Always Chosen: Celebrating the Many Facets of Relationships

ALWAYS CHOSEN
Celebrating the Many Facets of Relationships
Daria Kutuzova - 2017
ALWAYS CHOSEN - DARIA KUTUZOVA 1

St.Valentine's Day annoys me a bit because it excludes lots of people from the
celebration, and exalts one phase in one type of relationships above all others -
which is, in my books, unfair :) So I am promoting alternative festive days and
celebrations :)
February the 6th
ST.MEL’S DAY
St.Mel of Ardagh was an Irish saint, a nephew of St.Patrick, and he is considered
to be the saint patron of singles, of people who are not in a relationship, - and in
general, of the wholeness of persons, that one does not need to be "paired up" to
be successful and real as a person, that we are not somebody else's "halves", but
whole persons who are enough as we are.
So St.Mel's Day, which falls upon the 6th
of February, is the day of celebrating
good relationship with oneself. For me it is the day when I do my "audit" of
expectations - am I grumpy because I am not giving myself the care, the fun and
the pleasure that I need, because I wait till somebody else gives them to me, and
they do not oblige? It is the day when I stop being grumpy and go and take care
of some of my own expectations by fulfilling them myself.
And starting tomorrow, each day I will be celebrating different "facets" of
relationships that do not fit in the narrow definition of St.Valentine's day. There
are so many ways people are each other's "chosen ones" besides that :) For me it
is very important to acknowledge each of those facets.

February the 7th
PROVIDING
Today is about "providing" and allowing the other person to rest assured. I think
it is a very important facet of relationships that is undercelebrated. This is when
someone does and says something that makes the other person feel more
confident about tomorrow - that they would have roof over their head and food
on the table for the children and for themselves. The kind of relationships where
one hears from the other: "If the only obstacle is the money, please rest assured
that there will be no obstacles"; or "don't worry, I'll take care of the expenses", or
"you can do whatever you want, there is no need for you to look for a job right
now", or "get better, take good care of yourself, we'll find the necessary resources
for this", or "you can move in my house or apartment and stay for as long as you
need" or "as long as it depends on me, you will have a steady job and a steady
income".
It can be a relationship with a family-making partner or an ex-partner, with a
parent (or both) or with other relatives, with a friend or an acquaintance, with a
boss at work, with a case manager in a charity fund or with a person who issues
pensions and benefits at a state agency, with a benefactor who prefers to stay
unknown. The relationships of care that are about providing opportunities and
financial conditions for surviving, healing and thriving - and the corresponding
removal of stress factors.
So today I am remembering the people who had provided or have been providing
for me, with gratitude, tracing the good influences of their generosity. And I am
remembering the times when I was the person who provided for others in their
times of need, and I am contemplating the inner state of mind/heart that makes
such kind of responsibility, generosity and caring possible, and tracing the
sources - how I learned to do that, from whom. Sometimes I know the "ripple
effect" and the "pay it forward" effect of my decisions, and that is also worth
contemplating and celebrating :)

February the 8th
DOMESTIC PARTNERSHIPAND LIFE-SUPPORTING EVERYDAY
SERVICE
Today I am focusing on domestic partnership and life-supporting everyday
service. Not in the derogatory sense of serfdom and servitude, but as service in a
spiritual practice sense of the word.
This is the facet of relationship that comes to the forefront when you come home
from work exhausted and there is dinner on the table and clean clothes all ready
for tomorrow, and you don't have to think about this. Or it comes to the forefront
when a person ﬁnds out he doesn't know how to operate the washing machine in
the apartment he has been living in for years :)
This is the facet of relationships that has to do with repetitive everyday actions,
the results of which are usually short-term, such as bringing in food, cooking,
cleaning up, washing, etc. An extremely important form of caring that is
undercelebrated.
In most cases this is a facet of relationship that is present when people share
domestic space for an extended period of time. A domestic partnership exists
between family-making partners, in multi- generation families between parents
and children, including adult children, siblings etc., between roommates and
friends. It can be based on a speciﬁc clearly articulated agreement, or it can be a
pattern continued from childhood of now adult children in domestic partnership
with parents, or it can be a natural "dance" of caring - when one responds to his/
her own needs and wants and includes the other in this, such as: "I am about to
make a cup of coffee - do you want one?"
It is also the day to celebrate the input of the invited people who take care of the
domestic necessities to make our lives easier. The grocery - or ready-made food -
delivery guys, the cleaners, the garbage collectors, the repair men, the ironing
lady. I remember the cleaning lady from one of the houses where I stayed in
Australia - a 60- ish Mary Poppins, who opened the front door with her own key
and a kick of a foot, pushed her enormous powerful vacuum cleaner in and
yelled: "Hello! I am here! Are you decent? What things not to touch?"

