effective-listening-skills-supplemental-self-study-presentation.ppsx

Supplemental Self-Study Presentation
Effective Listening Skills

Overview

After you’ve completed this course, you’ll be able to
describe the importance of listening. You’ll know how to
identify barriers to listening well and implement the steps
of active, effective listening. You’ll be able to uncover hidden
messages and listen well in tense, emotional situations. Finally,
you’ll know how to increase the information flow to enhance
productivity and teamwork.
Introduction

Module 1:
The Importance of Listening

Why does listening matter anyway?
Think back to a time when you felt someone was really listening to you. What was the situation?
How did you feel?
Now, think of a time when you were really listening to someone else. What was the situation?
How did you feel?
Why Listen?

So why do we listen? We listen to learn, understand, connect, and enjoy. Listening provides a
wide variety of functions and benefits.
Listening helps to:
• Build relationships
• Increase productivity
• Solve problems
• Improve our ability to influence, persuade,
or negotiate
• Enable us to avoid or minimize conflicts and
misunderstandings
Benefits of Listening

Let’s talk about what separates an ineffective listener from an effective listener. A poor listener is
easily distracted and tends to let his/her mind wander.
Ineffective listeners:
• Allow grammar mistakes or other minor errors to catch their attention
• Tune out when the speaker has a distracting delivery style, speaks slowly, or is discussing a dry
topic
• Quickly lose focus
• Tend to interrupt
• Can be over-stimulated; tend to seek and enter into arguments
• Show no outward evidence of listening
• Listen for facts alone and miss out on the complete message, often because they’re too busy
taking notes to observe the speaker’s body language
Ineffective Listeners

At the other end of the spectrum are effective listeners. Their behavior essentially opposes that
of poor listeners. Effective listeners fight distractions, see past bad communication habits, and
know how to concentrate.
Effective listeners:
• Think about what they’re hearing and mentally summarize, taking into account the speaker’s
tone of voice and body language
• Allow the speaker to complete his/her thoughts
• Take notes, but not excessively—just enough to recall the message later
• Suspend judgment until they understand the message in full
• Maintains focus despite grammar mistakes or other delivery errors
• Maintain eye contact and help the speaker along by appearing engaged
• Listen for the entire message
Effective Listeners

There are lots of barriers to listening, and we are all prone to certain bad habits occasionally.
Review the 5 bad habits listed here and decide whether any of them apply to you. If they do, you
need to concentrate on eliminating these bad habits and improving your listening skills.
• Are you convinced the topic is boring before you even begin listening?
• Do you focus on the appearance and/or delivery style of the speaker?
• Do you listen only to the facts/words and not the overall message?
• Do you allow emotionally-charged words to impact your ability to listen?
• Are you focused more on what you want to say than what the speaker is
saying?
Eliminate these bad habits and improve your listening!
Barriers to Listening: Bad habits

Let’s take a few minutes to talk about communication styles. People have different styles of
communicating, which can affect how they listen to each other and get in the way of effective
listening.
Here are some examples of how a variety of styles might be described. Do any of them sound like
you or someone you know?
• “Give me just the facts.”
• “Let’s talk about how you’re feeling first.”
• “I’m interested in what you’re saying so I want to jump in and add to it.”
• “Why aren’t I saying anything? I’m processing what you said.”
• “If you don’t look me in the eye, I’ll think you’re hiding something.”
• “You keep looking me in the eye. I feel like I’m being interrogated.”
When communicating, try not to let a difference in communication style cause unnecessary
friction.
Barriers to Listening: Style Differences

Read each item and decide if it is an effective or ineffective listening behavior. When you’re ready
click on the statement to reveal the correct answer.
Ineffective Effective
Effective Ineffective
Ineffective Ineffective
Ineffective Effective
Effective Effective
Test Your Knowledge
Interrupts
Takes adequate notes
Jumps in to finish the speaker’s thought
Listens for facts alone
Overlooks grammar mistakes
Listens for what is not said
Jumps to conclusions
Allows distractions to take over
Observes body language
Holds eye contact

