1. 
Amanda Nickerson, Ph.D.
Director of Alberti Center for Bullying Abuse Prevention
Associate Professor of Counseling, School and Educational Psychologyogy
nickersa@buffalo.edu
gse.buffalo.edu/alberticenter
*This presentation has been posted as a resource and tool for educators and the
general
public. Feel free to share and download the presentation provided that appropriate
credit is given to the Alberti Center for Bullying Abuse Prevention.
The Challenge of Bullying:Tips
for Parents

2.  The Social World of Youth
 Peer Relationships: Infancy through Adolescence
 How Parents Can Help
 Bullying
 What it is and What it is Not
 Warning Signs
 Tips for Preventing Bullying and Cyberbullying
 What to do if your Child is Bullying, Being Bullied, or is
Bystander
Overview

3. 
The SocialWorld ofYouth

4. The SocialWorld
 Youth learn how to navigate the social world
through relationships
 Parent-child
 Teacher-student
 Sibling
 Peers (classmates, friends, cliques, crowds, romantic
partners)
These relationships can provide positive support
(intimacy, opportunities to learn social-emotional skills)
but can also contribute to problems and negativity

5. Peer Relationships: Infancy through
Preschool
 Infancy (first year)
 Short, reciprocal interaction
 Older infancy and toddlerhood
 Focus on objects, imitation
 Development of language, play, and early friendship
 Preschool
 More time with peers in spontaneous and pretend play
 Conflict (struggle over objects, protection of interactive space)
 Can lead children to resist letting others play
 Boys – larger groups, competition, hero/rescue, rough and tumble
 Girls – smaller groups, conversation, cooperation
Normative
aggression
(temper
tantrums,
fighting over
toys)

6. How Parents can Help in Infancy and
Preschool
 Provide warmth, love, respond to basic
needs
 Be proactive in anticipating problems
 Provide consistent, structured routine for
sleep, eating, playing
 Set firm limits on behavior; balance with
warmth and support
 Limit or do not allow television

7. Peer Relationships: Elementary School-
Age (Middle to Late Childhood)
 Size, shape, and variability of peer interactions
widen
 Contributes to hierarchies of power and
popularity
 May hold negative views about people in
“other” categories
 Play is more organized (sports, board games, tag)
 Aggressive behavior decreases substantially with
language development and self-regulation skills
 Moves from more physical to
indirect/relational (harming others through
exclusion)

8. How Parents can Help in Middle and Later
Childhood
 Talk with child every day about school, friends, interests
 Closely monitor school and social adjustment; supervise activities
 Support involvement in interests (scouts, sports, arts, music, other)
 Get to know friends and their parents
 Offer guidance in negotiating peer conflict & hurt feelings
 Listen
 Empathize with feelings (“You are sad about being left out”)
 Set expectations and help teach problem-solving

9. Peer Relationships: Preadolescence
 Number of close friends decreases
 Loyalty, trust, and self-disclosure become more important
 Cliques (~3-10 members) emerge
 Helps with identity development
 Group leaders have power to include or exclude
 Intergroup biases
 Concern about social position and acceptance
 Concerns with physical appearance
 Jealousy, enemies, guarding against rejection
 Bullying increases

10. How Parents Can Help in Preadolescence
 Read, watch, and talk about it
 Share your experiences
 Find books and other media
 Help put it in perspective
 Remind them of times of anger and
hurt feelings, and how they got through
 Foster interests and other social groups
 Recognize bullying and take it seriously

11. Peer Relationships in Adolescence
 Continue to spend more time with peers
 Fewer friends, but more intimacy, self-disclosure, and discussion of
personal problems
 Cliques more mixed-sex
 Emergence of peer subculture/crowds (reputation-based collective
of similarly stereotyped individuals – athletes, nerds)
 Romantic relationships (25% at age 12; 75% at age 18)
 Alcohol, drug use, delinquent behavior, and early/unsafe sex

