Say What Quotes

Accidents are one of
Accidents are one of
Say What the main causes of
the main causes of
accidents.
accidents.
Quotes
US Safety Administration
US Safety Administration

Stupid Quotes From Across History

Whenever II watch TV and
Whenever watch TV and
see those poor starving
see those poor starving
kids all over the world, II
kids all over the world,
can't help but cry. II mean
can't help but cry. mean
I'd love to be skinny like
I'd love to be skinny like
that but not with all those
that but not with all those
flies and death and stuff.
flies and death and stuff.

Mariah Carey
Mariah Carey

Question: If you could live forever,
Question: If you could live forever, If II entered into an
If entered into an
would you and why?
would you and why?
agreement with that
agreement with that
Answer: II would not live forever,
Answer: would not live forever, man, II would be sticking
man, would be sticking
because we should not live forever,
because we should not live forever,
because if we were supposed to live
because if we were supposed to live
my head in a moose
my head in a moose
forever, then we would live forever,
forever, then we would live forever,
but we cannot live forever, which is
but we cannot live forever, which is Samuel Goldwyn
Samuel Goldwyn
why II would not live.
why would not live.
Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest
Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest

Stupid Quotes From Across History Stupid Quotes From Across History

Page 1 Say What Quotes

They gave me a
They gave me a After finding no qualified
After finding no qualified
standing observation candidates for the position of
candidates for the position of
standing observation principal, the school board is
principal, the school board is
extremely pleased to
extremely pleased to
Florida State coach Bill
Florida State coach Bill announce the appointment
Peterson announce the appointment
Peterson David Steele to the post.
David Steele to the post.

Philip Streifer, Superintendent of
Philip Streifer, Superintendent of
Schools, Barrington, Rhode Island
Schools, Barrington, Rhode Island


It is bad luck to be The only problem with
superstitious. progress is that it went
on too long
Andrew Mathis
Andrew Mathis
Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra


You’re a parasite for
You’re a parasite for When it comes to ruining
When it comes to ruining
sour eyes.
sour eyes. a painting, he’s an artist
a painting, he’s an artist
Actor Gregory Ratoff
Actor Gregory Ratoff Sam Goldwyn on an abstract
Sam Goldwyn on an abstract
painter
painter



We're going to turn this
We're going to turn this Half of this game is 90
Half of this game is 90
team around 360 degrees.
team around 360 degrees. percent mental.
percent mental.
Basketball player Jason Kidd, upon
Basketball player Jason Kidd, upon Philadelphia Phillies manager
Philadelphia Phillies manager
his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks
his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks Danny Ozark
Danny Ozark


II called the doctor & he
called the doctor & he We only have one
We only have one
told me the contraptions
told me the contraptions person to blame &
person to blame &
were an hour apart
were an hour apart that’s each other
that’s each other
Mackey Sasser, NY Mets catcher
Mackey Sasser, NY Mets catcher NY Ranger Barry Beck
NY Ranger Barry Beck
on events leading up to the birth
on events leading up to the birth
of his first child
of his first child


You always write it’s
You always write it’s We are experiencing
We are experiencing
bombing, bombing,
bombing, bombing, audio technicalities
audio technicalities
bombing - it’s not
bombing - it’s not
bombing, it’s air support.
bombing, it’s air support. Announcer Ralph Kiner
Announcer Ralph Kiner

US Air Force Colonel David Opfer
US Air Force Colonel David Opfer



Mike Andrews’ limits
Mike Andrews’ limits Chickens, like two
Chickens, like two
are limitless
are limitless edged swords, oft times
edged swords, oft times
come home to roost.
come home to roost.
Danny Ozark
Danny Ozark small-town newspaper
small-town newspaper
editor in Wisconsin
editor in Wisconsin


Our comedies are not
Our comedies are not A verbal contract isn’t
A verbal contract isn’t
to be laughed at.
to be laughed at. worth the paper it’s
worth the paper it’s
written on.
written on.
Sam Goldwyn
Sam Goldwyn
Samuel Goldwyn
Samuel Goldwyn


II want to gain 1500 or
want to gain 1500 or It rolls off my back
It rolls off my back
2000 yards, which ever
2000 yards, which ever like a duck
like a duck
comes first.
comes first.
Sam Goldwyn
Sam Goldwyn
New Orleans running back
New Orleans running back
George Rogers
George Rogers