Module 2:
Steps to Active Listening

Now that you have a strong understanding of why listening is so critical, let’s discuss the steps for
listening effectively, or the “5 Rs.” We’ll talk about each of these steps in depth in this module.
• Ready: Prepare yourself physically and mentally.
• Receive: Hear the message.
• Review: Evaluate the message.
• Respond: Show the speaker that you understand the
message.
• Remember: Transfer the information you’ve heard from
your short-term memory to your long-term memory.
Perhaps most importantly, be available. You may be the best listener in the world, but if you’re
always perceived as “too busy” or “just need another minute,” others will stop trying to talk to
you in a meaningful way.
Overview of the Five Steps

Even if you think you can listen well while multi-tasking, the speaker will not feel listened to, and
in fact, you’re not giving the speaker your full attention.
• Find a quiet place to talk with the speaker, if possible.
• Eliminate as many distractions in the environment as you can, such as noisy machines,
talkative colleagues, and so on.
• Turn off your phone and any other devices that may be a distraction.
• Stop all activities that aren’t relevant to your conversation.
• Make sure that your body language and posture is open and inviting throughout the
conversation.
Ready: Prepare Physically

Once you’ve prepared physically, it’s time to prepare mentally. Eliminating mental distractions is
actually more difficult than eliminating physical ones.
During the conversation:
• Give the speaker 100% of your attention.
• Put aside distracting thoughts.
• If you know what the speaker plans to talk about,
review what you know about the topic.
• Remember that your goal is to understand what
the speaker has to say, not the other way around.
Ready: Prepare Mentally

Let’s explore why it’s often difficult to put aside distracting thoughts. As human beings, we can
listen and process information much faster than we can speak. We can listen at a rate of 400
words per minute but only talk at a rate of 150 words per minute.
Much of our tendency to be distracted by our thoughts stems from this discrepancy. Because
there is extra “processing time” in the listener’s mind while the speaker is talking, the listener’s
mind can wander. When that starts to happen to you, recognize what’s going on and quickly
refocus on the speaker.
Listening and Talking: Two Different Speeds
Listening rate: 400
words per minute
Talking rate: 120-150
words per minute

The next step in effective listening is to Receive, or hear, the message. Remember, the message
isn’t just words alone; it also consists of the speaker’s body language and tone of voice. Be on the
lookout for consistency between these components. Are the speaker’s words and body language
congruent, or do they clash?
Interrupting is a Waste of Time
The speaker needs to feel heard, and you can’t rush that.
Interrupting will only cause the speaker to repeat what
they’ve already said.
Instead:
• Allow the speaker to finish sharing their thoughts.
• Suspend judgment.
• Show respect and empathy.
Receive

Aside from not interrupting, there are other ways you can show the speaker that you’re listening
carefully. You can provide verbal and non-verbal responses.
• Verbal response: “uh-huh,” “go on,” “and then…”
• Non-verbal response: head nod, hand gestures, open
body position
Receive: Show You’re Listening

The next step for effective listening is to Review the message—that is, evaluate what you just
heard and saw. For example, if the speaker’s words and body language were not consistent, you
will instinctively believe the body language.
Here are some steps to take to ensure you evaluate the message objectively:
• Ask questions to clarify if you’re not sure about something the speaker said.
• Use your critical thinking skills.
o Separate facts from opinions and inferences.
o Identify assumptions and determine their validity.
o Assess the credibility of the information.
Review: Evaluate the Message

Let’s talk about how you evaluate messages a bit more. Your evaluation of a message will be
affected by your personal filters. You have a unique lens through which you evaluate information,
and this lens is shaped by your age, gender, cultural upbringing, and life experiences.
If you don’t take your personal filters into consideration, your assumptions and interpretations
may be biased. If you recognize your personal filters, however, you can uncover any faulty
assumptions or incorrect interpretations of a message.
Review: Identify Your Personal Filters

Read each example and identify which personal filter (age, gender, culture, life experience) it
illustrates. When you’re ready, click on the statement to reveal the correct answer.
Life experience
Age
Gender
Culture
Test Your Knowledge
A. You grew up in a loud, boisterous family.
B. You are 20 years younger than most of the people you manage.
C. Your grandmother was the first woman to graduate from the law school she attended.
D. You believe too much eye contact is intrusive.

