bullying

1. Bullying is Everywhere Not just Over There Marcia M. Laviage, PhD Clinical Psychologist Medical Staff – Texas Children’s Hospital 281-242-2595 marcylaviage@gmail.com www.sugarbendcenter.com

2. OBJECTIVES To define what is/is not bullying To identify consequences of bullying To be able to engage in effective discussion with your child whether he/she is a bully or a victim To be able to address the issue with your child without panic, fear, and/or anger

3. What IS Bullying? Repeated actions causing embarrassment, shame, fear, and/or anxiety Physical, verbal, emotional/nonverbal, and/or cyber-bullying Intentional Involves an imbalance of power or strength Incidents last only a few seconds In unstructured settings (hallways, playgrounds, lunchrooms, bathrooms)

4. What’s NOT Bullying? Fighting 2 children of equal skill Humiliation and harm is not an important part of the process Early elementary development Verbal emotional expression not yet developed Can appear aggressive Doesn’t mean will grow up to be a bully

5. MYTHS ABOUT BULLYING Most bullying now happens online Bullies are bullies and victims are victims Bullying ends when you grow up Bullying is a major cause of suicide We can end bullying

6. Here’s the Upside… 2009 Study Steps to Respect (elementary school program) teaching how to Recognize, Refuse, and Report bullying, be assertive, and build friendships – 31% reduction in bullying Other reductions reported with Parent Training Increased Playground Supervision Effective Disciplinary Methods Home-and-School Communication Classroom Management Training Videos

7. TYPICAL BULLY CHARACTERISTICS Average to above avg self-esteem Strong need to dominate Impulsive Easily Angered Often Defiant toward adults Show little empathy If boys, typically stronger than boys in general

8. Did You Say Higher Self-Esteem? Children who bully more likely than peers to: Get into frequent fights Be injured in a fight Vandalize property Steal Drink alcohol Smoke Be truant/Drop out of School

9. TYPICAL VICTIM CHARACTERISTICS Cautious, sensitive Quiet, withdrawn, shy Anxious, insecure, unhappy, LSE Little to no friends – relate better to adults If boys, physically weaker than their peers

10. BULLY VS NON-BULLY False Dichotomy Labeling others and themselves as either a bully or a non-bully…AT ALL TIMES Problem – what happens when a non-bully (ie, gets good grades, participates in extracurricular activities) engages in bully behavior? Student dismisses anti-bullying messages as “not for me.” Teachers can make same mistake – miss viewing bullying as a problem in their schools

11. GIRLS and GOSSIP 905 children ages 10-14 Those rated as socially aggressive for spreading gossip or intentionally excluding others are more popular at young end of age range Popular 5th graders who rated high in gossip – by 9th grade, popularity and likeability were negatively correlated to gossip

12. BUT CAN IT BE STOPPED? Study – recording of lunchtime chat of 78 middle-school students When child started to gossip, others responded encouragingly 80% of the time Once this happens, others rarely disagreed HOWEVER, IF someone countered the gossip immediately, others more likely to dissent

13. CONSEQUENCES OF BULLYING GIRLS Girls targeted in primary school 2 ½ times more likely to remain victims than boys Girls directly victimized at 6 years old significantly more likely to still be a direct victim at age 10 Bullying changes over age Direct victimization to relational victimization (spreading of gossip, withdrawal of friendships, social exclusion)

14. BULLY=POPULAR=LIKABLE? Increase Popularity = Decrease Likability Popularity = Social Influence Popularity does not translate into who you want your child to become

15. SOCIAL STATUS Research has CONFIRMED (February, 2011): Kids intent on climbing the social ladder at school are more likely to pick on their fellow students Status increases Aggression

16. SOCIAL STATUS (cont.) 98% Top 2% Aggressive behavior peaked Working hard to get to the top Aggression – physical attacks, verbal harassment, rumors, ostracizing peers Higher social status in Fall predicted higher rates of aggression in Spring Did not harass peers Little left to gain by being mean Picking on others only made them insecure

17. Useful, but now what? Reinforces new direction for anti-bullying programs BYSTANDERS If other students allow aggression to continue, reinforces what the bully is doing

18. CYBER-BULLYING Willful and repeated harm inflicted through the use of computers, cell phones, and other electronic devices… The Cyberbullying Research Center

19. CYBERBULLYING (cont.) 2010 Study by The CB Research Center N=4,441 Students ages 10-18 Large Southern School District 37 Schools 2010 Research Study 20% experienced CB 20% engaged in CB Teenage Girls most likely to CB (21% vs. 18%) Girls – spread rumors Boys – hurtful pictures/videos Students who have experienced CB, 1.5x more likely to have thoughts of suicide

20. What Can Parents do? Do NOT take away… FACEBOOK, MY SPACE, EMAIL, TEXT, TWITTER, AIM, IM, … WHY? The #1 Reason teens do NOT talk to their parents? They do NOT want their computer, cell phone taken away!