That lowdown
That lowdown Half the lies our
Half the lies our
scoundrel deserves to
scoundrel deserves to opponents tell about
opponents tell about
be kicked to death by a
be kicked to death by a us are not true.
us are not true.
jackass and I’m just the
jackass and I’m just the
one to do it.
one to do it. Sir Boyle Roche, British politician
Sir Boyle Roche, British politician

Massachusetts State Senator
Massachusetts State Senator
John Parket
John Parket

II answer in the
answer in the Death is what we must
Death is what we must
affirmative with an
affirmative with an all come to if we only
all come to if we only
emphatic “No”!
emphatic “No”! live long enough.
live long enough.
Sir Boyle Roche,
Sir Boyle Roche, actor David Garrick
actor David Garrick
British politician
British politician


My friends, II desire that
My friends, desire that Separate together in a
Separate together in a
you will make a post-
you will make a post- bunch & don’t stand
bunch & don’t stand
mortem examination of
mortem examination of around so much in little
around so much in little
me & find out what ails
me & find out what ails bundles.
bundles.
me as II am dying to know
me as am dying to know
what my disease is.
what my disease is. Director Michael Curtiz to extras
Director Michael Curtiz to extras

James Smithson on his deathbed
James Smithson on his deathbed


They already bite the
They already bite the II will bring down my
will bring down my
hand that lays the
hand that lays the foot with a strong hand.
foot with a strong hand.
golden egg.
golden egg.
Saddam Hussein
Saddam Hussein
Samuel Goldwyn
Samuel Goldwyn


It’s dull from beginning
It’s dull from beginning Facts are stupid things.
Facts are stupid things.
to end. But it’s loaded
to end. But it’s loaded
with entertainment.
with entertainment. Ronald Reagan
Ronald Reagan

Director Michael Curtiz


Some of the facts are
Some of the facts are We made too many
We made too many
true, some are distorted,
true, some are distorted, wrong mistakes.
wrong mistakes.
& some are untrue
& some are untrue
Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra
US State Department spokesman
US State Department spokesman



If there’s a pileup,
If there’s a pileup, II must have had
must have had
they’ll have to give
they’ll have to give ambrosia.
ambrosia.
some of the players
some of the players
artificial insemination.
artificial insemination. Milwaukee Brewer Jim Gantner
Milwaukee Brewer Jim Gantner
on why he forgot to appear on
on why he forgot to appear on
a talk show
a talk show
TV announcer Curt Gowdy
TV announcer Curt Gowdy
during a game marked by heavy
during a game marked by heavy
rains that flooded the field
rains that flooded the field


When II want your
When want your II want to thank all those
want to thank all those
opinion, I’ll give it
opinion, I’ll give it who made this night
who made this night
to you.
to you. necessary
necessary
Sam Goldwyn
Sam Goldwyn Yogi Berra addressing the crowd
Yogi Berra addressing the crowd
at an event in his honor
at an event in his honor


You give a 100 percent
You give a 100 percent Mickey Mantle’s a
Mickey Mantle’s a
is the first half of the
is the first half of the switch hitter because
switch hitter because
game & if it isn’t
game & if it isn’t he’s amphibious
he’s amphibious
enough, in the second
enough, in the second
half you give what’s left
half you give what’s left Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra

Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra



If you can’t imitate him,
If you can’t imitate him, II got a touch of
got a touch of
don’t copy him
don’t copy him pantomime poisoning.
pantomime poisoning.
Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra Yogi Berra explaining why he
Yogi Berra explaining why he
couldn’t play a game
couldn’t play a game


II wish II had an answer to
wish had an answer to The similarities
The similarities
that because I’m getting
that because I’m getting between me & my
between me & my
tired of answering that
tired of answering that father are different.
father are different.
question.
question.
Dale Berra, Yogi Berra’s son
Dale Berra, Yogi Berra’s son
Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra


This is the greatest
This is the greatest Wrist wrestling is 90%
Wrist wrestling is 90%
country in America
country in America strength & 40%
strength & 40%
technique.
technique.
Florida State coach Bill Peterson
John Walker, world wrist-
John Walker, world wrist-
wrestling champion
wrestling champion