Today I am remembering the times of good connection and togetherness in
mutual life-supporting service. For example, when I ﬁrst moved out and my
roommate and I made a whole large pot of soup to last us for the week. And also
I am remembering the moments in domestic partnerships when one of the
partners was a "fairy godmother" to the other (and the other sometimes took it for
granted). And the moments when my service to others in domestic partnership
has the most fulﬁlment as a spiritual practice.
So today I am going to serve those who serve me, and I am going to practice
"karma-yoga" - inviting joy and meaningfulness into my service to others. And I
am going to write down whatever not-joyful thoughts that come to my mind in
regard to this, to re-read them later and think what needs to be done about those
concerns.

February the 9th
SHARING SOMETHING WE GIVE VALUE TO
Today I am celebrating the experience of sharing of something we give value to.
This sharing is a special kind of togetherness where persons are not focused on
each other, but there is a third point of focus. It can be: "Have you read this
book?", "We sure must watch this movie together", "I'd like to take you to one
bar I know, it is a special place, nobody makes coffee like the barista there - and
you should see the decor, I wonder how you'll ﬁnd it", "I was walking today and I
saw something that made me think of you, I took a photo, sorry for the quality,
but look here, do you see?..". To put on a song. To give music as a gift. To send a
link to an article or a video. To invite to taste a special tea.
In this sharing of something we give value to, there is a lot of meaning for me.
The most important meaning is that in the world there are a lot of things and
moments that are fascinating, beautiful, funny, thought-provoking, awakening -
etc., up to "delightfully disgusting". And when we look at this together, there is
resonance - at the same time we look at the "object", whatever this object might
represent, and at our companion - we perceive how s/he perceives the object.
This makes the enjoyment twofold, stereoscopic, and adds an extra dimension to
it.
We look at things together, we listen, feel, taste - we look into the world, and the
world looks into us, and in this light something in us becomes more visible to our
companion, and something in our companion becomes more visible to us. It is
about trust, self-presentation and curiosity. It is like a sound and resonance - we
hope that the reverberation we create by sharing something important to us would
create a resonant response in our companion, another sound in harmony with the
ﬁrst one, so there will be a chord of being, a unity of several sounds. When we
share something that we give value to, we are like composers of life, creating
chords of togetherness.
If we imagine connections between people as gossamer threads - two-
dimensional, narrow, - when we share what we give value to, we expand the
space of relationship, add extra dimensions to it, so it becomes more spacious

and habitable - the topics, poems, images are like elements of the "building" and
"interior decor".
Today I am remembering and celebrating the moments when somebody decided
to share something they give value to, with me. What did they see in me, how did
they choose me as a person with whom to share? How did they see, how could
they recognise in me the ability to give a potentially harmonious response? And I
am thinking about the times when I am the one who is sharing - why and how do
I do it, what do I share with whom, what are my hopes in this?

