St. George Parish School Bullying Workshop for Parents
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2 Hour Session delivered to the parent community at St George Parish School in Seattle. The bullying conversation is everywhere in the national media - what's happened since we were school children? Do you and your children know the difference between conflict and bullying? How is bullying different for boys and girls? Come to an interactive presentation to discover bullying's root causes, how it manifests, and how we can support our youth.
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St. George Parish School Bullying Workshop for Parents
- 1. St. George Parish School Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Seattle Girls ’ School Beyond Sticks and Stones: Understanding, Preventing, and Addressing Bullying Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 2. About Seattle Girls ’ School Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 4. Bullying and Bias Repeating Cycles Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 5. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 6. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 7. Gender and Gender Bias Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 8. Gender Differences Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 10. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 11. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 16. So What? Now What? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
- 23. Questions and Answers Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
Notas del editor
- Introduction - Who Am I? Why This Workshop? Goals and Outcomes?
- 1. Stereotype - A preconceived or oversimplified generalization about an entire group of people without regard for their individual differences. While often negative, stereotypes may also be complimentary. Even positive stereotypes can have a negative impact however, simply because they are broad generalizations. The stereotypes we hold form the basis of our prejudices. 2. Prejudice - A conscious or unconscious negative belief about a whole group of people and its individual members. When the person holding the prejudice also has and uses the power to deny opportunities, resources or access to a person because of their group membership, there is discrimination. 3. Discrimination - Prejudice plus the power. Discrimination can take many forms, including racism, sexism, heterosexism, ableism, ageism, etc. Many acts of discrimination build up over time, perpetuated against one relatively less powerful social group by a more powerful social group, lead to a group of people being in a state of oppression. 4. Oppression - The systematic subjugation of a group of people by another group of people with access to social power, the result of which benefits one group over the other and is maintained by social beliefs and practices. Because oppression is institutionalized in our society, target group members often believe the messages and internalize the oppression. 5. Internalized Oppression - The "buying into" the elements of oppression by the target group. When target group members believe the stereotypes they are taught about themselves, they tend to act them out and thus perpetuate the stereotypes which reinforces the prejudice and keeps the cycle going.
- Real or Alleged Identity or Characteristics - A preconceived or oversimplified generalization about an individual without regard for the whole and complex person. A person ’s various identities are shaved down to “jock,” “sissy,” “geek,” “goth,” “slut,” “weirdo,” etc. These generalizations may be based on real aspects of the person or wholly made up by rumors and assumptions. These generalizations, when examined to the core, are often based on the person’s race, gender, class, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, ability, or age. The generalizations we make form the basis of our assumptions and stereotypes (prejudice). Assumptions, Stereotypes, and Labeling (Prejudice) - A conscious or unconscious negative belief about a whole group of people and its individual members. When the person holding the prejudice also has and uses the power (physical power – stronger and bigger, social power – friends, popularity, good reputation) to deny opportunities, resources or access (to friends, social occasions, self esteem) to a person because of their real or labeled group membership, there is mistreatment, rumors, and exclusion (discrimination). Mistreatment, Rumors, and Exclusion (Discrimination) - Prejudice plus the power. Discrimination can take many forms: isolating, hitting/tripping, verbally harassing/teasing, taking/hiding things, spreading rumors, sending hurtful emails, and more. Many acts of discrimination build up over time, perpetuated against one relatively less powerful social individual by a more powerful social individual or individuals, lead to condoned and widespread bullying and harassment ( oppression). Condoned and Widespread Bullying and Harassment (Oppression) - The systematic subjugation of a group of an individual by another group of people with access to social power. The bullying is widespread, performed by people who didn ’t dislike the person in the first place. There is a silence from most everyone that seems to make this bullying okay. This condoned and widespread bullying benefits the non-bullied over the bullied and is maintained by social beliefs and practices. Because oppression is accepted by the peer community, the target individual often believes the messages and gives in to self blame and shame (internalized oppression). Self Blame and Shame ( Internalized Oppression) - The "buying into" the elements of oppression by the target individual. The bullied person starts to believe the stereotypes they are taught about him/herself, and he/she starts to accept the discrimination and oppression passively. Bullied people blame themselves for what is happening, feel ashamed of themselves, and even act out in the way their peers expect them to be and thus perpetuate the stereotypes which reinforces the prejudice and keeps the cycle going.
