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1. Anything’s Pawsable with a Little Pixie
Dust – Part 2
We have takena fewscentworkclassesrecentlyandhave learnedthe fundamentalsof teachingadoga
specificscent.Soif I can figure outwhatPixie mightbe pickingupon,Ican figure outhow to teachher
an alertand helpme betterpredictwhenImaybe havingsymptomsarise andhow theymay affectmy
day andmake the appropriate adjustmentsonaworse day.I thinkI may needtomake adjustments
before Ioverdoit.ThenI couldfindtime torecoup.I seemtoonlyhave so much batterypowerand
some daysthat powerrunsout soonerthanexpected.
I reallyhave nowayof knowingif mysymptomswill staythe same,change inseveritydaytoday,or if I
will developmore symptoms.Ididhave a goodlaughone nightat work withmycoworkerswhenI
misjudgedaturnintoa doorwayandcompletelymissedandturnedrightintothe wall.Mycoworkers
saidthat I needtowalkwithPixie more oftensoshe cankeepme safe.UsuallyIcatch myself before
runningintoanythingwhenIturntoo quicklyandfeel off balance.
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hearingdog, mobilitydog, psychiatric service dog.
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My daysoff fromwork seemtobe recoupdays. I can easilyspendanentire dayinbedandstill feel
tired.While there are timesthatIhave feltthatPixie hashelped,she is stillveryyoungandlearning.Itis
a bit of a double edge swordatthe moment.Some daysshe isonpointand helpful,otherdaysshe

2. strugglesanditis more exhaustingtohave herwithme.If everydaywasa daythat she rockedit, I can
totallysee hermakinganimpactin helpingme conserve energyforbeingable todomore ina day. But
she isstill a workin progress.Ican’t expecthertomagicallybe perfectall the time withoutputtingin
the work.UnfortunatelyPixie’straininghassloweddowna lotbecause of mylack of energy.If she isto
officiallybecome aservice dog,itmaytake hera little longertogetto that level.She still hassome
issuestoworkthroughand skillstogain,butI still feel withsome timeshe cangetthere.Progress isnot
reallyherfaultsince she isnottrainingeverysingle day.She hasgainedsomuchconfidence latelythat
she rarelybarks at thingslike she usedto.She isslowlybutsurelygainingself control whenshe sees
birds,small animals,andkidsplaying.Ifeel likeif she wastrainingeverysingledaytoworkthrough the
thingsthat are a challenge forherwe wouldbe furtheralong.Butthe importantthingisthatshe is still
improvingandtryingherbest.
I do thinkPixie haswhatittakesto be a service dog.She justneedstogetpast heronlybig hiccupwhich
isher alertbarkingat otherdogs.If I can gether past that,I thinkshe can totallydothis.Some trainers
that we have takenclasseswithhave saidthather barkis mostlikelyafearbark.As a youngpuppyPixie
was veryfearful of manythings.She hasovercome mostof herfearswithverylittle work.She hasjust
neededtime andtobe able to move at herownpace. I am hopingwithsome more time andmaturity
she will continue togainthe confidence she needstonotalertbarkat other dogs.
There are timesthatwe are outrunningerrandsand she justknowswhatI needfromher.The amount
of pull she givesisperfectandsometimesIthinkshe canreadmy mind.Once a weekwe take public
transitto workand it takesus 2.5 hours to dothe trip.Pixie knowsthe route andisa total pro at riding
the Bay Areaversionof a subway(a goodportionof it isabove ground) andthe train.I don’tevenhave
to reallygive heranydirectionsanymore sincewe have done itsomanytimes.The otherdaywe went
to a grocery store to grab somethingreal quick.Itisa locationthatshe has neverbeentobefore.There
were 3 differentdoorstoenterandshe somehow knew exactlywhereIwantedtogo,and withoutany
guidance fromme.She justtookme to the doorthat I wantedto enter.WhenPixie is“on”Ican relax
and nothave to concentrate on where Iam goingor what I am doingasmuch. I don’tknow how she
knows,butsomehowshe knowswhere we needtogo. I can’t reallyexplainitintowordsonhow this
helpsme,butitdoes.It seemslike some daysIhave toconcentrate somuch harderto get through
normal tasksand that too,can addto the mental exhaustion.Thisissomethingthatshe hasjust
naturally pickedup.SometimesIjustneedtotell hersimplyrightorleftandif she couldtalkshe would
say,“ok, got it.”
Making a decisionastowhere Pixie endsupnow ismore thanjusta decisionabouther,itismaking
decisionsaboutmyself aswell.CanI justifykeepingherformyself?Iknow mydisease isimpactingmy
life,butIam still able todo mostthings.Isthere a difference betweenhavingadisabilityandbeing
disabled?DoIreallyNEEDPixie?Iam notdependentonher,butyetI dothinkshe mightpossiblybe
able to make a positive differenceinmylife.Thisiswhere Iamstrugglingmostabouta decision.CanI
justifyneedingandusingaservice dogformyself?Yes,Ihave hadto make adjustmentsinmylife,butI
am still veryfunctional. Ihave alwayssaidtomyself,if Iwaseverinan accidentthatwouldcause me to
be disabledthatIwouldtotallywantto have a service dog.ButI neverreallyconsideredanillnesswould
affectme enoughtorequire one.She can’texactlyhelpme muchat my jobbecause of the nature of the

