Seven -- Count 'Em, Seven! -- Birthdays. (Okay, Maybe Eight.)

1. Hi everybody! I know I said that I probably wouldn’t have an update out for a while, but
apparently I lied. Whoops!
This chapter features birthdays: first birthdays, child birthdays, teen birthdays, debatable
birthdays, and secret ninja birthdays. Okay, probably no secret ninja birthdays. If I tell
you about it, it can’t be a secret, can it? See if you can spot how many birthdays are in
this chapter as we return to our story: Already in Progress…

2. Starting us off is Bertram McClellan, who in compliance with official EAxis coding is
going through an Important Life Event in the bathroom. (Insert your own potty joke
here.)
Bertram goes from this…

3. …to this.
BERTRAM: Om nom nom nom. (gulps) Mom, is she (choke)-king about me?
Yup, Bertram, I’m talking about you. Do you have anything to say?
BERTRAM: Mom? What’s she saying?
CASSIE (automatically): Don’t talk with your mouth full. – She’s asking you if you can
hear her.
BERTRAM: Oh. No. Om nom nom nom.
No, sorry. Bertie can tell when you’re there, but he can’t hear you.

4. It works that way sometimes, if the person is part alien. So you guys are doing okay?
CASSIE (V.O.): Yeah. We’re doing real well. Alvin and I have some time to ourselves
again now that Bertie’s in school, which is nice. I love the boy, but sometimes you just
need grown-up time.
BERTRAM (V.O.) (scornfully): Gwon-up time is ovewwated.
CASSIE (V.O.): Bertie! Were you eavesdropping?
BERTRAM (V.O.): No. I wasn’t eavesdwopping. I was just wistening.

5. Um, Cassie…?
CASSIE (V.O.): Yup?
Is there something…wrong…with the way Bertie speaks? I mean, is he seeing a speech
therapist or anything?
CASSIE (V.O.): No. Why should he? He has a very good vocabulary for a seven-year-
old. Bertie, tell her the word you told us about yesterday.
BERTRAM (V.O.): Twiskaidekophobia. It’s the feaw of the numbew thiwteen.
Wow, that’s impressive. But Cassie –
CASSIE (V.O.): She’s impressed, kiddo. Go play.
BERTRAM (V.O.): Awww…

6. CASSIE (V.O.): So. What do you think is wrong with Bertie?
Well, he says W for R and L. That’s a speech impediment. It could maybe cause
problems for him later.
CASSIE (V.O.): Hasn’t slowed Alvin down any.
Alvin does that?
CASSIE (V.O.): He says his name “Awvin McCwewwan.” You’ve never paid attention?
I don’t think I’ve ever heard him speak.

7. Speaking of husbands we don’t hear from, Robi and Rosie are still getting along very
well. But although things are going well, there are a few things that Robi will not let
Rosie do. This has driven Rosie to cheating with other men.

8. At chess, of course. What did you think I meant?
ROSIE: I swear, David Beckham just walked past the window. Too bad you missed him.
(shakes head in disbelief at her readers) Some people. Let’s move on, then, if that’s the
way you’re going to be about it.

9. We have not one, but two, birthdays at the main Miller household. The first is Timmy’s.
I think he looks less like a chicken than his father did. What do you think?

10. This is the second.
What? Your birthday is the day you were born, right? So here we see little Ryan being
born. It’s a birthday.
LUCKY: Vaji bobo, Caryl! Lookin’ good!

11. And here’s the birthday boy himself.
BYRON: Woo! Great job, Caryl! I’m an uncle again!
CARYL: Thank you, Byron. I’m glad somebody appreciates my hard work. Take Ryan,
will you? I need to go “vaji bobo” my idiot of a husband upside his head.

12. Vaji bobo-ing aside, everyone gets along very well. The kids spend hours having water
balloon fights and incidentally becoming friends not only with each other, but with
random children brought home from school. Recognize this one?

13. Caryl is still on maternity leave, and Lucky has never been gainfully employed, so they
have lots of time to take care of Ryan. I have decided to keep Byron and Jerome
(especially Jerome) away from the baby by making them work on the skill points they
need for promotion. After Byron fixes the trash compactor, he’ll go repair the upstairs
bathtub, which is spraying water everywhere. That will leave the kitchen free for Jerome
to clean it, and by the time he’s done with that, the upstairs bathroom should be ready to
be cleaned. Lucky’s job is to get dressed. Seriously, dude, it’s two o’clock in the
afternoon!

14. And here are two more birthdays in the Miller family (and connections): Stacey and
Toby. These are the clothes they grew up into, and I think I’ll leave well enough alone.
They actually make the outfits work, at least as far as EAxis Elder outfits ever will. Why
oh why are there no decent clothes for Elders included in standard packs? Aside from a
propensity for high-waisted pants among the men, all the Elders of my real-life
acquaintance dress quite nicely.
Stacey is still not a Celebrity Chef. Toby has learned how to make MunchieBots.