A gun is a recreational
A gun is a recreational I’ve been laid up with
I’ve been laid up with
tool like a golf club or a
tool like a golf club or a the intentional flu.
the intentional flu.
tennis racket. You can
tennis racket. You can
kills someone with a
kills someone with a Sam Goldwyn
Sam Goldwyn
golf club you know.
golf club you know.
NRA official Martel Lovelace
NRA official Martel Lovelace


II had a great idea this
had a great idea this I’m the football coach
I’m the football coach
morning but II didn’t
morning but didn’t around here & don’t
around here & don’t
like it.
like it. you remember it.
you remember it.
Sam Goldwyn
Sam Goldwyn Florida State coach Bill Peterson


Don’t talk to me while
Don’t talk to me while I’ve never had major
I’ve never had major
I’m interrupting.
I’m interrupting. knee surgery on any
knee surgery on any
other part of my body.
other part of my body.
Kentucky basketball player
Kentucky basketball player
Winston Bennett
Winston Bennett



It’s not a matter of life &
It’s not a matter of life & Smoking kills. If you’re
Smoking kills. If you’re
death - it’s much more
death - it’s much more killed, you’ve lost a
killed, you’ve lost a
important than that.
important than that. very important part
very important part
of your life.
of your life.
Boxing promoter Lou Duva
Boxing promoter Lou Duva
Actress Brooke Shields
Actress Brooke Shields


Could you get a little
Could you get a little My boyfriend is a split
My boyfriend is a split
closer apart?
closer apart? personality - a kind of
personality - a kind of
Jekyll of all trades.
Jekyll of all trades.
Actress Dorothy Stickney
Actress Dorothy Stickney


Since the government
Since the government If II found a million
If found a million
has let the cat out of
has let the cat out of dollars, I’d find the
dollars, I’d find the
the bag, there’s nothing
the bag, there’s nothing fellow who lost it & if he
fellow who lost it & if he
to do but take the bull
to do but take the bull was poor, I’d return it.
was poor, I’d return it.
by the horns.
by the horns.
Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra
Member of Parliament
Member of Parliament
Jeremiah MacVeagh
Jeremiah MacVeagh


I’d fight him for nothing
I’d fight him for nothing You’ve got to learn to
You’ve got to learn to
if the price was right.
if the price was right. take the bull by the teeth.
take the bull by the teeth.
Boxer Marlon Starling
Boxer Marlon Starling Sam Goldwyn
Sam Goldwyn


Give me a smart idiot
Give me a smart idiot A verbal contract isn’t
A verbal contract isn’t
over a stupid genius
over a stupid genius worth the paper it’s
worth the paper it’s
any day.
any day. written on.
written on.
Sam Goldwyn
Sam Goldwyn Sam Goldwyn
Sam Goldwyn


Well it seems pretty
Well it seems pretty They’re multipurpose - not
They’re multipurpose - not
ridiculous to me that
ridiculous to me that only do they put the clips
only do they put the clips
people can be so
people can be so on, but they take them off.
on, but they take them off.
emotional about how you
emotional about how you
kill people. What’s so bad
kill people. What’s so bad Pratt & Whitney spokesperson
Pratt & Whitney spokesperson
about napalm anyway? explaining why the company
explaining why the company
about napalm anyway? charged the Air Force $1000
charged the Air Force $1000
for a pair of pliers
for a pair of pliers
Pilot at Danang Air Force Base,
Pilot at Danang Air Force Base,
1970
1970


Some quiet guys are
Some quiet guys are That picture was taken
That picture was taken
inwardly outgoing.
inwardly outgoing. out of context.
out of context.
Announcer Ralph Kiner
Announcer Ralph Kiner New York pitcher Jeff Innis
New York pitcher Jeff Innis
commenting on a bad
commenting on a bad
picture taken of him
picture taken of him


Nobody goes there
Nobody goes there He’s living beyond
He’s living beyond
anymore, it’s too
anymore, it’s too his means, but he
his means, but he
crowded.
crowded. can afford it.
can afford it.
Yogi Berra on why he didn’t
Yogi Berra on why he didn’t Samuel Goldwyn
Samuel Goldwyn
want to go to dinner at a
want to go to dinner at a
particular restaurant
particular restaurant