February the 10th
TRUST AND CHEERING FOR
Today in my celebration of different aspects of relationships, I concentrate on
trust on one side, and believing in/ cheering for on the other side.
These are the moments of relationships, when it is possible to hear: "You know, I
decided to do something important for me, and I don't know whether I will
achieve success or not, but I felt that I could tell you about my intent, my idea,
my dream" - and the response is: "Thank you for trusting me with this, this is an
honour for me. I wish you with all my wishing power, may your dream become
true. I can give you whatever support and encouragement you need - tell me what
would work for you? You can show me the shittiest first drafts, I can be that first
listener, spectator, witness that does not criticise, but is inspired by that what you
do - I can be the kind mirror that reflects your new self, the preferred self you are
becoming".
I think it is a very important aspect of human relationships, whichever
relationships we speak of. This is one of the most important aspects of the
relationships between children and parents, family-making partners, friends,
helping professionals (therapists and coaches) and their clients, mentors and
mentees, teachers and students. This is the facet of relationships that allows us to
heal and to grow.
Today I am remembering the moments when my intentions, ideas and dreams
were met with an unwavering and unconditional faith in me, - what did it mean
to me and what did it lead to. When somebody told me: "I have never doubted
you, I have never stopped believing in you".
And I am remembering the moments when I am saying to the other person: "You
want to do it, you want to try - yes, of course, do it! It is very important to do the
thing that you want to do. I see your dream, the direction in which you want to
grow. I understand that it might be scary to try, I am here, I am with you in it, and
I acknowledge your fear - and that in you that is stronger than fear. I understand
that trying might be difficult and that sometimes there can be a temptation to quit.
I am here, and I say: You have the right to do whatever you want in your life,

including quitting. But I would like your to have more life in your life, and I
would like to support you". What is this aspect in me that says it? What it is
about for me? Why is it important for me to say these things?

February the 11th
IGNITION KEYS, ENGINES AND TROUBADOURS
Today I am celebrating a very specific facet of relationships - not very visible
sometimes, and it is difficult to describe it sometimes. As the one that I focused
on yesterday, where one trusts, and the other believes in him/her, this facet is
often asymmetrical, meaning that it is very rare when both persons play the same
roles for each other at the same time.
I am talking about the facet of relationships where one of the partners has a
powerful engine, but no ignition key for it, and the other has the ignition key, or
the other is the ignition key, in some sense, but not the engine.
If they are lucky to meet (not necessarily in the same spot in time, or place), and
recognise that the key fits, the engine of the one with the engine starts working
and produces an unbelievable amount of something - in best cases, something
good :) The person watches the work of his/her engine with delight and gratitude,
and watches how the product of the engine works in his/her own life and,
possibly, in the lives of others.
If the person who has (or is) the key, sees the value in the way the engine works
and in what it produces, - this person can also be happy. But if they are oblivious
(which sometimes is the case), this does not devalue this facet of relationships.
These are the relationships between the muse and the poet, or maybe even more
precise description would be - the relationships between the Fair Lady and the
troubadour, especially of the style trobar clus, the closed worship-song, when
everyone knows the songs but only the troubadour and his closest friends know
whom they are inspired by and dedicated to. The gender combinations, though,
can be of any possible kind :)
One other obvious metaphor of this facet of relationships is begetting - and
bearing - children. In both literal and symbolic sense. This is the facet of
relationships when the life of at least one partner is irrevocably changed -
something is born that did not exist before, and it brings more life, joy and
meaning into life. And as in case of biological fatherhood - the more the "father"

acknowledges the consequences of his contribution and takes part in the life of
the offspring, the more joy and meaning he gets from it.
In some sense, it is the day of Emmanuel Steel from Alexander Greene's story
"The Heart of the Wild Land":
“You have a gift of artistic imagination, - of course there was no settlement in the
heart of the wild land, I understood that you had played a prank on me, but the
image was beautiful, the settlement should have been there, so I went and created
it, would you like to go there with me to see if it looks like you had imagined it?"
"You are an engine. Do you know that you are an engine? This is not an insult".
In some sense, it is the day of the ripple effect. “It is impossible for us to guess
what would be the response to our words", as one of the Russian poets said. It is
quite possible that some of the genuine, not specially-made, natural expressions
of our being would become to some persons the missing piece of the puzzle - and
now this piece is found, ﬁts in, and the image is complete, it comes to life and
creates its magic. And we might not be aware of it at all - and that is okay too :)
Today I am remembering and celebrating the contribution of all those who were -
and are - like ignition keys for my engine. I am expressing my gratitude and
wishing them well, and re-committing to taking care of the "offspring" I bore
from them and am raising. And I am wishing well to all those for whom I,
myself, whether being aware of it or not, have become the "ignition key" …and I
am very curious about the way their engines work and what they produce :)

