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Dealing with difficult dialogue
1. Dealing with Dangerous Dialogue
When conversations could turn critical
Julia Steward
www.chrysalisleadershipdevelopment.com
2. Aim
Identify strategies to minimise the impact of
‘dangerous dialogue’ – conversations that take
you unaware and stay with you long afterwards
4-step approach:
• Recognising when things become dangerous
• Taking control – of yourself
• Seeing it through: helpful behaviours
• Limiting the legacy
3. ‘Dangerous dialogue’
Dangerous
Dialogue
adj: able or likely to
cause harm or injury
n: conversation between
two or more people
conversation, talk
discussion, interchange,
likely to cause problems
or to have adverse
consequences
menacing, threatening,
hazardous, perilous
v: take part in a
conversation or discussion
to resolve a problem.
5. 7-levels of consciousness model
Personal values
Self-less service
Making a positive difference in the world
Know and
Understand
Self-esteem
Finding meaning in existence
Letting go of fears
Love & Belonging
Feeling protected and loved
Safety
Feeling a sense of self-worth
Physiological
www.valuescentre.com
Satisfying our physical and survival needs
5
7. Danger!
Blood flow
focuses on
what’s
essential for
survival
Message from brain to
adrenal glands
Increased sugar, higher
heart rate, raised blood
pressure
away from here
to the
amygdala
activating
sympathetic
nervous
system
increased cortisol
remains until …
body’s reaction is
turned off by activating
the parasympathetic
nervous system which
relaxes & conserves
energy
8. What triggers your emotional
reaction?
• Individually spend a few minutes
listing situations/events that have
caused stress
• With a colleague, consider an
appropriate ‘antidote’
12. Step 3: guiding the dialogue
Listen
Empathise
Establish what they want
Accept responsibility - carefully; apologise if
appropriate
Follow-up - if necessary and report back
13. ‘No one can make you feel inferior without your
consent’
Eleanor Roosevelt
14. Step 4: Limiting the Legacy
• Process the event
• Identify the learning
• Let go
Identify and record helpful and unhelpful
practices. What will help you to use one rather
than the other?
Comments from participants‘Logic goes out of the window when put on the spot’‘Difficult to manage professionalism when emotionally challenged’Stakes are high; you haven’t prepared (feedback suggested it was better when you had); emotions are triggeredAll down to the ‘amygdala’ – reacts ahead of our rational brain
Keeps us safe – can also overwhelm us
What’s going on in our brainsOften hear people saying ‘I didn’t even think’ or ‘I couldn’t think straight ‘ (losing your head)Cognitive stuff closes down (amygdala hijack) Emotions react before we have time to think (this is why we can become ‘unreasonable’ when we’re under stressStress can build up , so first encounter with stressful situation …..
Purpose of antidote – to begin to take control – what else can you do?
Summarise helpful behavioursUse acronym : try it out with each other in groupsRemember the mountain