How many times have I looked at another woman, or another website, or another person’s home and compared myself to them? How often do I look at others to see how I measure up? The unfortunate thing is that, if I’m doing this, it’s mostly when I’m in a funk already. I’m doubting something about myself, whether its my body, business, home, friends, or lifestyle. So I look outward to the world for validation–but naturally, what I’m REALLY doing is trying to prove that I’m right that I’m not measuring up. This presentation explores "The Comparison Trap" and how it affects my relationship with food. For a FREE video course to overcome binge eating and overeating, visit http://www.bingeeatingbreakthrough.com.

1. The Comparison Trap
and Food Cravings
www.bingeeatingbreakthrough.com

2. How many times have I looked at another
woman, or another website, or another person’s
home and compared myself to them?
How often do I look at others to see how I
measure up?

3. The unfortunate thing is that, if I’m doing this, it’s
mostly when I’m in a funk already. I’m doubting
something about myself, whether its my body,
business, home, friends, or lifestyle. So I look
outward to the world for validation–but naturally,
what I’m REALLY doing is trying to prove that
I’m right that I’m not measuring up.
Of course, I can always find evidence that I’m not
as beautiful, successful, affluent, creative, etc.

4. Once I look for evidence that I don’t measure up,
then my ego gets the satisfaction of being right and
I can comfortably do what I have always done: beat
myself up, feel frumpy and inadequate, get
depleted and/or give up.
When I’m on this path, it’s a journey
straight into a rabbit hole.

5. Then I get to continue the pattern that keeps me
playing the same old game in my life, which keeps my
habits in place and my behaviors safe and comfortable.
My ego gets to win by being right, and I get the grand
prize of feeling lousy, uninspired and stuck.
Guess how much I want to take care
of myself when I’m feeling lousy,
uninspired and stuck?

6. Am I really going to be motivated to seek out the
best quality food I can find, savor and delight in it
and eat what feels like “enough”?
Or am I going to go for my usual evening
overindulgence, eat until way past “comfortable”,
feel bad about myself and go to bed knowing that
once again I ate like a vacuum and have no hope
for changing my relationship with food?

7. A Recent Example
I noticed this pattern recently when I was traveling
and visiting a friend. In a new city, I was delighted
and excited to see new shops, people and art as
well as spend time with my girlfriend.
I had arrived feeling great about myself, how far I’d
come compared to a couple years ago when my
energy and attention was monopolized by thoughts
of food or binging when no one was around to see
how much I was eating.

8. But as the days passed, my feelings shifted. I was
noticing the way other women I saw on the streets
dressed, trying on clothes when shopping with my
girlfriend and not liking my appearance, and
comparing how I approached eating to my
girlfriend and her husband.

9. I didn’t realize that was happening until I returned
home and noticed how compelled I was to say
“hell with it” and eat foods that I had weened
myself from. For two days, I ate more than usual
and avoided looking in the mirror. I surfed social
media sites for hours, I didn’t feel compelled to
make art or call friends or go out hiking.

10. I know myself well enough now to get that if I’m
being persnickety or gossipy, or if I’m feeling
rebellious towards the rituals I’ve created that
inspire me…something’s up. What I hadn’t
connected was how much the comparison trap was
keeping my focus on things outside of
myself, causing me to be distracted and
disconnected.
When old urges to eat junk or eat way more than I
intended came up, I didn’t want to resist and do the
things I new to do to stay present and let them pass.
I was in “screw it” mode.

11. Catching Ourselves
Had I not been working so hard to help other
people overcome their own urges, I may not have
caught myself as quickly. But my gut (pun
intended) was telling me something was
off, because I’d left for the trip in a great space and
came back critical and rebellious.
Sometimes it’s obvious what’s driving your
compulsions to overeat, but sometimes you really
have to zoom out to find the source.

12. It can seem completely unrelated until you find it. It
may take some time to find it, and it may take
talking about it with someone you trust or writing
down a list of stuff that’s been bugging you and
when it started.

13. In my book, Binge Eating Breakthrough, I talk
about how to handle the urges when they come so
you can overcome the cravings to binge or
overeat. It’s been my go-to strategy to break
through my habits.
But the next step is figuring out what triggers your
animal brain to cause those darned urges.

14. If you’ve already read tons of books, tried various diets or
regimens and understand the basics of psychology and
motivation…but you’re STILL are finding it hard to eat the way
you want to…
It may be in your blind spot. It might be an invisible script that
runs in your head that you tell yourself, and you may not even
know why you started telling yourself that.
It may be that argument you had 8 months ago with your friend
that caused a rift in the relationship, brought distance between
you and created a wave of negative emotions.
It may be the way your partner isn’t responding to your flirtations
or desires to make love the way they used to.

15. There’s good news and bad news here.

16. Bad news first: the bad news is that the urges to
binge or overeat regularly don’t necessarily go away
forever. They will show up less frequently, but they’ll
still pop up.
Good news: the good news is that you can develop
skills to be able to notice when it happens, know
how to manage the urges and then look at what’s
going on to resolve the problem at the source. And
you’ll get better and faster at doing this.

17. This time for me was a couple days of feeling
frumpy and critical and noticing my eating behaviors
to catch it and nip it in the bud.
How you can” nip it in the bud” depends on what’s
going on for you and what works for you to get
leverage on yourself.

18. For a free video course to help
overcome overeating and further
resources, visit
www.bingeeatingbreakthrough.com