Dot Diaries is an immersive auto ethnography technique that relies of first person narratives to aid the process of meaning construction.

1. 1
Diary of a man with
broken relationships in
the past & getting
married soon …

2. 2
Here I stand on the brink of the biggest
change in my life.
One month from today,
I will be betrothed.
I will finally have love in my life, the
companion I had been searching so long
for.
I know people might find this funny, but I know how much I yearn for love in my
life. Someone with whom I can share my happiness and sorrows, I can laugh with
and fight with. Now I have that someone in my life!
At this point I look back, go down to my memory lane to remember and recollect
those real moments of life where I felt that special feeling about something .or
someone.

3. 3
Man has endless needs and aspirations throughout his life. There would have
been times when he would have noticed it. There would also have been times
where he would have noticed but not really would have realized it. I too have had
my share of aspirations. Many of them have been fueled by some special people
in my life. And these special people have a permanent place in my heart, even
though they are not now in my life. For it is truly hard to forget such persons, and
I have no intention of doing that.

4. 4
God has been
very kind to
me. Yes he
has been till
this moment
and I hope
for the
moments to
come.
I had been
traveling a
lot right
throughout
my life and
meeting so
many people
and have
very special people who I never wanted to miss in my life.
Romantic relationship, oh!! Everyone would love to be in love! Anyone will want
to experience the rushes of love and see the world spinning around one person.
This is one of those relationships which have got the ability to change a person
totally from what he is to what he is not… so easily.

5. 5
My first brush with love was in school. It was dawn, had a perfect light and with
cool breeze blowing around...I along with my friends were sitting in a bus and
every one had
come but it was
she who was yet
to make it. We
were going to the
beach to take part
in a function and
all the kids on the
bus kept taking
her name. She
wasn’t on the bus
yet. It was getting
late and the
teachers were
getting anxious!
Suddenly a guy
shouted, “She’s
come”. I peeped
out of the
window, and
there she was on
a bicycle, a mermaid! Yes a mermaid, as you’ll know they are fictitious, yes she

6. 6
was until that moment when I saw her.
For a moment I couldn’t believe my eyes, stunned beyond my senses... listening to
those morning sounds... flowers blossoming, birds creeping. Now that’s too much
of an introduction and I bet no one could have ever had such a moment to fall in
love with such a girl. Ta da! That’s the moment I was into, what a vision I had! I
could just tell you it was the perfect moment for one to fall in love and I had
already - hook, line and sinker! I eagerly looked forward for her to be near me so
that I could watch her all along and prayed to have her as my companion for the
rest of my life.
We weren’t in the same class, so I rarely got to
meet her and talk to her. But to my amusement I
had a perfect arrangement to get to know each
other. We both were in to the scouting
movement and as luck would have it, we
participated in a training camp for three days at
‘Tonekela’ – a place on the outskirts of Chennai
city. Slowly I realized we were moving along well.
I got to know her and so she did about me and a
moment came that I made the first proposal of my
life. Always a special moment... such a moment
that! Though I hadn’t asked her for anything but
just wanted to express what I had felt and what I
had wished. After that I expressed my thoughts I
realized she had taken it very well. I was

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overjoyed. We spent a lot of time talking and meeting each other. Days passed
and we were up by one grade at school. Then all of sudden doom entered my life.
She was moving to a different city. It was time to say goodbye. It was harder than
any words could describe, but those days were also one of the most sweetest part
of my life.
The time she left me was also was the time when so many things happened in my
family. I was learning that I was up to a huge task of handling my family duties.
My dreams changed and my wants and needs were much bigger and more
defined. So I started preparing myself for a bigger goal. To join defense was one
of dreams and I wanted to serve my country for at least a short while… I did try
my best by attending the testing camps three times. However in spite of my efforts
I did not find myself getting through the interviews. But the learning was
definitely huge for those 5 days of testing period in the Indian defense academy. I

8. 8
just liked being there. But whenever I fail on something I say to myself that I need
to keep trying harder. When nothing does work out I say to myself that there is
something better waiting for me. These were exactly the words that my very close
friend used to share and console me with whenever I was down. Those words still
helps me a lot to keep me on the ground whatever happens around me and give
me patience.
I had completed my secondary
schooling and had passed out
with a descent score. Just a
day before my counseling for
engineering graduation I had
returned to Chennai after
completing the testing camp
/interview conducted by the
Indian navy. So I did not have
much time to select colleges I
could apply to. There were not
many choices, given that my
score was not too high. But I
had already set my eyes on
Mechanical Engineering, in
line with my armed forces
dreams. And so, I chose a college that had seats for this course. I entered college
with high aspirations. I was determined to work hard and do well in my studies,

