1. Welcome to “Love me! The Quinn Bachelor Challenge.” “A Bachelor Challenge? Me? Are you sure you’ve got the right sim? You know Erin is probably a better choice.” Dude, a handsome man like you needs some loving and since I’ve never had a bachelor challenge since Marina can’t be bothered to give me one you’re the next best thing. “Gee, thanks, Dad.”

2. And here we have our lovely ladies that are going to pursue and slip him a little sugar. I probably should introduce them from left to right. We have Kennedy Whedon, CarmillaMidlock, Anne Legacy, Marian Austen, and Oh My FUCKING GOD!!! OH MY FUCKING GOD! Is that Julia Caesar? Oh dear shit on a stick, it is. Run! Run now! She’ll kill you! You’re better off killing yourself before letting her sink her claws into you, trust me on this! Oh, and we have Spica Walton and BeccaVetinari. But Julia, what in the hell were you people thinking? You’re going to be the death of me and Quinn! And I bet you did this to be funny at my expense. You simselves are all the same. I hate you all. We now return you to your bachelor challenge already in progress.

3. “You look really tense, Quinn. Why don’t you let me take care of that for you?”

4. “No thanks! I’ve only known for ten seconds and I don’t swing that way.” I thought you were straight, son? Do I need restart this with some guys? I can. It’s not hard. “Dad! I like girls! I’m just not into jumping into a girls arms the first time I met her.”

5. Why not? She’s hot and she’s got red hair. Bonus! You know your number one duty is to give me red headed grandbabies with the nose. “Dad! I am not having this conversation with you right now! Let me do this my way! Without all of the unhelpful advice.” Fine.

6. “So. How do you like this weather we’re having?” Oh son…

7. As seems to be normal for all bachelor challenges, the contestants seem to be more interested with each other than the bachelor.

8. “Did you see Quinn? He shot down Carmilla. That will teach her to be so forward.”

9. “And then we really think we should recycle more. It’s our children’s world too.”

10. “Is that really all you can talk about? The weather and environmentalism? What about sexy lamps or fried eggs?” “Uh…” “I’m done with this conversation.” “Uh…” “Bye!”

11. Try something else, son. I hear spatulas are all the rage. “Dad! Let me do this my way! So, Spica, I really think your hair is kind of hot.” “Really?” “Yeah.”

12. “I thought it was really awesome too! Thanks!” “So you aren’t going to shoot me down?” “No… Why would I?” “Because I’ve got the worst luck in the world with girls.” “Oh.”

13. “And then did you see him with that two-tone girl? She’s obviously of loose morals.”

14. “So do you think I’m hot?” “You are. Do you really need the ego boost?” “If you knew my family you wouldn’t ask that.” “Ah. I see.”

15. “So why did you come here? Did you read about me on Boolprop?” “How could I? Computers have not been invented in my legacy yet could you not see this.” “Uh…” “I came because the simselves thought I would be a good match.” “Oh.”

16. “La lala! Oh look a mahjongg table! I’m sure the bachelor will find me here.”

17. “Did you see how awkward Quinn is? He isn’t going to last until the end of the day!” “But is he not the bachelor and we the contestants?” “Yes, but I think it is he who shall be the loser.”

18. Son, you’ve got to step it up! You have all of these women and you’re letting them walk all over you. Go on! Make a move!

19. Just not her! Send her home now! Do not let that nice swoon fool you. She is pure poison.

20. “So Anne’s kind of hot. I know she’s been gossiping about me. But you know what they say about the dangerous kind of woman, they’re really attractive.” “If you think that, I should introduce you to my twin.” “You have a twin too?” “I do! She’d love to suck you dry.”

21. “That sounds really hot! Twins is totally a male fantasy I’d love to fulfill.” That’s my boy!

22. “What is up with that ridiculous hairstyle? Did you fail to smooth it after removing your chapeau?” “What are you saying about the fauxhawk, it’s awesome!”

23. “It is not awesome. It is stupid. I will not marry a man with a hairstyle like that.” “We’ll that’s fine. Because I don’t want to marry you anyway.” “Hmph.”

24. “You know you’re missing the drama out here.” “So? I’ll cause my own later.” “Uh. Okay.” Stake her, girl! I promise you won’t regret it.