15. We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming to tell you that Nanny Karen Gast is
made of awesome. She came in, fed the baby, burped him, changed his diaper, set him
down for a nap, autonomously cleaned up both diaper and bottle, and left promptly when
dismissed. No fires. No giving him a bottle when he needs a new diaper or bathing him
when he’s exhausted. No hanging around all night or eating us out of house and home.
I repeat, Karen Gast is made of awesome. Tip her generously and often.
That is all.

16. Continuing with the apparent theme of this chapter, Simon Couderc becomes a toddler.

17. His mother promptly starts him learning potty training. Because, you know, his namesake
was potty trained. Or at least he probably was potty trained. I mean, presumably Ms.
Norton would have mentioned if the handsome and intelligent military leader (and
sometime witch) made it all the way to his mid-thirties without being potty trained.
Please note that I have managed to build an entire room despite using a middle-of-
nowhere handicap complicated by a house built on foundation. You may be impressed, if
you like.

18. This is Aren, being a good boy and trying to get me an alien baby. (Three years without a
natural abduction! Three years! It’s not fair!) Aren would do this autonomously, all the
time, if I’d let him. Perhaps he has some lingering issues?
Certainly he tends to ignore unimportant things like, oh, food, sleep, bathroom breaks, or
his daughter until he’s well into the orange. And Valerie has similar issues with the
bubble blower.

19. Which is why this happens more than I would like to admit. But if Mom and Dad just
can’t take good enough care of themselves to look after the baby properly, well, I’ll just
have to step in. Better me than the Social Worker, right? Right?
(crickets chirping)

20. JON: I don’t see what makes this fun.
EMMY: Oh, hush. You didn’t have to agree to the Huntin’ ‘n’ Fishin’ Catalog contract.
And you’re the one who wanted to learn how to use this stuff.
JON: Well, yeah. I don’t want to look awkward or impale anybody on a fishhook.
(grumbles) But it’s still dumb. How come you’re so good at it?
EMMY: …Jim taught me.
JON: Oh. So…Show me how to bait a hook again?

21. Sarah Jane may not be big enough to use the pruning shears, but she’s certainly old
enough to help harvest apples. She was justifiably quite proud of herself.

22. And she’s started to make friends. This little girl seems to follow all my child Sims home
from school, but I haven’t yet learned her name. Oooops.

23. Sarah Jane’s also made friends with Timmy. It was actually his idea to give her a hug,
which was a real surprise. I don’t think I’ve ever had two children autonomously hug
each other unless they were saying goodbye. But no, this was simply the end to a rousing
water balloon fight.
And speaking of ends…

24. Francois has met his. It involved hula zombies, of course.
As it turns out, hula zombies also love Larry the Llama. Nudge nudge wink wink.

25. Francois Sanders, 72 years old, youngest and last surviving member of Generation 2. (As
I count it, anyway.) As a college student, Francois infiltrated the Secret Society and
swiped their Bone Phone to give to his much older ladyfriend Allyn Smith. Allyn wanted
the Phone to resurrect the man she loved, but she was not above seeking comfort in the
arms of a certain helpful young college student. Everyone involved agreed that the
resulting baby was better off with his mother, but when she died, Romance Sim and
lifelong commitment-phobe Francois stepped up to care for the little boy. He proved to
be a loving father and grandfather, a successful media mogul, and a pretty darn good
mascot. So, even though I don’t normally like Romance Sims, Francois will be missed.
Goodbye, Francois.

26. Poor Gerard is unhappy.
GERARD: When is Grampa coming back?
Oh, sweetie. Grampa’s gone somewhere else. It’s a good place, but he can’t come back.
GERARD: Not ever?
No, sweetie. Not ever.
Times like this, I wish I could reach through the screen and give my Sims a hug.

27. Robin is also devastated.
ROBIN: Mr. Daddy… You can’t leave me yet. I still need you.

28. Although that in no way excuses this blatant act of poor parenting. Robin, I know you
had a traumatic childhood and just lost the main stabilizing factor in your early life, but
that stuff is poisonous! Do you think that it might, just possibly maybe, be a good idea to
not spray it in your three-year-old’s face?
Moving on…

29. All is not well at the Scott-Littledragon household. Jasper seems to have a little problem
focusing. Jasmine and Rommy are discussing the cause right now. (whispers) Let’s listen
in.

30. JASMINE: I’m not doing anything wrong. We agreed on this.
ANDROMEDA: Well, yes, but sometimes things take time.
JASMINE: I don’t want to wait. I have a career to get on with, and I really can’t deal
with this once I start climbing the ladder.
ANDROMEDA: I just think you’re putting a little much pressure on him, that’s all.
JASMINE: Oh, come on. He wanted it just as much as I did in college.