- Gender, Bias, and Aggression 11/13/11 Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee John Medina - Talaris Institute Watching boys and girls play. Boys play together through competition (Oh yeah? I bet I can toss the ball higher than you!) Girls play collaboratively (Can you toss the ball as high as me? Let ’s try a little higher). Mix boys and girls (G-Wanna toss the ball? B-I bet I can toss the ball higher than you! G-You must not like me… B-What happened?) Rachel Simmons - Odd Girl Out Response to danger. Boys choose “fight or flight.” Girls choose “tend and befriend.” Males see aggression as a way to control their world, females see aggression as an end to relationships. Mary Pipher - Reviving Ophelia Boys see their failure in terms of external factors and see their success in terms of their ability. Girls see their success in terms of luck and hard work and see their failure in terms of lack of ability. Power Dead Even - women/girls will do anything to bring down another woman/girl to their level
- Gender, Bias, and Aggression 11/13/11 Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Cannot attribute all to gender differences. Gender bias plays a huge role. We socialize kids into these behaviors. What happens when boys display behavior on left? “Boys will be boys…” What happens when girls display behavior on right? “Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice!” What happens when gender behaviors don’t match gender expectations? Boys are pushed into sports, fights, getting dirty, building things, scientific investigation by adults and pushed down by peers with words like “Sissy, girl, pussy, fag.” Girls are told to play nice, share, be ladylike, punished harsher for fighting,complimented on looks by adults and put down by peers with words like “butch, jock, bitch, dyke.” Rachel Simmons - Odd Girl Out Ideal girl according to girls = very thin, pretty, blonde, fake, stupid, tall, blue eyes, big boobs, fit, expensive clothes, un-proportional, naked, trendy, popular, boyfriends, smiling, happy, helpless, talking on the phone, superficial conflicts, looks older, girlie, dependent, impractical clothes, manipulative, sex = power, rich, good teeth/clear skin, smart, perfect, romantically attached with someone with status. Anti-girl according to girls = mean, ugly, excessively cheerful, athletic, brainy, opinionated, pushy, dark features, not skinny, imperfections, promiscuous, professional, insecure, dorky, depressed/unhappy, masculine, serious, strong, independent, gay/lesbian, artsy, PMSish, unrestrained, egocentric, not social, hard to get along with, bookish.
- Gender, Bias, and Aggression 11/13/11 Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
- Gender, Bias, and Aggression 11/13/11 Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
- Boys • Male Stereotypes & Homophobia • Physical Power • Worst Labels for Boys: Sissy, Fag, Wimp • Bully = Physical & Athletic Size and Power • Bullied = Smaller, Weaker • Social Collective = Gangs, Athletic Teams • Physical Abuse and Overt Aggression • Outliers of Victims = Powerful Boys of Color, Empowered GBT Boys • Signs of Cry = Fantasy Lone Wolf, Extreme Sports Girls • Gender Bias & Homophobia • Social Power • Worst Labels for Girls: Mean, Ugly, Dyke • Bully = Physical Beauty & Social Power • Bullied = Non-Mainstream Beauty, Few or No Friends • Social Collective = Cliques • Emotional Abuse and Relational Aggression • Outliers of Victims = Generalist Girls, Empowered Girls of Color • Signs of Cry = Isolated Damsel in Distress, Eating Disorders, Cutting Signs of internalized victimization can be different - boys: risky behaviors and physical pain risking activities like extreme sports and dangerous skateboarding. Girls: cutting
- Gender, Bias, and Aggression 11/13/11 Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
- Children experiencing bullying are more likely to have suicide ideation, experiment with drugs, participate in risky behaviors. Bullied students experience social loneliness, social invisibility, discomfort with parents and administrators who do not validate or understand their plight. Psychological pain registers in same area of brain as physical pain. We ’re not hypersensitive about physical bruises, we’re worried about long term psychological impact anyway. Same impact of physical bullying as indirect aggression. Students experiencing bullying often experience a sharp drop of focus and grades in school. Baumeister Studies on effects of social exclusion - drop of scores on academic tests. Baumeister studies also show that people who even THINK they are being socially excluded become less helpful and productive members of groups and become increasingly aggressive - school shootings are NOT a mystery when you look at the kids involved. Hundreds of grown women still carry the scars of bullying. Not a coincidence that muddle school years are among the most hated memories of people ’s childhood. Behavior in relationships later on very much reflective of how the woman travailed through her adolescence. Our sense of worthlessness follows us on a systemic level. Naomi Wolf - Women face isolation of male-dominated culture. Mass women ’ s culture found almost exclusively in magazines. Do and don ’ t tone of women ’ s magazines unimaginable in men ’ s magazines
- Policy - When schools don ’t have an explicit policy, teachers have no legs to stand on in dealing with these matters. Kids know it’s happening, teachers know it’s happening, but there is no real response when parents or students say “it’s just what happens at this age,” or “what’s the big deal?” Programming - As Gary Howard always said, “You can’t teach what you don’t know.” Give teachers support in learning about alternative aggression, how to recognize it, and what to do about it. Teachers and staff also need to stop repeating the cycle of gender bias unwittingly and punishing girls more harshly for acts of aggression or acting out in general. Students need support, too. If girls don’t know how to deal with conflict, they will resort to what they know and what is safer. Practice - Adults jump on kids “don’t say” “don’t do” but don’t always follow through with meaningful follow-up. These same things then get driven underground to be used when adults aren’t around. They become the very weapons of bullying, which occurs in spaces where there is less adult supervision. Swift and clear consequences must follow acts of alternative aggression, and further explanation and training must reinforce the policy and programming. Adults also need to commit to being more visible in unsupervised spaces like bathrooms, hallways, lunch rooms, etc. to increase safety for all kids from all forms of bullying.