1. Dealing with Difficult
People
Evelyn Butrico
butrie@eastgreenbushlibrary.org
Director
East Greenbush Community Library
2. Objectives
Identify difficult people, their motivation and
behaviors
Communication
Values
Strategies
3. Dealing with difficult people
It's easy to work with those who are easy to get along with. But how do you treat
the stranger, the difficult person, that person you don't really understand, can't
relate to and don't really care about?
Come in all shapes and sizes, how many can you recognize:
The antagonist
The Tank
The Sniper
The complainer/the whiner, crybaby
The No Guy
The “Nothing” person
The Indecisive
Mr. Nice Guy or The Yes Guy
The “Maybe” person
The Volcano/The Grenade
The know-it-all
The Friendly Sniper
4. The Aggressive Type
Get it done
The Tank
The Sniper
The Antagonist
Get Appreciated
The Grenade
The Friendly Sniper
The Know-it-all
5. The Passive Type
Get it right
The whiner
The “no” person
The “nothing” person
Get along
The Indecisive
The “yes” person
The “maybe” person
7. Communication
Knowing how to communicate is powerful
Communication Process
7% of what you communicate is what you say
38% of what you communicate is what you
sound like
55% of what you communicate is what “they”
see
8. Communication
Be aware of your non-verbal communication
Body Language
Eye Contact
Facial Expression
Posture
Gestures
9. Be Aware of who you are talking to
Traditionalist – born pre-’46:
loyal, hardworking, financially conservative and faithful to
institutions.
Baby Boomers- born ’46-’64:
Loyal, optimistic, connected to their achievements, respect
based on achievement, wait to be told what to do
Gen Xer’s- born ’65-’77:
Independent, tech savy, skeptical, resourceful and hardworking
Generation Y- born ’78-’89:
Idealistic, optimistic, empowered, tech savy, collaborators, reject
rigidity
10. Align your values
7 Habits of highly effective people, Stephen
Covey
1. Be Proactive
2. Begin with the end in mind
3. Put first things first
4. Think win/win
5. Seek first to understand/then to be
understood
6. Synergize
7. Sharpen the saw
11. You can choose your language
Reactive:
I must
If only
They made me
If I had
Proactive:
I prefer
I will
I choose
I can be
#1
12. The key to the ability to change
is a changeless sense of who you are,
what you are about and what you value
#2
13. “Things which matter most should never be at
the mercy of things which matter least”
Goethe
#3
14. #4
It’s not your way or my way, it’s a better way
15. “We have such a tendency to fix things up with
good advice, but often we fail to take the time to
diagnose, to really deeply understand another
human being first”
#5
16. “When we are left to our own experiences,
we constantly suffer from a shortage of data”
#6
18. Dealing with Difficult People
Principles for Getting Along With Difficult People
Maintain your confidence
Hold realistic expectations.
Quit trying to change the difficult person. Accept the
fact that you can't change him, but you can change
your reactions to him/her.
Refuse to play his/her games.
Don't allow yourself to become the difficult person's
slave. Be honest with yourself and learn to say no.
20. Techniques for Difficult Situations
Pacing- Communicates being in sync,
establishes common ground
Backtracking- repeating what a person says
not what you think they said
Intent- state early in the conversation to
establish the same goal
Clarify- ask questions, get all the info
21. Effective Responses for Disarming
Difficult People
When people: Try This:
Push your buttons Have a humorous
response
Make an outrageous Be silent, then
accusation redirect
Are complaining Reflect back
Blame Acknowledge
Won’t stop Arguing Agree to disagree
Keep asking questions Answer with a
question
22. Scenario #1
Patron Alice Smith explodes when told she has
fines. She rages uncontrollably about
injustices she has suffered. She is
inconsolable. She declares that no one
listens.
Type of DP?
Aggressive or Passive?
Strategy?
23. Scenario #2
Your boss is an expert on the subject of her
work. She knows what needs to be done and
how to do it. She is so sure of herself that
she never invites or even permits your input.
She dictates what to do and expects you to
do it her way with little to no tolerance for
innovative thinking.
Type of DP?
Aggressive or Passive?
Strategy?
24. Scenario #3
Helen always listens attentively as you relate
the goals for the week. She agrees that she
needs to work harder, be more attentive.
This never happens and she never gets as
much work done as the others.
Type of DP?
Aggressive or Passive?
Strategy?
Focus on the left eye, then on the right. Do this slowly and intently
SMILE, even when you don’t feel like it.
Stand/sit straight with head erect
Arms at your side
Project Confidence
Why is know how to communicate a key component in dealing with difficult people?
Be Proactive
Begin with the end in mind
Put First Things First
Think win/win
Seek first to understand/then to be understood
Synergize
Sharpen the Saw
What do your values have to do with dealing with difficult people?
Make sure the difficult person can reach your expectations. You may be expecting him to do or be something that is impossible.