4. The Master Metalsmith
God Is the Master Metalsmith of Our Lives
The prophet Malachi wrote about God’’s
role to purify and strengthen us:
““For he will be like a refiner’’s fire. . . . He
will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver; . . .
and refine them like gold and silver””
(Mal 3:2-3). Workbook Page 5
6. God’’s Purposes in Our Suffering Are:
——Specific and personal: They don’’t just
happen out of the cosmic fog. God has a
specific plan for each of us, and suffering
is a part of his curriculum.
7. ——intentional: He has specific lessons for
each of us to learn.
——loving: Even when we don’’t sense it,
our loving Father cares deeply for us.
8. ——sovereign: His plan for each of us is
according to his purposes, not ours.
——often inscrutable: And he is guided by
his eternal perspective, not our limited
understanding. We may not understand
what he is doing, but he always
understands completely.
Workbook Page 6
9. A Look at the Life of Joseph
Joseph Was:
——resented by many in his own family,
——sold into slavery by his own brothers,
10. ——falsely accused of rape by his boss’’ wife,
——unjustly thrown into prison to rot,
——forgotten by the very people who could
deliver him, and
11. ——alienated from his family for years.
But through all these years of
disappointment, heartache, roadblocks,
and suffering, Joseph trusted that God
had a purpose.
12. God Uses Suffering To . . .
Clarify His Sovereignty
““You intended to harm me, but God
intended it for good to accomplish what
is now being done, the saving of many
lives”” (Gen 50:20).
13. Test Our Fidelity
““In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a
little while you may have had to suffer grief in
all kinds of trials. These have come so that
your faith——of greater worth than gold, which
perishes even though refined by fire——may be
proved genuine and may result in praise, glory
and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed””
(I Pet 1:6-7). Workbook Page 7
14. Strengthen Our Dependency
As our faith is stretched, we have to
determine what we really believe about
God and his purposes. And we learn:
•• God’’s love desires the best for us.
15. •• God’’s wisdom knows the best for us.
•• God’’s faithfulness accomplishes the
best for us
16. Remove Our Impurities
Through the course of his life, Joseph
learned an important lesson:
God is not nearly as interested in making
us happy as he is in making us holy.
17. Deepen Our Empathy
Those of us who have suffered most
deeply are those who can comfort others
most completely.
18. And Develop Our Tenacity
Ironically, adversity produces
endurance, and endurance enables us to
overcome adversity.
19. Our Goals for This Seminar Are:
——To shed light on God’’s process of
refining us——and give us insight.
——To experience God’’s presence in the
midst of our suffering——and give us
comfort.
Workbook Page 8
20. ——To give us a fresh perception of God’’s
purposes in our suffering——and give
us hope so we can endure and grow.
26. ——His mother was over-protective.
——His oldest brother, Reuben, was
disinherited because he slept with his
father’’s concubine.
27. ——Dinah, Joseph’’s sister, was raped by
the son of the town mayor.
——Simeon and Levi, along with their
brothers, plotted revenge and
slaughtered all the young men of
the community.
28. ——Judah thought he was having sex
with a prostitute, but it turned out to
be his daughter-in-law.
——And the brothers sold Joseph into
slavery, then lied to Jacob about it.
29. Overcoming the
““I Deserve”” Mentality
1. Acknowledge God’’s sovereignty.
We don’’t have to understand what God
is doing to acknowledge that he
understands what he is doing.
Workbook Page 12
31. 3. Choose responsibility.
““The last of all great human freedoms
is to choose one’’s response to any given
set of circumstances.””——Victor Frankl
32. 4. Avoid the lure of immediate
gratification.
The higher the goal, the more tenacity
and patience we need to achieve it.
33. 5. Cultivate a spontaneous obedience.
A servant listens to his master’’s voice
and responds without hesitation and
without question.
““Only he who believes is obedient, and
only he who is obedient believes.”” ——
Dietrich Bonhoeffer
34. 6. Cultivate an attitude that sees the
glass as ““half full.””
35. Heat from Unexpected Sources
““Them?! You’’ve Got to be Kidding!””
Workbook Page 13
36. But God . . .
““Because the patriarchs were jealous
of Joseph, they sold him as a slave into
Egypt. But God was with him. . .””
(Acts 7:9).
37. The Flaw of Unhealthy Ambition
Our Thirst for Success
““As children, we dream of it;
we strive for it through our adult lives,
and we suffer melancholy in old age if we
have not reached it.””
——Tony Campolo, The Success Fantasy
38. ——Some say success is the result of being
in the right place at the right time.
——Some say it’’s getting the right breaks.
——Some say it’’s having the right
connections.
39. Ambition Is Not Necessarily Sin
It is a neutral term. The rightness or
wrongness, the godliness or ungodliness
of ambition is determined by the object
of our pursuit.
Workbook Page 14
40. ““Should you then seek great things for
yourself? Seek them not”” (Jer 45:5).
““Seek first his kingdom and his
righteousness . . .”” (Matt 6:33).
41. Pursue ““simple and pure devotion to
Christ”” (I Cor 11:3).
““Love the Lord your God with all
your heart, mind and soul . . .”” (Matt
22:36).
42. Unhealthy Ambition
Desire for position
Desire for power
Desire for possessions
Desire for prominence
43. Biblical Ambition
Concentration to please Christ (II Cor 5:9)
Determination to be content in Christ
(I Thess 4:11-12)
Intention to blaze new trails for Christ
44. God’’s Purposes, Not Ours
——If our heart’’s real purpose is to be
happy, appreciated, and comfortable,
every difficulty is a threat. Every hardship
and setback makes us disappointed,
surprised, confused, and angry.
Workbook Page 15
45. ““ ‘‘For my thoughts are not your
thoughts, neither are your ways my
ways,’’ declares the Lord.
‘‘As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts’’ ””
(Is 55:8-9).
46. ——Our first response to suffering is
usually, ““How can I get out of this?””
That’’s natural and normal, but perhaps
our second response needs to be:
““Lord, what do you want to teach me
about you and about myself? I’’m
listening, Lord.””
47. ——When we encounter suffering, let’’s
turn from our victim, ““I deserve
better,”” mentality, and acknowledge the
goodness, greatness, and sovereign
control of our Master and Father.
51. Our Enemy’’s Weapons
Two of his most potent weapons are the
subtle espionage of temptation, and the
heavy artillery of unjust accusations.
Workbook Page 19
52. Temptation’’s Lure
The Lure of Temptation May Occur in
Any Number of Areas:
——power,
——prestige,
54. A Beautiful Woman’’s Offer
““Now Joseph was well-built and
handsome, and after a while his master’’s
wife took notice of Joseph and said,
‘‘Come to bed with me!’’ . . .
Workbook Page 20
55. ““But he refused, ‘‘With me in charge,’’ he
told her, ‘‘my master does not concern
himself with anything in the house;
everything he owns he has entrusted to
my care. No one is greater in this house
than I am. My master has withheld
nothing from me except you, because you
are his wife. . . .
56. ““How then could I do such a wicked
thing and sin against God?’’ And
though she spoke to Joseph day after
day, he refused to go to bed with her or
even be with her”” (Gen 39:6-10).
58. 2. There is one, and only one,
ultimate temptation.
3. No temptation comes without a
price tag.
59. We need to reflect on the clear promises
of God’’s Word:
““Be sure that your sin will find you
out”” (Numbers 32:23)
and
““A man reaps what he sows””
(Galatians 6:7).
60. 4. The battle with temptation is won or
lost in the mind.
When the temptations come, ““take
every thought captive to the obedience
of Christ”” (II Cor 10:5).
61. 5. Giving in to temptation anesthetizes
our consciences and convictions.
62. Four Questions:
1. If I participate in this activity or
attitude, how will it impact me
personally?
Workbook Page 21
63. 2. If I participate in this activity or
attitude, how will it affect those I care
about?
3. If I participate in this activity or
attitude, how will it affect others who
watch my life?
64. 4. If I participate in this activity or
attitude, how will it affect the cause of
Christ and the Christian community?
65. Some Suggestions:
1. Stay away from where you shouldn’’t
be.
2. Keep your eyes where they belong.
66. 3. Focus your thoughts on what you want
to become.
4. When you run headlong into sexual
temptation, run for your life.
67. 5. Find a special friend, and give that
person permission to ask you tough
questions about your actions and your
attitudes.
69. Accusation’’s Blast
Joseph’’s Plight
How could it happen that a virile
young man could choose to remain
pure and resist a woman’’s charms day
after day, and then find himself
accused of rape? It just isn’’t fair!
70. Accusation’’s Blast
Joseph’’s Plight
How could it happen that a virile
young man could choose to remain
pure and resist a woman’’s charms day
after day, and then find himself
accused of rape? It just isn’’t fair!
71. ““Why?””
1. Unjust accusations can come from
an attempt to cover wrongdoing.
2. Sometimes false accusations rise
from a desire to punish others for
refusing to go along.
72. 3. Some people give in to a temptation to
make themselves look better than
others.
4. Some people merely have the
determination to manipulate.
73. Joseph’’s Example
1. He didn’’t doubt God’’s activity.
2. He didn’’t react in anger.
3. He didn’’t step in and take charge.
Workbook Page 22
74. The Refiner’’s Purpose
Don’’t be surprised when you
experience the fire of temptation and
unjust accusation, and don’’t forget that
God will use even these to accomplish
his purposes in your life.
83. Even Then . . .
1. Joseph kept a proper perspective.
When we are under pressure, we tend
to react according to our personalities:
84. ——Take-charge people try to control
things even more.
——People-pleasers panic and try to get
somebody to bail them out.
85. ——Detail-oriented people try to figure
out a rigid plan.
——Sensitive people wither under the
pressure and try to hide.
86. 2. Joseph maintained a proper priority.
““The warden put Joseph in charge of all
those held in the prison, and he was made
responsible for all that was done there. The
warden paid no attention to anything under
Joseph’’s care, because the Lord was with
Joseph and gave him success in whatever he
did”” (Gen 39:22-23).
88. 4. Joseph exhibited a positive attitude.
5. Joseph exuded a patient demeanor.
Workbook Page 27
89. Four Principles about Pressure
1. God’’s timing will always show our
inadequacy in an impossible situation.
2. God is adequate for every
circumstance and situation.
90. 3. God’’s timing will always be such that
he will get the greatest glory.
4. What’’s impossible to us isn’’t
impossible to God.
91. ““We are all faced with innumerable
opportunities brilliantly disguised as
impossible situations.””
——Chuck Swindoll
92. When you and I are faced with
pressures we can’’t bear, we need to ask
two questions:
““What good thing is God doing in my
life?””
and ““How does he want me to
respond?””
96. The Cooling Process
Cooling Happens in Several Ways:
•• You’’ve probably seen Westerns in
which the blacksmith plunges red hot
iron into a bucket of water, then takes it
out to cool in the air. That’’s one method.
Workbook Page 33
97. •• In more sophisticated processes, the hot
metal is put into a constant temperature
bath to be sure it cools to the exact
temperature of the liquid.
98. •• And in some cases, the bath itself has
particular properties or chemicals, like
salt, which strengthen the metal.
Our Refiner sometimes takes us through
a cooling process.
99. Waiting For . . .
——We wait for a call from God when we
are wandering.
——We wait for relief when we are
stressed.
100. ——We wait for an answer when there
are too many options, or when there
seem to be no options at all.
——We wait for a word of
encouragement when we feel
misunderstood or condemned.
Workbook Page 34
101. ——We wait for clarity when we are
confused.
What are some reasons it’’s hard for us
to wait?
102. A Prison or a Classroom?
Our response to cooling off periods of
our lives is determined by our
interpretation of that time:
Do we see it as a prison we need to
escape, or as a classroom where we learn
from God?
104. King David wrote:
““I would have despaired unless I had believed
I would see the goodness of the Lord in the
land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong, let your heart take courage.
Yes, wait for the Lord”” (Ps 27:13-14).
105. The prophet Isaiah records this message
of reproof and encouragement:
““Why do you say, O Jacob,
and complain, O Israel,
‘‘My way is hidden from the Lord;
my cause is disregarded by my God’’? . . .
Workbook Page 35
106. ““Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can
fathom. . . .
107. ““He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall; . . .