The next step in effective listening is to Respond. When the speaker is finished talking, pause
before you reply. This will give you time to carefully consider what you’re going to say before you
say it. It’s helpful to paraphrase what the speaker was saying or describe how the speaker felt.
Here are several suggested “openers” to help you demonstrate your understanding:
• “So, as you see it …”
• “You seem to be saying …”
• “You sound …”
• “You must have felt …”
• “What I’m hearing is …”
• “You must be feeling …”
• “It sounds like …”
Respond: Show You Understand

After you have confirmed that you understand the message, your next goal is to determine what
kind of response the speaker is looking for. Does he/she want a straightforward answer?
Guidance or advice? Help with brainstorming options? Or does he/she just need your support,
but not an answer?
While you may have an opinion about something,
don’t give unsolicited advice. This could rub the
speaker the wrong way; they may become defensive
and think that you’re trying to change them.
Finally, always be respectful and honest. You gain
nothing by criticizing, attacking, or demeaning the
speaker, so remain composed and considerate.
Respond: Determine Appropriate Response
Straight-
forward
answer
Help
brain-
storming
options
Guidance
or advice
Support,
but no
answers

The last step of effective listening involves moving what you just heard from your short-term
memory to your long-term memory. To do this successfully, try to make the message memorable
(you don’t have to count on the speaker to do this).
Here are some ways to transfer short-term information to long-term:
• Focus and concentrate.
• Paint a picture in your mind.
• Repeat the information back to the speaker.
• Jot it down.
• Attach a feeling. We remember things better when we have an
emotion associated with it.
• Use all your senses: Repeat a name while shaking hands and
making eye contact.
Remember: Make It Memorable

Another technique to help you remember information long-term is to link the items in a variety
of ways. These links don’t have to be logical; in fact, the more unique these connections are, the
better you will remember them.
Use these visualization tips:
• Place main points on top of each other.
• Crash or merge main points together.
• Wrap items around each other.
• Picture them dancing together.
• Link items using color, shape or feeling.
Let’s use the Statue of Liberty as an example. Say that you’re a
venture capitalist and were just approached by Donna, an
entrepreneur. She described her business plan for establishing a
website where New Yorkers can order customized ice-cream and
have it delivered the next day. How would you remember this?
Combining the key items—ice cream, computer, New York—into
one image would be an effective memory aid.
Remember: Create Associations

Can you put the steps of active listening in the proper order? When you’re ready, continue on to
the next slide to reveal the correct order.
Receive
Remember
Ready
Review
Respond
Test Your Knowledge

Can you put the steps of active listening in the proper order? When you’re ready, continue on to
the next slide to reveal the correct order.
1. Ready
2. Receive
3. Review
4. Respond
5. Remember
Test Your Knowledge Part 2

Module 3:
Skills to Improve Understanding

We’ve covered the basic steps of active listening. However, it can be enhanced by improving your
questioning skills. The key is to know your purpose before asking questions
If you want to:
• Clarify something ask, “I’m confused about…” or “Can you explain…?”
• Probe for more information, ask “Tell me more about…”
• Confirm an assumption, say “So, from what you’ve said, I’m assuming …”
• Acknowledge the speaker’s feelings, say “I sense you’re feeling …”
• Build on an idea the speaker mentioned, say “That’s a good point. And, we could …”
Try to avoid asking “Why” or “Why not” questions as they can cause defensiveness. Instead,
rephrase your questions into something like, “How” or “Is there a reason …?”
Questioning Techniques

As we discussed earlier, a message consists of the speaker’s words, body language, and tone of
voice. One of the benefits of effective listening is that you “hear” far more than the actual words
spoken. When listening to the speaker, compare their words to their body language. If their
words and body language are consistent, that indicates sincerity. If their words and body
language are inconsistent, that indicates insincerity.
Uncover Hidden Messages

So how can you interpret body language? Here is a quick “cheat sheet” with some gestures that
typically—though certainly not always—reflect the attitudes and behaviors listed.
Gestures and Their Meanings
Scratching nose Lying
Crossing arms or legs Defensiveness
Excessive smiling Lacking seriousness
Tilting head Submissiveness
Shoulders inching up toward ears Lacking confidence
Rubbing eyes Resistance