21. BUT… Talk about Responsible Behavior Talk about Reporting Irresponsible Behavior Monitor Use – Time spent online Supervise – Gave up right to freedom when put life publicly on internet Report Behavior Yourself (to police, school)

22. Websites about CB Center for Safe & Responsible Internet Use http://csriu.org/ WiredSafety.org - http://www.wiredsafety.org/ Steps to Respect – http:community.cfchildren.org/ i-Safe America - http://www.isafe.org/ Cyberbullying Research Center http://www.cyberbullying.us

23. CONSEQUENCES OF BULLYING Finnish Study – 2,540 boys at age 8 then again at ages 18-23 Bullies - more likely to develop Antisocial Personality, Substance Abuse, Depression, and Anxiety Victims – more likely to develop only Anxiety Bullies AND victims – more likely to develop Antisocial Personality and Anxiety D/O

24. CONSEQUENCES OF BULLYING (cont.) University of Illinois study – 10,060 10th graders in 659 public AND private high schools Looked at Verbal Harrassment ONLY 1 out of 5 “often put down” by peers Psychologically hostile classroom - good students have difficulty learning; students who are behind have trouble catching up Boys experience verbal bullying more often than girls, particularly if in private school Smaller, private, and more affluent schools do very little to protect students from verbal abuse

25. CONSEQUENCES OF BULLYING GIRLS Girls targeted in primary school 2 ½ times more likely to remain victims than boys December, 2010 Univ. of Washington 1,495 10th graders Identified link between bullying and substance use

26. CONSEQUENCES OF BULLYING (cont.) Low Self Esteem Feelings of Fear School phobia/absenteeism Nightmares, Sleeplessness Depression, Anixety Thoughts of Suicide

27. WEST JORDAN, UTAH 6TH grader drafted hit list of 12 students Months of taunting – beatings and having dog manure thrown in his face One of the bullies grabbed the list from him and gave it to a teacher Who got into trouble?

28. CAN WE GET TO THE GOOD STUFF ALREADY??

29. CAUSES OF BULLYING No Single Cause Characteristics of… Individual Family Peers School Community/Religion All can place a child at risk

30. FAMILY RISK FACTORS Overly-permissive parenting – lack of limits Lack of Supervision Harsh, physical discipline Modeling of bullying behavior Lack of warmth Lack of parental involvement

31. MY CHILD…A BULLY? Not born to bully Combination of learned behavior and genetic pre-disposition If they can learn it…They can unlearn it Depends on YOU

32. IF SO… Have a serious talk Clear and consistent rules MODEL, MODEL, MODEL!!! Don’t be a bully! Spend more time with him/her Increase supervision with friends Communicate with teacher Consult

33. WHAT CAN YOU DO IF YOUR CHILD IS BEING BULLIED? Be aware of signs Torn or missing clothing, books, items Resistance to going to school Lost interest in schoolwork/decline in grades Sad, moody when comes home after school Communicate directly to school staff Document incidents Be collaborative, not combative Model positive behavior Avoid putting child in position of exclusivity

34. HOW TO TALK TO YOUR CHILD “What’s going on?” Who, When, Where, Why, How, How many times? Explain cliques in terms of power/control, not friendship Share your own memories – empathy Brainstorm/Problem-solve This too shall pass

35. HOW NOT TO TALK TO YOUR CHILD “What did you do to aggravate him/her?” “Just ignore him.” “Tease/fight back.” “Why did you handle it that way? That was a bad idea!” “Don’t be a tattle tale.”

36. WHAT CAN YOU DO?Don’t Stir the Pot! “Sugar and Spite and a Legal Mess Not Nice."

37. WHAT CAN THE CHILD DO? Always tell an adult If told an adult before with no response, tell someone else If afraid to go alone, bring along friend/sibling Tell adult: Who, When, Where, How Long, How it made him/her feel If adult is at school, ask them how they will help stop the bullying Stay in a group Less of an easy target

38. WHAT CAN THE CHILD DO? (cont) Assertive, not Provocative Responses Stand Up to the Bully Does NOT mean to FIGHT/BULLY BACK! Tell Bully (1) I don’t like it and (2) STOP, then walk away Use a calm voice Appear confident - Do NOT show distressed emotion

39. WHAT CAN THE SCHOOL DO? 70% teachers believed that teachers intervene “almost always” in bullying situation 25% students agreed 25% teachers see nothing wrong with bullying – intervene 4% of the time Students describe adult intervention is Infrequent, unhelpful, more harmful 30% 3rd-8th graders say adults did little to nothing to help

40. SO…WHAT IS HELPFUL? Private talk with the student being bullied Private talk with “innocent” bystanders Private talk with parents of both bully and victim

41. WHAT CAN SCHOOL DO (cont) Train all Staff Models for respectful behavior Response is consistent Discipline is therapeutic, not punitive Encourage reports of aggression rather than focusing on reducing “tattling” Do NOT blame the victim – send clear message to bully that he/she is fully responsible for actions

42. What Works in Schools? School-Wide environment that discourages bullying Student survey Training to recognize and respond to bullying Development of consistent rules against bullying Review and enhancement of school’s disciplinary code related to bullying behavior

43. What Works in Schools? Classroom activities to discuss issues related to bullying Integration of bullying prevention themes across the curriculum Involvement of parents in bullying prevention

44. WHAT DOES NOT WORK? Forced apologies Zero tolerance policies Conflict Resolution/Peer Mediation NOT a conflict!; its victimization NO negotiation Group Treatment for Bullies Feed off one another

45. WE MUST WORK TOGETHER

46. Q & A

47. RESOURCES OlweusBullying Prevention Program www.clemson.edu/olweus Stop Bullying Now – HRSA www.stopbullyingnow.com Back Off Bully – Stuart Twemlow, MD www.backoffbully.com SAMHSA www.samhsa.gov/library/searchreal.aspx (use search to find bullying)