II didn’t really say
didn’t really say Sir, you have tasted whole
Sir, you have tasted whole
everything II said.
everything said. worms, you have hissed all of
worms, you have hissed all of
my mystery lectures, and
my mystery lectures, and
Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra been caught fighting a liar in
been caught fighting a liar in
the quad, you will leave
the quad, you will leave
Oxford by the next town drain
Oxford by the next town drain

Rev. William Spooner telling a
Rev. William Spooner telling a
student to leave his class for non-
student to leave his class for non-
Stupid Quotes From Across History attention and lighting fires
attention and lighting fires


He can run any time
He can run any time It isn’t like II came down
It isn’t like came down
he wants - I’m giving
he wants - I’m giving from Mount Sinai with
from Mount Sinai with
him the red light.
him the red light. the tabloids
the tabloids
Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra Indianapolis Colts coach Ron
Indianapolis Colts coach Ron
Meyer
Meyer


You are partly one
You are partly one Include me out.
Include me out.
hundred percent right.
hundred percent right.
Sam Goldwyn
Sam Goldwyn
Sam Goldwyn
Sam Goldwyn


It was necessary to
It was necessary to My sister is expecting a
My sister is expecting a
destroy the village in
destroy the village in baby & I’m not sure
baby & I’m not sure
order to save it.
order to save it. whether I’m going to be
whether I’m going to be
an uncle or an aunt.
an uncle or an aunt.
American office in Vietnam in
American office in Vietnam in
1968 report on razing of village
1968 report on razing of village Basketball player Chuck Nevitt
Basketball player Chuck Nevitt
of Ben Tre
of Ben Tre



You should hear her
You should hear her II never put on a pair
never put on a pair
sing. She’s a female
sing. She’s a female of shoes until I’ve
of shoes until I’ve
Lena Horne.
Lena Horne. worn them five years.
worn them five years.
Producer Joe Pasternak
Producer Joe Pasternak Sam Goldwyn
Sam Goldwyn


They were singing
They were singing Me and George and Billy
Me and George and Billy
without accompaniment.
without accompaniment. are two of a kind.
are two of a kind.
You know - Acapulco
You know - Acapulco
Texas Ranger player
Texas Ranger player
director George Ratoff Mickey Rivers
Mickey Rivers
director George Ratoff


Baseball is 90 percent
Baseball is 90 percent Anyone who can’t hear
Anyone who can’t hear
mental. The other half
mental. The other half the difference between
the difference between
is physical.
is physical. a ball hitting wood and
a ball hitting wood and
a ball hitting concrete
a ball hitting concrete
Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra must be blind.
must be blind.
Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra



It’s more than
It’s more than II will draw from the hilt
will draw from the hilt
magnificent, it’s
magnificent, it’s & will not cease firing
& will not cease firing
mediocre.
mediocre. until II have proved
until have proved
every statement true.
every statement true.
Sam Goldwyn
Sam Goldwyn
Walthamstown city councilor
Walthamstown city councilor


It was hard to have a
It was hard to have a Last night II neglected to
Last night neglected to
conversation with
conversation with mention something that
mention something that
anyone, there were so
anyone, there were so bears repeating.
bears repeating.
many people talking.
many people talking.
Broadcaster Ron Fairly
Broadcaster Ron Fairly
Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra


If II wasn’t talking, II
If wasn’t talking, Because of the earthquake, the
Because of the earthquake, the
telephone company is urging
telephone company is urging
wouldn’t know what
wouldn’t know what people to please not use the phone
people to please not use the phone
to say.
to say. unless it’s an absolute emergency
unless it’s an absolute emergency
in order to keep lines open for
in order to keep lines open for
New York Islander goalie
New York Islander goalie emergency personnel. We’ll be
emergency personnel. We’ll be
Chico Resch
Chico Resch right back after this break to give
right back after this break to give
away a pair of Phil Collins concert
away a pair of Phil Collins concert
tickets to caller number 95.
tickets to caller number 95.

