NASW DC Metro Chapter 2015 Conference "The Secret - Working with LGBT Individuals and Family/Friends"
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Here are some stone-cold facts that define the LGBT community. The community is composed of people who feel that their gender and sexuality are different from that of mainstream society. It is most important to realize that all people are extremely complex, and respecting diversity is of the utmost importance. The LGBT community has no clear boundaries and is being redefined every day. Terms are changing and definition are constantly evolving. The “secret” to working with this “uniquely perfect” population is to engage in preparatory empathy in order to avoid missing the whole person and their needs.
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NASW DC Metro Chapter 2015 Conference "The Secret - Working with LGBT Individuals and Family/Friends"
- 1. THE SECRET WORKING WITH LGBT INDIVIDUALS AND FAMILY/FRIENDS W. ALLEN PITTINGER-DUNHAM, MSW, LGSW, CAC-II
- 2. INTRODUCTION And this is my story...
- 3. THE SECRET NOW LET’S HEAR YOUR STORY…
- 4. THE SECRET • On the back side of your “The Secret” page, write down five things that define you • Mingle – Seek out someone you DON’T know • Now, let’s talk – This is ALL ABOUT YOU…. EXCEPT, you CAN’T include ANY of the things that you have written down on “The Secret” page; Tell your partner EVERYTHING about you…your life…your dreams…your fears…your failures…your accomplishments. • Each partner gets five-minutes Now let’s hear your story…
- 5. AND NOW, THE REAL SECRET FOR WORKING WITH LGBT INDIVIDUALS AND FAMILY/FRIENDS IS…
- 7. PREPARATORY EMPATHY As you might infer from the phrase, preparatory empathy is empathy we experience in preparation for a clinical encounter - before it happens. Garden-variety empathy happens during a clinical encounter, with direct access to the person with whom we are trying to empathize. That makes it easier to know that we're connecting with that person's experience rather than superimposing our own. In contrast, trying to empathize with someone we haven't met - or even someone we have met but are not currently with - leaves more to the imagination, and is therefore more susceptible to the influence of our own "stuff."
- 8. PREPARATORY EMPATHY Imagining what the client may be thinking and feeling, their distress, creates openness and compassion, and shifts our approach slightly. People who receive a gentle and supportive welcome soften, and people who receive a brusque welcome become defensive. Therefore, it serves everyone's best interest for us to work - ahead of time - to foster empathy for clients and clients-to-be.
- 9. PREPARATORY EMPATHY In the absence of preparatory empathy, we run the risk of making judgments that are not particularly empathic. Think about it: when we meet with a client for the first time, we have usually received some sort of information about that person already. We have a referral, or paperwork from another provider, or their own responses on an intake screening or questionnaire. Based on this information (particularly if it contains a diagnosis), we automatically form snap-judgments. Some might be accurate, and others are not. However, regardless of accuracy, they influence our initial interaction with the client - how we approach him or her, our tone and expression, the questions we ask and how we ask them. NATALIE L. HILL, LICSW http://practicewisdom.blogspot.com/2012/07/preparatory-empathy.html
- 10. “WHO ARE THEY AND WHAT DO THEY NEED?” LGBT INDIVIDUALS AND FAMILY/FRIENDS
- 11. “WHO ARE THEY AND WHAT DO THEY NEED?” • LGBT, LGBTQ, LGBTQA, TBLG: These acronyms refer to Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer or Questioning, and Asexual or Ally. Although all of the different identities within “LGBT” are often lumped together (and share sexism as a common root of oppression), there are specific needs and concerns related to each individual identity. • Lesbian – Women whose primary emotional , erotic, and relational preferences are same- sex (homophilic) and for whom some aspect of their self-labeling acknowledges these same-sex attachments; designation as lesbian refers to the sex of one’s (actual or imagined) intimate partner choices, not gender expression, which may take a variety of forms. • Gay men – Men whose primary emotional , erotic, and relational preferences are same- sex (homophilic) and for whom some aspect of their self-labeling acknowledges these same-sex attachments; designation as gay refers to the sex of one’s (actual or imagined) intimate partner choices, not gender expression, which may take a variety of forms.