February the 12th
HEART ATTENTION AND HEART MEMORY
Today I am celebrating the facet of relationships that I call "the unexpected heart
attention - and heart memory".
This is the facet of relationships that comes to the forefront, when we have
something important to us, which we possibly don't talk about much - or often, -
but the other person (our partner, colleague, or friend, etc.) notices, marks it for
him/herself, remembers and includes in his/her plans and daily activities. When
the other person's "importances" are as important for us as our own.
The heart attention and heart memory happens when the other person remembers
the dates that are important to us (those that Facebook cannot remind them of),
and s/he writes and asks, how we are. When it is enough to say or write just once
that you like something, and the person would remember and keep this in mind,
choosing a gift or an activity to do together. When a person "interrogates" his/her
friend who has many food allergies, what the friend is actually able to eat, and
then invites the friend over and cooks - and all the delicious foods are edible and
not a cause for worry. When the person who makes collective selﬁes in the group,
always keeps in mind the shyest
member of the group, who is turning his/her face away from the camera, - and
chooses such a point of view to make a shot, so the photographer's own face is
also half-turned from the camera.
"I saw this article and thought - it is just on the crossover of your interests. Have
you seen it already?"
"I am in the bookshop and I see here the latest book from your favourite series,
do you have it? - or I can pick it up for you".
"I remember a couple of months ago you told me that you would have a hectic
week with lots of medical appointments, - it is this coming week, right? Do you
need a ride, or a few, to the clinic? Do you have anyone to babysit the kids? If not
yet, I can do it, I have freed my schedule for this purpose".

"This candle is here in memory of your mother. Today is 8 years since she passed
away, isn't it? My condolences".
The heart attention and heart memory are always precious, but they are especially
precious when they come from a person who is "far enough" from us, from
whom we do not expect it. Today I am remembering with joy and gratitude the
moments when somebody has given me his/her heart attention and heart memory.
And I am thinking of the skills and conditions that help me to give the other
person my heart attention and heart memory - what can I do to make my heart
attention and heart memory more available?
And of course, it is absolutely magical when heart attention and heart memory in
a relationship is mutual :)

February the 13th
COMPANIONS ON THE PATH OF EXPLORING LIFE
Today I am celebrating the facet of relationships that is about being companions
on the path of exploring life, studying life and transforming life - the immediate
life of each of us, and not some kind of "external" life in general.
When we decide not to let our life slip, because we are aware that if we do, it is
not going to slip in any good direction, we decide to start experimenting on
ourselves and to go against the current of entropy. We know that it is hard to
move against the current alone. It is much, much, much easier to do it together.
We are co-researchers. We are driven by curiosity - and we give each other
support by means of doing what is important for ourselves and for the other
person.
To get up at five a.m. ("who wakes up first, phones the other"), to go for a run
(the one who finds it easier to get out of the house, runs to the other's house and
waits outside... and then they take turns), to meditate ("let's sit for 15 minutes at 7
p.m."), to study some kind of system and apply it to life (the Flylady system, the
Getting Things Done system, any kind of system). “Have you already done the
assignment for today? No? Let’s do it now, at the same time, together in time,
even if apart in space”. To let go of some kind of bad habit, to look for an answer
to the question "what happens if…”, to explore and understand what it means to
be (to be together, to be a parent, to be an adult person, to be the author of one's
own life, etc.).
Each one of us walks on our own path, but knows that the other is walking, too.
Sometimes we meet up and talk - maybe every day, maybe quite seldom. Maybe
each of us keeps our own "expedition journal", and then we swap notes, and
maybe we have a shared journal where we both write from the start. Maybe we
have started our journey together from the same starting point, and maybe from
different ones. Sometimes just knowing that you are walking with someone, and
someone is walking with you, is a very powerful antidote against loneliness.
When you know that someone knows what you are up against - that sometimes
you feel lazy, or it is so hard, or you feel very unwell, and still you do not lose
sight of your path and you don't abandon it. The other person knows what you are