Stupid Quotes From Across History LA DJ after the February ‘90 quake
LA DJ after the February ‘90 quake


Telling it like it is
Telling it like it is If you come to a fork in
If you come to a fork in
means telling it like it
means telling it like it the road, take it.
the road, take it.
was and how it is now
was and how it is now
that it isn’t what it was
that it isn’t what it was Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra
to the is now people
to the is now people
Writer Jill Johnson in the
Writer Jill Johnson in the
Village Voice
Village Voice

If II told you the truth,
If told you the truth, The honorable member
The honorable member
I’d be a hypocrite.
I’d be a hypocrite. did not want the truth.
did not want the truth.
Director Michael Curtiz had asked for the facts.
had asked for the facts.
British statesman
British statesman
Joseph Chamberlain
Joseph Chamberlain


The motion is resolved
The motion is resolved You can observe a lot
You can observe a lot
unanimously with one
unanimously with one by watching.
by watching.
dissenting voice.
dissenting voice.
Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra
Irish Board of Guardians meeting
Irish Board of Guardians meeting



Work is the drink of
Work is the drink of This is the best
This is the best
cursing class.
cursing class. biography of me II
biography of me
instead of:
instead of:
have ever read.
have ever read.
Drink is the curse of the
Drink is the curse of the Lawrence Welk
Lawrence Welk
working class.
working class.
Rev. William Spooner
Rev. William Spooner

II want to hear it so
want to hear it so II don’t feel we did wrong in
don’t feel we did wrong in
quiet we can hear a
quiet we can hear a taking this great country away
taking this great country away
mouse dropping.
mouse dropping. from the Indians. There were
from the Indians. There were
great numbers of people who
great numbers of people who
Director Gregory Ratoff needed new land and the
needed new land and the
Director Gregory Ratoff
Indians were selfishly trying to
Indians were selfishly trying to
keep it for themselves.
keep it for themselves.

Actor John Wayne
Actor John Wayne

Not only is Moorehead
Not only is Moorehead Sure the body count in
Sure the body count in
ambidextrous, but he
ambidextrous, but he the movie bothers me,
the movie bothers me,
can throw with either
can throw with either but what are you gonna
but what are you gonna
hand do? It’s what everybody
do? It’s what everybody
hand likes. At least it’s not an
likes. At least it’s not an
awful body count, it’s a
awful body count, it’s a
Michigan football coach Duffy
Michigan football coach Duffy
Daugherty
Daugherty
fun body count.
fun body count.

Actress Bonnie Bedelia, star
Actress Bonnie Bedelia, star
Stupid Quotes From Across History of Die Harder
of Die Harder


We all get heavier as we
We all get heavier as we If you don’t disagree
If you don’t disagree
get older because there’s
get older because there’s with me, how will II
with me, how will
a lot more information in
a lot more information in know I’m right?
know I’m right?
our heads.
our heads. Sam Goldwyn
Sam Goldwyn
Basketball player Vlade Divac
Basketball player Vlade Divac


Line up alphabetically
Line up alphabetically When we got behind in
When we got behind in
by height
by height the twelfth inning II
the twelfth inning
wasn’t apprehensive
wasn’t apprehensive
Baseball coach Casey Stengel
Baseball coach Casey Stengel ...but II was scared.
...but was scared.
Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra


Francis Bacon was
Francis Bacon was Our strength is that we
Our strength is that we
probably our greatest
probably our greatest don’t have any
don’t have any
living painter...until
living painter...until weaknesses. Our
weaknesses. Our
he died.
he died. weakness is that we don’t
weakness is that we don’t
have any real strengths.
have any real strengths.
BBC news presenter
BBC news presenter
Arkansas football coach Frank
Arkansas football coach Frank
Broyles
Broyles


II don’t think anybody
don’t think anybody A bachelor’s life is no
A bachelor’s life is no
should write his
should write his life for a single man,
life for a single man,
autobiography until
autobiography until
after he’s dead.
after he’s dead. Sam Goldwyn
Sam Goldwyn

Sam Goldwyn
Sam Goldwyn


Ball handling &
Ball handling & We’re not afraid of
We’re not afraid of
dribbling are my
dribbling are my challenges - it’s like II
challenges - it’s like
strongest weaknesses.
strongest weaknesses. always say - if you go
always say - if you go
out in the rain, be
out in the rain, be
Denver basketball star David
Denver basketball star David prepared to get burned.
prepared to get burned.
Thompson
Thompson
Brazilian soccer player
Brazilian soccer player