- 12. “WHO ARE THEY AND WHAT DO THEY NEED?” • Bisexual women and men – Individuals whose emotional , erotic, and relational preferences are toward both same- and other- sex individuals, either serially or simultaneously, and for who some aspect of their self-labeling acknowledges these same- sex attachments; designation as bisexual refers to the sex(es) of one’s (actual or imagined) intimate partner choices, not gender expression, which may take a variety of forms. • Transgender people – Individuals who are gender-variant or gender- “transgressive,” that is, expressing their gender in ways not considered socially “appropriate based on their (perceived) biological sex; also referred to as “gender- bending/blending,” gender transgression can range from matters of dress and mannerisms to hormone treatments and reconstructive surgery aimed at changing one’s genitalia or secondary sex characteristics to fit one’s own sense of one’s gender. Designation as transgender (or any of it variants) refers to the sex of one’s (actual or imagined) intimate partner choices; transgender people may identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or heterosexual, and self-labeling may change over time. • Family/Friends, aka, Ally/Allies: – Individuals who are typically any non-LGBT person who supports and stands up for the rights of LGBT people, though LGBT people can be allies, such as a lesbian who is an ally to a transgender person.
- 13. “WHO ARE THEY AND WHAT DO THEY NEED?” • Lesbian: A woman who is primarily attracted to other women. • Relationship Issues • Contextual Issues • Wellness Issues
- 14. “WHO ARE THEY AND WHAT DO THEY NEED?” • Gay: A person who is attracted primarily to members of the same sex. Although it can be used for any sex (e.g. gay man, gay woman, gay person), typically applied to men. • Relationship Issues • Contextual Issues • Wellness Issues
- 15. “WHO ARE THEY AND WHAT DO THEY NEED?” • Bisexual: A person who is attracted to both people of their own gender and another gender. • Relationship Issues • Contextual Issues • Wellness Issues
- 16. “WHO ARE THEY AND WHAT DO THEY NEED?” • Transgender: This term is frequently used as an umbrella term to refer to all people who do not identify with their assigned gender at birth. • Relationship Issues • Contextual Issues • Wellness Issues
- 17. “WHO ARE THEY AND WHAT DO THEY NEED?” • Family/Friends, aka, Ally: Typically any non-LGBT person who supports and stands up for the rights of LGBT people. • The Steps to Being a Straight Ally
- 18. OFF TO THE RACE PUTTING YOURSELF IN THEIR SHOES
- 19. ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS • What LGBT behaviors or actions do you feel most judgmental about? • Describe your judgments in detail, including your opinions about the behaviors and actions. • How do your judgment come across in the way that you interact with LGBT individuals? • What ideas do you have for managing and moving beyond your judgments? Now break into pairs or trios and discuss what you have written…and be ready…I’ll be asking for those that feel comfortable, to share.
- 20. QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER • How do LGBT people that you know self- identify? • What are terms and acronyms used in your community to address the LGBT community? • Are these terms descriptive, empowering, marginalizing, community building, political, slang or destructive to the LGBT community • Are there terms used in your agency, by the agency’s staff or you that LGBT people may think are negative or offensive? • What practices have you or your agencies implemented that have, consciously or unconsciously, constructed terminology barriers that may prevent member of the LGBT community from access services? • The best method to identify a population is to ask them how they wish to be identified and use those terms. How do you or your agencies use terminology to include members of the LGBT community? • How can you and/or your agencies use terminology to facilitate the LGBT community ‘s comfort while accessing services?
- 21. TO WRAP THINGS UP… Here are some stone-cold facts that define the LGBT community. The community is composed of people who feel that their gender and sexuality are different from that of mainstream society. It is most important to realize that all people are extremely complex, and respecting diversity is of the utmost importance. The LGBT community has no clear boundaries and is being redefined every day. Terms are changing and definition are constantly evolving. The “secret” to working with this “uniquely perfect” population is to engage in preparatory empathy in order to avoid missing the whole person and their needs.
- 22. REFERENCES• Association of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Issues in Counseling. (2009). Competencies for counseling with transgender clients. Alexandria, VA: Author. • Cerbone, Armand R. (2012). Desire, love, and shame in gay male relationships: The case of tyler. (pp. 91-101). Dworkin, S. H., & In Pope, M. (Eds.) (2012). Casebook for counseling lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender persons and their families. Alexandria, VA: American Counseling Association. • Clarke, C. (1981) Lesbianism an act of resistance, In C. Moraga & G. Anzalbua (Eds), This bridge called my back: Writings by radical women of color (pp. 128-137). New York: Kitchen Table Women of Color Press. • Dworkin, S. H., & In Pope, M. (2012). Casebook for counseling lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender persons and their families. Alexandria, VA: American Counseling Association. • Fassinger, Ruth E.; Arseneau, Julie R. "I'd rather get wet than be under that umbrella": Differentiating the experiences and identities of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people. Bieschke, Kathleen J. (Ed); Perez, Ruperto M. (Ed); DeBord, Kurt A. (Ed), (2007). Handbook of counseling and psychotherapy with lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender clients (2nd ed.). , (pp. 19-49). Washington, DC, US: American Psychological Association. • Hill, Natalie L. July 9, 2012. Preparatory Empathy. http://practicewisdom.blogspot.com/2012/07/preparatory- empathy.html.