up against so well, because on his/her way s/he also encounters obstacles. When
you are tired, and the other person becomes your pacemaker; and when s/he is
tired, you become his/her pacemaker. When the other person celebrates with you
the smallest of your achievements, your tenacity and your persistence, and you
celebrate with them. In a certain sense, it is our shared secret. And in a certain
sense, we are accountable to each other, not because somebody forced us to be,
but because we have freely chosen this commitment. Each of us can be in
solitude, but experience a very powerful sense of togetherness and participation,
the feeling that our own life touches the life of the other very meaningfully. This
is what this facet of relationship is about - being a team working on projects
together, where the projects are the unique individual lives of each of us.
Today I am thinking about the moments, edges, streams and ﬁlaments of my life
where I had - and have - such companions. I am "grok-ing" (remember Heinlein's
"Stranger in a Strange Land"?) the feeling of curiosity, the explorer's enthusiasm,
the commitment to be accountable to the other person, the feeling of lives
touching each other, the support, the shared rejoicing. And I am celebrating with
gratitude our contribution to each other's lives, our openness, trust and
togetherness.

February the 14th
THE LYRICALAND THE SPARK
Today I am celebrating two aspects of relationships, because the calendar-
induced wave is strong and I rather not spend my energy on resisting :)
One aspect is about the lyrical and the other is about the spark.
I'll start with the lyrical. For me it is the facet of relationships that happens when
the other person sees you, really sees you as a unique configuration of your
qualities, talents, weaknesses, habits, idiosyncrasies, dreams, skills, past
experiences, character strengths and other stuff - and as something larger,
unnameable, otherworldly (sees your soul?) - and finds this configuration cute,
lovely and beautiful, in all its oddity and "disheveledness". Even when we cannot
find our own configuration cute or beautiful at all. When the other person
considers you to be some sort of mysterious masterpiece, to which one wants to
be near and which one wants to look it as much as possible, because there is
always something else one can see - that adds to the loveliness and beauty of the
configuration, there is no end to the discovery. When the person understands that
your presence adds to his/her existence a lot of beauty and joy, and in those
nooks and crannies of their soul where there had been darkness and emptiness,
light appears - as a miracle - and a lot of life is discovered again. When your
name sings in his/her heart, and the person wants you to know it. S/he wants you
to know that there is someone in this world for whom your existence is the node
of everything worth living for. And the person feels the longing to add more
beauty to that node of beauty - that is why there are flowers, and beautiful things,
and poetry, and music, I can go on for a long time :)
It is about the lyrical mood that takes over the inner world of the person, - and
spills over in the outer world. When you start flying a little bit when you walk,
dancing a little bit when you are sitting or standing in a queue, singing
(everywhere), reciting poetry (suddenly) :) When the world comes to life around
you and feels brighter, more transparent, more spacious.
And of course you want confirmation that for the person who for you is the node
of beauty, you are the node of beauty, too. The confirmation that when you put on