108. ““but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint””
(Is 40:27-31).
109. In this passage, Isaiah reminds them of
God’’s character:
•• He is eternal: He is not bound by
time.
•• He is almighty: He is able to
accomplish absolutely anything he
wishes.
110. •• He is the Creator: No situation is too
hopeless for him. He can make something
out of nothing.
•• He is wise: He knows exactly what he
wants to accomplish, even if that’’s not
what we want him to accomplish.
111. Waiting is a Form of Pruning
Jesus Said to His Disciples:
““I am the true vine, and my Father is the
gardener. He cuts off every branch in me
that bears no fruit, while every branch
that does bear fruit he prunes so that it
will be even more fruitful”” (John 15:1-2).
Workbook Page 36
113. Five Principles for Life’’s
Waiting Periods
1. Wait alertly.
““Blessed is the man who listens to me,
watching daily at my doors,
waiting at my doorway”” (Prov 8:34).
114. It is wise to ask yourself two questions
during these times:
•• Is God trying to teach me something
during this time of waiting?
•• Is God trying to change something
specific in my life during this time of
waiting?
115. 2. Wait expectantly.
““I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
My soul waits for the Lord
more than the watchmen wait for the
morning”” (Ps 130:5-6).
116. 3. Wait quietly and patiently.
Jeremiah instructed us:
““The Lord is good to those whose hope
Workbook Page 37
is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord””
(Lam 3:25-26).
117. The psalmist wrote:
““. . . be still before the Lord and wait
patiently for him”” (Ps 37:7).
120. Looking for Plan B
When We Are Dissatisfied With God’’s
Plan, We Often Make Mistakes:
1. We tend to look to God as a last resort
rather than a first source.
121. 2. We desire deliverance by our own
timetable and method rather than his.
3. We prefer not having an answer if
God’’s answer doesn’’t agree with ours.
126. Haunted by Bitterness
Manasseh
““It is because God has made me
forget all my trouble and all my
father’’s household”” (Gen 41:51).
Workbook Page 41
130. ““Of the Seven Deadly Sins, anger is possibly the
most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips
over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue
the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come,
to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain
you are given and the pain you are giving back——in
many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief
drawback is that what you are wolfing down is
yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you.”” ——
Frederick Buechner
Workbook Page 42
131. False Forgiveness
1. We tolerate instead of forgive.
2. We ignore the problem and the pain.
132. 3. We say forgiving words without a
forgiving heart.
133. In all three of these cases, we probably
think we have forgiven, so when we are
still haunted by the pain, we feel
confused and guilty. The pain actually
increases as it festers, and our anger,
bitterness, and resentment build.
135. Lessons from this parable:
1. My sins and your sins against God
created an enormous debt which we
could not possibly repay. But God, our
King, has graciously forgiven us.
136. 2. When others sin against us, they
create a debt.
3. We choose to forgive others because
we are so grateful for the forgiveness
God has given us.
Workbook Page 43
137. 4. If we choose to take revenge and
refuse to forgive, our King will be
displeased, and we will be tortured by
our own hatred and bitterness.
139. ““Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be
careful to do what is right in the eyes of
everybody. If it is possible, as far as it
depends on you, live at peace with
everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends,
but leave room for God’’s wrath, for it is
written: ‘‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’’
says the Lord. On the contrary, . . .
140. ““If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to
drink. In doing this, you will heap
burning coals on his head. Do not be
overcome by evil, but overcome evil with
good”” (Rom 12:17-21).
141. Lessons from this passage:
1. Forgiveness is a choice, not
necessarily a pleasant feeling.
2. Forgiveness is not the same as
reconciliation.
142. 3. Forgiveness includes acts of kindness,
but it doesn’’t mean we foolishly open
ourselves to more abuse.
4. We can be certain that justice will still
be served, but we put that in God’’s
hands, not our own.
Workbook Page 44
143. ——Maybe some of the blame . . .
““Significant movement toward
forgetting begins as we bring an end to
blaming and move toward the
recognition of our joint participation, to
whatever degree, in the painful
situation.”” ——David Augsburger
144. Loving Enough to Confront
Five Options:
1. ““I’’ll get him.””
2. ““I’’ll get out.””
145. 3. ““I’’ll give in.””
4. ““I’’ll meet you halfway.””
5. ““I care enough to confront.””
146. Paul’’s Directive
““Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin,
you who are spiritual should restore
him gently. But watch yourself, or you
also may be tempted. Carry each
other’’s burdens, and in this way you
will fulfill the law of Christ”” (Gal 6:1-2).
Workbook Page 45
147. Principles of Effective Confrontation
1. Overlook minor issues.
2. When sinful actions or attitudes are
too serious to overlook, confront.
148. 3. Communicate how much you care
about the other person.
4. Gently seek to facilitate repentance
and restoration.
149. 5. Choose an appropriate time and
place.
6. Raise issues, not voices.
150. 7. Give specific examples of the wrong
that is being addressed.
8. Strive to give the benefit of the doubt.
152. Tests of Repentance
Joseph’’s tests focused on the issues in
which they had failed so miserably:
loyalty to their brothers. The tests
included:
Workbook Page 46
153. ——Joseph asked them pointed questions
about their family.
——He ordered all but one to return to
their father and bring the youngest
brother, Benjamin, back to Egypt.
154. ——For their trip back to Canaan, Joseph
hid the silver they had paid for the
grain in their bags of grain.
——At a feast with his brothers, Joseph
arranged them in order according to
their ages and gave Benjamin five times
more food than any of the others.
155. ——On their way back to Canaan the
next day, Joseph told his servant to hide
a silver cup in Benjamin’’s sack of grain.
156. Hot Fire, Hard Hammers
In the awful pain of strained and
broken relationships, it is easy to lose
sight of the sovereignty and goodness
of God. But even here, God reigns.
160. The Cult of Comfort
and Success
But God Often Has a Different Agenda
for Those He Loves
The process of refining is the norm, not
the exception.
Workbook Page 51
161. Peter wrote:
““Dear friends, do not be surprised at the
painful trial you are suffering, as though
something strange were happening to
you. But rejoice that you participate in
the sufferings of Christ, so that you may
be overjoyed when his glory is revealed””
(I Peter 4:12-13).
162. And we are all very familiar with James’’
insight:
““Consider it pure joy, my brothers,
whenever you face trials of many kinds,
because you know that the testing of your
faith develops perseverance. Perseverance
must finish its work so that you may be
mature and complete, not lacking
anything”” (James 1:2-4).
163. The true measure of a person is this:
What does it take to make him quit?
164. Joseph Finished Well
““By faith Joseph, when his end was
near, spoke about the exodus of the
Israelites from Egypt and gave
instructions about his bones””
(Heb 11:22).
Workbook Page 52
165. Instructions to Help Us
Finish Well
““Therefore, since we are surrounded by
such a great cloud of witnesses, let us
throw off everything that hinders and the
sin that so easily entangles, and let us run
with perseverance the race marked out
for us. . . .
166. ““Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the
author and perfecter of our faith, who
for the joy set before him endured the
cross, scorning its shame, and sat down
at the right hand of the throne of God””
(Heb 12:1-2).
169. 3. Get rid of the weight.
•• How much joy do you have?
•• How much do you complain about
not having enough time, having to fix
things, difficult people, not having
enough money, etc.?
173. Some Rules of Track Are:
——When you run, don’’t look at your
feet, or you’’ll trip and fall.
174. ——Don’’t look at the crowd, or you’’ll lose
perspective of where you are.
——Don’’t watch your competition,
because it will distract you from your
race.
——As you run, keep your eye on the finish
line, and don’’t ever let it waver.
175. The Refined Heart
Much of God’’s Intentional Work of
Refining Us Is Designed to Change Our
Hearts
176. Paul wrote the believers in Corinth:
““But I am afraid that just as Eve was
deceived by the serpent’’s cunning, your
minds may somehow be led astray from
your sincere and pure devotion to
Christ”” (II Cor 11:3).
177. And Jesus said:
““If anyone would come after me, he
must deny himself and take up his
cross and follow me”” (Matt 16:24).
179. And Jesus told his disciples:
““Whoever finds his life will lose it, and
whoever loses his life for my sake will
find it”” (Matt 10:39).
Workbook Page 54
181. 2. What are some encouraging messages
you have been listening to? Where have
these come from?
What are some discouraging messages
you’’ve heard lately? What are the
sources of these?
182. 3. Why is it vital to trust God’’s presence
even when you can’’t sense he is there?
4. What are some hindrances in your
life as you run the race?
Workbook Page 55
183. 5. Take a few minutes right now and
invite God to show you any sins that
entangle you at this point in your race,
then enjoy his cleansing and forgiveness.
6. When have you been tempted to quit
the race? How did you keep going?
184. 7. Explain how II Corinthians 11:3 and
the other passages at the end of this
session relate to refining.
8. What has been the most enlightening
or encouraging thing you’’ve gained
from this seminar?
Workbook Page 56
185. 9. What specific things will you do to
internalize these principles and make
them more a part of your experience?
Note: Welcome everyone and briefly share your enthusiasm for the seminar. Tell how God has used these concepts to give you insight, hope and endurance.
Note: Introduce the first session.
The Master Metalsmith
When a master metalsmith wants to produce the finest steel (which can then be used in any number of ways: as a surgical blade, a cable for a bridge, a car part, or a piece of an industrial machine), he goes through a very exacting process to remove the impurities and strengthen the metal. If he is allowed to proceed without interruptions, the result is steel fit for any use the master intends. Precious metals like gold, silver, and platinum must endure the same process before they are fit to be used to adorn those who wear them. (Click)
God Is the Master Metalsmith of Our Lives
The prophet Malachi wrote about God’s role to purify and strengthen us:
“For he will be like a refiner’s fire. . . . He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver; . . . and refine them like gold and silver” (Mal 3:2-3).
Have you felt the heat of criticism and the hammering of painful losses? Of course you have. When you and I are in the refiner’s fire, we have a choice: We can get angry, run away, or embrace God’s purposes for our lives. If there’s nothing else you get out of this seminar. . .
Remember this: The heat and hammering we experience are for a purpose.
Note: Ask them to write down their hopes and expectations for the workshop. (They can write these on the inside front cover or below the artist’s illustration on page 5.) After a few minutes, ask them to share what they’ve written. As each person speaks, write the comments on a whiteboard, blackboard, flipchart, or overhead. As the workshop progresses, refer back to these statements to show how these hopes are being addressed.
God’s Purposes in Our Suffering Are: (Click)
—Specific and personal: They don’t just happen out of the cosmic fog. God has a specific plan for each of us, and suffering is a part of his curriculum.
Note: Comment briefly.
—intentional: He has specific lessons for each of us to learn.
God’s lessons for me may not be the same ones he has for you. He tailors the lessons to fit his eternal purposes for each of our lives. (Click)
—loving: Even when we don’t sense it, our loving Father cares deeply for us.
Note: Comment briefly.
—sovereign: His plan for each of us is according to his purposes, not ours. (Click)
—often inscrutable: And he is guided by his eternal perspective, not our limited understanding. We may not understand what he is doing, but he always understands completely.
Note: Comment briefly.
A Look at the Life of Joseph
Throughout our time together, we will examine the life of Joseph, a man who experienced incredible and confusing difficulties. As you know . . . (Click)
Joseph Was: (Click)
—resented by many in his own family, (Click)
—sold into slavery by his own brothers,
—falsely accused of rape by his boss’ wife, (Click)
—unjustly thrown into prison to rot, (Click)
—forgotten by the very people who could deliver him, and
—alienated from his family for years. (Click)
But through all these years of disappointment, heartache, roadblocks, and suffering, Joseph trusted that God had a purpose.
As you and I understand God’s purposes, we will gain new insights, too.
Note: Tell how Joseph has been an example for your own journey.
God Uses Suffering To . . .
There are many different causes of suffering: some are self-induced (caused by our selfish ambitions and other sins), some are caused by others (whether they intend evil or not, their actions can still hurt us), and still other suffering (like death, disease, and accidents) occurs simply because we live in a fallen world. No matter what the cause, God uses suffering to . . .
