Self Regulation

1. Self-Regulation

2. Everything can be taken from a man but the
last of human freedoms – the ability to choose
one's attitude in a given set of circumstances,
to choose one's way.
Viktor Frankl, "Man's Search for Meaning."

3. Self-Regulation Theory
Self-regulation theory (SRT) says that we expend
effort in control of what we think, say and do, trying
to be the person we want to be, both in particular
situations and in the longer-term.
Much self-regulation is in stopping ourselves from
doing things we know we should not do, for example
preventing ourselves from impolitely telling other
people that they are stupid. Self-regulation is also
applied in creating positive behavior, such as
studying for exams.
Self-regulation is typically needed when there is a
conflict of motivations, for example to run away
from a fire as opposed to helping to rescue victims of
the fire (ChangingMinds.org, 2015).

4. What “Regulate” Means
That’s what we mean by regulating your emotions and impulses
or urges.
Most basically, it’s about (1) intentionally decreasing or
increasing the intensity of an emotion, and (2) deciding whether
or not to act on an impulse or desire.
This involves skills like:
• Deciding and controlling where you focus your attention.
• As something’s ‘going down,’ deciding and controlling when
and how much attention you focus on different aspects of the
situation, including your own thoughts, feelings, and impulses.
• Choosing how you think about your emotional reactions to
things.
• Stopping yourself from acting on a sudden impulse.
• Stopping yourself from acting on a desire or craving.
• Thinking, imagining, and doing things that are calming when
you’re angry, anxious, afraid, addictively craving, etc
(ChangingMinds.org, 2015).

5. Four Components of Self-Regulation
• Standards: Of desirable behavior.
• Motivation: To meet standards.
• Monitoring: Of situations and thoughts
that precede breaking standards.
• Willpower: Internal strength to control
urges (ChangingMinds.org, 2015).

6. Self-regulation includes impulse control, the
management of short-term desires. People
with low impulse control prone to acting on
immediate desires. This is one route for
such people to find their way to jail as many
criminal acts occur in the heat of the
moment. For non-violent people it can lead
to losing friends through careless
outbursts, or financial problems caused by
making too many impulse purchases.
(ChangingMinds.org, 2015)

7. Do you want a marshmallow… now?

8. Common Negative Feelings
• Frustration/irritation.
• Worry/nervousness.
• Anger/aggravation.
• Dislike.
• Disappointment/unhappiness (Smith
2015).

9. Frustration/Irritation
• Stop and evaluate – One of the best things you can do is mentally stop
yourself, and look at the situation. Ask yourself why you feel
frustrated. Write it down, and be specific. Then think of one positive
thing about your current situation.
• Find something positive about the situation – Thinking about a
positive aspect of your situation often makes you look at things in a
different way. This small change in your thinking can improve your
mood. When it's people who are causing your frustration, they're
probably not doing it deliberately to annoy you. And if it's a thing
that's bothering you – well, it's certainly not personal! Don't get mad,
just move on.
• Remember the last time you felt frustrated – The last time you were
frustrated about something, the situation probably worked out just
fine after a while, right? Your feelings of frustration or irritation
probably didn't do much to solve the problem then, which means
they're not doing anything for you right now (Smith 2015).

10. Worry/Nervousness
• Don't surround yourself with worry and anxiety –. Worrying
tends to lead to more worrying, and that isn't good for anyone.
• Try deep-breathing exercises – This helps slow your
breathing and your heart rate. Breathe in slowly for five
seconds, then breathe out slowly for five seconds. Focus on
your breathing, and nothing else. Do this at least five times.
• Focus on how to improve the situation – If you fear being laid
off, and you sit there and worry, that probably won't help you
keep your job. Instead, why not brainstorm ways to bring in
more business, and show how valuable you are to the
company?
• Write down your worries in a worry log – If you find that
worries are churning around inside your mind, write them
down in a notebook or "worry log," and then schedule a time to
deal with them. Before that time, you can forget about these
worries, knowing that you'll deal with them. When it comes to
the time you've scheduled, conduct a proper risk analysis
around these things, and take whatever actions are necessary
to mitigate any risks (Smith 2015).