12. How Parents can Help in Adolescence
 Model healthy relationships (in person and online)
 Maintain a warm, caring, open relationship but set boundaries and
high expectations
 Encourage positive peer friendships (at your home – have food!,
school activities, youth programs, religious groups)
 Know teen’s friends and their parents
 Express concerns, ask questions, and pay attention to warning signs
 Don’t judge based on appearance alone; listen to what teen has to say;
don’t overreact; get help when needed

13. 
Bullying

14. Alberti Center Slideshow: Bullying

15. Unwanted aggressive behavior(s) by
another youth or group of youths that
involves an observed or perceived
power imbalance and is repeated
multiple times (or is highly likely to be
repeated)
Bullying may inflict harm or distress on
the targeted youth including physical,
psychological, social, or educational
harm
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (2014)
What is Bullying?

16.  Physical bullying
 punching, shoving, acts that hurt people
 Verbal bullying
 name calling, making offensive remarks
 Indirect/relational bullying
 spreading rumors, excluding, ganging up
 Cyber bullying
 sending insulting messages, pictures or threats by
e-mail, text messaging, chat rooms
Hinduja & Patchin (2009)
Types of Bullying

17. What is Harassment?
 Creation of a hostile environment by conduct or by verbal
threats, intimidation or abuse that has or would have the
effect of unreasonably and substantially interfering with a
student’s
 educational performance, opportunities or benefits
 mental, emotional or physical well-being
 fear for his or her safety
 Protected classes in NYS Dignity for All Students Act
 Race, color, weight, national origin, ethnic group, religion,
religious practice, disability, sexual orientation, gender
identity, sex

18. Dignity for All Students Act (effective 7.1.12)
 Intent is to provide all public
elementary and secondary school
students with a safe and supportive
environment free from
discrimination, harassment, bullying,
taunting or intimidation
http://www.p12.nysed.gov/dignityact/

19. Highlights of Dignity Act
 Policy (Code of Conduct)
 Dignity Act Coordinator
 Instruction for students
 School employee training
 6 hours of training prior to certification
 School employee reporting
 Annual reporting

20. Fun Teasing:
Fun, good-natured, “give &
take” between friends to get
both parties to laugh; mean
teasing is one-sided and
negative
Conflict: Struggle, dispute,
misunderstanding
Not Everything is Bullying!
Being rude:
Inadvertently saying
or doing something
that hurts someone
else

21. Stand Up IfThis Is Bullying
Two friends, Alex and Aaron, are working on a class project and
they disagree about how to divide up the work. Aaron says
“You’re such a loser; I don’t want to work with you.” The next day
in school, the two barely speak to each other.
Brittany is very popular, and many of the girls want to be just like
her. Brittany becomes friends with the new, quiet girl (Sharon),
but then quickly “drops” her. Brittany tells her friends to ignore
Sharon when she talks to them. Brittany tweets to several boys
that Sharon likes them, when Sharon never said this.

22. Stand Up IfThis Is Bullying
Joe is always joking – walking down the hall and burping in
people’s faces and teasing (“Mama’s boy,” “Wimp”). Other
students have learned to give it right back to him.
Joe (the one who likes to joke), starts calling Trey a “fag.” Trey tells
him to cut it out, but Joe continues to do it in class, in the
hallways, and outside of school. Trey starts taking alternate routes
to school and class to avoid Joe. When the principal addresses it
with Joe, he says that Trey just can’t take a joke.