(Click)
Clarify His Sovereignty
Joseph was able to look at his life through theological eyes instead of human eyes. A human perspective would have brought only bitterness and despair, but Joseph gained God’s perspective. He trusted that God had far clearer sight and a far higher purpose than his circumstances suggested. He looked into the eyes of those who betrayed him and said: (Click)
“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives” (Gen 50:20).
Test Our Fidelity
Peter described this benefit of the refining process of our faith: (Click)
“In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed” (I Pet 1:6-7).
The tests of suffering strip away the surface layers and show us and others that our faith is genuine.
Strengthen Our Dependency
Suffering either makes us run or it drives us to our knees (sometimes one, then the other). (Click)
As our faith is stretched, we have to determine what we really believe about God and his purposes. And we learn: (Click)
God’s love desires the best for us.
God’s wisdom knows the best for us. (Click)
God’s faithfulness accomplishes the best for us (whether it looks like it at the moment or not).
Remove Our Impurities (Click)
Through the course of his life, Joseph learned an important lesson (one you and I need to learn too): (Click) God is not nearly as interested in making us happy as he is in making us holy.
The fire of suffering causes impurities in our motives and our behaviors to surface. Why? So we can repent and experience God’s love, forgiveness, and purpose more deeply than ever before.
Deepen Our Empathy (Click)
Those of us who have suffered most deeply are those who can comfort others most completely.
Note: Read II Cor. 1:5-7 and tell how you have learned to comfort others as you have experienced God’s comfort.
And Develop Our Tenacity
The endurance God wants to produce in us is not just so we will pass the time. No, it is full of faith in God’s often unseen purposes and full of hope that we can experience his presence in the midst of our troubles. Strengthened by that faith and encouraged by that hope, we persevere. (Click)
Ironically, adversity produces endurance, and endurance enables us to overcome adversity.
We will learn a lot more about these principles as we go through this seminar, but for now, let’s look at our goals for being here:
Our Goals for This Seminar Are: (Click)
—To shed light on God’s process of refining us—and give us insight. (Click)
—To experience God’s presence in the midst of our suffering—and give us comfort.
—To give us a fresh perception of God’s purposes in our suffering—and give us hope so we can endure and grow.
I believe that our perspective on suffering will, in the long run, determine how we finish the race. When we go through intense struggles, many of us (maybe all of us at one time or another) believe that God has abandoned us or that we are beyond hope of God working out the situation for good in any way. If that perspective doesn’t change, we can only gut it out so long before we simply quit. I hope God uses this seminar to give you fresh eyes to see him, his purposes, and the process he uses to shape us and form us into useful vessels for his glory. That insight is absolutely essential if you and I are going to become the people he wants us to be.
Note: Spend some time praying for the group. Imagine some situations that people may be facing (criticism, grief, waiting, confusion, etc.), and pray specifically about those things. Don’t rush this important time of prayer. You may also want to ask them to get in groups of 3 or 4 to pray together before or after you pray.
Putting Yourself in the Refiner’s Hands
Note: Introduce this reflection exercise. Tell them how much time is allotted in the schedule. Explain that the goal is not to get all the answers filled in, but to be honest with God and with themselves.
Discussion
Now it’s time to get into groups of four and talk about the discussion questions in the manual.
Note: Tell them how much time is allotted for this discussion. Also determine if you want to keep the groups the same during the entire seminar. The benefits of staying in the same group usually outweigh any negatives.
Note: After the time is up, announce the time for the break and when the next session will begin.
Note: Welcome them back.
You and I have often heard it said:
Life is not so much what happens to us as our response to what happens to us.
In this session, we will look at our perspective: How we look at life, God, and our circumstances determines our responses. Let me be honest with you. Many of us preach eloquently about the sovereignty of God and about serving God selflessly, but our reactions to difficult people and trying situations surface a very different core belief system. We believe we deserve better than we’re getting.
“I Deserve . . .”
The Victim Mentality
We all deplore the victim mentality of our culture, but I wonder how much it has crept into our own hearts and minds. This mentality arises when we feel we have been mistreated; we deserved better than we got. For some of us, it began in childhood. Maybe we had an alcoholic or an abusive parent. Maybe our family experienced the tragedy of an untimely death that traumatized us. Or maybe the mistreatment we have felt occurred in the context of marriage, and we are deeply disappointed that our spouse isn’t what we hoped. Or maybe that disappointment occurred in the ministry. In any case, those we trusted, those we loved, those we served, betrayed us and shattered our stability, hope and confidence. We feel like victims, and . . . (Click)
Deep in our hearts we are convinced that we deserve better. (Click)
All of Us . . .
All of us experience setbacks, difficulties, and criticism. It’s the way of the cross. These problems are God’s fire and God’s tools to refine us and shape us into the people he wants us to be. We can either embrace these tutors as welcome agents of the grace of God, or we can despise them and stay stuck in our narrow self-centeredness. The choice is ours.
Joseph’s Dysfunctional Family
Joseph’s family was the stuff of soap operas and sultry, daytime, television talk shows. If any body had reason to wallow in a victim mentality, it was Joseph. (Click)
—His father showed favoritism. (Click)
—His brothers were rebellious, jealous, and vicious.
—His mother was over-protective. (Click)
—His oldest brother, Reuben, was disinherited because he slept with his father’s concubine.
—Dinah, Joseph’s sister, was raped by the son of the town mayor. (Click)
—Simeon and Levi, along with their brothers, plotted revenge and slaughtered all the young men of the community.
—Judah thought he was having sex with a prostitute, but it turned out to be his daughter-in-law. (Click)
—And the brothers sold Joseph into slavery, then lied to Jacob about it.
Not a pretty picture of a strong, loving, God-centered family! But God used even this family mess to build strength and character into Joseph. Instead of irresponsibility, Joseph chose honor. In the place of deceit, Joseph chose integrity. Instead of instant gratification, Joseph waited for God’s provisions.
Overcoming the “I Deserve” Mentality
To some degree, most of us wrestle with that “I deserve” mentality. Here are some principles to help us overcome it. (Click)
1. Acknowledge God’s sovereignty. (Click)
We don’t have to understand what God is doing to acknowledge that he understands what he is doing.
2. Beware the therapeutic trap.
Many secular therapeutic models facilitate and deepen a person’s victim mentality instead of helping them overcome it. In his book, The Shrinking of America, Dr. Bernie Zilbergelt writes: “In the therapeutic view, people are not regarded as vile or as having done anything they should feel guilty about, but there is certainly something wrong with them. Specifically, (this therapeutic view asserts the real problem is that people) are too guilty, too inhibited, not confident and assertive enough, not able to express and fulfill themselves properly, and without a doubt, not as joyful and free from stress as they ought to be.”
Instead of explaining away our responsibility (like Dr. Zilbergelt describes), we need a fresh and deep grasp of the reality of sin and the greatness of the grace of God.
Note: Explain that there are very good Christian counselors who uphold the truth of Scripture and the power of God to change lives. They, too, deplore the therapeutic view that Dr. Zilbergelt talks about.
3. Choose responsibility.
Victims demand that others make them happy. Responsible people know they are accountable for their own decisions and their own happiness. Victor Frankl was imprisoned and tortured in a Nazi concentration camp, but even there, he had insight about his choices. He observed, (Click)
“The last of all great human freedoms is to choose one’s response to any given set of circumstances.”—Victor Frankl
He chose to be human and humane in an incredibly dehumanizing situation. You and I can, too.
4. Avoid the lure of immediate gratification.
The goal of avoiding pain and being happy (a very low goal indeed!) leads many of us to make foolish decisions which short-circuit (or at least hinder) our far higher goal of walking with Christ for a lifetime. (Click)
The higher the goal, the more tenacity and patience we need to achieve it.
5. Cultivate a spontaneous obedience. (Click)
A servant listens to his master’s voice and responds without hesitation and without question. Some of us, perhaps, live such noisey lives that we don’t hear the Master’s voice. And some of us hear and are slow to respond because his directive doesn’t fit our immediate objective of fulfillment. Faith in the goodness and greatness of God is the rich soil of spontaneous obedience. And obedience then stimulates and cultivates our faith. Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote, (Click)
“Only he who believes is obedient, and only he who is obedient believes.” —Dietrich Bonhoeffer
6. Cultivate an attitude that sees the glass as “half full.”
Humanly speaking, Joseph had every reason to be bitter and pessimistic, yet he continued to believe that God had a purpose in his life. And God blessed him for his faith. When he was sold into slavery, he performed so well that Potiphar gave him responsibility over all his possessions. When he was falsely accused of rape and thrown into prison, he was again found faithful and was put in charge of the prison. And when he was released by the Pharaoh, he became the prime minister of Egypt. Joseph could have sulked in bitterness and self-pity, but he chose to believe, even in his darkest days, that God had a purpose for him.
Heat from Unexpected Sources
Sometimes our suffering is caused by those we love and trust, and we are surprised. (Click)
“Them?! You’ve Got to be Kidding!”
I think we suffer most when we are hurt by those we trust. Our trust is the wonderful avenue for intimacy and encouragement, but if it is violated, it becomes the road to crushing disappointment. The greater the trust, the greater the surprise and the hurt. Joseph was betrayed by his own brothers, then the wife of the man he served so faithfully, then the one whose dream he interpreted in prison. For you and me, the hurt is deepest when we feel betrayed by family members, close friends, church staff, co-workers, and other Christians.
Suffering is also unexpected:
—when we work very hard, but our busyness strains relationships.
—when a beloved family member or friend becomes gravely ill.
—when our good intentions are misunderstood.
—when our selfish ambitions are uncovered and the revelation leads to heartache.
But God . . .
Acts 7 records Stephen defending himself before the Sanhedrin. He gave an account of how God provided a savior for the nation of Israel. He told them, (Click)
“Because the patriarchs were jealous of Joseph, they sold him as a slave into Egypt. But God was with him. . .” (Acts 7:9).
Those two words, “But God,” change our perspective on any circumstance and any person. Life may look confusing and bleak, but when we bring God into the negative, we gain new perception and new hope. No, we may not know what God is up to, but we can be sure he is there and he has a plan. In that we can be confident, and in that we can find rest.
The Flaw of Unhealthy Ambition (Click)
Our Thirst for Success
One of the most significant flaws in the “metal” of the lives of many of us is the impurity of unhealthy ambition. Pastors and other church leaders aren’t immune to it at all. Several years ago, U.S. News and World Report put out a copy of its magazine with the title: “Success: How Do You Get It and How Do You Keep It?” This was the magazine’s best-selling edition in its history. Why? Because so many people are driven to be successful at all costs. In his book, The Success Fantasy, Tony Campolo wrote: (Click)
“As children, we dream of it;
we strive for it through our adult lives,
and we suffer melancholy in old age if we have not reached it.”
—Tony Campolo, The Success Fantasy
Too many of us in the ministry are ambitious for success. Everything we do is designed to move us one more step of the ladder, so we try to position ourselves for our best chance to get ahead.
—Some say success is the result of being in the right place at the right time.
A lot of people say the good and bad in their lives is because of luck: They were simply at the right place at the right time. But success is being in a right relationship with God all the time. (Click)
—Some say it’s getting the right breaks.
But the truth is that failure is often a much better teacher than success. Most people who have made a difference in this world and in the kingdom of God have experienced tremendous failure. That’s where their courage came from. (Click)
—Some say it’s having the right connections.
In the business world (and often in the church world) we hear people say, “It’s not what you know. It’s who you know.” But God’s purposes and God’s plan are far above our petty political positioning.
Ambition Is Not Necessarily Sin (Click)
It is a neutral term. The rightness or wrongness, the godliness or ungodliness of ambition is determined by the object of our pursuit.
The Lord warned us through Jeremiah
“Should you then seek great things for yourself? Seek them not” (Jer 45:5).
On the other hand, there are many, many passages that encourage us to put Christ at the center of our lives: (Click)
“Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness . . .” (Matt 6:33).
