This a project for a high school AP Psychology course. This is a fictionalized account of having a psychological ailment. For questions about this blog project or its content please email the teacher, Laura Astorian: laura.astorian@cobbk12.org

1. “She’s So Bipolar”
The Real Pain of Living with Bipolar Disorder
Emerson Still

2. This a project for a high school AP Psychology
course. This is a fictionalized account of having a
psychological ailment. For questions about this blog
project or its content please email the teacher, Laura
Astorian: laura.astorian@cobbk12.org

3. Bipolar Disorder
Everyone can have mood swings from time to time,
but bipolar disorder takes it to a whole new level; it
interferes with your life and your relationships and
both your physical and mental well-being. There’s
two ends, or poles: depression and mania. These
episodes can last for undetermined periods of time,
whether it be a couple days or months. It can even
depend on the season.

4. General Symptoms
Depressive Phase
Sadness and
hopelessness
Lack of energy and
motivation
Difficulty sleeping
Suicidal thoguhts
Poor concentration
Manic Phase
Optimism, almost
exaggerated
Reckless behavior
High levels of energy
Easily provoked and
aggressive
Poor concentration

5. Possible Causes
Bipolar disorder can be caused by a variety of
factors
Genetics
• Higher chance if another family member
has a mood disorder
• Identical twins stand at a higher risk of
developing
Neurochemical
• Levels of neurotransmitters –
norepinephrine and serotonin
• Altered levels can be caused by
psychological distress
Environmental
• Life events or altered health habits
• Substance abuse is NOT linked, but can
interfere with treatment

6. Treatment: Lithium
Evens out mood swings, both
manic and depressive
May be paired with
antidepressants/mood stabilizers
Does not necessarily eliminate
mood swings
The exact dosage is needed to be
effective; too much will be toxic

7. Treatment: Psychotherapy
“Talk” therapy allows patients to discuss feelings
and emotions regarding their disorder
Helps to maintain positive self image
Different types
Behavioral
Cognitive:
Intrapersonal
Social Rhythm

8. Treatment: Support Groups
Learn coping skills and share fears and methods
with people also suffering from bipolar disorder
Allows sufferers to feel less isolated
Family members and loved ones gain better
understanding

9. My Life Before Diagnosis
My name is Emerson Still. I am 25 years old and I
was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was 20;
I was nearing the end of my sophomore year of
college. For years before, I noticed the symptoms
that changed so slowly and gradually. For months,
I’d be so tired and depressed that I often skipped
classes to stay in bed. When spring came, I’d be all
over my assignments; I made reckless decisions
and churned out ideas like there was no tomorrow.
My whole life was impacted, and these changes
weren’t abrupt and easy to discern. I’d go from
feeling like the most worthless person to feeling like
what people would called “normal” to feeling like I
could rule the world.

10. My Diagnosis
I came home from college to visit my family; I
remember how ecstatic they were to see me but I
couldn’t return that happiness. I forgot that it wasn’t
normal to stay in bed for long periods of time; my
own mother forced me to see a doctor. An interview
with my physician lead him to diagnose me with
bipolar disorder. It was relieving to know that my
emotions were justified, but based on the different
stories I’d heard from people with this illness, It
frightened me.

11. Manic Episodes
Do I feel happy during my manic phase? You could
say that. But the downwards spiraling guilt I feel as a
result is no match for that euphoria. I’ve driven
recklessly and bought useless stuff impulsively. This
in turn messed with my own life.

12. In manic episodes, I’d be full to the brim with ideas and
storylines; this really helped me pick up writing again, but the
lack of concentration prevented me from actually doing
concrete work.

13. Depressive Episodes
My depressive episodes were severe. I would never
sleep properly. I never had a happy thought come
into my brain. Not once. I never felt as alone as I did
during these phases.

14. During depressive phases, both my room and the rest of my
apartment would be messy; this only fueled my negativity and
disordered thinking.

15. I used to play my guitar almost every day, and it was a good
way to release stress and wind down. But in these phases, I
lost interest and rarely picked up the instrument.

16. Not Just Mood Swings
Countless times throughout
my life, I’ve had the courtesy
of hearing someone misuse
“bipolar” as a mental illness.
Whether it is someone who
changes their mind
frequently or someone who’s
happy one second and angry
the next – people think this is
bipolar disorder. But this
misconception is what
partially leads to the stigma
towards those with this
disorder.

17. Impact on Social Life
During depressive episodes, I would come up with
any excuse to avoid social situations. In reality, I
would be tied to my room. I believed they didn’t truly
want me with them and that I was doing them a
favor. The distance made it even harder for me to
reach out.

18. Manic Episode Risks
Many times, my mania got to a point where I did
everything recklessly. I could go days with little to no
sleep. Although I was churning out ideas, it was
difficult to keep my mind set on one task. I engaged
in risky activities, sometimes even endangering my
own life.

19. Dealing With The Stigma
Mental disorders generally have a connotation that
people with them are violent; this is false. When it
comes to bipolar disorder, people believe that it’s
easy to control episodes, as well as the fact that
people with bipolar are unstable and can’t lead
normal lives. It’s difficult living in a society where
people think that my disorder isn’t justified.

20. Self-Stigma
There have been times when I hated myself too. I
thought I was less than a normal person because I
couldn’t lead a proper life. When something couldn’t
be accomplished, whether it was attributed to a
manic or depressive phase, I blamed myself for not
being able to control it. Sometimes, I even wanted to
stop my own treatment because I didn’t believe my
disease could ever truly “fix” me.

21. My Treatment
After interviews, my psychiatrist prescribed lithium
and recommended that I attend psychotherapy
sessions. I underwent CBT – cognitive behavioral
therapy – initially. Through this, I learned to change
unhealthy thought patterns that could trigger mood
changes. It allowed me to get through depressive
and manic stages without severely hurting myself.
Lithium acted as a mood stabilizer. I was started out
on small doses to prevent adverse effects from
coming up and dosage increased as days passed
until I reached the target dose.

22. Now
Over the course of five years, my
perspective has definitely changed.
Medication and therapy sessions have
allowed me to lead a normal life despite the
difficulties my disorder may present. Family
members and friends, as well have my
psychiatrist, have assisted me greatly in
coping with bipolar disorder. With patience, I
was able to overcome stigma and
weaknesses and can live life to my own
strengths.