1. and How It Can make your life Better! Positive Confrontation:

2. From the book The Power of Positive Confrontation by Barbara Pachter Facilitator: Sherry Hillyard, Learning Specialist Fall 2010 Workshop Series Main Objective: To introduce skills for becoming an effective communicator in the midst of confrontation

3. What will you be learning? Identifying your “confronting” style – how and why Exploring the essence of Polite and Powerful Learning to use the strategies behind “WAC’em” Working with the other person’s viewpoint and style Building rapport for handling difficult conversations Understanding do’s and don’ts of techno-etiquette Summarizing with a Review

4. Life is full of sticky situations Conflict Conflict Conflict Conflict Conflict Conflict Conflict Conflict

5. packed with difficult conversations . . . Conflict Conflict Conflict Conflict Conflict Conflict Conflict Conflict

6. and loaded with confrontation Conflict Conflict Conflict Conflict Conflict Conflict Conflict Conflict

7. 12 Behaviors that can drive us crazy!! Space Spongers – loud music, messes left, dog debris, property disregard Telephone Traitors – you do all the calling, only calls for personal needs, leaves long messages Bad Borrowers – no gas in car, CDs with scratches, spotted clothes, no loan repay Constant Complainers – everyone knows one!!! Interrupters – cut-off or monopolize conversations Callous Commenters - nasty comments, sexist, racist jokes Work Welchers – just don’t do their fair share Favoritism Frustration – you get the puny or lifeless projects from your professor or boss Holiday Hogs – expect to spend all holidays at the same place with the same side of the family Request Refusers – being tardy, missing deadlines, not showing up for obligations Atrocious Askers - you’re asked to do something that you really don’t want to do. Parents or grandparents who insist they always know best . . .

9. You know what is bothering you.You know what you want from the other person.You know your position and other’s viewpoint.You choose to confront directly /respectfully. Polite And Powerful Behavior Defined

10. How to learn Polite and Powerful behavior? WAC ‘em W = What’s really bothering you? A = Ask yourself – what is it that you want the person to change about his/her behavior? C = Check in with the other person to see what he or she thinks about your request.

11. W What’s really bothering you? Be Specific: don’t generalize. Link the behavior to a specific situation. (ex. Sean was twenty minutes late for the meeting vs. Sean is always late for everything). Don’tlabel the person’s behavior but name the specific behavior. (ex. he’s selfish, she’s inconsiderate are labels). No need to say how you feel yet. (ex. concentrate on the other person not how their behavior effects you).

12. a What do you want to Ask the other person to do? What you want to ask for needs to be specific – clarify. If you don’t know exactly what you want, wait to confront. Write your A down on paper. Decide how direct you should be (hierarchy: I have to have – most, I would like – less, Is it possible – least). Want vs. position – Position comes with an ultimatum Ask for what is possible.

13. C Check-In with the other person. This is often a question and requires a response from the person you are confronting. Okay? Will you try this please ? Is this alright with you? I’m counting on you for this.

14. Verbal Non-Verbal Stop self-discounting language: maybe, perhaps, kind of, I think, I’m sorry but, I may be wrong but . . . . Avoid curse, sexist, or filler words: *&$%, “um”, “like”, “ya know” . . . Use “I” statements. Monitor your posture and space: chinup, feet parallel, shoulders back, hands at sides . . . Avoid aggressive or passive gestures: point, fists, play with hands, clips, pencils . . . Maintain eye contact. Eliminate Verbal and Non-Verbal Vices

15. Be prepared for apology, discussion, listening, problem-solving alternatives, defensiveness, or aggression. The other side of WAC ‘em ... the Other Person!

16. Plan for Defensive or Aggressive Responses Ask for Clarification: Why are you saying that? Help me understand what you mean by ‘ridiculous’. Use a Defusing Statement without ‘but’: That may be true. My concern right now, though, is to clear this up. That’s an interesting point. Acknowledge the response: (R) You’re too preoccupied with money. (C) Yes, I am concerned about money.

18. Don’t attack back.

19. Remain Polite and Powerful: I understand you’re upset. However, I’d like to discuss this with you.

20. Use an exit line: I cannot talk to you when you are screaming at me. I’d be happy to continue the conversation when you can talk to me normally.

22. Eleven Simple Things . . . Handle Your Jitters (remember to breathe!) Fake Confidence Until You Feel It Visualize Yourself Being Polite and Powerful Positive Self Talk – You ARE Polite and Powerful Find a Polite and Powerful Role Model Build Your Confidence With Role-Playing Pick the Right Approach and Time (not at Happy Hour!) Keep It Short and Simple Follow Up With the Other Person Follow Up With Yourself (reflect and evaluate)

23. Establish Positive RapportListen - Maintain Eye Contact - PoliteBe kind and considerate! Be Proactive !!!!! Learn How to Avoid Causing Conflict

24. Techno-Etiquette E-Mail Cell Phone Voice Messages E-mail: No confidential information . . . or reprimanding, blowing off steam. Watch spelling and grammar. Never all caps, avoid chain letters, jokes, thank yous, and condolences. Cell phone: No conversations in public places! Voice Messages: Speak clearly, give complete name and phone number at beginning and end of message, brief reason for call.

25. Why am I communicating this way? Is this appropriate?Am I possibly offending someone? Stop Think Review Send

26. In Summary . . . Know your style as a confronter and communicator. Be direct, honest, and polite when telling someone how their behavior effects you. Practice using positive confrontation skills. Remember WAC: What, Ask, Check-In Visualize and believe in yourself as a positive confronter. Rehearse an exit line to use when things aren’t going well. Self-evaluate after confronting: what to keep/change. Follow-up with the other person. Review etiquette skills.

27. Enjoy the benefits of Positive Confrontation! and . . . Treat Others Politely and Powerfully

28. Where to Get More Help? Learning Center (717) 477-1420 First Floor of Lehman Library: http://www.ship.edu/learning/ For AIM Students AIM participations will receive credit for viewing this Power Point presentation by answering the questions below and emailing your replies to aim@ship.edu.1. Was this presentation useful?2. Which part of the presentation did you find most useful?3. Which part of the presentation was the least useful?4. What are you going to do now based on what you have learned from this presentation?