Let’s return to the subject of verbal and non-verbal cues, which we touched on earlier. A good
listener encourages the other person to talk through verbal and non-verbal prompts.
Non-verbal Signals
• Head nod
• Eye contact
• Hand gestures
• Silence
Verbal Prompts
These are brief phrases that indicate understanding,
agreement, or encouragement to continue. These
include phrases such as:
• “I see.”
• “And …”
• “Uh-huh.”
• “Go on …”
Encouraging the Other Person to Talk

You can also encourage the speaker to talk by paraphrasing his or her thoughts and feelings.
Paraphrasing doesn’t mean repeating what was said verbatim, but rather reflecting back the
essence of what the speaker said. And if you’re wrong, they will correct you. Keep in mind that
paraphrasing doesn’t necessarily mean that you agree with what the speaker is saying—just that
you want to confirm your interpretation is accurate.
Compare these statements:
Paraphrasing Practice
“Since I was promoted to manager, I worry about
making the wrong decisions.”
“Sounds like you’re feeling insecure.”
“I can’t figure out what to do with my new
employee. She wants to do things her way instead
of our way.”
“So you see her as having difficulty
following our procedures? Do you want
some help figuring out a solution?”

Read each statement and think of a paraphrasing response. When you’re ready, click on the
statement to reveal the suggested answer.
“It must be discouraging to feel misunderstood.”
“So you have some ideas about how to improve the way the work is done, and you want to
know that someone is actually hearing your input?”
“You seem really concerned about not meeting your promises.”
Test Your Knowledge
“I keep trying to talk to her, but she just gets mad when I do.”
“Just once I wish management would listen to the people who do the work.”
“They did such a good job selling; I don’t know if we can keep up with delivery.”

Effective listening is difficult in any situation. It can be especially challenging, however, when
emotions are running high.
Getting a handle on your own emotions is the first step to preventing them from interfering with
listening. You can do that by recognizing your “hot buttons.”
Identify what triggers an emotional response in you by answering the questions below.
• When have you spoken or acted impulsively and regretted it afterward?
• What triggered your response? Was it something someone said or did?
• Do you recognize a pattern?
• If you’re having trouble figuring out your own hot
buttons, do your friends, family, or colleagues know
what “sets you off”? Can they tell you what makes
you irritated or difficult?
Listening in Emotional Situations: Hot Buttons

Even if you’re aware of your hot buttons, it can be difficult to keep your emotions under control
all the time. If you find your emotions running high:
• Pause—stop whatever you’re doing.
• Take a deep breath.
• Consciously relax your throat and shoulders.
These actions will help you calm down and feel more in control.
Keep Your Own Emotions Under Control
So maybe yoga is out of the question,
but do remember to breathe!

Avoiding behaviors that escalate emotions is another way to maximize effective listening in
emotional situations. Review this list and commit to eliminating these behaviors when you’re
listening and responding to someone.
Avoid these behaviors
• Interrupting
• Arguing
• Telling the other person to calm down
• Giving advice
• Faking understanding
• Belittling, condescending, or minimizing
• Jumping to conclusions
• Touching
Behaviors that Escalate Emotions

Here are some tips to help you de-escalate emotions. First, slow down and take a moment before
you respond to keep your own emotions in check.
• Respect the emotional person’s perceptions as real to him or her.
o You can say something like, “If it were me, I’d be feeling …”
• Set clear boundaries while allowing the other person to talk.
o For example, say something like, “I’m here to listen, but I can’t do that until you slow down
and stop swearing.”
• Use non-threatening words and an even-tempered tone of voice.
• Keep your responses short.
How to De-Escalate Emotions

We’ve discussed how important it is to give the speaker your full attention when you’re listening.
But what if you’re the speaker? How can you ensure that you are listened to?
Here are some tried-and-true strategies:
• Alert the other person; tell him or her explicitly
that you need their attention.
• Use “I” language: “I feel frustrated when I don’t
feel listened to.”
• State your opinions as opinions, not facts: “It
seems to me…” or “I believe …”
• Avoid sounding judgmental and using absolutes
such as “you always” or “you never.”
Make it Easy for Others to Listen to You