9. 9
hoping to set myself well.
Yes I did, had got a good name among the lecturers and my mates. I was doing
well in my
studies and
often my pals
used to brand
me as a very
studious
person. Due to
this some of
them kept
away from me
for they
thought I am
not fun.
Studious people are considered to be boring. It took time for people to understand
who I really was. A year and half passed and one day I had expressed to my friend
the desire for talking to a girl from another department. Now this became a bit
complicated. Neither were hardly any girls who used to come to our department,
nor did we go to others.
Friends started questioning me of how I know her and all such things. I only
knew that I was watching her all along my first year in college and I admired her
serenity (inner silence- don’t know how to express it). She always looked to be a
person with loads of self-composure.

10. 10
Her smile was the one that I still adore among all. I shouldn’t say we were into
any sort of relationship. But yes we had something of that sort, something special.
I still believe we understood each other very well. Every evening she used to call
me and we used to talk as we really used to get very little time to talk in our
college as both of us were in separate blocks. When we were nearing the final
semester, some things happened in my family which I would pray no one else
faces. It was a tough time that I passed through. So many things were in front of
me. I had started wondering where I was heading to. There was a time in my final
year when I had actually needed to discontinue as I hadn’t got enough financial
support.
During this time, she was the one who stood by me as a pillar of support. She
could not support me financially, but it was in her strength that I found strength
to pull on. If it had not been for her, I would have broken down at that time. I
would be a no one now. She was the one who helped me gain a hold on my life
and move on.

11. 11
I had hoped that she would be there to support me forever. But forever is
something that never happens in my life. After college, I struggled to find a job.
My scores were low, so no company was ready to recruit me. She on other hand
had found a job in the first campus interview and had been invited to Bangalore
for her training.
I could not believe this was happening for the second time in my life. I secretly
hoped that she would decline the offer, but even then I knew how stupid it was of
me to think like that. However, hoping to maintain a long distance relationship, I
told her my feelings. For which, she looked at me sympathetically, told me that
she only thought of me as her very close friend and nothing more, and walked
away. I wished I had died then.
That's the thing with girls. We talked about everything under the sun, literally
everything. There would be nothing hidden between us, from the fact that she
had shaved her vaginal hair yesterday to me having a masturbation a couple of
days ago. We would even 'accidentally' brush against each other. She would lie of
my shoulders on the days she felt low. But when the three magical words get
spoken, she would say 'we are just friends' and walk away. I have never been able
to understand the logic in that till date.
just

12. 12
One would have thought that after two misses I would have taken a break and
concentrated on setting my life proper. For a while I did too, but cupid loves to
chase me to the end of the world. So through my work life too, there have been a
couple of single sided love stories. The most recent girl is perhaps the one that has
affected me the most. I knew I should not have fallen for her, for she had a steady
boyfriend even when we met first. She was my teammate and I knew pretty well
that she was engaged. Still, I couldn't keep my mind off her.
She was a Christian, and for
her, I started visiting the church
on Sundays. But no matter what
I did, I could not attract her
enough to leave her fiance and
fall for me. In the end, the
inevitable happened. I knew it
would anyway, but it still shook
me to the core. I was listless and
on a dangerous downhill spiral
for many days. The one day,
two of my closest friends, girls
yes, but only friends – whom I
consider my sisters, blasted me
left, right and center for being foolish. They forced me to leave behind all my
stupidity and let my mom look for a match for me.

13. 13
And today, here I am,
after all my struggles,
about to be bound to a
girl who has agreed to
stay with me for life. I
hope this bond will be
strong, and beautiful. I
am determined to be
sincere and give her all
my love. I will hold her
like a dainty flower in
my palm. I will not let
any harm come to her.
And I hope and pray,
that she will nurture me
like a mother, be my
friend, my companion,
my teacher and
confidante. Yes, love is
finally here!

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Dot Diaries is an immersive auto ethnography technique that relies of
first person narratives to aid the process of meaning construction.
To find out more about the same write to info@connectingdots.in
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