Pursue “simple and pure devotion to Christ” (I Cor 11:3). (Click)
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and soul . . .” (Matt 22:36)
Let’s look at some differences between unhealthy ambition and biblical ambition:
Unhealthy Ambition (Click)
Desire for position (Click)
Desire for power (Click)
Desire for possessions (Click)
Desire for prominence
The word “ambition” is found three times in the New Testament:
Biblical Ambition (Click)
Concentration to please Christ (II Cor 5:9) (Click)
Determination to be content in Christ (I Thess 4:11-12) (Click)
Intention to blaze new trails for Christ (Rom 15:20)
A wonderful example of this holy ambition is Jabez. Let me read the account in I Chronicles of his heart’s cry to God:
“Jabez was more honorable than his brothers. His mother had named him Jabez, saying ‘I gave birth to him in pain.’ Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, ‘Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.’ And God granted his request” (I Chron 4:9-10).
Note: Tell how God has purified your ambition to focus it on him and his kingdom instead of your own success.
God’s Purposes, Not Ours (Click)
—If our heart’s real purpose is to be happy, appreciated, and comfortable, every difficulty is a threat. Every hardship and setback makes us disappointed, surprised, confused, and angry.
There’s nothing wrong with being honest about our disappointments. The psalmists express their heartfelt discouragement over and over again, but their honesty was a beginning point for God to give them new insights about his wise and gracious purposes in their lives.
And his purposes may not be what we had in mind at all. Isaiah quoted the Lord:
“ ‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,’
declares the Lord.
‘As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts’ ” (Is 55:8-9).
Note: Comment on a difficult experience about which you can look back and see that God had a very different purpose than you had at the time.
—Our first response to suffering is usually, “How can I get out of this?” That’s natural and normal, but perhaps our second response needs to be: (Click)
“Lord, what do you want to teach me about you and about myself? I’m listening, Lord.”
—When we encounter suffering, let’s turn from our victim, “I deserve better,” mentality, and acknowledge the goodness, greatness, and sovereign control of our Master and Father.
Putting Yourself in the Refiner’s Hands
Note: Give them time for personal reflection.
Discussion
Now it’s time to get into groups of four and talk about the discussion questions in the manual.
Note: After the time is up, announce the time for the break and when the next session will begin.
Note: Introduce the Session.
Our Enemy’s Weapons
One of the most common and compelling metaphors in the Scriptures is that we Christians are in a war, a war for our own spiritual lives, and a war for the souls of others. In this war, our enemy uses every scheme and weapon he possesses to keep us from following the orders of our Commander. (Click)
Two of his most potent weapons are the subtle espionage of temptation, and the heavy artillery of unjust accusations.
Temptation’s Lure
We can be tempted at any time, but we are perhaps most vulnerable at our highest and our lowest moments. When we are discouraged, almost anything looks better to us, and we consider actions that promise relief or excitement that we would never consider under normal circumstances. If the discouragement is prolonged, we are even more vulnerable to these temptations.
But we are also vulnerable after our greatest successes. At those times, we let our guard down, and Satan uses his stealth to deceive us and tempt us to sin.
(Click)
The Lure of Temptation May Occur in Any Number of Areas: (Click)
—power, (Click)
—prestige,
—popularity, (Click)
—possessions, or (Click)
—illicit sex.
Slowly, gradually, Satan tries to convince us that we really need these (or one of them, at least) in order to be happy. After all, we deserve it after all we’ve accomplished! If we’re not careful, we’ll slide down that slippery slope of temptation’s deceptive appeal, and we give in to sin.
It’s happened before:
Abraham obeyed God in responding to his call, but then he lied about his wife to save his own skin.
At the pinnacle of his career, David watched a beautiful woman bathe, then called her to come have sex with him. To cover his sexual sin, he had the woman’s husband murdered.
Solomon was granted wisdom beyond that of anyone the world had ever known, but he foolishly broke God’s guidelines and shattered the nation in subsequent generations.
Charles Keating built a financial empire, but it wasn’t enough to satisfy his greed. His lust for more led to the ruin of his own life and the lives of many others.
Jimmy Swaggart and Jim Bakker saw worldwide ministries collapse because they gave in to temptations for sex, possessions, and power.
A Beautiful Woman’s Offer
Joseph was sold by his brothers to a caravan of traders, and then sold as a slave to Potiphar, an Egyptian official. The young man’s consistency, competence, and character led Potiphar to promote Joseph to overseer of his entire estate. Perhaps Potiphar was a Type A, aggressive personality who poured himself into his work at the expense of his marriage. Whatever the reason, Joseph found himself day after day in the home of a sexually unfulfilled woman—and she had plans for him. She was attracted to the handsome young Jew. (Click)
“Now Joseph was well-built and handsome, and after a while his master’s wife took notice of Joseph and said, ‘Come to bed with me!’
“But he refused, ‘With me in charge,’ he told her, ‘my master does not concern himself with anything in the house; everything he owns he has entrusted to my care. No one is greater in this house than I am. My master has withheld nothing from me except you, because you are his wife.
How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?’ And though she spoke to Joseph day after day, he refused to go to bed with her or even be with her” (Gen 39:6-10).
You know the story, she wasn’t going to be denied. One day when no one was around, she grabbed him and begged him to have sex with her. I wonder what that moment was like for him. Surely he was a young man with all the normal urges of youth. I wonder how much he struggled with his decision. The Scriptures are silent. They only record his godly decision: He ran like the wind!
Notice that she didn’t grab him and beg him for sex at the beginning. The lure was much more subtle at first: a look, a brush of the hand, perhaps a gentle touch, a word of kindness. Then an appeal to his masculine nature: day after day an offer to fulfill his sexual urges, and finally, a brazen grab with an implied threat that she would turn on him if he refused. Still, Joseph was strong in his faith, and he was resolute in his commitment before God to be pure. So he ran.
When Temptation Lures, Remember. . . (Click)
1. Temptation is inevitable.
Some of Satan’s weapons, such as demon possession, are used on relatively few people, but temptation is universal. Even the Lord Jesus was tempted. Don’t be surprised when (not if) you experience the lure to escape or be exhilarated by power, prestige, popularity, possessions, or illicit sex. And be especially watchful during times of your greatest discouragement or greatest success.
2. There is one, and only one, ultimate temptation.
Joseph realized his sin would be against God. It’s the same for you and me, and it has been that way since the Garden. The serpent’s temptation of Eve was that she could be “like God,” autonomous and in control of her own life. When we are tempted, it is ultimately to chart our own course apart from the will of God. (Click)
3. No temptation comes without a price tag.
One of the greatest deceptions is that “it won’t matter just this once,” or “nobody will ever find out.”
We need to reflect on the clear promises of God’s Word: (Click)
“Be sure that your sin will find you out” (Numbers 32:23)
(Click)
and
“A man reaps what he sows” (Galatians 6:7).
And the price tag is always much higher than we ever bargained for.
4. The battle with temptation is won or lost in the mind.
We need to prepare our minds before we are tempted so we can keep from losing our minds as we are tempted. Feeding our minds and our souls on the goodness, greatness, and sovereignty of God keeps us thankful and refreshed. And it keeps us alert to the enemy’s schemes to deceive us and tear us down. Then . . . (Click)
When the temptations come, “take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ” (II Cor 10:5).
5. Giving in to temptation anesthetizes our consciences and convictions.
David covered one sin with another. In the same way, we cover one sin with others when we deny it is wrong, excuse ourselves for some reason, or try to minimize the damage it has caused. This process deadens our souls and makes us increasingly vulnerable to more and deeper sins.
Four Questions:
Let me offer four questions to consider when you are tempted: (Click)
1. If I participate in this activity or attitude, how will it impact me personally?
Note: Comment briefly on each of these. Give an example or two about the temptations of prestige, power, possessions, and popularity, as well as illicit sex.
2. If I participate in this activity or attitude, how will it affect those I care about? (Click)
3. If I participate in this activity or attitude, how will it affect others who watch my life?
Note: Comment briefly on each of these. Give an example or two about the temptations of prestige, power, possessions, and popularity, as well as illicit sex.
4. If I participate in this activity or attitude, how will it affect the cause of Christ and the Christian community?
Note: Comment briefly on each of these. Give an example or two about the temptations of prestige, power, possessions, and popularity, as well as illicit sex.
Some Suggestions:
Here are some principles that will help you avoid temptation—or at least minimize it: (Click)
1. Stay away from where you shouldn’t be. (Click)
2. Keep your eyes where they belong.
Note: Comment on each of these.
3. Focus your thoughts on what you want to become. (Click)
4. When you run headlong into sexual temptation, run for your life.
Note: Comment on each of these.
5. Find a special friend, and give that person permission to ask you tough questions about your actions and your attitudes.
Note: Comment on this point.
6. Remember, temptation often follows great success.
Note: Comment on this point.
Accusation’s Blast
Now I want to turn from subterfuge to howitzers, from espionage to artillery, from the often subtle deceptions of temptation to the crushing blast of unjust accusations. (Click)
Joseph’s Plight
How could it happen that a virile young man could choose to remain pure and resist a woman’s charms day after day, and then find himself accused of rape? It just isn’t fair!
The evidence looked damaging. Was he there? Yes. Was he a handsome young man? Yes. Did she have his clothes in her hands? Well, yes, she did. Was the accuser the wife of a high official and he just a slave? Yes, that’s true too. But the fact is: he didn’t do it.
And the same kind of thing can happen to each of us. An important paper is lost; a person misunderstands our words and passes them on to others as fact; we forget to turn in an expense report just when the administrator finds some money missing.
Note: Tell one or two instances when you or someone you know has been falsely accused. You may need to disguise the names and situations to protect privacy. Explain briefly the damage and heartache it caused.
Now, let’s be honest. There are times when accusations aren’t unjust. They are completely justified because of some bonehead thing we’ve done. In those cases, we need to confess and repent, and we need to make restitution for any damage that has been done. Quite often, though, there are “extenuating circumstances” and people hotly disagree on the degree and focus of blame. In those cases, we may need to get an objective person to help us sort things out.
But at this point, I want to focus on unjust accusations, times when we did the right thing but were accused of failure; we acted with highest integrity but were accused of dishonesty. Those times hurt a lot.
“Why?”
Have you ever wondered, “What in the world does that person get out of accusing me of something I haven’t done? Why did he do it?” Well, here are some eye-opening reasons this happens: (Click)
1. Unjust accusations can come from an attempt to cover wrongdoing. (Click)
2. Sometimes false accusations rise from a desire to punish others for refusing to go along.
Note: Comment on each of these. Give examples without using identifiable names or places.
3. Some people give in to a temptation to make themselves look better than others. (Click)
4. Some people merely have the determination to manipulate.
Note: Comment on each of these. Give examples without using identifiable names or places.
Joseph’s Example
When you and I are falsely and unjustly accused, we face the wrath of a family member or someone at work or at church. That’s pretty intimidating, but it was even worse for Joseph. He looked squarely into the face of death! He had every reason in the world to defend himself and to explain how Potiphar’s wife had tried to seduce him over and over again, but he didn’t. Let’s look at Joseph’s response: (Click)
1. He didn’t doubt God’s activity. (Click)
2. He didn’t react in anger. (Click)
3. He didn’t step in and take charge.
Note: Comment on each of these. Give examples.
The Refiner’s Purpose
Sometimes the fire in God’s refining process comes directly from him; but often it comes from other sources: problems and people. God uses the heat created by temptation and unjust accusations to transform our hearts and shape our lives in ways that please him. Satan’s purposes for these struggles are very clear—and very different from God’s. “The thief comes to steal and kill and destroy,” but God can use even Satan’s evil purposes for his good purposes. Instead of destroying us, God will use these flames to refine us. (Click)
Don’t be surprised when you experience the fire of temptation and unjust accusation, and don’t forget that God will use even these to accomplish his purposes in your life.
Putting Yourself in the Refiner’s Hands
Note: Give them time for personal reflection.
Discussion (Click)
Now it’s time to get into groups of four and talk about the discussion questions in the manual.
Note: After the time is up, announce the time for the break and when the next session will begin.
Note: Introduce the Session.
Bellows Make It Hotter
When a blacksmith wants to make the fire hotter, he pumps on a bellows to blow more air into the fire. He uses pressure at the right time to accomplish his purposes. In the same way, God uses the pressure in our lives to accomplish his purposes.
