1. Chapter 6: Intimacy
within Partnerships and
Families
Kristen Blake and Morgan Alfiero

2. Introduction
Family Connections, whether solid or
fragile, depend on communication efforts
to create connection and intimacy
Intimacy: A feeling of closeness and
connectedness that develops through
communication between partners or
groups.

3. Different Intimacies
Marital Intimacy Involves:
• A close familiar and usually affectionate or loving
personal relationship
• A familiar experience
• Sexual Relations
Family Intimacy Involves:
• A Close familiar and usually affectionate or loving
personal relationship
• A familiar experience
• Interpersonal devotion along intellectual,
emotional, and physical dimensions

4. Commitment
Commitment: Intense singular energy directed
towards sustaining a relationship
-Includes personal dedication and constraint
:Personal dedication- ones internal devotion to the
relationship
:Constraint- factors that bind people in relationships
regardless of devotion eg: religious benefits, promises,
children, finances, parental/social pressures

5. Self- Disclosure
Self-Disclosure: described as occurring when one person intentionally
tells another individual personal or private information about him or
herself that the other is unable to discover in a different manner.
Self-Disclosure involves risk, but intimacy develops when the “other” is
responsive.
A verbal or nonverbal response is necessary to convey validation,
understanding, and caring to develop this connection
Trust is the emotional basis where emotional safety allows you to
WANT to self-disclose
Self-disclosure creates Mental love maps: permit access to deeper
parts of his/her life
High levels of negative disclosure can result in conflict and anger

6. Family Background
Family-of-Origin
experiences, cultural
heritage, and gender
all set expectations
that influence family
self-disclosing
behaviors

7. Partner Relationships
Involves disclosure of
one partner and the
listeners responses
that are supportive,
constructive, and
accepting.
Partner
responsiveness is
linked to satisfaction
and development of
relationships

8. Parent- Child Responsiveness
revealing self-disclosure does not involve all family
members equally
most mothers receive more self-disclosure than
fathers
parents perceived as nurturing and supportive get
more disclosure from children that find it rewarding
small families usually remain more interconnected:
all members are connected

9. Practicing Self-Disclosure
Debriefing Conversations: talking about how their
day unfolded, and partners are more likely to
experience marital satisfaction
Give a good framework
to discuss riskier topics
Sibling disclosure increases as children age and learn
to share significant feelings as well as sibling
confidence
Self-disclosure has direct links to family levels of
cohesion and flexibility

10. Sexuality and Communication
Sexually healthy adult partnerships require more than just
physical performance
• sexual identities
• history of sexual issues
• mutual perceptions of each others needs
• feelings for their partner
• messages contained within sexual expressions
• the nature of sexual communication

11. Family Sexuality
Healthy sexuality reflects a balanced expression of
sexuality to enhance personal identity
Parental conversations about sexuality with their children
AND parental comfort with the area of sexuality will
influence the family climate
-This is not just “sex talks” but in certain
households sexuality with teens and young adults
including sexual orientation requires an open,
supportive and connected household.

12. Partner Communication
When individuals develop sexual experiences and a sexual
identity
couples establish their own patterns of sexual activity early on in
the relationship and they typically continue
Discourse of Intercourse: sexual conversation prior, during and
after sex
-Some partners find this very difficult
-Satisfied couples are able to directly discuss issues or feelings about
sex frequencies, sexual techniques, and to avoid “mind reading”

13. Parent- Child Communication
Parent- child discussions on sexuality support a
sense of family connectedness
These conversations become more open due to
greater societal openness
Research shows that mothers discuss this more
frequently than fathers and also more often with
daughters eg: mother-daughter conversations
about condoms reported more consistency of
condom use
Fathers are more present in conversations about
resisting pressures and understanding men,
usually after children are older and already
involved in relationships

14. Communication Researchers Found:
1. Satisfaction with family discussions about sex is dependent on
mutual dialogue eg: having teens facilitate the conversation and get
involved
2. The ability to communicate supportively about sex revolves around
an attitude of openness- teens want parents to talk WITH them not
AT them .
3. To have the greatest impact, they should become a pattern before the
child is 16- parents shouldn’t put off these conversations
4. Parent-child communication about sex that is frequent and effective
facilitates openness when dating partners

15. Sexually Healthy Families
1. Respect both genders
2. Have boundaries that are appropriate and
support gender identities
3. Effective and flexible communication patterns
that support intimacy
4. Shared system of culturally relevant values

16. Intimacy Factors
Effort
Effort is required because many factors compete
for attention in life eg: work, school, families
Sacrifice
1.)Implies giving up something in order to please or assist another
2.)Could involve high levels of effort or commitment
Forgiveness
Relational process whereby harmful conduct is acknowledged by
one or both partners; the harmed partner extends undeserved
mercy to the transgressor; one or both partners experienced a
transformation from negative to positive states and the the
relationship is reconciled

17. Barriers to Intimacy
Building marital and familial intimacy involves effort and risk
• Fears of Intimacy
Merger: implies losing personal boundaries or identity
“sense of self” is developed poorly
Exposure: revealed as weak, or inadequate if they get close to
another
low self-esteem
Attack: distrust others; protect themselves from avoiding self-
disclosure
Abandonment: the feeling of being overwhelmed and helpless
when the love object is gone, effects people with excessive
separations and relational losses

18. Jealousy
Jealousy: Aversive emotional experience
characterized by feelings of anger,
sadness, and fear induced by the threat
or actual loss of a relationship with
another person to a real or imagined
rival
If partners think this is a sign of
affection..... WRONG! can turn into
violence or abusive, which creates
barriers of intimacy
Sibling jealousy reflects birth order,
redistribution of parental resources, or
parental favoritism

19. Deception
Deceiving a partner or
family member violates
their relational
understanding
Most people expect family
members and loved ones
to be truthful as a sign of
connection or commitment
Deception can often
jeopardize and threaten
relationships

20. Moving Forward
“Being who you are” requires that you can talk openly about
things that are important , while also taking a clear stand on
important emotional issues.
Embracing your family relationships and romantic relationships
allows for connection and intimacy
Embracing your family relationships and romantic relationships

21. Conclusion
The chapter explores a range of
communication practices that lead to
intimacy within adult partnerships and
families
Looks closely at relationships between
intimacy and communication behaviors
that encourage intimacy within marital and
family systems : commitment, self-
disclosure, and sexual communication
All humans long for intimacy and
connection in family relationships and
partnerships