23. Why Is Bullying a Problem?
 It is common
 1 in 3 have been involved in bullying at some point
 It is hurtful
 Low self-esteem, avoidance of school or social
situations, depression, suicidal thoughts and
attempts
 School problems, relationship problems,
rule-breaking behavior

24.  Refer to others negatively (wimp, loser)
 Lack empathy
 Strong need to get own way
 Hostile/defiant attitude
 Anger easily
 Deny involvement or blame others when behavior is
addressed
Possible Signs of Bullying Others

25.  Unexplained illnesses, cuts/bruises
 Not wanting to go to school or be in social situations
 Any change in behavior
 Not interested in doing things used to like doing
 Withdrawn
 Change in friend group
Possible Signs of Being Bullied

26. Read,Watch, andTalk About it!
gse.buffalo.edu/alberticenter

27. Tips for Parents: Preventing Cyberbullying
 Watch your behavior (what do you text & post on
Facebook?)
 Supervise and limit activities (no 24/7)
 Have computers in common areas (not in bedroom)
 Know child’s password
 Be friend on Facebook
 Bring cell phones, computers to parents’ room to charge
overnight

28. HowYouth can Prevent Cyberbullying
 Be a responsible digital citizen!
 Only communicate things that you would be OK about
grandparents and bosses seeing (anything and everything is
permanent)
 Follow rules (no Facebook under age of 13)
 Beware of anonymous sites (Spring.me, formerly Formspring)
 Do not share passwords with anyone (except parents)
 Use the “off” switch
 Do not respond to upsetting communications

29. IfYour Child is Bullying Others
 Try to figure out why (To be popular or powerful? Going
along with the crowd? Being bullied and lashing out?)
 Send clear, firm, and supportive message that the behavior
is not OK and that it needs to change (meaningful
consequences)
 Involve child in developing alternate behaviors or ideas to
gain leadership and “social status” that don’t involve
bullying others
 Work with school or community professional to plan for
change

30. HowYouth Can HelpThemselves
 Treat others with respect
 Use kind words
 Think before you speak (or type or text)
 Recognize when you are feeling frustrated, angry, or
wanting to be mean to someone
 Find another way to handle it
 Focus on something else
 Talk to a friend or adult
 Write down how you feel (not on social media)
 If you have hurt someone else, take responsibility
and try to make up for it (apologize, offer to help)

31. IfYour Child is Being Bullied
 Listen & empathize
 “Tell me what happened”
 “That must have been very scary for you”
 Thank child for telling you
 Take it seriously (do not minimize it)
 Work with child to find out more about situation and to problem-solve
 Responses like “just ignore it,” “give him a good whack,” what did you
do to bother him or her?” won’t help
 Work in partnership with school and with outside professionals if needed
 Follow-up

32. HowYouth Can HelpThemselves
 Depending on the situation and your comfort:
 Try not to show it if it makes you upset, as that could make it
worse
 Stand up straight, look the person in the eye, and say “Stop”(or
“Get a life,” “Enough,” “Give it a rest”) in a calm, clear voice
 Say something to deflect it or make a joke of it
 Report it to a trusted adult
 Stay close to adults and trusted peers/friends

33. If your Child Witnesses Bullying
 Thank them for telling you
 Listen to what happened
 Empathize how it feels for
the person being bullied
(and for the bystanders)
 Problem-solve safe and
effective ways to intervene

34. HowYouth can Help Others
 Don’t join in… speak up if it is safe to do so
 Band together as a group against bullies
 Tell an adult about the bullying
 Tattling/ratting = telling an adult to get someone in trouble
 Telling/reporting = telling an adult because someone’s
behavior is unsafe or hurtful to another
 Reach out to isolated peers, offer support!

35. Be an Upstander, Not a Bystander

36. Final Messages
 Helping youth navigate their social worlds can be challenging,
but it is critically important
 Parents make a huge difference – hang in there!
 Bullying and harassment need to be addressed with the
perpetrator, the target, and the bystanders
 It takes all of us (students, parents, school, community,
society) to make a difference, but it is possible

37. The best thing parents can do for their
children is give them roots and wings.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

38. Visit us: gse.buffalo.edu/alberticenter
Follow us: @UB_BullyPrevCtr
Like us: www.facebook.com/UBBullyPrevCtr
Join us: LinkedIn UB Alberti Center for Bullying Abuse Prevention Group