Let me be quick to say that some of the pressure in our lives may not be directly from the hand of God. The intense pressure we feel because we have sinned or because we have made foolish decisions are not God’s initial design. Nor is the pain caused by other people’s sinful and foolish decisions God’s highest intentions. But in his marvelous and mysterious sovereignty, God even uses those things to accomplish his purpose of refining us. (Click)
Pressure Points
We experience pressure from many different sources. Here are a few common ones: (Click)
1. Circumstances
Sometimes difficult circumstances are self-inflicted: packing our schedules too full, health problems from poor diet and non-existent exercise, bad financial decisions, and so on. But we also encounter other situations that are outside our control: car accidents, illnesses, the consequences of others’ decisions.
Note: Comment on the ones which have pressured you most.
2. Others’ expectations
One of the biggest burdens in life is to live under the weight of others’ expectations. Sometimes others demand far too much of us; sometimes they don’t believe in us and they criticize us. In either case, we are weighed down by their harsh words, abandonment, or constant criticism. (Click)
3. Lack of confidence
Henry Ford used to say, “Think you can, think you can’t; either way you are right.” Perspective makes all the difference. When we lack confidence, even things that should be easy are difficult; even our skills become lifeless. (Click)
4. Guilt
The oppressive burden of guilt robs us of vitality, energy, and hope. Some of us have committed sins that we have never confessed and repented of. We hope the Lord will forget, but he doesn’t. And we haven’t either. And some of us have over-active consciences. We analyze everything we say and do and criticize ourselves unmercifully.
Note: Comment on the ones which have pressured you most.
5. Loneliness
We live in an incredibly fast-paced and mobile society. The bonds of friendship and family that used to provide anchors are frayed and broken. Consequently, loneliness is one of the most pervasive plagues of our society. We hope the church will provide a haven of warmth and love, and in many cases it does. But in too many instances, we believers are just as lonely as those outside the family of God. And we hurt even more because we know it should be different here. (Click)
6. Pessimism
Do you know people who have an optimistic, faith-filled attitude no matter what happens to them? Those people almost always find good even in the worst situations. But you and I also know people who are “half-empty” people—and some of us are those “half-empty” people—who spiral downward in pessimism, heartache, failure, and despair. That kind of discouragement puts enormous pressure on us!
Note: Comment on the ones which have pressured you most.
Pressure on Joseph
Put yourself in Joseph’s place. He was faithful to his father, but his brothers sold him into slavery. (Actually, most of them wanted to kill him.) As a faithful slave in Potiphar’s house, he was true to the character God called him to display, but he was falsely accused and imprisoned. Now, he finds himself in prison with no hope of escape. No more trials, no appeals. Only prison walls, awful food, and smelly cellmates. I think. . . (Click)
1. He felt abandoned.
In a prison cell with no family (that may have been a blessing!), no friends, and not even an affirming boss like Potiphar had been before the accusation. Joseph was completely alone. (Click)
2. He felt a sense of doom.
Egyptian law mandated the death penalty for the crime of rape. Perhaps Potiphar didn’t really believe his wife’s story after all, and that’s the reason he had Joseph thrown into prison. But in prison, there was no hope of release. He was trapped.
3. He felt forgotten.
Who knew he was there in that cell? Who cared? He was a Jewish slave in an Egyptian prison, far from home. Out of sight; out of mind. Joseph was as lost and alone as a person can be—except for one thing: God was with him.
Even Then . . . (Click)
1. Joseph kept a proper perspective. (Click)
When we are under pressure, we tend to react according to our personalities:
—Take-charge people try to control things even more. (Click)
—People-pleasers panic and try to get somebody to bail them out.
—Detail-oriented people try to figure out a rigid plan. (Click)
—Sensitive people wither under the pressure and try to hide.
It is crucial that we remember that God is sovereign, good, and strong. We can trust him even when we don’t understand what he is doing. That perspective gives us hope and the courage to keep going.
2. Joseph maintained a proper priority.
Even when he was under pressure, Joseph kept his priority of serving others. The Scriptures say: (Click)
“The warden put Joseph in charge of all those held in the prison, and he was made responsible for all that was done there. The warden paid no attention to anything under Joseph’s care, because the Lord was with Joseph and gave him success in whatever he did” (Gen 39:22-23).
When two of the Pharaoh’s servants, the cupbearer and the baker, were thrown into prison, Joseph wasn’t wallowing in self-pity. He was alert to what God was doing. He was eager to help these two, and eventually, his assistance led to his release.
3. Joseph experienced perfect peace.
It is remarkable that the Scriptures never speak of Joseph displaying self-pity, bitterness, or depression. His faith in the sovereignty of God gave him incredible peace even through the twists and turns of his life. But God’s peace didn’t make him passive. After he interpreted the cupbearer’s dream, he asked the cupbearer to remember him to Pharaoh. Joseph wanted out!
4. Joseph exhibited a positive attitude.
Joseph continued to look for ways to serve and ways to get out of prison. His mind and heart were not clouded by self-pity and doubt. His positive attitude refreshed his own soul, evoked the trust of the warden, and gave him eyes to see the opportunities when they came. (Click)
5. Joseph exuded a patient demeanor.
Day after day, Joseph waited for God to free him. Day after day, nothing happened... until finally, the two of Pharaoh’s servants were thrown into prison. Joseph interpreted their dreams. Then the baker was executed and the cupbearer was set free. Surely now, Joseph thought, the cupbearer will tell the Pharaoh about me and I’ll be released. Then, silence. More excruciating waiting. Joseph didn’t know what God had planned, but God was waiting on the perfect time for Joseph to be released so he could be made Prime Minister and oversee the production and distribution of food during a time of famine. That timing saved his family’s life. No, he couldn’t have understood that was God’s plan, but he was convinced God certainly had a plan. That’s how Joseph waited so patiently.
Four Principles about Pressure
When we are under pressure, we need to remember these four principles:
(Click)
1. God’s timing will always show our inadequacy in an impossible situation.
I’ve noticed that we tend to trust God only as a last resort. It’s human nature to look for other ways to solve problems. I believe that God puts us in impossible situations so we will be forced to look to him. He may let us go through every other possible solution we can think of, but eventually, he is ready when we turn to him. At that point, he has us right where he wants us! (Click)
2. God is adequate for every circumstance and situation.
God’s goodness and strength sometimes rescues us out of a pressure situation. More often, he gives us the courage to wade through it with faith, hope, and love.
3. God’s timing will always be such that he will get the greatest glory.
Jesus’ friend Lazarus lay dying. Mary and Martha sent someone to Jesus to ask him to come to heal their beloved brother. Instead of coming immediately, Jesus waited. And waited. And waited. Until Lazarus, his close friend, was dead. When Jesus finally arrived in Bethany, he performed a miracle of raising Lazarus from the dead. Many people saw this incredible sight, and they believed. The story goes on to say that when reports of this miracle reached the Sanhedrin in Jerusalem, they formed their plot to kill Jesus. So the timing of Jesus’ miracle led to the great glory of many believing in him, and to the leaders’ decision to kill him—a decision that bought the glory of our salvation. (Click)
4. What’s impossible to us isn’t impossible to God.
There is no prison door God can’t open, and there is no person he can’t strengthen to endure the cell as long as he intends that person to be there.
Chuck Swindoll, president of Dallas Theological Seminary, said,
“We are all faced with innumerable opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations.” —Chuck Swindoll (Click)
When you and I are faced with pressures we can’t bear, we need to ask two questions: (Click) “What good thing is God doing in my life?” (Click) and “How does he want me to respond?”
The refiner uses pressure to turn up the heat to make us more moldable in his hands. If we understand that principle, we will accept his will, submit to his purposes, and become pliable to his touch. If we resist, he will need to turn up the heat a bit higher to soften us more. We certainly don’t want that, do we!? How we view the pressure and heat makes all the difference in our response.
Let me be perfectly frank with you. We talk a lot about “the victorious Christian life,” and well we should. But I am afraid that sometimes we give the wrong impression of what this life means. If we communicate that walking with Jesus will protect us from all harm, we are deceiving ourselves and those who listen to us. Walking with God sometimes leads us into difficulties and trials, not out of them. And if we communicate that the victorious Christian life causes those problems to go away with a memorized verse or a quick, believing prayer, we again deceive. Occasionally they do, but most times they don’t. In his epic book, Knowing God, J.I. Packer says that giving people false hope about God’s protection or about quick solutions is “cruel.” False hopes, says Packer, are worse than giving people no hope at all because they cause even more disappointment and heartache.
Let’s don’t let our desire to have an optimistic theology obscure the sometimes hard realities of Scripture. God sometimes leads us into darkness, difficulties, and distress, and he sometimes leaves us there for a long, long time. Victory is not always rescue from problems; sometimes it is faithful endurance when no rescue comes.
Note: To communicate this point with clarity and conviction, you may want to read the chapter, “These Inward Trials,” on pages 221-229 in Knowing God.
Putting Yourself in the Refiner’s Hands
Note: Give them time for personal reflection.
Discussion
Now it’s time to get into groups of four and talk about the discussion questions in the manual.
Note: After the time is up, announce the time for the break and when the next session will begin.
We live in an instant society. We want to eat fast, so we use drive through windows. We want money fast, so we use ATMs that are all over the place. We want information fast, so we use cell phones (with speed dial!). We want quick access to information, so we get the fastest modems for our computers. Our lives today are filled with more and faster activity than any time in history.
But sometimes, God wants us to wait. And waiting is very hard for us.
The Cooling Process
In smelting and forging, the process of cooling the metal is just as important as heating it. In fact, the cooling process determines the ultimate strength and integrity of the metal. (Click)
Cooling Happens in Several Ways: (Click)
• You’ve probably seen Westerns in which the blacksmith plunges red hot iron into a bucket of water, then takes it out to cool in the air. That’s one method.
• In more sophisticated processes, the hot metal is put into a constant temperature bath to be sure it cools to the exact temperature of the liquid.
• And in some cases, the bath itself has particular properties or chemicals, like salt, which strengthen the metal.
The process is different in all three cases, but two things are the same: time and intention. All three take time, and all three are directed by the forger’s hand for his particular purpose. It’s the same with us: (Click)
Our Refiner sometimes takes us through a cooling process.
Those are extremely hard times for most of us. Waiting is very difficult for success-oriented people like you and me, but it is absolutely essential if we are to become the people God wants us to be.
Waiting For . . .
What do we sometimes have to wait for? (Click)
—We wait for a call from God when we are wandering. (Click)
—We wait for relief when we are stressed.
—We wait for an answer when there are too many options, or when there seem to be no options at all. (Click)
—We wait for a word of encouragement when we feel misunderstood or condemned.
—We wait for clarity when we are confused.
Note: Relate a couple of times when you have been forced to wait. What were you waiting for?
(Click)
What are some reasons it’s hard for us to wait?
Note: Let them give a number of responses. Write them on a blackboard, flipchart, or overhead. You may want to give a couple of your own after several have shared. Some things people probably will say are:
Others are passing me by. (Comparison)
After a while I wonder, “What’s wrong with me?” (Self-doubt)
I begin to doubt God’s love.
I wonder if God has forgotten me.
Have I done something so bad that God has given up on me?
It’s so discouraging to be unproductive.
A Prison or a Classroom? (Click)
Our response to cooling off periods of our lives is determined by our interpretation of that time: (Click)
Do we see it as a prison we need to escape, or as a classroom where we learn from God?
If we see it as a prison, we will be deeply discouraged. We may become hopeless and depressed. But if we see it as a classroom, we will be determined to learn our lessons. And we will pay close attention to our Teacher.
Doubt or Certainty? (Click)
When God Puts Us on the Shelf . . . or makes us wait in some other way, our natural tendency is to doubt his goodness, his sovereign plan, or ourselves.
King David wrote:
“I would have despaired unless I had believed
I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong, let your heart take courage.
Yes, wait for the Lord” (Ps 27:13-14).
Later, during the captivity, the nation of Israel experienced tremendous hardships. They felt alone and abandoned, and they gave up hope in the goodness and greatness of God.
The prophet Isaiah records this message of reproof and encouragement: (Click)
“Why do you say, O Jacob,
and complain, O Israel,
‘My way is hidden from the Lord;
my cause is disregarded by my God’? . . .
“Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom. . . .
“He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall; . . .
“but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint” (Is 40:27-31).
We often focus on that last verse, but we need to understand the context of that encouragement. The people of Israel had waited and waited, but no answer came. They began to doubt God’s essential goodness to them and his power to effect change. They felt “hidden” from him. In response, . . .