- 23. REFERENCES • Kirk, Sheila C.; Kulkarni, Claudette; Shankle, Michael D. (2006). Chapter 7: The Whole Person: A Paradigm for Integrating the Mental and Physical Health of Trans Clients. The handbook of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender public health: A practitioner’s guide to service. Shankle, Michael (Editor). Harrington Park Press. Binghamton, NY. • Lourea, D. (1985). David Lourea Papers. Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Identities over the Lifespan : Psychological Perspectives. Anthony . D'Augelli, R. & Patterson, Charlotte J. Oxford University Press. • McWhirter, David P. and Mattison, Andrew M. (1984). The male couple; How relationships develop. Prentice Hall Trade. Upper Saddle River, New Jersey. • Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) National. (2007). Guide to being a straight ally . Washington, DC. • Patterson, Charlotte J. Lesbian and gay family issues in the context of changing legal and social policy environments. Bieschke, Kathleen J. (Ed); Perez, Ruperto M. (Ed); DeBord, Kurt A. (Ed), (2007). Handbook of counseling and psychotherapy with lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender clients (2nd ed.). , (pp. 359-377). Washington, DC, US: American Psychological Association.
- 24. REFERENCES • Shernoff, M. (2008). Social work practice with gay individuals. (pp. 141-178). Social work practice with lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people (2nd ed.). Mallon, Gerald P. (Ed), (2008). Routledge, 270 Madison Ave., New York, 10016. • Weber, G. & Heffern, Kathy T. (2008). Social work practice with bisexual people. (pp. 69-82). Social work practice with lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people (2nd ed.). Mallon, Gerald P. (Ed), (2008). Routledge, 270 Madison Ave., New York, 10016. • Whitman, Joy S. Sex and lesbian women. (pp. 249-257). Dworkin, S. H., & In Pope, M. (Eds.) (2012). Casebook for counseling lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender persons and their families. Alexandria, VA: American Counseling Association. • Williams, Callan. Transgender & Partners: A Collection. Copyright © 1995, 1998, 1999. http://callan.transpractice.com/text/partner.html. • University of Michigan. LGBT Terms and Definitions. http://internationalspectrum.umich.edu/life/definitions.
- 25. IF YOU WANT TO REACH ME Thank you for attending today. Please feel free to reach out to me with any questions that you may have after the session. I can be reached either by phone (240-339-4196) or email (allen@pittinger-dunham.com).
Notas del editor
- My name is Walter Allen Pittinger-Dunham. I am the only son born to my parents. I am 50-years old. I was born gay, but I refused to believe it until I was 35. Before that point in my life, I had been married…to a woman…and was fortunate to be the father of two, now, young men whose births I witnessed. I say I was born gay, because that is who I am, but it is not the totality of who I am. I am lucky to have been “stalked”, in a good way, by the man who I would call “the date that never went home” and who I now call my husband as we are marriage license #7 in the District. We have been together for 14-years; married for four. I indicated that I “refused” to believe that I was gay, and growing up, I would pray to God to “kill me” if I ever even thought those thoughts again. I was raised Southern Baptist and I knew where “those” people went. I had a skilled clinician who allowed me to walk down my own path and begin to understand who I was – and this occurred after I was divorced and during my first same-sex relationship. When I said, “I’m gay” and didn’t die, I looked at him and said, “I’m gay!” He smiled. And I said, “No, you don’t understand….I’M GAY!!!” It was at that moment that the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders and I began to start feeling comfortable in my own skin. Not only am I gay, but I am also HIV-Positive. I began experiencing the symptoms on December 3, 2000. As a result of shifting from Negative to Positive, I began to experience a range of emotions, stigma, and wellness issues some of which I thought I had previously conquered. But this really isn’t about me. Over the next 90-minutes, we will be looking at various issues that LGBT individuals as well as those that we call our family/friends/allies face as they too try to walk down their path toward understanding who they are and how we as clinicians can help. All it takes is learning a little secret. But first, let’s hear from you.
- As you all know, every good session starts with an ice-breaker….and here is our.