11. Anger/Aggravation
• Watch for early signs of anger – Only you know the danger signs
when anger is building, so learn to recognize them when they begin.
Stopping your anger early is key. Remember, you can choose how you
react in a situation. Just because your first instinct is to become
angry doesn't mean it's the correct response.
• If you start to get angry, stop what you're doing – Close your eyes,
and practice the deep-breathing exercise. This interrupts your angry
thoughts, and it helps put you back on a more positive path.
• Picture yourself when you're angry – If you imagine how you look
and behave while you're angry, it gives you some perspective on the
situation. For instance, if you're about to shout at your co-worker,
imagine how you would look. Is your face red? Are you waving your
arms around? Would you want to work with someone like that?
Probably not (Smith 2015).

12. Dislike
• Be respectful – If you have to work with
someone you don't get along with, then it's
time to set aside your pride and ego. Treat the
person with courtesy and respect, as you
would treat anyone else. Just because this
person behaves in an unprofessional manner,
that doesn't mean you should as well.
• Be assertive – If the other person is rude and
unprofessional, then firmly explain that you
refuse to be treated that way, and calmly leave
the situation. Remember, set the example
(Smith 2015).

13. Disappointment/Unhappiness
• Look at your mindset – Take a moment to realize that things
won't always go your way. If they did, life would be a straight
road instead of one with hills and valleys, ups and downs,
right? And it's the hills and valleys that often make life so
interesting.
• Adjust your goal – If you're disappointed that you didn't reach
a goal, that doesn't mean the goal is no longer reachable. Keep
the goal, but make a small change – for example, delay the
deadline.
• Record your thoughts – Write down exactly what is making
you unhappy. Is it a co-worker? Is it your job? Do you have too
much to do? Once you identify the problem, start
brainstorming ways to solve it or work around it. Remember,
you always have the power to change your situation.
• Smile! – Strange as it may sound, forcing a smile – or even a
grimace – onto your face can often make you feel happy (this is
one of the strange ways in which we humans are "wired.") Try
it – you may be surprised (Smith 2015)!

14. Ask Yourself…
• What am I reacting to?
• What is it that I think is going to happen here?
• What's the worst (and best) that could happen? What's
most likely to happen?
• Am I getting things out of proportion?
• Am I underestimating my ability to cope?
• Am I mind-reading what others might be thinking?
• Am I believing I can predict the future?
• Is there another way of looking at this?
• What advice would I give someone else in this situation?
• Just because I feel bad, doesn't mean things really are
bad.
• Am I jumping to conclusions about what this person
meant? Am I misreading between the lines? Is it
possible that they didn't mean that?
(GetSelfHelp.com.uk, 2015).

15. Key Skill: Step Back
A key skill: Being able to step back – in the midst of
situations – and reflect on what you’re thinking,
feeling, and wanting to do.
That includes remembering your values and goals,
and what’s truly important in the situation and/or
the relationship.
If you can observe the reactions you’re having, and
think about them as they are happening, then you’ve
gained more control over your feelings, thoughts,
and behaviors. You’ve opened the door to making
choices, not just having reactions (1in6.org, 2015).

16. Key Skill: Emotional Awareness
Emotional awareness is another key.
It’s critical to know what you’re feeling, especially when you’re having
mixed feelings (e.g., sadness and anger, shame and resentment). Without
that awareness, you’re on ‘autopilot,’ driven by old habits.
But if you have emotional awareness, you can realize what’s happening
before it’s too late. You can have real control over your responses. You
can make good choices that you’ll feel good about later.
What requires regulation in these ways? Impulses that pop up suddenly
and could get acted out automatically. Familiar but painful emotions like
sadness, fear, and shame that can last for minutes, hours or days. And
desires or cravings that build over time and feel increasingly hard to
resist, if only to escape the stress and craving.
Surely you can come up with examples in your own life – and see where
your self-regulation skill are strongest and weakest (1in6.org, 2015).

19. References
• 1in6.org. (2015). Regulating emotions & impulses.
Retrieve from https://1in6.org/men/get-
information/online-readings/self-regulation-and-
addictions/regulating-emotions-impulses/
• ChangingMinds.org. (2015). Self-regulation theory.
Retrieved from
http://changingminds.org/explanations/theories/self_reg
ulation.htm
• GetSelfHelp.com.uk. (2015). Emotion regulation.
Retrieved from
http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/emotionregulation.htm
• Smith,C. (2015). Managing your emotions at work:
Controlling your feelings before they control you.
Retrieved from
http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newCDV_41.ht
m