3. work,but inotheraspectsof mylife she can.ThenI questionmyselfaboutherbeinga“part time”
service dogbecause there are timesthatI will have toleave herathome while Iworkbecause she can
not alwaysbe withme forcertainjobs.Will people judgeme because she isn’talwayswithme?Butthen
I thinkof otherpeople Iknowwhodon’talwaysneedtouse their“medical equipment”like wheelchairs,
or walkersall the time either.
I have neededtomake some adjustmentsatworkto helpgetthroughshifts.If I am to assistwitha long
surgery,I knowthatI will needtositinsteadof standduringthe procedure.Inoticedduringarecent
surgerythat I wasmonitoringthatI wasnot onlyfocusedonmy patient,but veryfocusedonthe
amountthat I was swayingtoo.Ihave to be verycareful notto touchanythingthatis sterile inthe room
and if I swayjusta little toomuch,Ican touchsomethingIshouldn’t.Iwasverymentallyexhausted
afterthat surgeryand that made me realize thatthere will be timesthatIwill have tosaythat I need
someone else togointosurgerytomonitorinstead.Duringdowntimeatthe clinicItendto sit more and
findprojectsthatI can do that are notas physical as well.Idowork withsome great people andthey
have all beenveryunderstandingthatsome daysI have limitationsonwhatIcan donow.
I honestlywouldneverhave evenconsideredkeepingPixieif ithadnotbeenforus doingour Invisible
Disabilitiesepisode whenwe were raisingPatrick.While interviewingservice dogusersforthatepisode I
learnedsomuchabout the differentusespeople hadfortheirservice dogs.Ineverfullyunderstood
momentumpull andthe reasonforusingituntil those interviews.Withoutlearningfrompeople who
were graciousenoughtoallowusintotheirlivestointerview them, Iwouldneverhave knownwaysthat
Pixie couldpotentiallyhelpme.Iamforeverthankful toall the people involvedinmakingthatepisode
happen.Youneverknowwhenyouwill benefitfromexperiencesinyourlife.
AlthoughIam still comingtotermswiththe changesinmy life IthinkI am goingto hangon to Pixie fora
little bitandreallysee whathelpshe canprovide. Iknow thatmanypeople have beengettingcurious
aboutwhere Pixie isgoingtoendup.Recentlywe have beenworkingonthe momentumpull.Attimes
she pullsat justthe rightamount.It reallyfeelsgoodonmybody.Iam also teachingherto standstill
nextto me.Herharnesshas a lightbalance handle onitand whenI’moutshoppingand/orstandingin
line waitingorstandingaroundhavingconversationswithfriends,Ihave somethingtoholdontothat
helpswithdecreasingthe swaying(Idon’tneedmuchtofeel more comfortable),hopefullythatwillhelp
some withmyshiftingfeetandmake me feel more comfortable.
There have beena fewgatheringsrecentlywhereeveryoneisstandingaroundtalking.Iwantto joinin,
but I alsowantto sit.WhenI sit, usuallythe chairis slightlyawayfromthe groupandI’m no longera
part of it.I don’twantpeople thinkingthatI’mantisocial orforcingpeople tocaterto my needs.But
thenthere isa part of me that thinksthisisn’tenoughof a needfora service dog.Again,Ican still do
mostthings,butI have neededtomake some life adjustments.
Matt has alsomade life adjustmentstomake mylife easier.MattpickedupdutiesthatI am too tiredto
do.He is the one to getup to pottyand feedthe dogs,as well asgetthemreadyfor bed.He makessure
theygetlongwalkswhenI can onlytake themforshort ones. I am not nearlyasactive as I once was,
and I tire mustfasterthan I usedto.I am also notas agile as I once was.Beinga shorterpersonI have

4. spentmylife climbingonstools,countertops,andshelvestoreachthings.Butmore and more I find
myself thinking…”yeah,maybe thisisn’tsuchagood ideatostand on this”.TogetherMatt andI are
navigatingthe life changes,butevenhe hasseenPixiewhenshe isinthe momentandbeinghelpful.
Evenmany of my coworkershave said“yea,we all knew youwere keepingPixie,evenwhenyousaid
that youweren’t”.Iguessour bondisveryrecognizable.
But time will onlytellhowPixie develops.Timewill alsotell how Ichange orhow I don’tchange.Based
on the informationIhave gottenfromotherswiththisconditionitlookslike there isnoquickfix anditis
a bit of a rollercoasterride.Itmaytake a few yearsto shrinkthe tumor,or itmay take multiple years.
The tumor may shrinkandI can go off medicationcompletely,orthe tumorcan come back and require
me to go back on medicationorstaythe same.My symptomsmaygetbetter,mayget worse,orstay the
same.One day can and will mostlylikelybe differentthanthe daybefore andthe nextdayafter.Even
havingitsurgicallyremovedisapossibility,butthatcan have majorcomplicationsandhave a highrate
of return.
My conditionisnotlife threatening,butithasbeenlife altering.Each dayI am learningmore aboutmy
illness,whattoexpect,andhowtohandle it.I’mstill tryingtofigure outif I can predicta patternto
whatwill cause me to be more tiredphysicallyormentallytired,soIcan betterplanmy activities.I
knowthe more tiredI get,the worse my symptomsget.Chancesare there will notbe a pattern,
hormone levelschange daybyday,hour by hour.I mightbe feelingdifferentnow,andIget frustrated
that I can’t do as muchas I usedto, or struggle toget the wordsI wantto say out of my mouthat times,
but I will notletmyillnessdefine me orkeepme fromtryingtoachieve mydreams.I believe things
happenfora reasonand there wasa reasonPixie stayedtobe raisedbyus.Service dogusersare often
toldto trust theirdog.Part of me istrustingthe dog,she seemsto be tryingto tell me somethingand
that she wantsto help.SoPixie,let’stake thisexperimenttothe nextlevel andsee wherewe endup.
Thismay be the beginningof ateam that noone saw coming, notevenme.
For more detailson our products and services,please feel free tovisitus at: assistance dog, ptsd dog,
hearingdog, mobilitydog, psychiatric service dog.