In this passage, Isaiah reminds them of God’s character: (Click)
• He is eternal: He is not bound by time. (Click)
• He is almighty: He is able to accomplish absolutely anything he wishes.
• He is the Creator: No situation is too hopeless for him. He can make something out of nothing. (Click)
• He is wise: He knows exactly what he wants to accomplish, even if that’s not what we want him to accomplish.
When we wait, we, too, sometimes doubt God’s goodness and greatness. We wonder, “Has he forgotten me?” “Can’t he do something about this?” At those times, we need to be reminded, like the Israelites, of God’s character. We may not understand, but he does. We may not have the power to make changes, but he does. We may feel hopeless, but he is in complete control.
Waiting is a Form of Pruning
The Old Testament, and particularly the Psalms, are full of admonitions to “wait on the Lord.” The New Testament concept of pruning seems to be for the same purpose. In John 15, (Click)
Jesus Said to His Disciples:
“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful” (John 15:1-2).
When a gardener wants his grape vine to be even more productive, he cuts off the green and growing shoots and leaves only the bare stem. For a while, it looks barren, lifeless, and unproductive. Others may look at it and think it is worthless, but the gardener knows it will come back to produce more fruit than ever before. That’s the very purpose of waiting on the Lord.
Joseph’s Classroom Was a Prison
Day after day, week after week, year after year, Joseph languished in that Egyptian prison. Forgotten. Alone. Wasted. But God was secretly working his plan to accomplish his purposes. Did Joseph want to get out? Of course he did. But it wasn’t God’s time for that. Not yet.
As we have seen, two of the Pharaoh’s servants were thrown into that prison. They told Joseph about their disturbing dreams. For the baker, Joseph didn’t have good news. The baker was to be executed. But Joseph gave the cupbearer great news of his release and restoration. Soon, the cupbearer was reinstated to his position at the Pharaoh’s side. Joseph anticipated his own release! I’m sure he thought, “The cupbearer will tell the Pharaoh about me, and he’ll be so impressed that he’ll release me. This is it!”
But he didn’t. The cupbearer forgot about Joseph. For two years! Those must have been very difficult years for Joseph. Sooooooo close, but no cigar. He was still in that prison. He didn’t know it, but God was waiting for his perfect timing.
You and I often don’t know what God is up to. (I’m very wary of those who say they always know what God is doing!) His purposes and methods are far higher than we can see or comprehend. Joseph certainly wanted out, but even more, he wanted God’s will. So he waited patiently. How do we know he waited patiently? Because he was not absorbed in self-pity and blame when his opportunity finally came two years later. He was ready!
Five Principles for Life’s Waiting Periods (Click)
1. Wait alertly.
Waiting on the Lord is not a passive act. It takes keen sensitivity to God so we can sense his leading. Solomon wrote: (Click)
“Blessed is the man who listens to me,
watching daily at my doors,
waiting at my doorway” (Prov 8:34).
During times of waiting, God wants to get our attention. Instead of giving up and becoming passive, we need to feast on his word to hear what he wants to communicate with us.
It is wise to ask yourself two questions during these times: (Click)
• Is God trying to teach me something during this time of waiting? (Click)
• Is God trying to change something specific in my life during this time of waiting?
Note: Explain how these two questions focus our attention and make us better listeners to God’s voice.
2. Wait expectantly.
In some cases, the early stages of waiting are full of hope and expectancy. But as the days and months drag on, that sense of hope can turn to despair. The psalmist talked about how much we can hope in God coming through for us. He wrote: (Click)
“I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
My soul waits for the Lord
more than the watchmen wait for the morning” (Ps 130:5-6).
The watchmen stood on the walls of the city to look for enemy attack. The long hours of darkness were times of vulnerability. They longed for the rays of light so they could see more clearly. The hours before dawn dragged on endlessly. How sure were they that the morning would come eventually? Completely sure. How sure can you and I be that God will eventually reveal himself, his will, and his way to us? Completely sure.
3. Wait quietly and patiently.
It is our tendency to get frustrated with waiting and to decide to take things into our own hands and rush around frantically to get something done. This is not God’s way. (Click)
Jeremiah instructed us:
“The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord” (Lam 3:25-26).
The psalmist wrote: (Click)
“. . . be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him” (Ps 37:7).
If our waiting is a prison, we need to formulate an escape plan and get going! But if our waiting is a classroom, we need to be quiet and pay attention until our Teacher has finished his instructions.
4. Wait realistically.
We may be in a hurry, but God isn’t. When we set timetables for God’s work, we are almost always disappointed. We can be certain of his heart, his intentions, and his power to accomplish his will, but we have to be realistic and honest that we don’t know his timetable.
I’ve noticed that some of us engage in “magical thinking” when we are forced to wait for God’s word and his hand. We think we can do something that will magically tip the scales and get him to move more quickly. We think, “If I just pray a little more, that’ll do it,” or “I’ll be nicer to my spouse. That’ll do it.” Of course, there’s nothing wrong with prayer and kindness, but there is something very wrong with us thinking we can do something that will force God’s hand. Don’t get caught in this kind of magical thinking. Don’t treat God like a rabbit to be pulled out of a hat. Be realistic about the time and the process involved in the classroom of waiting on God.
In his excellent book, Disappointment with God, Philip Yancey asks several piercing questions. One of them is: “Is God unfair?” The answer to that is: No matter what our circumstances, we can be sure of God’s abiding justice and love. The scales may not be balanced instantly, or even in this lifetime, but they will certainly be balanced eventually. Two other questions are: “Is God silent?” and “Is He hidden?” Yancey’s answer to these questions is: Yes, sometimes he is silent, and sometimes he hides his presence from us. The children of Israel were slaves in Egypt for 430 years, and during that time, the Scriptures says “there was no word from the Lord.” But silence doesn’t mean God was absent. He was behind the scenes working his will, even when people couldn’t hear his voice or see his hand at work. And God’s silence and lack of obvious presence in our lives doesn’t mean he has abandoned us either. He is there, and he is working his will even when we can’t hear his voice or feel his presence.
5. Wait cautiously.
As you sit in God’s classroom, guard your heart from complaining about the Teacher and his exams. Realize the tests are for your good, but even more, they are part of his far bigger design to accomplish his purposes on earth. When you find yourself complaining, study the passages we’ve examined and focus on the solutions they describe: God’s goodness and greatness, his care and his character.
If you and I don’t arrest these negative thoughts, we will look for Plan B.
Looking for Plan B
When we get tired of waiting, or when we have forgotten God’s purposes for us in our time of waiting—when we see this time as prison instead of a classroom—we will try to figure out our own plan to get out. Here are some ways we try to get out on our own. (Click)
When We Are Dissatisfied With God’s Plan, We Often Make Mistakes: (Click)
1. We tend to look to God as a last resort rather than a first source.
When we are in a holding pattern, we may look to any number of people or techniques—instead of God—to help us. Some of us read books on leadership; we go to counselors; or we take vacations to take a break. Those aren’t wrong, unless we trust in them for direction and peace instead of trusting God.
2. We desire deliverance by our own timetable and method rather than his.
We wait. Nothing happens. We wait and pray. Nothing happens. We wait, pray and fast. And nothing happens. “Well,” we conclude, “it’s time for me to do something about this.” We concoct a plan and determine to make things happen—no matter what! And most of the time, our self-reliant efforts complicate our problems instead of resolving them. (Click)
3. We prefer not having an answer if God’s answer doesn’t agree with ours.
We are very self-centered people. We want God’s will—as long as it is exciting, fun, productive, or rewarding to us in some way. But sometimes God’s will is for us to go to the desert, into the darkness, and to serve gladly in obscurity. Most of us want to say, “Sorry, wrong number,” and listen for a different call.
This is a good opportunity to think and pray more deeply than ever about the meaning of lordship, about God’s purposes instead of our purposes, and about you and me being purchased at a high price.
Stick with Plan A
Waiting is one of the most difficult disciplines in the Christian life. As time drags on, we may doubt God, we doubt ourselves, and we may even doubt our ability to hear from God. These are times of fruitful self-examination to see if there is anything God wants to change in our character or our direction, but we also need to recognize that he may be waiting for the right time, his time, to kick our lives in gear again. Joseph waited and waited, and even after he interpreted the cupbearer’s dream, he had to wait two more years. But that was the precise moment in God’s timing for God to use Joseph to save his family and continue the line of the Savior. No, it certainly wasn’t Joseph’s first choice as he was going through it, but as he looked back after that time, he clearly saw God’s plan and perfect timing.
Are you going through a time of waiting right now? If not, you probably have, and you most certainly will at some time in the future. When you do, remember to see that time as a classroom full of a loving Teacher’s instruction instead of a prison with a cruel warden.
Putting Yourself in the Refiner’s Hands
Note: Give them time for personal reflection.
Discussion
Now it’s time to get into groups of four and talk about the discussion questions in the manual.
Note: After the time is up, announce the time for the break and when the next session will begin.
Difficult circumstances are the anvil; pain is the fire that heat us; and very often, forgiveness and confrontation are the mallets that do the actual shaping in our lives. In my experience, the pressure of heartache and disappointment are almost always accompanied by the need to forgive and the need to be honest with those who have hurt me. Let’s look more deeply at these crucial elements in the refining process.
Haunted by Bitterness
One of the most remarkable aspects of the biblical saga of the life of Joseph is that we never see him as a bitter man. He had every reason in the world to be bitter: betrayed by his brothers, sold into slavery, falsely accused by his master’s wife, thrown into prison, forgotten and left to rot for years. . . . But we never hear him utter a word of rage or bitterness. Somehow, God communicated his great love and peace to this young man in a way that overshadowed all the evil done to him by man. That is the essence of Christian forgiveness. (Click)
Manasseh
After he was released from prison and made prime minister of Egypt, he married and had two sons. One of these he named “Manasseh,” which means “to forget.” Joseph gave this reason for this name for his son: (Click)
“It is because God has made me forget all my trouble and all my father’s household” (Gen 41:51).
The apostle Paul echoed this sentiment when he wrote the believers in Philippi: “But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus” (Phil 3:13-14).
The reason Joseph could forget was that he had forgiven.
Have you ever tried to forget something that hurt you very badly or the person who hurt you? You can’t. The memory haunts you in the middle of the night and even in the middle of your times of worship. These memories haunt us unless and until we forgive. Then and only then, the power is broken.
Reasons We Hang Onto Bitterness
I believe we hang onto bitterness for two main reasons: It gives us identity and energy. (Click)
—It gives us identity.
Some people define themselves by their pain. They say,
“I’m the one whose parents died when I was a child.”
“I’m the one whose wife left him, even though I was faithful.”
“I’m the one whose teenager wrecked her life—and the pain has destroyed mine.”
“I’m the one who got a raw deal in my last pastorate.”
“I’m the one who is always under attack by my deacons.”
And on and on.
Note: If you are speaking to pastors, use the terms above. If you are speaking to a lay audience, change the third and fourth statements to “in my last job” and “by my co-workers.”
To be honest, it is perfectly normal to be overwhelmed with pain for a time after a traumatic experience. We’d certainly expect a person whose leg is broken in a car accident to focus his attention on the pain and then the rehabilitation of that leg for a few months, but wouldn’t it seem odd (and harmful) to be obsessed with that leg years later? Bitterness gives people a sense of place, of identity. They can wear a label of “victim.”
—It gives us energy.
Make no mistake: Bitterness gives a person tremendous energy. It raises the adrenalin level in the body like a constant jolt of caffeine. Some people are energized by fear; some by bitterness and anger. In either case, the person will come down off that high someday and crash in depression, heart disease, or some other psychosomatic illness. We pay a high price for the rush we feel from our anger.
Frederick Buechner wrote about the consuming nature of anger and bitterness. He stated:
“Of the Seven Deadly Sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back—in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you.” —Frederick Buechner
Note: This quote comes from Buechner’s book, Wishful Thinking: A Theological ABC (San Francisco: Harper and Row Publishers, 1973), page 2.