- Don’t take the easy way out and describe who you are, like, “I’m white”, “I’m black”, “I’m female”, “I’m male”….dig deep and trust your instincts when it comes to defining yourself. You will have 3-minutes to complete this part. GO! Now, get up from your seat and go and find someone YOU DON’T KNOW…no cheating. You’ll have 2-minutes, so be quick. I’ll be counting down the seconds. Now talk – tell your new “friend” EVERYTYHING about you…BUT YOU CAN’T TELL THEM THE 5 THINGS YOU’VE WRITTEN DOWN. You’ll each get 5-minutes…and you MUST keep talking ABOUT YOURSELF for the ENTIRE 5-MINUTES. Time is UP! How did that feel? How difficult was it NOT to tell your friend what you had written down. Friends, were there things that you wanted to know and felt like you weren’t being told? How did you enter into the conversation? How good of a listener were you? How good of a storyteller were they? How about we talk about LGBT individuals and their family/friends?
- Empathy is such a central part of what makes therapy therapeutic that it's almost a cliché. You know what empathy is - understanding someone else's experience from within their experience, rather than superimposing your own experience, assumptions, etc. However, in all of our discussions of empathy, we often forget about a important but very difficult kind of empathy: preparatory empathy.
- Preparatory empathy, while still leaving room for inaccurate judgments, seeks to minimize the risk of harm by extending the benefit of the doubt. While both judgmental and empathic assumptions can both be erroneous...they can also both create self-fulfilling prophecies.
- When our judgments are accurate, we might chalk that up to "practice wisdom" - because, yes, some incoming information is accurate and does have clinical implications that we have learned about over the years. When they are inaccurate, it might be the result of cultural or clinical bias, or our own history. However, by the time we recognize our error, we may have already damaged our initial rapport with the client.
- Fassinger and Arseneau point out in “I’d rather get wet than be under that umbrella”, sexual minorities face common struggles with societal oppression related to their sexual minority status, and therefore face similar difficulties in developing positive individual identities and healthy communities within that context of oppression. They point out that there are particular dimensions of experience that differentiate these sexual minority groups in important ways, shaping group-specific trajectories for the development and enactment of identity. And then you have the family/friends…those that we like to call our “allies”. They too tussle with societal repression as they attempt to take on, for reasons known only to them, the struggles that LGBT individuals face.
- Sexual identity and behavior evolves in fluid ways. The “typical” symbol for the LGBT community is the “Rainbow Flag”…but these days, its more like a can of “Alphabet Soup”. There seems to be a new “letter” added every other year. But to keep it simple, we will deal with only the “LGBT” letters. Here’s what each of the letters “typically” stand for: Lesbian – Women whose primary emotional , erotic, and relational preferences are same-sex Gay men – Men whose primary emotional , erotic, and relational preferences are same-sex
- Bisexual women and men – Individuals whose emotional, erotic, and relational preferences are toward both same- and other-sex individuals, either serially or simultaneously Transgender people – Individuals whose “outsides” don’t match their perceived “insides” Family/Friends, aka, Ally/Allies: – Individuals who are typically any non-LGBT person who supports and stands up for the rights of LGBT people
- As Clarke indicates, “there is not one kind of lesbian, no one kind of lesbian behavior, and no one kind of lesbian relationship” (p. 129). Here are some general principles to act as guides through social work practice. But before we review these principles, ask yourself, “What brings a lesbian to therapy?” Lesbians come to therapy for many of the same reasons anyone else—relationship problems, depression, trauma, family difficulties, parenting, substance abuse—but what makes therapy different for lesbians is the lens through which they experience the world. By understanding this, it serves as a context in which to understand the client’s life experiences, both positive and negative. Relationship Issues - Lesbian relationships are also faced with problems just like any kind of relationships. The most common problems faced by lesbians who are in a lesbian relationship with someone are: 1. Distance. Lesbians who are deeply in love with each other but are separated by distance sometimes fall apart. The other may not be able to take it at heart that the one she loves is not around when she needed her the most. It can be heart wrenching and disappointing. Solution: Communicate more often through web chat with a web camera. While this solution can not replace the presence of the other, it can ease the pain. Relocate if you have the chance to do so before love fades away. 2. Communication. A lesbian relationship problem may stem from poor communication skills. Solution: Make time for each other and remember that a large part of communication is listening. 3. Sex. A lesbian couple who love each other may be sexually incompatible and yet having sex should be the last thing every lesbian couple should be giving up. “Please dear, not tonight!” Solution: Plan, plan, plan, not necessarily tonight when both are tired. When you add sex in the calendar, it increases your anticipation. You may want to try mixing things up a bit like sex in the kitchen or sex by the fire as it can increase your sexual enjoyment. Remember sex brings us closer together, releases hormones that helps our bodies both physically and mentally and keeps the chemistry healthy. 