some quirky lyrical slightly crazy music, that has become for you somehow
linked to your special person, it turns out that this music has been playing for
some time in the person's head (and quite loudly), and for him/her it is linked to
you.
And it is at the same time like a special secret language, a code for the two,
which does not need explanation between you, and at the same time it is
something you feel like shouting about from the roofs.
(for many people the lyrical and the spark are glued together, but I'd rather
unglue them, at least for the purposes of meditation and reflection :)
The spark, in its purest and simplest form, is what happens, for example, when a
stranger passes by you on the street, and you find yourself turning around to look
at him/her, unwillingly, because during that split second the scent of this person
told your body: "This one is a good match!" And suddenly you are much more
aware of your own vitality, of the fact that you are, essentially, an animal, in the
best sense of the word, a primitive and not-thinking one (also in the best sense of
the word), hungry, greedy and impatient. And very, very much alive. Wanting - to
expand oneself and possess the world, as far as you can reach, grab and pull it to
yourself. Frolicsome, curious and bold.
The spark is the moment when we are in touch with the beast that is (part of) us,
with our own daemon (or one of them). And being on friendly terms with the
daemon is what creates (or is) eudemonia - one of the forms of happiness. It is
the moment when the body - your own body and the body of the other - turns into
a musical instrument and you want, you long, you desire to play the music.
And if it is not just a moment, but a whole space - the space when being near the
person makes you entranced; when lassitude, longing and sensuality come to the
forefront; when you - a reasonable, cultured, reflexive being - watch in
amazement how you are pulled, like by a magnet, beyond your own free will;
when your curiosity makes you re-live in your imagination, again and again, as in
slow motion, the anticipated moments of revealing, of knowing the secrets, the
ephemera, the expressions of passion, evanescent, like a sound, inexpressible
with words, that what is - or may be - existing only in the duet with you and only
with you will remain.  

February 15th
CONSOLATION 
Today I am celebrating the consolation day.
It is the facet of relationships that comes to the forefront when things don't go
well for you, you are upset and "out of tune", like a musical instrument, and
everything feels jarred and dissonant. Last tights got torn in the bus. Bureaucratic
necessities caught up in a snag. You have ran out of morale fuel. You got into
your personal internal snake pit (one of several...) And there is a person who tells
you: "Vent, dear heart, go ahead, complain, whine. Don't hold it all inside. What
is happening? Would you like to tell me? I am here, I am listening". And if you
are in one of the cultures where tea is the ﬁrst response to anything, this person
prepares a cuppa for you. And does whatever possible to make you feel
comfortable, so even if you are far away from each other, you feel like you have
been wrapped in a warm cosy blanket, or any other sort of portable piece of
warmth.
This facet of relationship is the antidote against and the escape from the cultural
prescriptions like "get your s*it together and don't whine", from clamped teeth,
stiff upper lip (and bitten and bruised lower lip), or bravado and a faux smile that
doesn't reach the eyes. It is about the moments when we can bring to the other
person our doubts, our fears, our shame and guilt, our self-loathing, our tiredness
and broken spirit. And the person opens up his/her heart for us, and takes all our
disheveledness and brokenness inside - as if unzipping a soft ﬂeece jacket,
putting there a kitten, wet from the rain, and carefully zipping up the jacket. And
we feel a little bit better, because we know and feel that the little lost and
confused creature is safe now, getting warm and dry.
This is the facet of relationships where tears often are shed, - and even if in the
beginning, these are tears of frustration, hurt feelings, despair, exhaustion and
pain, they transform into tears of cleansing. And you feel as if you were smelling
ozone and the scent of earth freshly moistened by rain, and there is silence and
tiredness inside, but it is a good sort of tiredness, after which good healing sleep
comes and you wake up open to the new day.

February 16th
SYNCHRONICITIES
Today I am celebrating the day of synchronicities, not-quite-coincidences and
other forms of magic and funny moments that cannot be explained rationally, like
for example
...when you have a dream of a person and you feel the need to tell the person
about this dream, and you tell, and it turns out that there is some sort of
meaningful message for the person in your dream (and you don't even understand
what the message is),
...when you have a dream in which you and the other person meet - and then it
turns out that the other person had the same dream,
...when you are choosing gifts for each other, and without discussing it ﬁrst, each
of you chooses the same gift for the other,
...when you are talking and suddenly you say the same phrase, using the same
words, at the same time,
...when you can organise something just by meeting each other's eyes, and there
are no errors in mutual understanding,
...when something scary or sad happens in your life and suddenly the other
person calls you on the phone and says: "I just felt something and thought I'd
call, are you all right?"
...when you have a problem that very probably is not going to be solved in a good
way, and you tell the other person about it, and they say: "I wish your problem
gets solved in the best possible way" - and you feel that the wishes of this
particular person have real weight and power in your life, and everything sorts
itself out beautifully - and it happens every time :) ,
...when the focus of your heart on this person pulls to you such improbable
coincidences, that against your own will and rationality you start to think "it must
be some sort of sign".