25. “The fauxhawk is the best hairstyle ever, you’re just jealous you don’t have the face to pull it off.” “What’s that on your shirt?” “Huh?”

26. “Oh look it is your dignity, ha!” “Why are you acting this way? I’ve done nothing to you! I didn’t even want to be here, I’d rather be at Miss Lily’s or anywhere other than here.”

27. “Because I don’t want you! I want someone else, I am only doing this to please my mother. She sent me here and I want you to send me back!” “Well you didn’t have to be a bitch about it! You could have just said so.” “And anger my mother? You don’t know who she is, do you?” “No and I don’t think I want to.”

28. “So, Anne, did you know Quinn thinks you’re hot.” “Carmilla!” “He does? I should really apologize for my behavior.” “Um, girls, I’m standing right here.”

29. “Has anyone seen the green girl? I haven’t really talked to her much.” “Nope. Mmmm salad.”

30. “Too bad. I would have liked to talk with her.” “Maybe she’ll show up later.”

31. “Any time now…”

32. “Mr. Fitzhugh, I do want to apologize for insulting your hairstyle.” “So you admit the fauxhawk is the best?” “I would not go that far. But my behavior was not acceptable.”

33. “So you think I’m hot?” “Of course, compared to the last man I married you are an Adonis.”

34. No son! Walk away! Walk away now! Do not engage!

35. Bolstered by Julia’s affirmation of his manly Fitzhugh looks Quinn went to bed with a smile on his face.

36. And awoke with a swagger in his step.

37. “There’s the green girl! She’s hot!”

38. “You seem most charismatic, Mr. Fitzhugh.” “Me? You must be mistaking me for my father.”

39. “Marian said…” “Let’s not talk about Marian, let’s talk about you and me and a hot tub for two.” “I would appreciate if you weren’t so forward.”

40. “Nice job getting shot down. Maybe now I could offer you a pick me up?” “Thanks. I could use one right about now.”

41. “That was really nice, I’m sure glad you’re here Carmilla.” “I am too. And I love the fauxhawk. It reminds me of a man I once knew who was really very attractive. A lot like you, Quinn.”

42. “Goodbye, Becca! I shall miss you when I leave today.” “Um, actually you’re not the one leaving.”

43. Scores for Day One! Carmilla – 81/12 Crush 3 Bolts Spica – 24/9 2 Bolts Becca – 23/2 2 Bolts Julia – 10/6 2 Bolts Anne – 9/7 2 Bolts Kennedy – 0/0 2 Bolts Marian - -5/-5 1 Bolt Bye Marian, don’t let the door hit you on the way out. That’s what you get for insulting the fauxhawk.

44. Hottub dates. Boring. Becca’s naked and giving Quinn quite a show.

45. After the date, Becca decided that every one needed drinks in preparation for the chats to follow.

46. Anne was not interested in talking about the weather. Quinn’s favorite fall back subject.

47. Becca was fine with it.

48. Carmilla decided to bypass the chats and go straight for the Leap into Arms. Go girl! Tell my son that he needs to move on past the weather crap.

49. Julia seemed to like talking about the weather. But we all know what that means, she’s plotting new and interesting ways to kill you. Run away!

50. Oh son, I really need to have a talk with you about what not to talk to women about. Other women is at the top of that list.

51. Luckily Kennedy is too nice to make you suffer for the faux pas.

52. Much better. Always tell the woman you are with that you like her.

53. And then she’ll be putty in your hands.

54. Anne is similarly puttyesque. Perhaps she is mesmerized by the fauxhawk.

55. “Why yes, I DO like to be as naked as possible as often as possible. Thank you for noticing.” “Well, you aren’t exactly shy about it.”

56. Quinn does the Strut out of the room.

57. Becca seemingly gets Aspiration points from nowhere. Quinn was probably involved somewhere down the line, because my boy has that effect on people.

58. Or maybe Becca just has secret voyeur tendencies. Or not-so-secret. She’s more or less up for anything. Including, if memory serves, llamas, professors, and coaches. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

59. And THAT’S how it’s supposed to be! Way to go, Quinn! The Fitzhugh Charisma at its best.

60. Except for her. Stop that. Stop that right now!

61. Much better. Much, much better.

62. See, Quinn? No man or woman can resist the Fitzhugh Strut (trademarked, patent pending).

63. “You know what? I really have a fetish for green skin.” And I really need to teach you some new pickup lines.