31. ANDROMEDA (V.O.): Of course he did. He’s a healthy, heterosexual young man. But
that doesn’t mean that he likes being treaded like a, a, a stud horse. Would you want to be
treated like a brood mare?
JASMINE (V.O.): But I’m not treating him like a stud horse. I only want an heir and a
spare. There’s plenty of guys who would be happy to be in his situation.
ANDROMEDA (V.O.): Those guys who would be happy to be in his situation… They
wouldn’t care if they were around after you had what you wanted. But Jasper does care,
and he doesn’t like being objectified any more than you would. Do you know what he
told your father was in his Want panel the other day?
JASMINE (V.O.): I don’t know – Buy a Painting Worth $5,000?
ANDROMEDA (V.O.): Inherit Money From Jasmine.
JASMINE (V.O.): Well, he will. When I’m dead.
JASMINE (V.O.): Oh.
JASMINE (V.O.): Maybe I should ease off a bit.
ANDROMEDA (V.O.) (eagerly following up on her advantage): Being relaxed will
increase your chances of success, too.

32. To her credit, though, Rommy never mentioned the most worrying symptom.
(Jasper has one bolt with his wife. He has two with his mother-in-law.)

33. Fortunately, it seems that things may start looking up again soon.
JASMINE (calling): Hey, Jasper – you’re off the hook! (sotto voce) For now, anyway.
JASPER (in the other room): Wahoo! (maniacal laughter)
MITCH (also in the other room, spluttering): Jasper, I like you. But never never never
kiss me again!

34. Eager Family Sims Chalcedony and Elle lost no time in starting their family. Obviously
they did not have the same difficulties as Jasper and Jasmine.

35. The baby must be an eager Family Sim as well, because one full day before I was
expecting it, Elle went into labor. This scared the snot out of me, and Elle doesn’t look
any too much happier.
ELLE (panicked, near hysterical): Cal! Cal, wake up! It’s too early – call somebody!
Help! Hel-eeeaaugh! (screams)

36. This is Eileen, and she is our seventh birthday this chapter. Although born early, Eileen is
100% healthy. Perhaps if her mother had known that, she wouldn’t have been quite so
frightened during delivery.
Eileen is Opal and Andrew’s first grandchild. How do they feel about that?

37. They don’t seem to have noticed, actually.
ANDREW: Hi, Opal. Welcome home. ‘Lanthee, you look really ticked off. What’s
wrong?
OPAL (grumpily): I got promoted.
ANDREW: Congratu – ! (sees Opal’s face) Uh, my sympathies?
OPAL (bursts out): I didn’t want to be promoted! I liked having a nice little part-time job
I could do in the afternoons while you were at work. I don’t want to work the night shift
and wear a badge and carry a gun! If I work the night shift, I’ll never see you!
ANDREW: So quit.
OPAL: Quit?
ANDREW: Quit. We don’t need the money. You can find something else to do in the
afternoons if you’re bored.

38. So that’s exactly what Opal did.
OPAL: Hello, this is Opal Littledragon. I’m just calling to tell you I won’t be in
tomorrow, or any other day either. You can take this job and shove it! (hangs up) Hee
hee! I’ve always wanted to say that!
Soon enough Amy will be done with college and will move back home. That should give
Opal something else to do. And if not, there are other jobs. And speaking of Amy…

39. …it seems she’s Nice enough to not like fights. She ran right over to watch, but spent the
whole time cringing. It’s probably a good thing that she’s not over at Perry’s, though.

40. You remember I told you I created Perry for a single picture of my D&D character? Well,
it was a family portrait, so I made his parents too. Now, my D&D character does not get
along very well with his mother. Even though I did nothing to make this happen, I find it
funny that his Sim doesn’t get along very well with his mother either.

41. They don’t get along at all.
(For the record, she started it. Perry won.)

42. Perry and Amy have been going out regularly. Perry gets along with Amy well enough to
put his arm around her in public. (grins) But I think a change is in the air.

43. PERRY: Amy, what’s wrong? Is it the sandwich shop? I thought you said you wanted to
try it.
AMY: Yeah, I did. I do.
PERRY: Then what? Is it me? Did I do something wrong?
AMY: Perry, you could never do anything wrong.
PERRY (under his breath): Tell that to my mother.
AMY (ignoring him): I’m just not having a very good day. School’s coming to an end,
and I don’t quite know what to do now. And there was a fight in the dorm right before I
left. And the food’s good here, but the décor kind of sucks. And it’s raining, and – I don’t
know. (big sigh)

44. PERRY: Well, this isn’t exactly what I was planning, but. Maybe this will make you feel
better?
AMY: A box? I don’t need a box.
PERRY: It’s what’s inside –
AMY: I know. I was trying to make a joke. It didn’t work.

45. AMY: But I still don’t need the box. (flings it over her shoulder, mildly concussing
Marylena Hamilton) It’s beautiful, Perry. Thank you. And yes. Yes!
PERRY: Really?
AMY: Yes! (bursts into tears) Today is the best day ever!

46. And so Amy went back to school to pass her last final, and didn’t even care that her older
brother had picked out her transition outfit with his usual sense of humor.
Does this count as another birthday? Yes no maybe?
Well, either way, it’s the last transition for this chapter. In fact, it’s the last picture for this
chapter, period. Expect Chapter Sixteen sometime after the turn of the year. May your
2010 be even better than your 2009!