Don’t pay attention to
Don’t pay attention to Millions of people who
Millions of people who
the critics - don’t even
the critics - don’t even have never died before
have never died before
ignore them.
ignore them. will be killed.
will be killed.
Sam Goldwyn
Sam Goldwyn Star Trek Captain James T. Kirk
Star Trek Captain James T. Kirk



Don’t do it the way II did it
Don’t do it the way did it II was very pleasantly
was very pleasantly
- do it the way II meant it.
- do it the way meant it. disappointed.
disappointed.
Director Otto Preminger
Director Otto Preminger Sam Goldwyn
Sam Goldwyn


We don’t necessarily
We don’t necessarily Open seven days a
Open seven days a
discriminate, we simply
discriminate, we simply week, excluding
week, excluding
exclude certain types
exclude certain types Sundays!
Sundays!
of people.
of people. Sign on a Kentucky
Sign on a Kentucky
ROTC Lieutenant Colonel Fried Chicken store
Fried Chicken store
ROTC Lieutenant Colonel
Gerald Wellman
Gerald Wellman


These people haven’t
These people haven’t If the fans don’t want
If the fans don’t want
seen the last of my face.
seen the last of my face. to come out to the
to come out to the
If II go down, I’m going
If go down, I’m going park, how are you
park, how are you
down standing up.
down standing up. going to stop them?
going to stop them?
Indiana Pacers basketball
Indiana Pacers basketball Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra
player Chuck Person
player Chuck Person



II was asked to come to
was asked to come to Hey, they spelled
Hey, they spelled
Chicago because it’s
Chicago because it’s my name wrong!
my name wrong!
one of our 52 states
one of our 52 states Yogi Berra upon receiving a
Yogi Berra upon receiving a
Raquel Welch check made out “To Bearer”
check made out “To Bearer”
Raquel Welch


Researchers have discovered that
Researchers have discovered that
chocolate produces some of the
chocolate produces some of the Kemo Sabe means
Kemo Sabe means
same effects in the brain as
same effects in the brain as soggy shrub in Navajo
soggy shrub in Navajo
marijuana. The researchers also
marijuana. The researchers also
discovered similarities between
discovered similarities between
the chocolate and marijuana, but
the chocolate and marijuana, but
I can't remember what they are.
I can't remember what they are.

Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22
Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22


II never set out to hurt
never set out to hurt My horse was in the
My horse was in the
anybody deliberately
anybody deliberately lead coming down the
lead coming down the
unless it was, you know,
unless it was, you know, stretch, when the
stretch, when the
important - like a league
important - like a league caddie fell off.
caddie fell off.
game or something.
game or something. Sam Goldwyn
Sam Goldwyn
Dick Butkus, linebacker
Dick Butkus, linebacker



The carrying of
The carrying of II mean it’s a great story.
mean it’s a great story.
concealed weapons is
concealed weapons is It’s got some great
It’s got some great
forbidden except when
forbidden except when things in it. II mean,
things in it. mean,
they are exhibited to
they are exhibited to there’s something like
there’s something like
public view.
public view. eight violent deaths.
eight violent deaths.
Pocatello, Idaho law
Pocatello, Idaho law actor Mel Gibson
actor Mel Gibson
explaining Hamlet
explaining Hamlet


If II could drop dead
If could drop dead You wouldn’t have won
You wouldn’t have won
right now, I’d be the
right now, I’d be the if we had beaten you.
if we had beaten you.
happiest man alive.
happiest man alive. Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra
Sam Goldwyn
Sam Goldwyn


II don’t know & II
don’t know & Go & see for yourself
Go & see for yourself
don’t care.
don’t care. why you shouldn’t
why you shouldn’t
go see it.
go see it.
Utah Jazz forward Jeff
Utah Jazz forward Jeff
Wilkens when asked whether
Wilkens when asked whether Sam Goldwyn
Sam Goldwyn
his bad play in a game was
his bad play in a game was
due to ignorance or apathy
due to ignorance or apathy



We’ll do all right if
We’ll do all right if Either give me what II
Either give me what
we capitalize on our
we capitalize on our demand or I’ll take
demand or I’ll take
mistakes.
mistakes. what you’re offering.
what you’re offering.
Texas Ranger’s player
Texas Ranger’s player New York Yankee
New York Yankee
Mickey Rivers
Mickey Rivers manager Joe Torre
manager Joe Torre