Read each statement and in your mind, rephrase it in a way that will make it easier for others to
listen to you. When you’re ready, click on the statement to reveal a suggested answer.
“I feel uninformed when you don’t include me in the weekly update meeting.”
“I have a suggestion that I think will achieve the improvement we’re seeking.”
“I believe it would be better to wait several days before contacting the accounting
department.”
Test Your Knowledge
“You never keep me in the loop.”
“That will never work.”
“You should wait a few days to contact the accounting department.”

Let’s go back to you as the listener. Now, we’ll focus on how to behave when you are part of a
group of listeners. When you’re listening in a group or audience, there are built-in distractions
and challenges. You can’t block out physical noise or other similar distractions, and you don’t
have a direct connection to the speaker.
Let’s go over some techniques to help you minimize these difficulties and improve your listening
skills in a group setting:
• Identify the purpose or what you want to get out
of the talk, presentation, or meeting.
• Keep your eyes on the speaker and try to make
eye contact.
• Use your body language to show that you are
interested: sit up, smile, lean forward, and so forth.
• Refrain from partaking in side conversations.
• If you have the opportunity to respond, keep it
concise. Briefly restate the relevant point, then share your idea, interpretation, or reflection.
Listening in a Group or Audience

Let’s shift gears now. Many of the skills that you use as an effective listener can be applied on a
broader scale to create a positive work climate. The first step to increasing information flow and
enhancing productivity is to establish an environment that fosters open communication.
Key Components to Creating a Positive Climate
• Openness
o Use self-disclosure to build trust among teammates.
• Support
o View your teammates as collaborators, not competitors
o help them out when they’re encountering difficulties
o To bolster a sense of inclusion and recognition, celebrate the accomplishments of all
teammates.
• Respect
o Accept diverse viewpoints, perspectives, and opinions.
o Focus on “What can we learn from this experience?” rather than “Who is to blame?”
o In this kind of atmosphere, team members will become better listeners and communicators.
Increase Information Flow

The next step to increasing information flow and enhancing productivity is to examine processes
and procedures. The goal is to make small changes to daily processes that will add up to big
improvements.
Improve Daily Processes
• Examine your company’s organization methods and systems, such as
planning tools, tracking systems, and meeting agendas and minutes.
o Are there gaps or lapses in communication? Where can you increase
the frequency and thoroughness of communication?
• Clarify individual responsibilities and establish a sense of accountability.
o Assign tasks with deadlines and impose consequences for non-
compliance.
o If there is a breakdown in communication, offer constructive
feedback. Provide suggestions for improvement rather than blame.
Increase Information Flow Part 2

Review

Read the case study and answer the questions that follow in order to put your listening skills into
practice.
Organization: A local florist.
People: Sally has owned the business for 15 years. Prior to buying
it, she worked for other florists as a floral arranger. She has five
employees. One of them is Claire, a floral arranger who has worked
for Sally for two years.
Situation: Claire is a talented floral artist. Many customers
specifically request arrangements made by her. She is fairly quiet
and introspective, while Sally is outgoing and gregarious. Sally
attributes her success as a small business owner to her tenacity
and chutzpah— she prides herself on having “stolen” talented
employees from competing florists.
CASE STUDY—Apply What You’ve Learned

Claire wants to talk to Sally about using a new system for ordering flowers so they arrive fresher
and stay fresh longer.
Claire: “Hey, Sally, do you have a few minutes to talk?”
Sally: “Sure, Claire, what’s on your mind?”
Claire: “Well, I’ve noticed over the last several months that some of
our flowers are wilting soon after they arrive, and a couple of
customers have called to say their arrangements haven’t stayed fresh
for as long as they used to.”
Sally: “Why didn’t you say something sooner? I’ll call our supplier and
give them a piece of my mind!”
Claire: “Hang on. What I’m trying to say is that I think we can adjust
our ordering process to be more ‘just in time.’”
Sally: “How can we do that? I’ve been in this business forever and I
think I know how to handle the ordering. Are you suggesting I don’t know what I’m doing?”
Claire: “Of course not, but—“
CASE STUDY—Apply What You’ve Learned Part 2

