Guiding the Strong Willed Child Workshop

1. Guiding Your
Strong Willed Child
0 1 2 3 4 5 6

2. What is Applied Behavior Analysis?
• Applied
– Real world practice. It is applying basic science to
improve the lives of people.
• Behavior
– Any action of any living thing. For our purposes we are
interested in observable and measurable behavior.
• Analysis
– A scientific study. We are going to allow our teaching to
be guided by what really works!

3. Guiding Your Strong Willed Child
• Parenting is personal
– Help parents create space to identify how the they
want to parent
• Parenting is hard
– Equip parents to effectively, purposefully & consistently
parent
• Real change takes time
– Invest wisely & expect measurable growth over time

4. Habits of Happy Parents
• Observe to Understand
• Prepare to Prevent
• Differentially Reinforce
• Be Boring When Bad
• Practice Happy
• Make the New Way Work

5. Top Tools of Happy Parents
• Name the Good
• Sure Y! First X, Then Y
• Blame the Man
• Micro Choices
• Goodbye Junk Demands
• Super Kid Meetings

6. Week One
Community Developing the Will
Family What I Value
Science Observe to Understand
Framework Operational Definitions
At-Home Daily 5: Name the Good

7. Strong Willed Child?
• Pluses
– “usually have a very strong sense of independence… typically
also assertive, confident, determined & persistent”
• And, minuses
– “a strong sense of independence also frequently leads these
children to become stubborn, argumentative & defiant”
• You are not alone
– 48% of parents of 2-6 year olds informally surveyed by the
authors described their child as “strong willed”
Forehand & Long. Parenting the Strong Willed Child. (2002)
Community

8. Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WaOazMm9sVw
Community

9. The Power of the Will
• “There are books that use the term “strong-willed”
to discuss a child who cannot or will not
cooperate with adults or family members – a child
who, in fact, does not have a developed “will.” In
Montessori education, we focus instead on the
development of the will as the positive force that
enables us to learn from our environment and
society and to make a contribution to them” (24).
Lillard & Jessen. Montessori from the Start. (2003)
Community

10. A Developed Will
• A child who can say…
– “I can focus my energies.
– I can restrain my actions.
– I can control my impulses.” (25)
Lillard & Jessen. Montessori from the Start. (2003)
Community

11. Question for the Table – 10 Minutes
Community
• Your name
• What you do
• Where you live
• Your child(ren)’s name, age & teacher
Why did you choose NNM?
End

12. Week One
Community Developing the Will
Family What I Value
Science Observe to Understand
Framework Operational Definitions
At-Home Daily 5: Name the Good

13. Identifying Core Values
Family
Now we are going to look to the future…
How would you describe your vision for your
family? What will be your children’s inheritance?

14. A Vision for Your Family
Family
• I do not believe there is a right answer, a best
book, a perfect guru for parents
• I do believe that parenting is more (insert positive
adjective!) when you are working with a clear vision
for your family
• Crafting your vision will be an ongoing part of the
HAT meeting discussions

15. Some of Our Family’s Core Values
Family
• Koselig
• Courage
• Ping Pong
• Kintsugi
• Integrity
• Harmony

16. Your Value Vision
Family
• Next 10 minutes you will brainstorm independently
• Look over the list of character traits
• Okay to think outside of the list in order to find
words with personal meaning
– Mentors, friends, your best days, instagram …
• Narrow it to 10 words or ideas or concepts that
describe your personal vision for your family
End

18. HAT Meeting One Assignment
Family
• Schedule 30 minutes of protected, kid-free time for
each week of our workshop on your CALENDAR
• How will you keep yourself accountable?
Goal for Meeting One
COMPARE YOUR TOP 10 LISTS.
Combine your lists into a unified 5-10 words.
Bring list next week!

