How assertive are you?

 all rights reserved Harley Mind Matters & PSi Partnerships Ltd. 2009 Great relationships, like great careers, do not happen by themselves. Assertiveness and good self-esteem are necessary building blocks, alongside others!

[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],  all rights reserved Harley Mind Matters & PSi Partnerships Ltd. 2009 What’s Important For Great Relationships

..Assertiveness is distinguished from aggression and passivity . It’s about how people deal with personal boundaries - their own and those of other people.  all rights reserved Harley Mind Matters & PSi Partnerships Ltd. 2009

“ A person communicates assertively by not being afraid to speak his or her mind or trying to influence others, but doing so in a way that respects the personal boundaries of others. They are also willing to defend themselves against aggressive incursions.” ( Wikipedia )  all rights reserved Harley Mind Matters & PSi Partnerships Ltd. 2009

[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object], all rights reserved Harley Mind Matters & PSi Partnerships Ltd. 2009

Discuss  all rights reserved Harley Mind Matters & PSi Partnerships Ltd. 2009 Pick the person on either side of you to discuss these influential role models and explore how to learn from them together.

What did you learn about relationships growing up? Complete the handout or think of the following:  all rights reserved Harley Mind Matters & PSi Partnerships Ltd. 2009 ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object]

Your Basic Rights Exercise: Everyone has the same basic rights. Think about each in turn (see the handout); put a mark against those which you have personal difficulty in accepting for yourself. Think too, about context. For example, you may find it easy to ask for what you want in most circumstances – of your boss, subordinates and friends – but have difficulty in requesting what you want from your partner, parents or children. Or it could be that you find change threatening rather than challenging. Although it is everyone’s right to change and develop, there could be parts of you holding back; or conversely in allowing others to stunt your development. ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object], all rights reserved Harley Mind Matters & PSi Partnerships Ltd. 2009

To decide where you have more difficulty with being assertive, look at the situations on the next page and make note of the ones when you have problems. Note where and with whom these arise: at home, at work, with elders or superiors, with friends, in social situations or in dealing with the day-to-day matters such as shopping, doctors' appointments, parents' meetings, loan applications, etc.  all rights reserved Harley Mind Matters & PSi Partnerships Ltd. 2009

Typical Difficult Situations ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object], all rights reserved Harley Mind Matters & PSi Partnerships Ltd. 2009

 all rights reserved Harley Mind Matters & PSi Partnerships Ltd. 2009 Pick the one that seems to recur in your life that you find difficult to believe in (at work or home). Discuss with your break out partner how you usually respond and then how you could respond differently. Role-play this with your break out partner.

Now mark with an ‘x’ where you consider yourself to be on the following assertiveness scales:  all rights reserved Harley Mind Matters & PSi Partnerships Ltd. 2009 Passive Assertive Aggressive A . Work Passive Assertive Aggressive B . Home

Give this one to a close colleague, friend or loved one. Ask them to mark with an ‘x’ where they consider you to be on the same assertiveness scales:  all rights reserved Harley Mind Matters & PSi Partnerships Ltd. 2009 Passive Assertive Aggressive A . Work Passive Assertive Aggressive B . Home

We all have preferred styles for different situations - passive with loved ones and assertive at work for example; or aggressive/sullen with certain people who just “push my buttons”.  all rights reserved Harley Mind Matters & PSi Partnerships Ltd. 2009

Think of a time within the last 12 months where you felt your buttons being pushed. How did you react to this? (circle one): got angry / got stroppy / went silent / withdrew / explained reasonably to the person(s) how you felt / questioned yourself - maybe you were just tired or being unreasonable / dismissed the other person from your mind / other  all rights reserved Harley Mind Matters & PSi Partnerships Ltd. 2009

Think of 2 people that you admire or are admired by many e.g. spiritual or thought leaders. Or they might be your role models previously identified. How would they respond to the same situation?  all rights reserved Harley Mind Matters & PSi Partnerships Ltd. 2009

 all rights reserved Harley Mind Matters & PSi Partnerships Ltd. 2009 A. Break out in pairs to discuss why your reactions differ from others. B. Role-play having your buttons pushed and responding differently.

It would be nice to always be assertive and to get what we want, but we live in a world with other people, all of whom have their own needs, desires and wants. It is not always possible or appropriate to be assertive.  all rights reserved Harley Mind Matters & PSi Partnerships Ltd. 2009

Finding out that a subordinate’s poor performance at work relates to their suffering from chronic stress or because of a severely ill loved one, for example, needs a more passive approach.  all rights reserved Harley Mind Matters & PSi Partnerships Ltd. 2009

Constantly striving to live up to some unattainable ideal will only make you feel inadequate, and get in the way of your real goals. Real success takes many forms. If, as a child, you were regularly criticised at home or at school, you may doubt your value as a human being and have a negative perspective. Women in particular are vulnerable to a negative self-image because of media pressures on them to be perfect: have the perfect weight, perfect skin, perfect hair, etc.  all rights reserved Harley Mind Matters & PSi Partnerships Ltd. 2009

 all rights reserved Harley Mind Matters & PSi Partnerships Ltd. 2009 Make a list of the ten things you like most about your home and your work. This will put you on the road to training yourself to look for the positive aspects in your life as it is now.

 all rights reserved Harley Mind Matters & PSi Partnerships Ltd. 2009 ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object]

 all rights reserved Harley Mind Matters & PSi Partnerships Ltd. 2009 Constructive criticism is designed to help and not undermine you; it is specific, not just about “you”. Recognise constructive criticism and use it to grow!

 all rights reserved Harley Mind Matters & PSi Partnerships Ltd. 2009 This forms only part of a training & coaching module for developing assertiveness and self-esteem. It is available in full or as part of Emotional Intelligence for Leaders learning and development.

How assertive are you?

Recomendados

Recomendados

Más contenido relacionado

Similar a How assertive are you?

Similar a How assertive are you? (20)

How assertive are you?