1. Application Essays: How to
write a personal statement

2. AGENDA
Overview
 Options and Goals
 The website
 Getting started
 Prompt 2
Writing exercise
 Transfer prompt 1
Writing exercise
The Common Application
 Small group work: Brainstorming,
revision, and editing support

3. Before you write,
consider both your
options and your goals.

4. How UCs use your statements
To discover and evaluate distinctions
among applicants whose academic
records are often very similar.
To gain insight into your level of
academic, personal, and
extracurricular achievement.
To provide information that may not be
evident in other parts of the application

5. The Purpose of the Statement
Your personal statement should add to the
application information you have already
provided. Consider what you can say that
adds the following information:
Clarity – a richer perspective of your life,
experiences, and/or accomplishments
Depth – details into your application
(academics or extra-curricular’s)
Context – sharing details on your home,
school, or community

6. According to the
University of
California Website,
your application for
fall 2015 is due
November 1-30
The Goal

7. The UC Personal Statement
 There are two prompts
 You must address both within the
1,000 word limit. You may
allocate the word count as you
wish, but the shorter answer
should be no fewer than 250
words.
 View this portion of the
application as a personal
interview

8. The UC Statement Prompts:
Statement #1:
What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the
subject developed and describe any experience you have had in
the field – such as volunteer work, internships and employment,
participation in student organizations and activities – and what
you have gained from your involvement.
Statement #2:
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment,
contribution or experience that is important to you. What about
this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it
relate to the person you are?

10. Respond to each of the following prompts to
generate fodder for your personal statement:
Personal Quality: Identify one important quality about yourself. For
example, you might be compassionate, honorable, kind, or a really
great friend. After you identify your quality, write an anecdote (tell a
short story) that illustrates what you mean.
Talent: this could be athletic, musical, or intellectual. After you settle on
your greatest talent, tell a short story that illustrates when this talent
became obvious to you or others.
Accomplishment; What goal have you reached in your life? Are you
an Eagle scout? a black belt? A leader? What have you worked at
hard to achieve? Once you figure it out, tell a short story about the
journey to that achievement and how you felt when you finally
reached your goal.

11. Contribution: What have you done for others? This could be a
family, school, or community contribution. Are you in student
government? Did you family have an emergency or situation
where your help was very important? Have you done
volunteer work for the community? Once you have identified
your contribution, write an anecdote about what you did and
how you felt about it.
Important Experience: Have you had an important experience
in your life? Think about moments of great realization; they
often follow important experiences. This could be a relationship
experience, an illness or injury, and encounter with a stranger,
or a moment on an athletic field. Any time you said to yourself
” wow, I won’t do that again” or “Hey, I totally get this now” is
a potential experience to investigate. Once you figure out
which one to write about, do so. Make sure to include your
epiphany.

12. Drafting the second
half of your essay

13. “what makes you proud”
about what you choose to
write about?
 Pride is not usually an attractive quality. It suggests that you are, at best,
self-satisfied and worthy of admiration. At worst, it makes you appear
narcissistic and smug. It implies you are the one winner in a sea of losers.
 Humility can serve the purpose of showcasing your admirable qualities or
experiences just as well. It is really how you frame your qualities or
experiences that will cast you in a likable light. Instead of asserting that
your accomplishment or talent “made you proud,” focus on including
your insights, thoughts, and opinions about what you valued or
learned through your experience.
 Take a few minutes to note your insights, thoughts, and opinions.

14. “how does [your event]
relate to the person you
are?”
 Think about how this quality, event, accomplishment, talent,
contribution, or experience reflects who you are or who you
have become because of it. Consider these questions:
1. What have I learned?
2. What do I value from this experience and why?
3. How have I changed?
4. What skills have I improved upon?
5. What do I think and feel now?
6. How has it helped me see or shape my future.

16. This essay will likely be shorter than essay #2. 300-400
words will suffice for this one about your intended
field of study. Remember, it must be at least 250
words.
 Consider this essay your love story:
Tell the tale of how you first met, the
initial attractions, and the passion
that inspires you. Use anecdotes and
examples to share a moment or
quality between you and your one
love; convince your reader that you
are committed to a life together.

17. Answer these questions to
generate fodder for your essay:
1. What is your intended major?
2. How did your interest in the subject develop?
3. Describe any experience you have in the field:
jobs, internships, volunteer work, clubs and
other student organizations, and course work
(practical experience, working with your
instructor, or research projects .
4. What have you gained from your involvement.
How has it inspired or motivated you to pursue
your goals in this field?
5. What do you want to do in the future? Do you
plan to go to graduate school?