19. Week One
Community Developing the Will
Family What I Value
Science Observe to Understand
Framework Operational Definitions
At-Home Daily 5: Name the Good

20. Nuts & Bolts of Behavior
Operational
Definitions
Antecedent
Original
Behavior
Replacement
Behavior
Consequence
Science

21. Today’s Gift from Science
Operational
Definitions
Science

22. Operational Definitions
• Objective
– Did I use only observable characteristics?
• Clear
– Could an unfamiliar actor use it as a script?
• Complete
– Does it include everything I want to include & exclude
everything I want to exclude?
Science

23. Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLKukwm9ODo
Science

24. Why Bother?
• Aid to Communication
• Right Response to Behavior
• Antidote to Nebulous Feeling of Guilt
Science

25. Aid to Communication
• Observable description of behavior
• Specifically descriptive
MC Esher Optical Illusion via lolriot.com
Science

26. Right Response
• Sometimes we see things that are not really there
• Not a problem until it’s time to clean the floor
Science

27. Nebulous Feeling of Guilt
• Sometimes we write historical fiction about our
children’s behavior – short on facts, long on drama
Science

28. Week One
Community Developing the Will
Family What I Value
Science Observe to Understand
Framework Operational Definitions
At-Home Daily 5: Name the Good

29. Operational Definitions Makeover
Before After
We haven’t had as much quality
time for him because of the new
baby so he’s acting out his
insecurity at bedtime.
She is sad about going to school
because her day is too long
thanks to my work schedule.
We can’t go to Target together
anymore because he is strong-
willed and won’t let me get my
shopping done without a fight.
Framework

30. Operational Definitions Makeover
Before After
We haven’t had as much quality
time for him because of the new
baby so he’s acting out his
insecurity at bedtime.
Screams, “No, don’t leave me!”
while grabbing onto parent
She is sad about going to school
because her day is too long
thanks to my work schedule.
Drops to the floor and throws
backpack in front of classroom
We can’t go to Target together
anymore because he is strong-
willed and won’t let me get my
shopping done without a fight.
Kicks and screams for over one
minute in a shopping cart
Framework

31. Not-A-Test
• Circle all of the words you might find in an
“operational definition” of a tantrum.
Wanted toy Produces tears Shouts “no” Angry
Kicks feet Mad at brother Didn’t sleep well
Longer than a minute Happy Throws object
Framework

32. Not-A-Test
• Circle all of the words you might find in an
“operational definition” of a tantrum.
Wanted toy Produces tears Shouts “no” Angry
Kicks feet Mad at brother Didn’t sleep well
Longer than a minute Happy Throws object
• Answer? All but those in black – those all are presumptions we make based on our observations, but are not
objective descriptions of behavior
Framework

33. Week One
Community Developing the Will
Family What I Value
Science Observe to Understand
Framework Operational Definitions
At-Home Daily 5: Name the Good

34. What is the Daily Five?
• Five Minutes Daily
– Pick a time that will consistently work in your daily routine
– No cleaning, fixing, cooking, phoning…just playing!
– Set a kitchen timer or a vibrating phone timer
– If multiple children, try playing together or each with a
parent… see what works best for your kids!
At-Home
Via amazon.com

35. This Week: Name the Good
• Joining into child’s existing play, not Pinterest craft
• No demands, corrections or questions!
• This should be experienced as really easy for you
& fun for your child
At-Home
Reflect
Highlight
Natural Perks
Imitate
Specifically
Describe
C: “I am building a
tower.”
P: “That tower is as
tall as you!”
C: (Set table)
P: “You set the
table, now we can
eat our snack!”
C: (Dancing)
P: (Join in the fun &
dance!)
C: (Scrubbing table)
P: You are
scrubbing the
table!

36. How to Video
• This week you will capture yourself using one of the
four Name the Good interactions (reflect, highlight
natural perks, imitate, specifically describe)
• If there is another adult, they can video or you can
just prop your phone against something
• Video quality is not the goal – HAVE FUN!
• MAXIMUM of 30 seconds, then email it to me
• “It is my homework for Miss Krista!”
At-Home

37. At-Home

38. Making this Work at Home
• Guided Practice Every Workshop Week
– HAT meeting
• This week: Come up w/ 5-10 shared values
– Daily Five
• This week: Practice Name the Good interactions
– 30-Second Video
• This week: Email Name the Good by Saturday
At-Home

39. Questions, Comments?
Review the slides at biehus.wordpress.com
Email me at biehuschicago@gmail.com
At-Home