64. “I found it so hot when you stared at my boobs. Do you want to stare at them some more?” SAY YES! SAY YES! “…Maybe later.” NO! NO NONONONO!

65. Anne, stop playing with Carmilla and go home. Day Two Scores: Carmilla – 99/24 Crush Becca – 73/13 (Naked time works, girls) Spica – 50/19 Julia! – 32/16 Kennedy – 25/12 Anne – 16/9

66. Son, stop asking if the girls think you’re hot. Of course you are, you’re a Fitzhugh and MY son.

67. Don’t mind me… I’m just admiring the view.

68. Chess dates suck. That’s why I cheat.

69. Carmilla’s got the right idea.

70. “I think that we’d have a lovely peaceful life together, Quinn.”

71. Lies! Lies and propaganda! See this picture. It shows the truth. Life with Julia is a neverending hell! Don’t ask me how I know. I just do.

72. The point of cheating is to win, not get caught. You suck at this, Spica.

73. “How was the date with Spica?” “She cheated.” “Oh how horrible! I’d never think of cheating.”

74. “That’s really sweet of you. I bet other parts of you are just as sweet.” “Um… I don’t really know what to say to that.” Better lines son! Get some better lines!

75. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. You’re just a really great girl and I wish I knew you better.” “Aww, thanks.”

76. “Whoa, I don’t mind you feeling the girls, but I am not an exhibitionist. At least not with other women around.”

77. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t like being touched. This is a good touch.”

78. “How about another show?” “Whoa! Hold it, buster. I like naked time, but on my terms. Not yours.”

79. “So maybe later? Just you and me and maybe a photobooth?” “You’re on!”

80. “Whoa nice PJs girl!” “I’ll echo that.”

81. “All of you looks nice. I’m glad you’re here.” “Me too.”

82. “Are those silky PJs?” “Hands off! No one touches Julia without my permission and you, mortal, have not earned that right.” “What the hell?”

83. “Oh I’m so sorry, Quinn. I don’t know what came over me. You just startled me with your forwardness. I was raised to be a good girl, you know.” Lies! Lies! She’s a bad girl and not in the awesome handcuffs and riding crop sort of way.

84. And it was no surprise that Kennedy was sent home. Day Three Scores: Carmilla – 96/34 Crush and Friends Spica – 89/33 Crush and Friends Becca – 80/24 Crush and Friends Julia! – 54/28 Friends Kennedy – 49/24

85. Another hot tub date. Two naked hot tubbers.

86. And the conversation heats up. Sort of. Kind of. They’re talking about the tree that caught on fire the other day. Yeah.

87. Okay. Time to get dressed in formal wear. You, Quinn, look awesome. “…Thanks.” Now go woo those ladies, like a boss!

88. “I think you’d look even better wearing a pearl necklace.” “You’d better not be talking about what I think you are.” “…no?” Quinn, have you been listening at my bedroom door?

89. “Oh good! Now catch!” “Oof!”

90. “Isn’t my bust magnificent?” “Oh yes!”

91. “Whee!!!” “Oof!”

92. “Oh yeah, I could really get the hang of this romance thing.” Like a boss, Quinn. Like a boss.

93. “Your bust is magnificent.” “Are you really trying that line on me?” “Well it worked on Carmilla.” “I am not Carmilla!” “No, you aren’t. I’m sorry.”

94. “Apology accepted.” “Oof!”

95. “I’d be happy to leap into your arms now.” “No that’s okay. You don’t need to. My arms are kind of tired and I don’t want to drop you.” Drop her! Drop her off a cliff!

96. “You’ve got a hair stuck under your strap, let me get that for you.” “I do, do I?” “Yeah. It’s soft and smooth.” “You’re getting better. But you still need a little polish.” “Want to help me with that?” “Maybe.”

97. “Sand in uncomfortable places.”

98. “Turnabout is fair play!” “But I’m a girl!” “You still caught me!” “Oof!”