4. Money. Money problems can start even before you decide to stay together as a lesbian couple. Solution: Take a deep breath, sit it down with your partner and have a serious conversation about finances. Don’t approach the subject in the heat of an argument. Set a time instead that is convenient and non-threatening for both parties. Be open and be honest with each other and don’t hide or blame one another. Decide which person will be responsible to pay a certain bill and construct a joint budget that includes savings for the future. With this recession, if one is out of work, it may be better off discontinuing the same lifestyle that was possible before the loss of income. Give each other independence by setting aside money that she can spend at her own discretion. 5. Home Chores. Struggles in home chores will definitely take place especially when both partners are working. Solution: It is important to equitably divide the labor. Organize and be clear about who is responsible for a certain house chore, but be fair by making sure each partner’s tasks are equal to avoid resentments. If you both hate doing house chores, be open to other solutions like hiring a cleaning service. If one likes doing house chore, swap responsibilities by taking the one that you like doing. Make sure the arrangement is fair enough for both parties. More 6. Trust. Is there certain behavior that causes you to not trust your partner? Solution: An essential part of every relationship, trust can be developed by both parties in a lesbian relationship. Don’t lie and be fair. Do what you say you will do, avoid being jealous and respect each other’s boundaries. Be a good listener to your partner and be sensitive to her feelings. 7. Conflict. Conflict is inevitable. It is part of life. Solution: Learn to argue in a more constructive manner by making a choice whether to react and how to react. You can’t control anyone else behavior, but you can control yours. Don’t argue when both heads are hot! Contextual Issues – How does the legal and social policy context in which lesbians live influence their day-to-day experience? The current historical moment is an intriguing time to consider this question. The legal and ideological landscapes are shifting in many significant ways. Most important among legal changes is the US Supreme Court ruling Lawrence v. Texas (2003) which struck down the so-called sodomy laws. Even though these laws were rarely enforced, they were mainly aimed at gay men. However, sodomy laws have been invoked to justify job discrimination and to justify discrimination against lesbian parent in the context of child-custody proceedings. With the Court’s decision, consensual sexual behavior is now accorded the same fundamental privacy status of other Americans, and the criminalization of such behavior has finally ended. Another significant group of changes has occurred in the legal recognition of same-sex couples. Another important area concerns custody and visitation arrangements. Overall, though undeniably improved over recent years, the legal and policy landscapes for lesbians still vary widely from one jurisdiction to another. Wellness Issues - Lesbian health and wellness issues differ from the larger population. Awareness and education are key element to preventing problems with illness, substance abuse or violence. There are multiple means by which counselors can assist lesbians in also exploring their sexuality as women and as lesbians. As Whitman(2012) points out, clinicians who create a safe therapeutic relationship by examining their own biases and worldviews around sexuality and wellness issues for women and lesbians and who can guide their clients in doing the same will have greater success exploring sensitive issues that make up the world in which their clients live.
- Social workers preparing to do individual practice with gay men need to understand that these clients may be at any stage of the life cycle, and its crucial that social workers not make assumptions about the nature of these clients or their presenting problems prior to doing a complete psychosocial assessment. It is also important and cannot be stressed enough that in order to effectively engage with sexual minority clients, social workers should not confuse sexual behaviors or affectional preference with sexual identity. Relationship Issues - Their intent was to discover how male couples function in everyday life in terms of domestics, finances, sexuality and relationship issues. What actually emerged from the study was a groundbreaking discovery that regardless of the differences between men, their relationships pass through typical developmental stages in the same way individuals grow and develop. McWhirter and Mattison identify six separate developmental stages gay male couples go through that’s essential for the growth and healthy maturation of their relationship. Blending - Stage 1 - Year 1 This first stage entails the "unification" of the couple into a single unit. Each man is happy to no longer feel isolated and alone, spends most of his free time with his partner, and experiences strong feelings of romantic love and frequent sexual activity during this time. They balance responsibilities, household rules, and their mutual goals, as well as come to know each others' strengths and weaknesses. Nesting - Stage 2 - Years 2 and 3 The second stage is marked by "homemaking," or strengthening the commitment the couple has. They find compatibility though acceptance of each other's personality differences and styles, strengths and weaknesses, and needs and goals. The "end of the honeymoon” is common during this time as well, but is paired with a more realistic view of the relationship and the partner. Maintaining - Stage 3 - Years 4 and 5 The third stage is when the couple balances their own individual identities against the couples' traditions and rituals. This can be a difficult time, as each may return to making friends outside the relationship, may begin new hobbies or interests, and may want to renegotiate previously set relationship rules. Building - Stage 4 - Years 6 through 10 The fourth stage is marked by the settling