1. What they didn’t tell you

2. About teaching

3. Twas the night before term starts

4. And all through the house

5. Not a creature will be stirring

6. Except you still marking

7. Whilst your friends have a life

8. You won’t!

9. You suddenly find yourself saying

10. “I can’t not on a school night”

11. “ Friends become distant acquaintances

12. That you catch up with Christmas and Birthdays

13. You find yourself telling people the same thing in three different ways

14. When it’s the end of term When it’s the end of term

15. You won’t be doing this

16. You will be doing this

17. Or this

18. Teaching is like being a comedian

19. Your audience expects to be entertained

20. So expect heckling at every opportunity

21. Punters to talk over you

22. Continual trips to the loo

23. The aroma of stale B.O.

24. Rustling of stashed crisp packets

25. And if you are really nervous

26. They CAN smell your fear

27. And will turn into this

28. You must always be positive

29. Even when you want to do this

30. When you go shopping

31. Spotting you will be the highlight of their day

32. Except they don’t want your autograph

33. They are just amazed you are actually a real person

34. If you are really hated or loved it will like having your own paparazzi

35. With your shopping trip documented on You Tube

36. So drive 40 miles away if you want any of these

37. Or these

38. And you will need to find alternatives to swear words Fudge it! Shoot Oh Billiards

39. And learn a whole new version of the English language You gypsy Chav That’s so gay Minger

40. But there are positives!

41. You get to watch interesting student debates

42. Attend inspiring meetings

43. Enjoy the thrill of not being listened too all day

44. Being spoken to like a piece of …

45. Endure teenage hormones that even parents don’t want to put up with

46. Have your performance constantly measured

47. But the ultimate in pleasure has to be . .

48. Just when you get teaching sussed out

49. You get a new Government initiative

50. That was ditched 15 years ago for what reason?

51. So why teach?

52. For love?

53. For respect?

54. For money?

55. The excellent pension?

56. NO ?

57. Well there is a credit crunch!

58. And finally what do you call a group of like minded teachers?

59. A whinge!

60. Jacqueline Hicks © 2008 [email_address]