False Forgiveness
We tend to make one of two mistakes about forgiveness: We forgive either too late or too quickly. The “too late” part is easily understood: We simply refuse to forgive, and we let years of harbored resentment go by. The “too quickly” part is more difficult for many of us to grasp. As conscientious Christians, we want to do the right thing, don’t we? Forgiving those who hurt us is certainly the right thing, but we sometimes make one of these errors: (Click)
1. We tolerate instead of forgive.
We choose not to take revenge, but we fail to return good for evil. Instead, we live in a kind of interpersonal DMZ (Demilitarized Zone) where the guns are very visible but the threat of using them deters more violence. This truce is not real forgiveness. (Click)
2. We ignore the problem and the pain.
Some of us try to deal with the intense hurt by simply pretending it isn’t there. We may be dying inside, but when someone asks how we’re doing, we smile and say, “Fine.” Some people excuse the offender by saying, “Oh, he couldn’t help it.” Or we minimize the pain: “It wasn’t really that bad.”
Buy denying, excusing, and minimizing aren’t forgiving.
3. We say forgiving words without a forgiving heart.
Many of us conscientious Christians rush to say words of forgiveness like “I’m sorry,” or “I forgive you,” or “That’s OK. It didn’t hurt me,” but they fail to embrace the reality of the offense and the depth of Christ’s great forgiveness of us as the foundation of forgiving others.
In all three of these cases, we probably think we have forgiven, so when we are still haunted by the pain, we feel confused and guilty. The pain actually increases as it festers, and our anger, bitterness, and resentment build.
The Real Thing
Forgiveness is described and illustrated in countless passages in the Bible. Two that are perhaps the most classic are in Matthew 18 and Romans 12. (Click)
—Release from a debt: Matthew 18
All of us are familiar with the parable Jesus told about the unmerciful servant. He told it after Peter asked him a question about forgiveness. Peter, feeling pretty confident about his spirituality at that point, asked Jesus, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” (verse 21)
Peter thought he was being magnanimous to the brother who offended him, but Jesus told him that wasn’t far enough. Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” (Or as some translations read: “seventy times seven.”) I think Jesus decided to tell a parable when he saw the shocked expression on Peter’s face.
Note: Tell or read the parable in Matthew 18:23-35. Then explain:
You and I are the first servant. Our sins against God created a debt bigger than we can possibly imagine, yet God, the king, forgave us. When other servants (that is, other people) sin against us, they create a debt which we need to forgive in the same way the king forgave our debt.
Lessons from this parable: (Click)
1. My sins and your sins against God created an enormous debt which we could not possibly repay. But God, our King, has graciously forgiven us.
We deserve death, but he gave us life and freedom from our debt. That’s the essence and foundation of forgiveness.
2. When others sin against us, they create a debt.
We have a choice to forgive or try to get that person to pay the debt. Forgiveness is releasing that person from the debt he or she owes. (Click)
3. We choose to forgive others because we are so grateful for the forgiveness God has given us.
Paul wrote: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Eph 4:32).
4. If we choose to take revenge and refuse to forgive, our King will be displeased, and we will be tortured by our own hatred and bitterness.
Note: Give your own illustrations of how forgiveness has freed people and how bitterness has tortured them. (Don’t use names on the tortured part unless they are commonly known historical figures!)
A second passage, Romans 12, describes forgiveness as not taking revenge.
—Not taking revenge: Romans 12
In an article in Christianity Today years ago, Philip Yancey called forgiveness “The Unnatural Act.” He described how every fiber of our human nature calls for justice—for revenge—so forgiveness is a gut-wrenching choice that defies our human instincts and is often a very difficult decision. In this chapter in Romans, Paul gives us a long litany of do’s and don’t’s to live by. As he concludes his list, he writes:
“Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord. On the contrary, . . .
If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Rom 12:17-21).
Lessons from this passage: (Click)
1. Forgiveness is a choice, not necessarily a pleasant feeling. (Click)
2. Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation.
Forgiveness is unilateral; reconciliation takes honesty, forgiveness, courage, and movement from both parties. We can control our own choices, but we can’t control others’ choices.
3. Forgiveness includes acts of kindness, but it doesn’t mean we foolishly open ourselves to more abuse.
(We are to be “wise as serpents, innocent as doves.”) (Click)
4. We can be certain that justice will still be served, but we put that in God’s hands, not our own.
(This is a great comfort to some of us who can’t stand the thought of the person getting away with a serious offense.)
But forgiving someone doesn’t mean we meekly bow and let them keep doing it again and again. Sometimes it means we “turn the other cheek,” but sometimes God gives us the direction and the wisdom to confront the person with bold love.
—Maybe some of the blame . . .
Victims point the finger one way: at other people. It’s all his fault. It’s entirely her problem. But seldom is a rift in a relationship entirely the responsibility of one person. We will do well to be as objective as possible and admit when and where we have failed. Author David Augsburger stated: (Click)
“Significant movement toward forgetting begins as we bring an end to blaming and move toward the recognition of our joint participation, to whatever degree, in the painful situation.” —David Augsburger
Note: Give an example of mutual responsibility in a painful situation. In some cases, the fault of the “victim” is that he failed to speak the truth clearly enough or early enough. In other cases, we who have been wronged have been passive aggressive, gossiping about that person to cut him down without confronting the issue head on. That leads to more bitterness, not resolution.
Loving Enough to Confront
Some of us are peacemakers. Our goal is to ease tension and avoid conflict at all cost. And some of us are highly principled. When we see error, we correct it; when we hear lies, we speak truth; and when we see sin, we confront it. The fact is that all of us are called to correct those who are in sin. The peacemakers will do it with a measure fear and with great care, and the principled people may enjoy it too much! But both of us need to learn to do it well.
In is outstanding book, Caring Enough to Confront, David Augsburger wrote that we have five options when we see someone whose behavior is out of line. (Click)
Five Options: (Click)
1. “I’ll get him.”
This is revenge, the desire to dominate the other person and make him or her respond. Not a good option. (Click)
2. “I’ll get out.”
Perhaps the easiest solution is to just leave. Many of us choose that option.
3. “I’ll give in.”
To avoid further conflict, we shrug our shoulders and concede “OK, whatever you want.” This seems to resolve the tension for a while, but it builds again. (Click)
4. “I’ll meet you halfway.”
If both are half right, this may be a good solution, but this resolution seldom is satisfying, and it seldom results in genuine repentance. (Click)
5. “I care enough to confront.”
We go to the person privately, honestly, and lovingly. We speak the truth, and we listen well. This offers the most hope for genuine repentance and reconciliation. This approach also knows that genuine change often takes time: An initial decision to change is followed by a long process of learning new habits.
Paul’s Directive
Paul wrote: (Click)
“Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Gal 6:1-2).
Other passages tell us to “admonish one another” and “rebuke one another.” These are essential—if not much fun—parts of the encouragement to “love one another.”
Note: Talk about a time when you confronted someone and God gave you wisdom and strength. Don’t mention names or places.
Principles of Effective Confrontation (Click)
1. Overlook minor issues.
Don’t make a big deal of little irritations. Major on the majors. (Click)
2. When sinful actions or attitudes are too serious to overlook, confront.
If a person’s behavior is hurting you, other people, or the person himself, take time to pray and work on a plan of what you want to say and how you want to say it. It may be wise to anticipate the person’s possible responses so you can be ready for anger, self-pity, or genuine repentance.
3. Communicate how much you care about the other person.
Begin with affirmation of how much you care. Remember the old adage: “No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care.” (Click)
4. Gently seek to facilitate repentance and restoration.
Don’t go in with your guns blazing. Speak the truth in love. Both truth and love are vital ingredients to your communication. Remember, your goal is to speak the truth in love; and your hope is that the person will respond positively so the relationship can be restored. That person’s response, however, is his responsibility, not yours.
5. Choose an appropriate time and place.
Find a place that is neutral ground, and one that is uninterrupted. Privacy is important, but a totally private place is not always best, especially if you are talking to someone of the opposite sex who is not your relative. (Click)
6. Raise issues, not voices.
Stay calm and speak the truth with grace. Stay on the issues; don’t blame and accuse.a
7. Give specific examples of the wrong that is being addressed.
Avoid global generalizations like “you always” and “you never.” Give specific examples of the wrong so the person clearly understands what you are talking about. (Click)
8. Strive to give the benefit of the doubt.
Be sure to listen. In some cases, the person may have a good explanation for his behavior, and you need to be ready to accept that. However, don’t let a dominating, angry person bully you into backing down when you know the truth. Be kind, but be strong, too.
9. Avoid leading questions.
Don’t begin questions with “Wouldn’t you say that. . . .” or “When are you finally going to do something about. . . .” Accusatory, leading questions almost always produce a rigid, defensive response that will be difficult to overcome. (Click)
10. Above all, pray.
Ask God for wisdom and guidance as you formulate your thoughts and plans. And trust Him for strength and clarity to follow through with the plan. Ask God to give that person the gift of repentance.
Note: Read this section in Dr. Reccord’s book to get more insights to share with the group.
Tests of Repentance
We can offer forgiveness no matter how the other person responds, but we are foolish to trust someone who hasn’t proven he or she is trustworthy. Joseph understood this principle, and he tested his brothers, repeatedly and specifically, to see if they had truly repented and could earn his trust.
When Joseph’s brothers appeared, Joseph didn’t reveal his identity to them. Instead, he tested them. (Click)
Joseph’s tests focused on the issues in which they had failed so miserably: loyalty to their brothers. The tests included:
—Joseph asked them pointed questions about their family.
They told the truth that Benjamin was with their father and “one is no more.”
Joseph threw them in prison for three days, then. . . (Click)
—He ordered all but one to return to their father and bring the youngest brother, Benjamin, back to Egypt.
At this point, the brothers’ guilt surfaced, and they realized that God was chastening them for their betrayal of Joseph. Joseph heard them express their grief and guilt, though they had no idea he understood them. It was encouraging that they felt pangs of remorse; still, he kept testing them.
—For their trip back to Canaan, Joseph hid the silver they had paid for the grain in their bags of grain.
Joseph was testing them to see if they were honest. When they returned home and told Jacob that they had left one of the brothers in Egypt and were commanded to bring Benjamin back, Jacob refused to let him go. Finally, after months in Canaan, their grain ran out and they were forced to return, this time with Benjamin and a double portion of silver to pay for the grain. They passed the test of honesty. Still, this wasn’t enough to convince Joseph. (Click)
—At a feast with his brothers, Joseph arranged them in order according to their ages and gave Benjamin five times more food than any of the others.
This invited any hidden jealousy from the brothers, just as they had shown toward him years before. But this time, they passed the test.
—On their way back to Canaan the next day, Joseph told his servant to hide a silver cup in Benjamin’s sack of grain.
After they left, Joseph sent his steward to find them. He accused them of stealing the valued cup, and the brothers said whoever did it would become Joseph’s slave. The steward opened Benjamin’s sack and found the “stolen” cup. The brothers offered to take Benjamin’s place. Instead of betraying their brother, they were now ready to sacrifice their lives for Benjamin. This was the final and supreme test.
Joseph was finally satisfied that his brothers had repented and had become trustworthy in the very areas they had lied and betrayed earlier in their lives. Joseph then revealed his true identity, and the next step in reconciliation began.
This is a wonderful example of how we can institute tests to see if people are indeed trustworthy. Don’t assume they are, but don’t assume they will never repent. Be wise, and be specific as you plan how to test someone. The sad fact is that not everyone will prove themselves to be trustworthy. In these cases, you will still need to forgive, but you also will need to grieve the temporary or permanent loss of a warm, caring, trusting relationship. Many of us are hesitant to test others for several reasons: we haven’t done it before, it doesn’t seem like testing and forgiving can go hand in hand, and we’re afraid we’ll find that the person really doesn’t want a relationship with us after all.
Many of us get confused about the relationship between forgiveness and reconciliation. We believe that if we forgive, we must necessarily trust that person. That simply isn’t true. We forgive because we are commanded to forgive, because it frees us from being haunted by bitterness, and because it puts us more in touch with the heart of God than any other act we can perform. But trust must be earned. We can institute tests, just as Joseph did, to determine the degree that people are worthy of our trust.
Note: At this point, give the group a situation in which trust was violated severely and/or repeatedly. Don’t give names or identifiable circumstances. Ask the group to come up with some appropriate tests for that person.