of any left-over issues from Stage Three, and the couple is left with the sense that their connection is "dependable" and that they know each other very well. They have established a new balance of dependence/independence and can now collaborate on goals such as career building, vocational changes, and retirement planning. Releasing - Stage 5 - Years 10 through 20 In the fifth stage, the couple comes to trust each other completely, with no need "to change him." The relationship is more likely marked by close friendship and companionship, and greater relationship satisfaction. Money and resources are no longer shared, so much as simply owned by both. Renewing - Stage 6 Stage six might be considered the "retirement" stage of the relationship, when the couple has financial security, more time for each other, and more time for their own thoughts and activities. While health issues may become more salient, also salient during this time are issues associated with the meaning of life, and a sense of productivity or stagnation across one's life, similar to Erikson's "Integrity versus Despair" stage of psychosocial development. Contextual Issues – Gay men, like heterosexual men, are socialized to behave according to culturally determined gender patterns. Some gay men may believe themselves to have rejected what is socially determined masculine role norms, heterosexually prescribed masculine values are often latent. These values may include themes of power and control. Although any relationship, regardless of gender and/or sexual orientation, must address these issue, male socialization, it its emphasis on winning and competition, makes male intimacy especially problematic. Competent counselors should: Acknowledge that heterosexism is a worldview and value-system that may undermine the healthy functioning of the sexual orientations, gender identities and behaviors of gay men; Understand that heterosexism pervades the social and cultural foundations of many institutions and traditions and my foster negative attitudes toward gay men; Recognize how internalized prejudice, including heterosexism, racism and sexism may influence the counselor’s own attitudes as well as those of their gay clients; Know the developmental tasks of gay men including the formation and integration of their gender, racial and sexual identities; and, Familiarize themselves with the cultural traditions, rituals and rites of passage specific to the gay male populations. Wellness Issues – In the recent past the gay male community was devastated by the AIDS epidemic. AIDS is no longer a death sentence, but many clients live with HIV. Another goal is to unconditionally affirm the lives and experiences of gay men. Ultimately is it the job of the counselor to normalize the rage, fear and hurt that a client is feeling as a result of the stigma and marginalization he is experiencing. This is accomplished by practicing traditional humanistic principles, including demonstrating unconditional positive regard, demonstrating neutrality through body language and reflecting content and underlying feelings. Drug and alcohol use and abuse have historically played a significant role in the gay male community. Often the abuse has been attributed to a struggle with sexual identity. Discrimination and social stigma can impede both access to and utilization of programs and services. Domestic violence occurs in the gay male population at about the same rate as it does in the heterosexual population, however domestic violence services are geared toward heterosexual and at best don’t consider the needs of gay male victims. And finally, it is important to examine the adverse psychological impat of antigay political referendums by assisting clients develop active coping skills.
- Bisexuality is a concept that is often misunderstood because we live in a world of either/or thinking…black or white…there doesn’t seem to be room for variants of gray. In our culture, one is either straight or gay. According to the NASW Code of Ethics, “Social workers should have a knowledge base of their clients’ cultures…” In order to be culturally competent in our work with bisexual clients, we should learn about bisexuality and the issues that bisexual clients may be dealing with; bisexual clients should not be expected to teach their social workers about their sexual orientation Relationship Issues – Myths and truths about bisexual people: Myth: Bisexual people are promiscuous Truth: Bisexual people show a myriad of sexual behaviors that reflect their diversity as individuals. Myth: Bisexual people are incapable of monogamous relationships Truth: Bisexuality is an orientation; it does not imply one particular relationship style. Myth: Bisexual people are confused bout their sexuality Truth: It is common for people of all orientation to go through periods of questioning their identity. However, being attracted to more than one gender does not equate confusion. Myth: Bisexual people can pass for straight or choose to be straight Truth: Some bisexual people may be mistaken for heterosexual. However, the process of passing as straight can be painful and isolating because they are not seen for who they truly are. Bisexual people cannot choose to be straight, just the same way as a heterosexual cannot choose to be bisexual or gay. Contextual Issues – Lourea (1985) identifies six concerns which commonly surface as an individual and/or couple struggle with the issue of bisexuality: Antigay prejudice, The perception of sexual attraction as a choice, Spousal fear of losing his/her partner to someone of the same sex, Issues of nonmonogamy or extramarital sexual relationships, The effect of a parent’s bisexual orientation on his/her children, and The effect of coming out as a bisexual on one or both members of the couple. Any of these concerns can create feelings of insecurity, stress, and/or confusion. As a social worker, we should be prepared to explore irrational fears, myths, and stereotypes as they surface. Wellness Issues – In an either/or world, it can be tough to be a bisexual person. Some of our lesbian and gay peers are united as allies to us, while others may doubt us. Some of our heterosexual peers may understand and be fierce advocates, while others may discriminate or ask when we will "make up our mind.”Out for Health, Planned Parenthood's LGBT Health and Wellness Project identified the top 10 “Health Issues for Bisexual People”: Drug Use Alcohol Use Sexual Health Tobacco Use Cancer Nutrition, Fitness and Weight Heart Health Depression and Anxiety Social Support, General Emotional Well-being and Quality of Life Self Harm and Suicide Attempts
