This presentation was given at Emanuel School, London in Nov 2013. It forms part of a package of service offered to parents by Tim Mungeam and Stephen Carrick-Davies through www.dadsunlimited.co.uk. It is a work in progress - not all of the content is included in this presentation and these slides are NOT a training package (either as a whole or in parts) and should not be used as such. Images are from Google or are owned by the presenters. It is shared on SlideShare for information and to contribute to the debate about how best to work alongside men as they seek to juggle their multiple responsibilities.
2. Stephen Carrick-Davies
• Former CEO of Childnet International
• Independent Trainer & Consultant
Tim Mungeam
• Former CEO of Parentalk & Springboard
for Children
• Author „Fantastic First Time Father‟
3. Definition of
an expert? =
“A person knowledgeable enough
about what is going on to be scared!”
-------------------------------------------
“It was too
theoretical and I
should have stayed
at home!”
“I could have found
that out myself on
the internet!”
“An ounce of action
is worth a ton of
theory”.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
ACTION
POINTS
4. Tonight…
Room to
• think and reflect
• be reminded / gently challenged about things that
perhaps we already know
• meet other like-minded parents
• get some practical pointers
• identify some „gamechangers‟ for you
• Continue the community…?
Guide by the side, not sage on the stage!
5. Why Fathers matter
“To be a successful father... there's one
absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't
look at it for the first two years.”
Ernest Hemingway
“Becoming a father, I think it inevitably
changes your perspective of life. I don't get
nearly enough sleep. And the simplest things
in life are completely satisfying.”
Hugh Jackman
6. Changing face of family life
PEER
PRESSURE
BLENDED
FAMILIES
GEOGRAPHY
TIME POOR
LONG WORK
HOURS
LACK OF ROLE
MODELS
CARING FOR
ELDERS TOO
JUGGLING
NO “DAD’s NET”
NETWORKS?
“NEW MAN /
NEW WOMAN”
ROLES
7. Why Fathers Matter
The close involvement of fathers in looking after their
children brings crucial benefits:
For us men – contributes to our identity,
integration and satisfaction
For children – improves well-being and
adjustment, education and behaviour, and
reduces risk of involvement in crime.
For women – enables women to play a more
equal part in the labour market, boosting
earnings and career potential
For business – can boost productivity and
improve staff recruitment and retention
From EOC report
„Twenty First Century Dad‟
& NFPI „Family Trends‟
8. Fathers Matter
The Politician
“Parents and the home environment they
create are the single most important
factor in shaping their children‟s wellbeing, achievements and prospects.”
Alan Johnson MP (when Education Secretary)
9. Three Reflections
“Parenthood is part joy part
guerrilla warfare.”
Ed Asner
“Life is what happens to
you when you were
planning something else.”
Fatherhood is an
art not a science
10. The rough guide to fatherhood
Teens
Work
Social
laughter
Expectation
11. The rough guide to fatherhood
A parent’s
unique role
Investing
in your
relationship
The place of
discipline
Seeing the
road ahead
Looking
after yourself
Seizing the
moment
12.
A parent‟s
unique role
• Be intentional - get into good habits now
• Be intentional - tell your child you love them
13. Babies – easy!
Strapping, stroppy
teenager – less so!
But just as important.
• Be creative: different
ways of showing love appropriate to their age
and personality
• Don‟t assume they
get the message –
make sure they do!
15. A word about technology
“Screen Time” Balance
Modelling Good Behaviour
Watching together
Monitor signs of attention span, tiredness,
irritability, aggression, levels of concentration
(and yours)!
• Book time in with your kids (or you’ll book it out)
• Be present when you’re present
17. The place of discipline
•
•
•
•
Discipline is a toolbox
Praise is the miracle tool
Choose your battles
Remember you‟re a role model
..but that life‟s a
video, not a photo
•
•
Dust some off tools you haven‟t used recently
Ask for forgiveness & forgive yourself
18. The place of discipline
OUR CURRENT TOP 3
CRITICIZE BEHAVIOUR (NOT CHILD)
You can love your child but hate what he has done.
BE ASSERTIVE AND SPECIFIC.
Stop throwing your food now” is much better than “cut that out!”
CUT DOWN ON THE WARNINGS.
Let your „last time be your „last time‟
See http://www.allprodad.com/articles/general-fatherhood/22-discipline-ideas-for-dads/
19. Seeing the
road ahead
Know where you are on the journey:
• Recognise and celebrate the different ages and stages
• Recognise the influence of peers and peers‟ families
• Start to observe & talk to parents of older children
20. Ages and Stages
Protection & Prevention
Preparation
Teacher
Manager
Protection & Prevention
Dependency
Preparation
Independence
Participation
Participation
Coach
Interdependency
Where are you and your kids?
Think about „stages‟ as well as ages!
21. Looking
after yourself
Don‟t forget your
oxygen mask
“When my kids become wild
and unruly, I use a nice safe
playpen. When they‟re
finished, I climb out.”
Erma Bombeck
22. Looking
after yourself
• Recognise the signs of pressure cabin loss!
• Invest in your own health, knowledge
and resilience
• Talk to men who are on the same plane
• Find and share ideas which help your well-being
• Invest in your health & your social networks
23. Seizing
the moment
“My father didn't tell me how to live;
he lived, and let me watch him do it”
Clarence Kelland
• What are the important things I want to pass on?
• What do I want him/her to say about me?
TM 2 or things which are great about coming together like this. Have a laugh, learn from each other, celebrate what is great, get some great tips on how to be better dads !
SCD – reference to the changing face of fatherhood –our grandparents were raised by Victorians
SCD
SCD
Researchers looked at 36 studies involving 10,000 participants. The studies were based on surveys of children and adults about their parents' degree of acceptance or rejection in childhood.The results, published in Personality and Social Psychology Review, suggest children and adults experience the same level of acceptance or rejection from each parent, but the influence of one parent's rejection, mostly a father, can be greater. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/mother-tongue/9330961/A-loving-father-is-more-important-to-children.html
