1. Session 7: X3pure Men’s Series
Going Sober

2. Going Sober

3. Going Sober
• We need to stop using the object of our
addiction

4. Going Sober

5. Going Sober
• Self-Differentiation

6. Going Sober
• Self-Differentiation
- An ability to see yourself as separate from those people or groups of
people in your life who love you conditionally, which means that they don’t
just love you for who you are (warts and all), but love you only if you act or
behave in a certain way.

7. Going Sober
• Self-Differentiation
- An ability to see yourself as separate from those people or groups of
people in your life who love you conditionally, which means that they don’t
just love you for who you are (warts and all), but love you only if you act or
behave in a certain way.
- It is this concept of self-differentiation that is at the core of sexual
addiction: an ability to remain in relationship with other people while
remaining an individual with individual needs and desires without the need
to act out sexually.

8. Going Sober
• Self-Differentiation
- An ability to see yourself as separate from those people or groups of
people in your life who love you conditionally, which means that they don’t
just love you for who you are (warts and all), but love you only if you act or
behave in a certain way.
- It is this concept of self-differentiation that is at the core of sexual
addiction: an ability to remain in relationship with other people while
remaining an individual with individual needs and desires without the need
to act out sexually.
- Dealing with and managing the realities of those events and the people
who did them to you may be more than you are capable of doing on your
own.

9. Key to Sexual Addiction Recovery

10. Key to Sexual Addiction Recovery
• You’re never going to get to the reality, or the
Real Change side of recovery, if you don’t go
sober and begin to touch, feel, and face the
areas in your life where you received, or are
receiving, conditional love and then start the
process of creating new places in your life where
there is unconditional love.

11. Key to Sexual Addiction Recovery
• You’re never going to get to the reality, or the
Real Change side of recovery, if you don’t go
sober and begin to touch, feel, and face the
areas in your life where you received, or are
receiving, conditional love and then start the
process of creating new places in your life where
there is unconditional love.
• This takes...

12. Key to Sexual Addiction Recovery
• You’re never going to get to the reality, or the
Real Change side of recovery, if you don’t go
sober and begin to touch, feel, and face the
areas in your life where you received, or are
receiving, conditional love and then start the
process of creating new places in your life where
there is unconditional love.
• This takes...
- Time

13. Key to Sexual Addiction Recovery
• You’re never going to get to the reality, or the
Real Change side of recovery, if you don’t go
sober and begin to touch, feel, and face the
areas in your life where you received, or are
receiving, conditional love and then start the
process of creating new places in your life where
there is unconditional love.
• This takes...
- Time
- Effort

14. Key to Sexual Addiction Recovery
• You’re never going to get to the reality, or the
Real Change side of recovery, if you don’t go
sober and begin to touch, feel, and face the
areas in your life where you received, or are
receiving, conditional love and then start the
process of creating new places in your life where
there is unconditional love.
• This takes...
- Time
- Effort
- Reflection

15. Key to Sexual Addiction Recovery
• You’re never going to get to the reality, or the
Real Change side of recovery, if you don’t go
sober and begin to touch, feel, and face the
areas in your life where you received, or are
receiving, conditional love and then start the
process of creating new places in your life where
there is unconditional love.
• This takes...
- Time
- Effort
- Reflection
- Working with other people

16. Key to Sexual Addiction Recovery
• You’re never going to get to the reality, or the
Real Change side of recovery, if you don’t go
sober and begin to touch, feel, and face the
areas in your life where you received, or are
receiving, conditional love and then start the
process of creating new places in your life where
there is unconditional love.
• This takes...
- Time
- Effort
- Reflection
- Working with other people
- Trusting other people

17. Zander’s Testimony

18. Zander’s Testimony
• Zander realized, for the first time, that his
behavior with sex, pornography and alcohol
had very little to do with sex, pornography, and
alcohol, but instead had everything to do with
the conditional love he experienced, and was
still experiencing, with his father.

19. Zander’s Testimony

20. Zander’s Testimony
• The only way Zander was able to begin to
start seeing the realities of his addiction and
why he was acting out sexually was by going
sober first.

21. Zander’s Testimony
• The only way Zander was able to begin to
start seeing the realities of his addiction and
why he was acting out sexually was by going
sober first.
• In going sober, Zander was forced to face the
real cause of his addiction with sex, porn, and
alcohol.

22. Assignment

23. Assignment
• Gather all the porn you still have access to
and break it, shred it and burn it

24. Assignment
• Gather all the porn you still have access to
and break it, shred it and burn it
• Do it today

25. Assignment
• Gather all the porn you still have access to
and break it, shred it and burn it
• Do it today
• List reasons why you want to go sober