1. Communication with Your Little: Styles and Coaching Facilitated by: Aleesha Nash The Center for Training and Professional Development Big Brothers Big Sisters of NYC

2. Goal To Identify the effective styles of verbal and nonverbal communication which can enable volunteers to be “askable” adults for children.

3. Objectives To Identify personal communication skills To understand communication from a child’s perspective To develop effective communication skills To practice skills for becoming an “askable adult”

4. Agenda Welcome What is Communication? Effective Communication Tactics Roadblocks & Tips Skill Building Scenarios Wrap Up, Q & A

5. What is Communication?

6. What is Communication? Communication is the activity of conveying information. Communication requires a sender, a message, and an intended recipient The communication process is complete once the receiver has understood the sender.

7. Communication Variables Attitude Information levels Communication skills Social systems Sensory channel

8. What are some bad communication habits?

9. BARRIERS TO ACTIVE LISTENING Resistant to change Jumping to conclusions Getting distracted Losing patience Overreacting Interrupting

10. Roadblocks to Communicating with Youth Accusations Rationalizations Irrational statements Pacifying statements Rhetorical questions Source: Big Brothers Big Sisters of America.(1991). Volunteer Development Seminar “Communication Skills”, pp. 26-40. Volunteer Education and Development Manual.

11. Effective Communication

12. Effective Communication Active listening Direct, assertive expression Body language Anger – expressing it and receiving it

13. Effective Communication Skill ACTIVE LISTENING

14. “We hear only half of what is said to us, understand only half of that, believe only half of that, and remember only half of that” Quote by Dina Jo Chacon, cited in “Communication Basics” by Kathy Walker et. al (Kansas State University, 2002)

15. ACTIVE LISTENING Paraphrasing Door opening Probing Open ended questions Perception checking “DON’T JUST HEAR”

16. Perception Checking

17. Perception Checking

18. Tips for Active Listening Make Eye Contact Adjust your body posture Give verbal or nonverbal acknowledgement Clear your mind Avoid distracting behaviors

19. Effective Communication Skill DIRECT, ASSERTIVE EXPRESSION

20. Direct, Assertive Expression Speaking and expressing… What you think What you feel What you want How do we do this? “I” statements Non defensive tone

21. “I” Statement Activity Convert statement below into an “I” statement. “You know that’s not right”

22. “I” Statement Activity Convert statement below into an “I” statement. “You’re not listening to me”

23. Effective Communication Skill Body Language

24. Body Language

25. Body Language Includes: Facial expressions Eye contact Stance / Space Movement of arms, hands, and legs

26. Body Language

27. Body Language

28. Body Language

29. Body Language

30. Body Language

31. Effective Communication Skill ANGER – EXPRESSING IT AND RECEIVING IT

32. Anger -Expressing it & Receiving it One of the least understood emotions Other emotions often expressed as anger Receiving someone else’s anger can be a challenge

33. Anger -Expressing it & Receiving it Things to remember when you are angry: Use “I” statements Talk about yourself first Be descriptive Avoid judgments “better”, “worst” or “should”

34. Anger -Expressing it & Receiving it Ways to overcome the challenge of receiving anger: Understand Acknowledge Rephrase Common ground Take action & follow up

35. Youth Development7-9 Year Olds Alert to feelings of others / unaware of how their actions affect others. Enjoys talking and eager to learn Difficulty making decisions Child is center of own world and tends to be boastful

36. Youth Development 10-12 Year Olds Sensitive to criticism, recognizes failure / capacity for self-evaluation Eager to answer questions Very curious Main worry concerns are school and peers

37. Youth Development13-15 Year Olds Body image and self-concept can be intertwined Vulnerable, emotionally insecure, fear of rejection, mood swings Sexual identity formation Loud behavior

38. Youth Development 16-18 Year Olds Worried about failure Conflicting feelings about dependence / independence Confused and disappointed in discrepancies between stated values and actions of family, friends and society

39. Tips for Communicating with Youth Listen Don’t Judge Pay attention to language Have respect for teens’ ideas Compromise may be necessary Show care and concern Learn to read non-verbal cues Appreciate Clarify Stick with it Be authentic

40. Communicating with Youth Communication Scenarios

41. Skill Building Scenario You and your Little Brother have been matched for three months. He is 16 years old. During the three months you have spent together, your Little Brother has never expressed an opinion about what he wants to do or chosen an activity. You haven’t wanted to push him, so you have go ahead and chosen for the both of you. Now you feel he should be taking some responsibility in the relationship and want to tell him how you are feeling.

42. Skill Building Scenario Your Little Sister is 13 years old. She is a very nice girl but is very loud and has no sense of what is appropriate socially. She resents being corrected but must be kept under control. You are in a restaurant after a long afternoon of mall walking and your Little Sister is talking at the top of her voice, using obscenities and eating sloppily. What do you say? You have been matched for four months.

43. Wrap-Up Recap Q & A Evaluations