18. The Common Application
 The Common App includes essays
that are universally agreed upon by
the member colleges. The
Common Application for the 2015-
16 academic year went “live” on
Aug. 1, 2014. Students who use the
Common Application will be able
to create a personalized account
by going to the
website: www.commonapp.org

19. The Common Application
Transfer Prompt
“Please provide a
statement that
addresses your reasons
for transferring and the
objectives you hope to
achieve.” (250-650
words)

20. Address the two main
questions:
1. What are your reasons for
transferring?
2. What objectives (goals) do
you hope to achieve?

21. Before you begin writing:
1. List the core or defining qualities that make you
think you will be effective in your major.
2. Recall and jot down your memories of specific
moments in your life that sparked your interest in
your field.
3. Highlight the positive experiences you have had at De Anza; use those as
a springboard to explain why you want more of those at your next school.
Stay positive. List three positive features of De Anza concerning your
major. Then list three more that your new school will have (this must
necessarily be general because multiple schools will receive this essay).
4. Now, write a short anecdote (based on an experience, incident, or
moment) that will show the reader one of the defining qualities you
noted in step one. Then explain how that quality has driven you down the
path to your major and your new University or College. If you did this
exercise for UC Essay 2, you may already have fodder for this essay.

22. Sample Outline for the
Common Application Essay
1. Introduction: An anecdote from #4 on the previous slide—a quality that drives you
to your major.
2. Background: Provide examples of positive earlier experiences with your subject.
3. Content: Share positive academic/intellectual experiences from De Anza, using
specific examples.
4. Transition into the main reason you are ready to move on and into the new school.
5. Objectives: Discuss how you will find success in your intended major in your new
school. What do you want to learn? What do you see yourself doing with your
degree?
6. Conclusion: End with a sentence or two that projects your goals into the future.
What do you believe a degree in your major will allow you to do: consider yourself,
your family, your community, and the world.

23. Avoid These
Common Mistakes

24. Avoid Common Mistakes
Don’t be campus specific! One application serves multiple
schools.
Don’t use inappropriate humor.
Don’t decide to turn your essay into a poem or dialogue.
Don’t use quotations –Your thoughts are important; you
only have 1000 words. Don’t waste them on someone
else’s.
Don’t include multiple topics – each question should be
answered with one topic. You cannot go into depth when
you talk about multiple topics.

25. Avoid Common Mistakes Cont.
Avoid Generalities – stick to facts and specifics to
describe yourself.
Avoid Repetition – do not talk about the same topic in
each response. Provide information not included in other
sections of the application.
Skip Hard-luck stories without a purpose - you do not
need to overcome a challenge to gain admission to
college, so do not make one up.
Don’t Stretch the truth – just be honest. Most lies reveal
themselves.

26. Introductions to
Workshop Faculty

27. Dr. Becky Roberts
 Dr. Roberts has been part of the English
Department at De Anza since 2002
 Ph.D. Literature, University of California,
Santa Cruz
 M.A. Literature, University of California San
Diego
 B.A. Music and English/writing, University of
California San Diego
 She teaches Nineteenth Century American
Literature, Latin American Literature, World
Mythology, World Literature, and
Composition.

28. Dr. Karen Chow
 Dr. Chow has been part of the English
Department at De Anza since 2002
 Ph.D., English, U.C. Santa Barbara
 M.A., English, U.C. Santa Barbara
 B.S. with minor in English, University of Southern
California
 She teaches composition and literature classes,
and is involved with a number of committees
and activities that aim to promote multicultural
understanding and appreciation on campus. Her
interests are in English, Women’s Studies, and
Asian-American Studies

29. Ms. Rene Anderson-Watkins
 Ms. Anderson Watkins joined the English
Department in Spring 2012.
 Masters in English San Jose State University
 Masters in Education Virginia Commonwealth
University
 She teaches both composition and literature. Her
interests include British Literature: Beowulf to Milton
and African American Literature.
 She also serves as a Faculty Representative on
Academic Senate.

30. Mr. James Nguyen
 Mr. Nguyen has been at De Anza in the Political
Science department since 2009.
 Juris Doctorate: Santa Clara University
 BA Political Science: UC Berkeley
 Before coming to De Anza, Mr. Nguyen was a
personal statement counselor for private
companies, and he was a community college
transfer to a UC. His main focus is on student
success and empowerment on campus and in
our community. He is a second-generation
Vietnamese-American born and raised in the Bay
Area.

31. Ms. Veronica Avila
 Ms. Avila joined De Anza college as a
counselor in 1999. She has been with the
Reading Department since 2009.
 BA Psychology
 MA Counseling
 Post-Secondary Reading Credential
Ms. Avila currently teaches READ 200 and READ
211. She is a mother and a runner. She has two
kids and two marathons to her credit.

32. If you would like to stay for small group/
individual help with your essays, we invite you
to do so. It doesn’t matter if you have a near
perfect essay or if you just have the writing from
today. You can choose the kind of help you
get.
Brainstorming:
Revision Strategies:
Editing Help: