Women with ovarian cancer can join Julie Larson, LCSW and peers via video or phone to talk about topics such as "Relationships and Cancer."

1. The Good,
The Bad &
The Ugly –
Relationships
Communicating and
connecting with friends and
family as a survivor.

2. • Cancer brings change, loss and uncertainty
• Feelings change from day to day
• How you feel impacts how you view yourself, the situation and the
road ahead
• Everyone responds to cancer in individual ways
• All feelings are normal. There is no right or wrong way to feel.

3. Types of
Relationships
• Medical
• Professional
• Social
• Friendship
• Intimate
• Children

4. T on our
Different types of needs:
• Medical: treatment decisions, side effect management, doctor visits,
research
• Emotional: fear, uncertainty, needs, hope, sadness, gratitude,
frustration, worry
• Administrative: financial, insurance, home management, scheduling,
care coordination

5. Different people to communicate with:
• Medical professionals: doctors, nurses, patient navigators, social
workers
• Family: immediate family, extended family, long distance
caregivers, children
• Friends: varied personalities, helping to direct support

6. Understandable
Saying the wrong thing?
Being too emotional?
Not having an adequate
responses?
Historically difficult
communication dynamics.
Feeling unable to freely express
your feelings.

7. Communication always involves more than
one person
• Working to express oneself
• Working to understand another

8. Relationships begin with the
one you have with yourself.
• Communicating begins by listening to yourself.
• Slow down.
• Identify the waterfall of thoughts in your mind.
• Do you have questions?
• What are your observations?
• Are any observations actually judgments?
• Have you created any assumptions?
• Work to observe and understand your needs and
limits

9. The Four Components of Nonviolent
Communication
• OBSERVATION:
The actions I observe and are affecting me.
The actions you observe that seem to be affecting you.
• FEELING:
How I feel related to what I observe.
Wondering what you might feel based on what you observe.
• NEEDS:
My needs or values causing my feelings.
What you might need or value that is causing your feelings.
• REQUEST:
The concrete action I would like taken clearly requested.
The concrete actions you would like taken to enrich your life.

10. How Big is Your
Feeling
Dictionary?
The more specific you can be with your
feelings the better understood you will feel.
Needs Fulfilled: Needs Not Fulfilled:
Amazed, Comforted, Confident Angry, Annoyed, Concerned,
Eager, Energetic, Hopeful, Confused, Disappointed,
Inspired, Intrigued, Joyous, Discouraged, Distressed,
Moved, Optimistic, Proud, Embarrassed, Frustrated,
Relieved, Stimulated, Thankful, Helpless, Impatient, Irritated,
Touched, Trustful… Lonely, Nervous, Overwhelmed
Puzzled, Reluctant, Sad…

11. What DO I need?!? Examples of basic
needs we all share:
Autonomy Meaning Integrity Connection Physicality
Choice Clarity Creativity Acceptance Air
Freedom Awareness Meaning Appreciation Food
Independence Learning Worth Closeness Exercise
Space Purpose Authenticity Emotional safety Rest
Spontaneity Harmony Understanding Touch
Inspiration Honesty Shelter
Order Respect

12. Observation vs. Judgment
Judgments centers our thoughts on who is what.
When observations include an element
of judgment our thinking is preoccupied
with classifying and analyzing:
Right vs. Wrong
Good vs. Bad
Normal vs. Abnormal
Responsible vs. Irresponsible, etc…
Judgment increases defensiveness and resistance
Observations focus on what we or others are needing and not getting.

13. When Feelings
are
Unexpressed
Lost opportunities for true connection
Lead to misinterpretations or
distancing
Expressing vulnerability can help
deepen connections.
Distinguishing between thoughts,
feelings and judgments can be tricky.
Expressing feelings is a skill. Over time
you become better able to identify
and express the feelings you have.

14. Asking For What You Need
• Warning: needs are not tasks or roles
• It might be hard to consider asking for your needs to met but…
• Unmet needs can lead to depression, resentment, frustration,
irritation, isolation…
• When your needs are met you are more likely to be responsive
and alert to the needs of those you love.
• Checking in on what other’s needs based on their feelings is
also an important communication skill.

15. “Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is
mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk
about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less
upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that
important talk can help us know that we are not alone.”
Fred Rogers

16. Nonviolent Communication
Examples:
• “Are you feeling _______ because you need _____?
• “I’m wondering if you are feeling_________.”
• “I see ______ and I feel __________ because I need ________. Would
you be willing to ______?”
• “I am hearing you say__________. Are you feeling ____________?
Would it help if I ___________?”
*Excerpts from Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Compassion by Marshall Rosenberg, PhD.

17. YOU
FEELING
Friends
DOING
Friends
RESPITE
Friends

18. Awkward Moments:
• Does having a website or “messenger” help you?
• Prepare responses to offers of support: (even if its that you don’t know
what you need today)
• When met with awkward conversations practice “Stop, Shift and Stabilize.”
• Think about topics and issues that are sensitive to you and strategize a
response to shift gears.
• Religious responses
• Conversations about your treatment decisions
• How you have decided to support your children
• Find ways of setting your boundaries when you do not feel like talking
about cancer.

19. Be Gentle With Yourself
• Remember your feelings about talking about your diagnosis will likely change day to
day.
• Try not to ignore your need to share your worries, fears and questions.
• Often talking with others helps you work through concerns or uncertainties in a
natural way.
• Try not to put on a “happy face” if you are not feeling that way. Your true feelings
are more helpful to everyone.
• Remember when others have awkward or hurtful responses it likely has nothing to
do with you but is more related to their own feelings or past experiences.
• Talking about cancer can be complicated. Most conversations are not a one shot
deal, they are an ongoing dialogue. Keep being as open as you can.

20. In Summary:
Listen to yourself. Come to understand what you
Observe, Feel and Need.
Prepare yourself for important conversations.
Decide who the best audience is for you today
related to what you need to express.
Know your emotional “hot spots”.
Strategize, in advance, ways to stop, shift and
stabilize
Learn how to care for yourself.
Reach out to good friends or a therapist to help you
construct ways of communicating that feel
comfortable and meaningful to you!