And now the sequence
And now the sequence If there’s a 50% chance
If there’s a 50% chance
of events in no
of events in no we’ll repeat as American
we’ll repeat as American
particular order.
particular order. League champs, you
League champs, you
gotta remember that
gotta remember that
news anchor Dan Rather
news anchor Dan Rather there’s also a 75%
there’s also a 75%
chance that we won’t.
chance that we won’t.
Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra

II found a delivery in
found a delivery in People should buy
People should buy
my flaw.
my flaw. thousands of these &
thousands of these &
save them for their
save them for their
Kansas City relief pitcher
Kansas City relief pitcher
Dan Quisenberry
Dan Quisenberry
ancestors.
ancestors.
journalist Pete Hamill
journalist Pete Hamill



II don’t think you’re going to
don’t think you’re going to If you can’t give me
If you can’t give me
see a great uproar in this
see a great uproar in this your word of honor,
your word of honor,
country about the Republican
country about the Republican will you at least give
will you at least give
committee trying to bug the
committee trying to bug the me your promise?
Democratic headquarters. me your promise?
Democratic headquarters.
Sam Goldwyn
Sam Goldwyn
Richard Nixon 4 days after Watergate
Richard Nixon 4 days after Watergate


Congratulations on
Congratulations on We’re overpaying him,
We’re overpaying him,
breaking my record. II
breaking my record. but he’s worth it.
but he’s worth it.
always thought the
always thought the
record would stand until Sam Goldwyn
Sam Goldwyn
record would stand until
it was broken.
it was broken.
Yogi Berra in a telegram to
Yogi Berra in a telegram to
Johnny Bench after Bench
Johnny Bench after Bench
broke Berra’s home run record.
broke Berra’s home run record.

II wasn’t in a slump -
wasn’t in a slump - II have nothing to say.
have nothing to say.
II just wasn’t getting
just wasn’t getting And I’ll only say it once.
And I’ll only say it once.
any hits.
any hits. Toronto Maple Leaf coach
Toronto Maple Leaf coach
Oakland A’s baseball player Floyd Smith
Floyd Smith
Oakland A’s baseball player
Dave Henderson
Dave Henderson



Sometimes they write
Sometimes they write She’s got talent &
She’s got talent &
what II say & not what
what say & not what personality. Give me
personality. Give me
II mean.
mean. two years & I’ll make
two years & I’ll make
her an overnight star.
her an overnight star.
St. Louis Cardinal player
St. Louis Cardinal player
Pedro Guerrero
Pedro Guerrero Producer Harry Cohn
Producer Harry Cohn


Strength is my biggest
Strength is my biggest There is no such thing
There is no such thing
weakness.
weakness. as a surgical strike - a
as a surgical strike - a
scalpel can turn into a
scalpel can turn into a
New Mexico basketball player
New Mexico basketball player
Mark Snow
Mark Snow
club & have a
club & have a
boomerang effect.
boomerang effect.
news anchor Jeremy Paxman
news anchor Jeremy Paxman


You couldn’t keep a
You couldn’t keep a Tonight we’re honoring
Tonight we’re honoring
conversation going.
conversation going. one of the all-time
one of the all-time
Everybody was
Everybody was greats in baseball, Stan
greats in baseball, Stan
talking too much.
talking too much. Musial. He’s immoral.
Musial. He’s immoral.
Yogi Berra
Yogi Berra sportscaster Johnny Logan
sportscaster Johnny Logan



II went hunting in
went hunting in There is one word in
There is one word in
Manitoba, one of those
Manitoba, one of those America that says it all
America that says it all
Canadian proverbs.
Canadian proverbs. - that one word is
- that one word is
“You never know.”
“You never know.”
Milwaukee Brewer baseball player
Milwaukee Brewer baseball player
Jim Gantner
Jim Gantner Houston Astro pitcher
Houston Astro pitcher
Joaquin Andujar
Joaquin Andujar