The moments when your inner worlds touch, and you look into the inner world of
the other person, expecting to see a wholly different world, another planet with
lots of incomprehensible things - and suddenly you discover that it is the same
world as your own inner world. Maybe a different dialect is spoken and the
customs vary slightly - but it is deﬁnitely one and the same country.

February 17th
THE EX DAY, THE READINESS TO HELP DAY AND THE SECOND
CHANCES DAY
Today I am celebrating the day of good relationship with one's ex. But as it is a
somewhat exclusive celebration - not everyone has got an ex, or a good
relationship with that person, - I am celebrating a few other things, too.
But first, the ex day :) 
...when you have been with someone through thick and thin,
...they have seen you at your best and at your worst,
...you two have lots of shared memories, and the hard and unpleasant ones
already have filtered out through the sieve of time, and only the warm, light and
sparkling are left, including those about being oh so silly together :)
...when enough time has passed, and now you understand what good
consequences grew in your life from the seeds sown in that relationship, and you
are grateful,
...when there is no need to explain many things, because it is just the two of you
know those things very well, and for a long time,
...when a person knows you better than anybody else, and when you meet, after a
long time, asks you a question that cuts straight to the heart of the matter of your
life situation now - and you realise what the heart of the matter is,
- and this magnificent, unique freedom, when you do not have any plans for or
expectations from the person anymore, no hopes, no anxiety, no disappointments,
and you are finally able to see the person in their wholeness and uniqueness -
from a sort of aesthetic point of view.

Also today I am celebrating the day of readiness to help:
...when you are calling your friend on the phone, because you are at the end of
your emotional tether at home and feel that you are not presentable to go out, and
your friend says: "I am going to get in my car now and I will be at your door
ASAP, let’s get you to my place, I don't mind if you are in your shabby bathrobe",
...when a friend says "I am leaving notiﬁcations on my phone on for the night,
write or call anytime, I will hear and respond",
...when you call a friend because you need his/her presence to help you with
something, and the person says: "Sure, I will be there", and comes without asking
what help, exactly, is needed,
…when you hate asking for the help you sometimes need in simple tasks, and the
other person offers help in a warm and lighthearted way, and you understand that
they don’t blame you for not coping on your own,
...when you or one of your loved ones are sick, and the friend gets you the
medicine that would help - sent across three countries and via four
intermediaries.
I am remembering with enormous gratitude the moments where people were
ready to do something for me - including something that their own loved ones
would not have understood. Because when I reach out for help that would mean I
am in a really bad situation and have already done everything what I could do
myself. I call for help from the bottom of the pit, and a friend's helping hand is
my life-saver. Never to be forgotten.

And the last of my celebrations for today is the celebration of the "latent
friendships", the new junctions of life paths and the second chances.
Dr. Ira Progoff, one of the founders of journaling therapy, had a lovely metaphor
of "roads not taken". He wrote that the decisions that we are making, are not a
killing of one of the possibilities. Some people like to highlight that the words
homicide, suicide and decide have the same root. Dr. Progoff was against such
radical interpretations. He said that at a junction of life paths we take one and do
not take the others at that moment; but the paths do not cease to exist just
because we have not chosen them - they go on, following their own direction and
purpose, and they can change along the way.
But if we acknowledge them, then when we meet them again at the next junction
or crossroads, we can say: "Hello! I did not choose you the last time we met,
because I was not ready. But I am so happy you are here again, I would like to
walk with you now". And this is when and where the second chances are possible.
Not just with roads.

Always Chosen: Celebrating the Many Facets of Relationships

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