Hot Fire, Hard Hammers (Click)
In the awful pain of strained and broken relationships, it is easy to lose sight of the sovereignty and goodness of God. But even here, God reigns.
There is no question that Joseph’s brothers sinned against him. They didn’t just “make a mistake” that could be excused. No, they willingly betrayed Joseph. But even though their intentions were evil, God used their actions to accomplish his purposes.
Remember Joseph’s evaluation: “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives” (Gen 50:20).
Did Joseph have that understanding all the time he was a slave and a prisoner? I don’t know. There maybe times you and I waver in our grasp of how our Refiner is working in us and through us, but sooner or later, if we have the eyes of faith like Joseph did, we will conclude that God rules even over the darkest moments of our lives. He uses hot fires and hard hammers to do his best work. We will do well to acknowledge that he is, indeed, working, and welcome it, instead of despising that process.
Putting Yourself in the Refiner’s Hands
Note: Give them time for personal reflection.
Discussion
Talk about several of the questions from your time of reflection.
Now it’s time to get into groups of four and talk about the discussion questions in the manual.
Note: After the time is up, announce the time for the break and when the next session will begin.
Note: Introduce the Session. Explain how it is important to develop a heart-felt conviction that God uses bot success and suffering to accomplish his purposes.
The Cult of Comfort and Success
We live in an age and in a country of incredible privilege. No people in history have enjoyed such wealth, comfort, and success. We’ve enjoyed so much so long, that we now see these as “rights” instead of “gifts.” (Click)
But God Often Has a Different Agenda for Those He Loves
Certainly, he blesses us tremendously, but he longs to give us eternal, spiritual blessings far more than merely temporal, tangible blessings. And spiritual blessings are most often hammered out in the furnace of refinement.
If you and I are serious about walking with Jesus Christ, about taking up our crosses and following him, we need to embrace the fact that: (Click)
The process of refining is the norm, not the exception.
Peter encouraged his readers to understand this fact many years ago.
Peter wrote: (Click)
“Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed” (I Peter 4:12-13).
Note: Comment on several clauses in this passage: “do not be surprised” . . . “as though something strange were happening to you” . . . “but rejoice. . . .”
And we are all very familiar with James’ insight: (Click)
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (James 1:2-4).
Note: Comment also on the difference it makes for us to break through our culture’s claim of the right to comfort and success and embrace suffering as a part of God’s plan to make us “mature and complete.”
The refining process certainly isn’t easy. At times, each of us is tempted to bail out. I’ve heard it said many times:
The true measure of a person is this: What does it take to make him quit?
Joseph Finished Well
Humanly speaking, Joseph had every reason in the world to quit. He was betrayed, abandoned, falsely accused, imprisoned, and forgotten—for years! But through it all, he clung to God’s promise that someday he would have a role in his family’s welfare (remember the dreams he had when he was a boy?). Perhaps it was that word from God so many years before that kept the light of hope burning in his heart. Perhaps it was that word from God that gave him a glimpse of God’s great heart so that he could trust God with the deepest valleys of life and say to his brothers: “You meant it for evil, but God meant it for good.”
The writer to the Hebrews tells us that Joseph stayed on track through the valleys of heartache and the mountain tops of success. At the close of his life, Joseph was still walking with God and making plans for the future. The writer tells us: (Click)
“By faith Joseph, when his end was near, spoke about the exodus of the Israelites from Egypt and gave instructions about his bones” (Heb 11:22).
Joseph lived by faith even when his circumstances yelled at him to quit, and he lived by faith when success could have gone to his head and made him proud. Both situations tested him, and found him true.
Instructions to Help Us Finish Well
A few verses later, the writer to the Hebrews finishes his list of those who kept the faith during the most severe refining processes, and then he gives us clear instructions about how we can follow their excellent example: (Click)
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. . . .
“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God”
(Heb 12:1-2).
Let’s break these verses into separate instructions:
1. Get encouragement from the right crowd.
It might be instructive for you and me to step back and take a hard look at the input we get every day. And some of our input is what we tell ourselves about God, about our situations, and about ourselves. How much of it encourages our faith? And how much of it questions God’s character and purposes? How much of it compels us to take the next step in our walk with Jesus? And how much of it is a diversion down a different path? When we are going through times of testing and refining, we desperately need encouragement from the right crowd. Friends and family may provide that encouragement, but whether they do or not, we can look at heroes of the faith to give us hope and tenacity during our darkest days. They are the “cloud of witnesses” the writer talks about.
—Noah is there when we’re called on to do something we’ve never done before.
—Abraham is there when we’re called on to go someplace we’ve never been before.
—Moses is there when we’re called on to risk like we’ve never risked before.
—David is there when we’re called on to lead like we’ve never led before.
—Peter is there when we’re called on to be bolder than we’ve ever been before.
—Paul is there when we’re called on to have a passion like we’ve never had before.
—Jesus is there when we’re called on to be obedient more than we’ve ever been before.
—And Joseph is there when we’re called on to endure longer than we thought we could last before.
Note: Comment on how important it is to see these heroes of the faith in the stands watching and cheering us on.
2. Realize we’re not alone in the process.
Throughout the pages of Scripture, we read of God’s unflinching commitment to walk through life with us. In several covenants, he promises, “I will be your God, and you will be my people.” Through the prophets, he promises, “Do not fear for I am with you.” And when Jesus ascended, he promised, “I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” You and I can be confident of God’s solemn pledge to never ever leave us. We may feel alone and abandoned, but we can take heart that our feelings are not the end of the story. The truth is that God is nearer than our breath. And he cares more than we can ever know.
The Bible also includes a host of “one another” passages about how the body of Christ, the family of God, should operate. If you are feeling abandoned by the family of God, take heart and keep looking. God will provide someone to encourage, comfort, and love you, and yes, admonish you if you need it.
3. Get rid of the weight.
The writer tells us to “throw off everything that hinders” us. These aren’t sins. He’ll get to that in a minute. These are things that accumulate in our lives and slow us down. Like what? Like too many things in our schedules, too many obligations and worries, too much concern about money, and too many possessions that take up our time and attention. None of these things are wrong by themselves, but too many of them weigh us down and keep us from running well.
Think of a marathon runner. What does that person wear? Extremely light shorts and shirt—and feather-light shoes. The runner doesn’t carry a backpack or an anvil or a concrete block. That would be foolish, wouldn’t it? But many of us clutter our lives with all kinds of desires, possessions, and activities. Individually, these may be good and fine, but the cumulative effect is that we are weighted down. How can you tell if you are weighed down? I think there are two questions which give light on this topic:
(Click)
• How much joy do you have? (Click)
• How much do you complain about not having enough time, having to fix things, difficult people, not having enough money, etc.?
Note: Comment on those things you have identified in your own life that “hindered” your race. What choices did you make? What benefits came from these decisions? Dr. Reccord identified excessive busyness in his own life. (See page 205.) You may want to read the poem on page 206.
4. Set aside your sin.
I believe the vast majority of those in this room are very conscientious about their relationship with God. Yes, from time to time we hear of a Christian leader who has been living in gross sin for years, but most of us are either too thankful for God’s grace or too scared of the consequences (or both) to engage in such blatant sins. But the little ones can eat our lunches, too.
We take our cars in for check ups and oil changes every few thousand miles, and we need to do the same thing spiritually. Of course, if we realize there’s a problem, we need to deal with it immediately. But even if there is no glaring problem, we are wise to kneel before the throne of God and open ourselves to his reproof where “all things are open and laid bare before the eyes of him with whom we have to do” (Heb 4:13). We invite him, “Lord, I belong to you. Is there anything in me that displeases you? I’m listening, Lord.” We are quiet and allow the Holy Spirit to illumine our minds and hearts. Sometimes, God shows us something quickly: a harsh word to our spouse, ignoring a co-worker, anger at our children. But sometimes it takes a few minutes for the Spirit to do his work of penetrating the crust of our self-sufficiency and show us a sinful attitude or behavior.
At that point, we can choose to excuse ourselves, blame somebody else, or far better: we can bask in the incredible forgiveness of God.
Note: Tell about your own openness to God’s Spirit reproving you and forgiving you.
5. Run the race.
The Boston Marathon is probably the most famous race in the world. One thing can be said about it by anyone who has run in it: It’s not an easy race. Near the end of the race, the course goes up a long hill. The exhausted runners are pushed to the limit of their endurance and stamina. They hit what they call, “The Wall,” a point that every muscle in their bodies is screaming out to quit. If they are to continue, they have to “go inside” and press through the pain to keep running.
Far too often, we Christians think that God should protect us from suffering. Some people quit early in the race when they feel the first twinges of pain. But most of us keep running for a long time. Then we hit “the wall” of a loved one’s death, a disease, or another deep disappointment. We want to quit, and some of us do quit at that point. We drift away from God and from those who could encourage us to keep going. But some of us realize that the hill and “the wall” are not a surprise at all. They are a part of the race, and we find the inner strength to put one foot in front of the other, even when we don’t think we can take one more step.
Note: Talk about your own experience of not giving up during a particularly difficult time in your life.
6. Concentrate on the Pacesetter and the finish line.
The writer tells us to “fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.” He is our pacesetter. He is the one we need to watch very closely, and if we are wise, we will stay close to him all the way.
Some Rules of Track Are: (Click)
—When you run, don’t look at your feet, or you’ll trip and fall.
—Don’t look at the crowd, or you’ll lose perspective of where you are. (Click)
—Don’t watch your competition, because it will distract you from your race. (Click)
—As you run, keep your eye on the finish line, and don’t ever let it waver.
The Refined Heart
I’m convinced that:
Much of God’s Intentional Work of Refining Us Is Designed to Change Our Hearts
It is there that our true motives and affections lie, and it is there that the deepest—and most difficult—work of refining takes place.
Paul wrote the believers in Corinth: (Click)
“But I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent’s cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ” (II Cor 11:3).
Paul would say the same thing to you and me today. The cult of comfort and success has deceived our culture, and to some degree, it threatens to deceive you and me into thinking that pleasure, or promotions, or popularity, or possessions are the measuring sticks of life. They aren’t. A sincere and pure devotion to Christ is God’s goal as he refines us. We will be wise to cooperate with him instead of fighting him.
Purity of devotion to Christ doesn’t just happen. We have to want it passionately and be willing to deal ruthlessly with our hearts. Jesus talked about this simple and pure devotion when he said:
And Jesus said: (Click)
“If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me” (Matt 16:24).
German pastor and martyr, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, said it bluntly:
Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote: (Click)
“When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die.”
And Jesus spoke clearly about the consequences of our choices to either cling to the empty deception of comfort and success or choosing to follow him wholeheartedly:
And Jesus told his disciples: (Click)
“Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it” (Matt 10:39).
Ultimately, the refining process changes our wants and our wills. The heat of suffering, the hammers of forgiveness and confrontation, and the cooling periods of waiting all are parts of God’s great plan to transform our hearts so we want him more than anyone else and his will more than anything else. You and I have a choice at each step in this race. We can quit, we can run a different direction, or we can follow Jesus and let him do his work in us.
Note: End with a story from your own life or the life of someone else of how the refining process yielded a “sincere and pure devotion to Christ.”
Putting Yourself in the Refiner’s Hands
Note: Give them time for personal reflection.
2. What are some encouraging messages you have been listening to? Where have these come from? (Click)
What are some discouraging messages you’ve heard lately? What are the sources of these?
3. Why is it vital to trust God’s presence even when you can’t sense he is there? (Click)
4. What are some hindrances in your life as you run the race?
5. Take a few minutes right now and invite God to show you any sins that entangle you at this point in your race, then enjoy his cleansing and forgiveness. (Click)
6. When have you been tempted to quit the race? How did you keep going?
7. Explain how II Corinthians 11:3 and the other passages at the end of this session relate to refining. (Click)
8. What has been the most enlightening or encouraging thing you’ve gained from this seminar?
9. What specific things will you do to internalize these principles and make them more a part of your experience?
Take some time now to work on these exercises.
Note: Tell them how much time is allotted in the schedule.
Discussion
Now it’s time to get into groups of four for the last time and talk about the discussion questions in the manual.
Note: After the time is up, thank them for coming and pray for them as they apply what they’ve learned.