Chicago Cubs outfielder
Chicago Cubs outfielder Nobody in football
Nobody in football
Andre Dawson on being
Andre Dawson on being should be called a
should be called a
a role model: II want all
a role model: want all genius. A genius is a
genius. A genius is a
the kids to do what II do,
the kids to do what do, guy like Norman
guy like Norman
to look up to me. II want
to look up to me. want Einstein.
Einstein.
all the kids to copulate
all the kids to copulate
me.
me. Football commentator and
Football commentator and
former player Joe Theisman
former player Joe Theisman

Because she's too damn
Because she's too damn I'm going to graduate on
I'm going to graduate on
ugly to kiss goodbye.
ugly to kiss goodbye. time, no matter how
time, no matter how
Houston Oiler coach
Houston Oiler coach long it takes.
long it takes.
Bum Phillips when
Bum Phillips when
asked by Bob Costas Senior basketball player at the
Senior basketball player at the
asked by Bob Costas University of Pittsburgh:
University of Pittsburgh:
why he takes his wife on
why he takes his wife on
all the road trips
all the road trips


You guys line up,
You guys line up, Why would anyone
Why would anyone
alphabetically by height.
alphabetically by height. expect him to come out
expect him to come out
And You guys pair up in
And You guys pair up in smarter? He went to
smarter? He went to
groups of three, then
groups of three, then PRISON for three years,
PRISON for three years,
line up in a circle.
line up in a circle. not Princeton.
not Princeton.
Bill Peterson, a Florida State
Bill Peterson, a Florida State Boxing promoter Dan Duva on
Boxing promoter Dan Duva on
football coach
football coach Mike Tyson hooking up again
Mike Tyson hooking up again
with
with

II can't really remember
can't really remember I've won at every level,
I've won at every level,
the names of the clubs
the names of the clubs except college and pro.
except college and pro.
that we went to.
that we went to.
Shaquille O'Neal, on his then
Shaquille O'Neal, on his then
Shaquille O'Neal on whether
Shaquille O'Neal on whether lack of championships
lack of championships
he had visited the Parthenon
he had visited the Parthenon
during his visit to Greece
during his visit to Greece


He's a guy who gets up
He's a guy who gets up We can't win at home. We
We can't win at home. We
at six o'clock in the
at six o'clock in the can't win on the road. As
can't win on the road. As
morning regardless of
morning regardless of general manager, II just
general manager, just
what time it is. can't figure out where else
can't figure out where else
what time it is. to play.
to play.
Lou Duva, veteran boxing
Lou Duva, veteran boxing
trainer, on the Spartan
trainer, on the Spartan Pat Williams, Orlando Magic
Pat Williams, Orlando Magic
training regime of general manager, on his team's
general manager, on his team's
training regime of 7-27 record
7-27 record
heavyweight Andrew Golota
heavyweight Andrew Golota


Steve Spurrier, Florida
Steve Spurrier, Florida Jim Finks, New Orleans
Jim Finks, New Orleans
football coach, telling
football coach, telling Saints G.M., when asked
Saints G.M., when asked
Gator fans that a fire at
Gator fans that a fire at after a loss what he
after a loss what he
Auburn's football dorm
Auburn's football dorm thought of the refs: I'm
thought of the refs: I'm
had destroyed 20 books:
had destroyed 20 books: not allowed to comment
not allowed to comment
But the real tragedy was
But the real tragedy was on lousy officiating
on lousy officiating
that 15 hadn't been
that 15 hadn't been
colored yet.
colored yet.

Alan Kulwicki, stock
Alan Kulwicki, stock Torrin Polk, University
Torrin Polk, University
car racer, on racing
car racer, on racing of Houston receiver, on
of Houston receiver, on
Saturday nights as
Saturday nights as his coach, John
his coach, John
opposed to Sunday
opposed to Sunday Jenkins: He treats us
Jenkins: He treats us
afternoons: It's
afternoons: It's like men. He lets us
like men. He lets us
basically the same,
basically the same, wear earrings.
wear earrings.
just darker
just darker

Shelby Metcalf, basketball
Shelby Metcalf, basketball
coach at Texas A&M,
coach at Texas A&M,
recounting what he told a
recounting what he told a
player who received four
player who received four
F's and one D: Son, looks
F's and one D: Son, looks
to me like you're spending
to me like you're spending
too much time on one
too much time on one
subject
subject


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