- I want to assure that I have great respect and affection for anyone who has the courage and conviction to take on the world as a transgendered person. For many who were born profoundly transgendered, they wish the "gift" of transgender is something we could have declined, as it has causes great angst and pain. But in truth, they had no choice. It takes a powerful, big person to deal with the fact that they are transgender. Relationship Issues – As with any good partnership, relationships cannot be the connection of two damaged people searching for someone to prop them up. At its heart, it must be a place where two people are strengthened in their own individual search for wholeness, for becoming authentic. Callan Williams has pointed out that the reward of this life is becoming who you are. We are each on our individual quest, and our relationships must support us in that quest, that process of death and renewal, of change and growth, or we will have to leave them behind. Our relationships have to be based on strong and loose bonds, not simply on shared patterns which will change. In our work with the Transgender population, we must remember that even the most simplest of relationships are hard. But bringing maturity, authenticity and wholeness to relationships, going beyond labels, may just make them easier -- and more fulfilling. Contextual Issues – When working with the Transgender population, clinicians should share a common approach of affirming that all persons have the potential to live fully functioning and emotionally healthy lives throughout the lifespan along the full spectrum of gender identity and gender expression. What follows are highlights from the Association for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Issues in Counseling (ALGBTIC) Competencies for Counseling with Transgender Clients: Competent clinicians will: Affirm that all persons have the potential to live full functioning and emotionally healthy lives throughout their lifespan while embracing the full spectrum of gender identity expression, gender presentation, and gender diversity beyond the male-female binary. Understand the importance of using appropriate language (e.g., correct name and pronouns) with transgender clients; be aware that language in the transgender community is constantly evolving and varies from person to person; seek to be aware of new terms and definitions within the transgender community; honor client’s definitions of their own gender; seek to use language that is the least restrictive in terms of gender (e.g., using client’s name as opposed to assuming what pronouns the clients assert are gender affirming); recognize that language has historically been used to oppress and discriminate against transgender people; understand that the counselor is in a position of power and should model respect for the client’s declared vocabulary. Understand that attempts by the counselor to alter or change gender identities and/or the sexual orientation of transgender clients across the lifespan may be detrimental, life- threatening, and are not empirically supported; whereas counseling approaches that are affirmative of these identities are supported by research, best practices, and professional organizations – such as the American Counseling Association. American Psychological Association. Maintain a nonjudgmental, supportive stance on all expressions of gender identity and sexuality. Understand and be aware that there has been a history of heterosexism and gender bias in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM). For instance, counselors should have knowledge that homosexuality was previously categorized as a mental disorder and that currently "Gender Identity Disorder" remains in the DSM. Assist transgender clients with exploring career choices that best facilitate both identity formation and job satisfaction. Determine the reason for counseling services at the initial visit (e.g., exploring gender issues, career issues, relationship issues, evaluation and referral for medical services, or other mental health services). Be aware of existing transgender research and literature regarding social and emotional wellbeing and difficulties, identity formation, resilience and coping with oppression, as well as medical and non-medical treatment options. Wellness Issues – One of the reasons why transpeople are so misunderstood is because we, their providers, sometimes forget the obvious: in most ways, transpeople are really like everybody else. They come to us because they need help with something. They might be in pain, or they might simply need support in transitioning to a point on the gender continuum where they can live happy and meaningful lives. They might engage with us in an open and self-reflective way, or they might believe that we are the “gatekeepers” for what they want and so they tell us what they think we want to hear rather than what we need to know to help them. They might be focused on their “gender issues,” or they might bring with them a number of problems unrelated to their tranness. (Kirk & Kulkarni)
