial mindset in which views are polarized and fought for and active thinking can only be demonstrated by offering a critique.
  • 6. The Critical Art of Conversation You only to switch on CNN to witness the argument culture in action - find people with opposing viewpoints, put them together on the same broadcast and let them fight it out. The person who can grab the most air time and speak over the other person the most and the loudest, wins. People aren’t invited on the programs to listen, to examine assumptions, to learn from each other and think through solutions together, that wouldn’t be attention-grabbing enough. However, it’s so important to the quality of our public policies and our business solutions.
  • 7. The Critical Art of Conversation In terms of leadership and management development, we must place a high priority on conversational competence. In getting things done through other people we need to spend considerable amounts of time in talking. There is more than one way to converse with others, but many professionals get stuck in their talk-habits. Business professionals need to have conversational options that they can apply depending on the context and objective. Closed Transactional Exploring Consulting Arguing Telling Open Transformational
  • 8. The Critical Art of Conversation Conversation can be placed along a spectrum from One-Way Telling (Closed) to Two- Way Exploring (Open). Along this spectrum are various options, the usefulness of which will depend on the situation and the need. Conversational options at the closed-end tend to be transactional (information exchange) while those at the open-end have the potential for being transformational (shifts in mindsets, mental models and underlying assumptions). Closed Transactional Exploring Consulting Arguing Telling Open Transformational
  • 9. The Critical Art of Conversation Exploring is a learning conversation (also referred to as dialogue) and tends to be underused. Its primary aim is the creative uncovering and examination of deeply held assumptions, values, beliefs and mental models that shape the way we see and act in the world. Once uncovered and understood, breakthrough thinking becomes possible.
  • 10. The Critical Art of Conversation What are some of the behaviours and techniques you should encourage your managers to adopt or avoid to promote greater use of the learning conversation?
  • 11. The Critical Art of Conversation ADOPT  AVOID Asking open-ended questions A win-lose mindset Being objective A ‘one right answer’ mentality Building on others’ ideas Being evasive Identifying and examining all assumptions, Blocking comments like “That won’t work including one’s own here” Listening to interpret meaning accurately Listening only to find faults Misconstruing the other person’s ideas to Not trying to reach conclusions too quickly suit your own purpose Staying focused on the goal of mutual Reacting too often with the “Yes, but...” understanding and learning response Suspending judgment Wanting quick and easy explanations
  • 12. To learn more about how TMA World can help your organization, please contact us at enquiries@tmaworld.com or visit http://www.tmaworld.com/training-solutions/