Sally: “What’s going on? Why don’t you look me in the eye? You’re acting guilty about
something.”
Claire: “What? Where did you get that idea? I’m just trying to make sure our arrangements
remain the same top quality they’ve always been.”
Sally: “Well, good. But maybe stick to arranging, not ordering. Our customers love you.”
Claire: “Thanks, but can we get back to the topic?”
CASE STUDY—Apply What You’ve Learned Part 3

1. This conversation clearly got off track. What is the source of this miscommunication?
2. What bad habits did Sally exhibit?
3. What style differences are apparent between Sally and Claire?
4. What characteristics of effective listeners did Sally exhibit? What characteristics of ineffective
listeners did Sally exhibit?
5. What could Sally say or do differently to make the conversation go better?
Review the ideas and suggested answers provided on the following slides.
CASE STUDY—Questions to Consider

1. This conversation clearly got off track. What is the source of this miscommunication?
The miscommunication is due to bad habits exhibited by Sally, and by style differences
between Sally and Claire.
2. What bad habits did Sally exhibit?
Sally was convinced she knew everything about the topic before listening to Claire; she heard
the words, but didn’t hear the message; she allowed her emotions to control her response;
she appeared to be more focused on herself than on Claire.
3. What style differences are apparent between Sally and Claire?
Sally wants lots of eye contact, while Claire doesn’t; Sally is quick to interrupt and respond,
while Claire is slower and needs more time to reflect.
4. What characteristics of effective listeners did Sally exhibit? What characteristics of ineffective
listeners did Sally exhibit?
Effective: She holds eye contact. Ineffective: She interrupted, appeared to enter into
arguments quickly, and listened for facts alone.
CASE STUDY—Suggested Answers

5. What could Sally say or do differently to make the conversation go better?
Sally should refrain from interrupting and let Claire complete her thoughts. She should
recognize that Claire needs a little more time to express herself than Sally herself does—she
should acknowledge this style difference. And she should let Claire direct the flow of the
conversation, because Sally’s responses totally changed the direction of the conversation.
CASE STUDY—Suggested Answers Part 2

By now you should be able to:
• Describe the importance of listening.
• Identify barriers to listening well.
• Implement the steps of active listening.
• Uncover hidden messages.
• Listen in emotional situations.
• Increase information flow to enhance productivity and teamwork.
Congratulations!

Appendix

Donoghue, Paul J., Ph.D., and Mary E. Siegel. Are You Really Listening?: Keys to Successful Communication. Notre Dame, IN: Sorin Books,
2005.
Hoppe, Michael H. Active Listening: Improve Your Ability to Listen and Lead (J-B CCL (Center for Creative Leadership)). San Francisco, CA:
Pfeiffer, 2007.
Romero, Diana Bonet. The Business of Listening: Become a More Effective Listener (Crisp Fifty Minute Series). 4th edition. Menlo Park, CA:
Crisp Publication, 2009.
Selby, Jo. Listening with Empathy: Creating Genuine Connections with Customers and Colleagues. Singapore: Select Books, 2010.
Zweifel, Thomas D. Communicate or Die: Getting Results Through Speaking and Listening (The Global Leader Series). Newburyport, MA:
Hampton Roads Publishing, 2010.
References

© 2012 HRDQ. All rights reserved.
Published by HRDQ.
HRDQ and the HRDQ logo are registered trademarks of Organization Design and Development, Inc.
This publication is distributed under the terms and conditions of the Reproducible Content End User License Agreement (EULA).
For specific details, visit www.hrdq.com/legal.
For more information about this publication or to order additional copies, please contact the HRDQ Customer Service Team by
phone at 610-279-2002 or by email at custserv@hrdq.com.
For more information about HRDQ products, visit www.hrdq.com.
ISBN 978-1-58854-670-8
Title slide image: Pressmaster/Shutterstock.com. Images used under license from Shutterstock.com.
Microsoft®, Word®, PowerPoint®, and Outlook® are registered trademarks of Microsoft Corporation.
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