99. “Probably should have put on a bathing suit…”

100. “You look really good, Quinn. That vest really sets off your hair.” “Uh…” “I’m really glad I came.” “Uh…”

101. “So, you want to see me naked?” “Is there an answer I can say that won’t get me in trouble?” The answer is ‘Yes’ son. If a woman asks you that, you say ‘yes!’

102. “The waves are so pretty. I bet Quinn would like them.” I don’t know Carmilla, you seem to be doing a good job of avoiding him. “Have you seen the scores? Quinn’s mine, the other girls don’t stand a chance.”

103. “Is this where you’ve been? You’ve missed prime flirt time.” “I don’t need it. I’m safe.” “So you think.”

104. “I’m hot.”

105. “Girls? Where did you all go?”

106. “I win with sexy lamp!” “Your lamp is always sexy.” “You know it!”

107. “Let me rub my lamp against you.” “Oh Becca!”

108. “Oh…. Mmmm. Gee… Who will be the girl for me?”

109. “Must ponder this while cleaning the toilets.” I’ve always made my best decisions while at the toilet. “I don’t think I needed to know that.” Scrubbing it! Scrubbing the toilet! I do not have a toilet fetish. “The more you protest, Dad. The more I don’t believe you.” Gah!

110. “No, no, I couldn’t possibly.” “Really?” “No.” “Then why…?” “Exactly.”

111. “You’re hot when you’re imponderable.” “Yeah, I know.”

112. Nice that Carmilla doesn’t seem to care what’s going on behind her.

113. And Becca’s cool with everything too. “You go have fun with Quinn! I just did!” “Oh I plan on it!”

114. “A face like yours just begs to be touched.”

115. “And your butt is begging even harder!” “Quinn!” “What can I say? It was calling to me.”

116. “I want you to touch me. I need you to feel me!” “Please stop singing.”

117. “Black really is your color.” “Well I’m in mourning for my husband.”

118. “You were married?” “It was an arranged marriage. I didn’t care for him like care for you.”

119. “And I care for you too, Julia.” No, Quinn! No!!!!

120. Can a pantlesssimself smite her please?

121. Julia’s last minute sunbathing, saved Quinn from a fate worse than death. Day 4 scores: Spica – 100/60 Best Friends, Crush Carmilla– 99/55 Best Friends, Crush Becca – 100/45 Crush Julia - 100/41 Crush

122. “Anne’s hot!” “Can we stop talking about the women who left? Can we talk about me?”

123. “So I heard your Mom’s a movie star.” “Not a better topic of conversation.”

124. Slip her some sugar, Quinn!

125. …

126. …

127. …

128. “I could really use a drink after that kiss. He needs to use less tongue, it was kind of wet and sloppy.” Stop talking about my boy like that!

129. “Hey thanks Dad! But I can deal with that myself.”

130. Everyone descended on the drinks and had some interesting conversation. “And I’d love to introduce Quinn to my handcuff collection. I bet he’d like it.”

131. “I think I’m in love.”

132. “I don’t need handcuffs to get Quinn. Let me teach you to kiss better.”

133. “Oh I love it when Quinn makes out with another woman, it reminds me of home.”

134. Like a boss.

135. “Quinn, you’re so tense. Let me loosen you up a little.”

136. “I bet all of you is soft.” “Why don’t you find out?” “Okay, then, I will.”

137. “You know, you’re really lovely, Carmilla. Especially your butt, but I bet you knew that.” “I did, but it’s nice to hear.”

138. Much better lines, Quinn. “Thanks, Dad. And you really can stop commenting any time now.” Not really, the simselves like to torture me. “I think they like torturing me more.” How can you say such a thing? “Honestly.”

139. Since Spica accepted all of the flirts yesterday, today was no different and we really don’t need to see it. Carmilla would also appreciate not seeing it.

140. But they really are kind of good together so I can’t decide who I like best for my boy, and since this isn’t De’s game a threesome isn’t likely.

141. Becca seemed to know that she didn’t have a chance and so stopped trying.

142. She left with a knowing expression on her face. And If I weren’t married multiple times over, I wouldn’t mind soothing her ‘hurt feelings.’ Day Five Scores: Spica – 100/98 Love Carmilla – 100/88 Love Becca – 100/65 Best Friends, Crush

143. After Becca left, it was down to Carmilla and Spicaand a completely pointless hot tub date, not that I mind the view. “So what do you say, Quinn, we go back to your room after this is all over and chain you to the bed and have my way with you?” “Oh I don’t think so, girl, you haven’t earned him yet.” “Pfft, I’m going to win and everyone knows it. You had your chance and lost it, old woman.” “Um, I’m right here and I haven’t made up my mind yet.”

