Second in the Sermon on state of Relationships in 2014

1. SAY IT AIN’T SO?!
Hooking up is the only
way? Dating, Courtship
does it really matter?

2. There is nothing new under the sun: 1 Cor 6:15 “Do
you not know that your bodies are members of
Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and
make them members of a prostitute? Never! 16 Or
do you not know that he who is joined to a
prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is
written, “The two will become one flesh.” 17 But he
who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with
him. 18 Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a
person commits is outside the body, but the sexually
immoral person sins against his own body. 19 Or do
you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy
Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You
are not your own, 20 for you were bought with a
price. So glorify God in your body”

3.  Jessica
Rozler, who wrote The Hookup Handbook, defines
"hooking up" as anything more than a kiss.
 Most
Teen Vogue readers say that only kissing and
touching count as hookups.
 As
you can see, there isn't a clear definition of "hookup."
Some people might mean sex while other people might
just mean kissing. If you really want to know the gory
details, you'll have to ask them what they're talking about.
There's one thing everybody agrees on, though: hooking
up happens outside of relationships. There's no
commitment involved, meaning that if you hook up, the
other person might have no expectations of hooking up
with you again - and many hookups stay one-night stands.
HOOKING UP? FROM “TEEN
ADVISE”

4. College stats: Where the term "hookup culture" originated is
still debated, although concept started appearing in
psychological literature and reviews in the mid 2000s. Some
scholars, including Justin Garcia, CTRD Research Fellow at
The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and
Reproduction, believe that hooking up - or more casual
sexual encounters between consensual partners - started
increasing in the 1920s. As teens gained more
independence with their time and activities, their
sexual options also expanded. [Garcia, Justin R.; Reiber,
Chris; Massey, Sean G.; Merriwether, Ann M. (February 2013).
"Sexual Hook-up Culture". Monitor on Psychology. American
Psychological Association.] Once the 60s hit and sexual
freedom became one of the cornerstones of the decade,
sex outside of a romantic or marriage-like relationship turned
into a socially acceptable activity. [Bogle, K. A. (2007), "The
Shift from Dating to Hooking Up in College: What Scholars
Have Missed", Sociology Compass 1 (2): 775–788.]

5. Today, hookup culture usually refers to teens and/or collegeaged young adults having casual sex outside of a
committed, romantic relationship, and all of the cultural
aspects that envelop such behavior. Examples:
•"It’s true that more than 90% of students say that their
campus is characterized by a hookup culture." [Wade, Lisa
(May 30, 2013). "Hookup Culture: College Kids Can Handle
It"; Los Angeles Times.]
•"...hookup culture dictated for them that there would be no
dating, and that they simply had to endure this reality."
[Freitas, Donna (2013). The End of Sex: How Hookup Culture
is Leaving a Generation Unhappy, Sexually Unfulfilled, and
Confused About Intimacy; p. 159. New York: Basic Books.]
•"No evidence of substantial changes in sexual behavior that
would support the proposition that there is a new or
pervasive ‘hookup culture’ among contemporary college
students."[Szalavitz, Maria (August 13, 2013). The Truth About
College Hookups. Time. ]

6. SO WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?
 Fear
of long term relationships. Divorce in the last
generation. UK sees younger people divorcing less.
 Searching
for love and intimacy without the stress of
long term relationships. “not wanting to allow
someone to hurt us”
 Feminism:
“You can have it all”
 Think
that the physical can be separated from the
spiritual, social and emotional/mental implications…
 Hollywood:
Movies “Friends with benefits” and “No
strings attached” and “Crazy Stupid Love” all show
this type of lifestyle as positive and leading to love?
According to reviews…

7. WE ARE RELATIONAL BEINGS…INTIMACY:
IN TO ME SEE…
Gen 2:18 Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man
should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” 19 Now out
of the ground the LORD God had formed every beast of the
field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the
man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man
called every living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave
names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to
every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a
helper fit for him. 21 So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to
fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and
closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the LORD God
had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought
her to the man. 23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my
bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman,
because she was taken out of Man.”
 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and
hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And
the man and his wife were both naked and were not
ashamed.


8. WE WERE CREATED TO BE IN RELATIONSHIP
WITH GOD AND OUR SPOUSE….
 We
are designed in such a way that physical
relationships alone will never fulfill the needs in
the other areas.
 We are beings who yearn for intimacy and no
matter what the world or Satan says it is not
totally fulfilled in hooking up.
 Also waiting is not popular in our “On
Demand” culture.
 So what about Dating vs Courting?
 The name doesn’t matter but the PURPOSE
DOES!
 Whatever you call this it is about long term vs
short term plan.