- People who are unfamiliar with how current laws and social stigma affect lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) Americans often have a simple question—what exactly is it that LGBT Americans want? The answer is just as simple. LGBT Americans want the same chance as everyone else to pursue health and happiness, earn a living, be safe in their communities, serve their country, and take care of the ones they love. Unfortunately, unfair laws, lack of legal protections and stigma stand in the way of this very basic goal. While LGBT people in the U.S. still face many challenges, there has also been progress toward equality. There are many local, state, and national organizations working to make things better for LGBT people, and change is happening every day. Being a Straight Ally isn’t about politics or politicians, Republicans or Democrats, radical activists or peacekeeping pacifists. It is about creating a place where all people who care about equality can openly discuss and resolve the barriers they face to becoming an ally—whether it is friends, family members, coworkers or community members—its about becoming conduits for change. And that is where the work of the Ally lies: Step One: Stay Informed – Don’t know what to call people? Don’t know what’s going on with “LGBT issues”? (Wondering what’s up with all of those letters anyway?) Confused about definitions? Unsure if you’re about to say something that’s going to offend? It’s ok. We’ve all been there...and there’s a way to feel better. You can ask—in fact, the best thing to do is ask. One of the best ways that you can demonstrate your interest in being an ally is to get—and stay—informed. Ask questions, do research, and be honest about what you want to know. Our LGBT friends, neighbors, and coworkers are not so different from us, but there are differences that you need to understand so you can help others get on the same page. Step Two: Speak Up – Everyone’s been there. Whether it is a racist, sexist, or gay joke, we’ve all heard jokes that we knew were offensive, but—for any one of many reasons—haven’t said anything to object. Whether we didn’t want to be the PC police, felt frozen because we didn’t know the words, or we just didn’t want to sound like the downer, we knew something should be said...but didn’t. While some kinds of humor and comments are clearly taboo (most people wouldn’t dare make a racist joke at a staff party), jokes about GLBT people tend to continue to slide by without much pushback. Words hurt, and it makes a huge difference when you speak up. You’re educating people around you and demonstrating that you do care about how these “jokes” make people feel. Think about the one closeted person who heard the comment and felt shame because he couldn’t respond. Or think about the woman who has a lesbian daughter and felt she shouldn’t respond because she was afraid of her peers’ contempt. Your courage speaks to them, too. Step Three: Be Honest – To many people, LGBT relationships are the same... but different. Allies consider LGBT relationships to be just as valid, legitimate, and real as straight ones, but sometimes heterosexual terms don’t always seem accurate or they tend to blur the facts. Sometimes, we might even have the right terms, but we don’t use them for fear of making the other person uncomfortable or confused. Are you confused about what words to use? Just ask someone. Ask what terms your LGBT friends and family prefer—spouse, partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, significant other—The list goes on, and once you know, your anxiety about picking the right term won’t. But once you have the words, it’s time to use them. Step Four: Support Equality – The number of places where a straight ally can express his or her support in small but incredibly meaningful ways is limitless. Your workplace, house of worship, school, or civic organizations offer opportunities to introduce, support, or vote in favor of LGBT-inclusive policies. Often, your voice as an ally can carry tremendous weight in these environments in ways that the voices of LGBT people cannot. Why? Consider these two reasons…First, many of these places still have policies or cultures that remain unfriendly or restrictive to LGBT people. But the one–on–one, honest and informed conversations that you have can help change this fact…Second, as an ally, you bring a different perspective to the conversation. Your insistence on equality has a different ring. It isn’t about you—it is about others, and about doing the right thing. Step Five: Come Out – Ok. Now that you’ve gotten informed, spoken up, been honest, and supported equality, if you haven’t already, it’s time to come out. You heard me: Come out...as an ally, that is. This isn’t always easy. As allies I know that you have some fears, and that’s totally natural. Fortunately, there are some answers…”What if people think I’m gay?” Yes. Some people may think you’re gay. But you do have a voice. Simply clarify that you’re a straight ally, or let people assume otherwise. The important point is just to speak up. “Am I welcome in this movement?” YES! You’re certainly welcome in the equality movement (if you haven’t figured that out yet). Not only are you welcome, but your help is very much needed—and appreciated. “I’m not ready to be an activist for all gay rights, all the time—is there a happy medium?” Yes. Being straight for equality doesn’t mean dedicating every moment in your life to LGBT equality, but it means employing the ways that you can contribute. They’re all valid, they all make an impact, and they help whenever you feel comfortable using them. Hopefully, as you learn more and become more comfortable with your role as a straight ally, you’ll speak up more frequently, but every bit of help you give is moving equality forward, and that’s what matters.
- As we begin to conclude our session, here are some questions to consider.
- The “secret” to addressing the needs of LGBT is to engage in empathy, particularly, preparatory empathy. If we have a set idea of who these individuals are and what their needs are before we meet with them, we run the risk of making judgments that are not particularly empathic. Preparatory empathy, while still leaving room for inaccurate judgments, seeks to minimize the risk of harm by extending the benefit of the doubt.