144. “That’s a lie and you know it, Quinn. But since I love you, I’ll let you keep your delusions and keep comfort in that you’ll make the right choice in the end.”

145. “I’m never really made out with a girl before.” “I promise it won’t hurt a bit. I’m not my sister, you know.” “I really don’t think I want to know.” “Then kiss me like you mean it.”

146. “I think I can do that.” Woo! Way to go, son! Show that lady that we Fitzhugh men are the best!

147. “As hot as that was, I think it would have been even better if it had been me kissing Quinn.”

148. “Oh you think that, do you?” “I do! And I bet that Quinn will like my kissing more than yours.” “This isn’t a competition.” “Yes it is.” “Oh right. But still, we should just have fun and let things happen.”

149. “See what I mean?” “Yeah. And not impressed.”

150. “This is so much better, the feeling of skin on skin. There’s nothing quite like it in this world.” “I would have to agree with you there.”

151. Quinn, being the manly stud of a son of mine, then went on to show Spica just how much he enjoyed skin on skin action. Geez, get a fucking room and just woohoo already. You both know you want it.

152. But instead of getting his groove on with one of these delectable ladies, my son decided that a meal of another sort was required. We’re going to totally have to talk about your priorities later.

153. Then it was time for the final flirts. Hey Mutt, stop with the commentary on these interactions. You’re photobombing is not wanted or needed… What? You want me to comment on the flirts? As if you and I haven’t seen enough of these challenges to know that at this stage in the game that unless things have gone really badly that all of the flirts are gonna be accepted.

154. You know, if this weren’t my son I’d be vomiting about now because of how sweet and cloying this all is. But if one of these ladies makes him happy, then bully for her. Whoever that is.

155. You know son, you should just take them both and be done with it. It’s not the devil’s three-way and I’m sure that no one would mind, especially not De. But since this is a bachelor challenge there needs to be a winner.

156. And that winner is not Carmillaalthough it was fucking close. Day 6 Results: Spica – 100/100 Love BFF Carmilla – 100/100 Love BFF The tie break was who got to 100/100 first and that was Spica. She was also the first to get Quinn to fall in love with her too.

157. “I guess you were right, I did choose you.” “I knew you would. Once you got Carmilla and Becca to show you the ropes I knew that I was the one for you.” “Why? How?” “Because I love you, silly. I love you from the tip of your radfauxhawk to the bottom of your ticklish feet.” “Then there’s something I need to ask you.”

158. “Spica Walton, I’m actually rolling the want to get engaged to you. Will you do me the honor of being my wife?”

159. “Do you mean it?” “Of course I do.” “You’re rolling the want?” “Yep. And let me prove it.”

160. “Whoa! The aspiration points are so shiny!”

161. “Of course I’ll marry you!”

162. Looking good, son. “Thanks, Dad. Now let me go get married before I roll the fear.” That’s my boy.

163. “I suppose so. I just kind of wish you, Mom, and Erin were here to see this.” Trust me, I’m sure they’ll know somehow. The telepathy we sims have is a wonderful thing.

164. Not the most romantic place for a wedding but it’s the thought that counts. Now on to the wedding!

166. So, Quinn, if you need any pointers I’m right here. “Uh, no that’s okay. I think I’ll be fine.” You sure? “Yeah, Dad, I’m pretty sure. You can read the credits now.” Fiiiiiiine.

167. This wonderful piece of drek was filmed by Peasant007 and written by LadyLarkRune with input from DocSupremeNerd, RoseFyre, ProfessorButters, and Peasant007. Featuring sims from Peasant007 DocSupremeNerd ProfessorButters LadyLarkRune RoseFyre Blite(Ben) RegacyLady Dicreasy Narrated by Rhys Fitzhugh created by SmoothieQueen

168. “What about me?” Go jump off a cliff, drown in a lake, starve in a doorless room, die in a fire, and drink poison. God, it feels good to say that to you. Until Next Time, Happy Simming!