9. DATING OR COURTING TO FIND A SPOUSE…
 The
real difference is that Dating in the HOOK UP
Culture says have as many partners as possible. Test
Drive relationship before you buy the car?
 Courting
or Dating in the way that leads to finding
your spouse includes involving others,
accountability (going out in public to deal with
temptation), purity and not giving too much as you
discern if this is going to lead to marriage.
 Involving
others in the decision for example parents
or mature Christian friends…
 It
is the motivation and long term goal that is the
difference…
 So
What? What does the Bible say…

10. Ephesians 5 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved
children. 2 And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave
himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. 3
But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must
not even be named among you, as is proper among saints.
4 Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking,
which are out of place, but instead let there be
thanksgiving. 5 For you may be sure of this, that everyone
who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is,
an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and
God. 6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for
because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the
sons of disobedience. 7 Therefore do not become partners
with them; 8 for at one time you were darkness, but now you
are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light 9 (for the fruit of
light is found in all that is good and right and true), 10 and try
to discern what is pleasing to the Lord.

11. 11 Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but
instead expose them. 12 For it is shameful even to speak of
the things that they do in secret. 13 But when anything is
exposed by the light, it becomes visible, 14 for anything that
becomes visible is light. Therefore it says, “Awake, O sleeper,
and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.” 15
Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise,
16 making the best use of the time, because the days are
evil. 17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the
will of the Lord is. 18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that
is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, 19 addressing one
another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and
making melody to the Lord with your heart, 20 giving thanks
always and for everything to God the Father in the name of
our Lord Jesus Christ, 21 submitting to one another out of
reverence for Christ.

12. There are numerous statistics, studies, and facts about how
cohabiting couples are at a higher risk for divorce. Here's an
example:
The National Institute of Child Health and Human Development
reports:"Cohabitation, once rare, is now the norm: The
researchers found that more than half (54 percent) of all first
marriages between 1990 and 1994 began with unmarried
cohabitation. They estimate that a majority of young men and
women of marriageable age today will spend some time in a
cohabiting relationship. ... Cohabiting relationships are less stable
than marriages and that instabililty is increasing, the study found."
HOOKING UP LEADS TO LIVING
TOGETHER? WHAT IS HAPPENING?
WHY?

13. ANXIOUS, FEARFUL AND INSECURE…
Readily Available Cohabitation Facts
•Living together is considered to be more stressful than being
married.
•Just over 50% of first cohabiting couples ever get married.
•In the United States and in the UK, couples who live
together are at a greater risk for divorce than noncohabiting couples.
•Couples who lived together before marriage tend to
divorce early in their marriage. If their marriage last seven
years, then their risk for divorce is the same as couples who
didn't cohabit before marriage.
Cohabitation Facts Rarely Mentioned
•In France and Germany cohabiting couples have a slightly lower risk of
divorce. If cohabitation is limited to a person's future spouse, there is no
elevated risk of divorce.
•In the U.S., cohabiting couples taking premarital education courses or
counseling are not at a higher risk for divorce. Marriage, a History: from Obedience to
Intimacy by Stephanie Coontz

14. Matthew 6: 22 “The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your
eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, 23 but if
your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If
then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!24
“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the
one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one
and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life,
what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body,
what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the
body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air:
they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet
your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value
than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add
a single hour to his span of life?

15. 28 And why are you anxious about clothing?
Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they
neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon
in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30
But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which
today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven,
will he not much more clothe you, O you of little
faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What
shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What
shall we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles seek after all
these things, and your heavenly Father knows that
you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of
God and his righteousness, and all these things will
be added to you.34 “Therefore do not be anxious
about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for
itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

16.  Pray
and wait on the Lord for the “right” person.
 Trust
others to hold us accountable.
 Look
at the long term not give into the culture of
the immediate gratification…
 Submit
or surrender our future to our God and
Father who loves us and has what is BEST in mind
for us.
 Be
counter Cultural and join the new revolution of
purity and courtship…
 Joshua
Harris and others…
SO WHAT DO WE DO?

17. 13 Therefore,
preparing your minds for action, and being
sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be
brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 14 As
obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of
your former ignorance, 15 but as he who called you is holy,
you also be holy in all your conduct, 16 since it is written, “You
shall be holy, for I am holy.” 17 And if you call on him as
Father who judges impartially according to each one's
deeds, conduct yourselves with fear throughout the time of
your exile, 18 knowing that you were ransomed from the futile
ways inherited from your forefathers, not with perishable
things such as silver or gold, 19 but with the precious blood of
Christ, like that of a lamb without blemish or spot. 20 He was
foreknown before the foundation of the world but was
made manifest in the last times for the sake of you 21 who
through him are believers in God, who raised him from the
dead and gave him glory, so that your faith and hope are in
God. 1 Peter 1….

18.  Father
 Obedience
KING:
Identity POWER
Authority
COVENANT AND KINGDOM PEOPLE: