If i was skinnier, would you love me more?

IF I WAS SKINNIER, WOULD YOU LOVE ME MORE? By Nadejda Corcimar

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IF I WAS SKINNIER, WOULD YOU LOVE ME MORE?
BULIMIA, ANOREXIA, OBESITY AND OVEREXCERSISING–THE WAY OUT OF THIS
NIGHTMARE.
This
book
is
dedicated
to
my
Mother.
Her
love
for
me,
or
my
love
for
her,
is
the
closest
thing
to

God.


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INTRODUCTION
Certainly, you know and feel me when you see this title, otherwise you wouldn’t be reading
this.
Us, women, always so scrutinized by the patriarch society for our looks, as if it is our
absolute duty to always look %100 great; because if one doesn’t wake up every single
morning looking like the perfect photoshoped dolls that people see on the cover of the
magazines then she will be immediately discarded like an ugly piece of paper.
Within ourselves we always know the answer. We know that profoundly, this can’t be as
important as the society tends to emphasize it. It just can’t be the center of our tormented
minds. There must be something wrong with this mass perception, otherwise our hearts
wouldn’t be screaming out loudly at us, and hurting so much everythime we beat ourselves
up for eating that extra piece of cake.
And yes, it really is profoundly wrong.
Just like myself, you will soon come to this realisation on your own. I will guide you to your
way out of this darkness and you will see how beautifull and enjoyable this life could be, in
all it’s aspects, with all the pleasures that it has to offer you, and YOU only.
Chapter 1
HOW IT ALL STARTS
It always starts the same way really, for all of us girls. We fail to do something that we set
as a target for ourselfs to achieve, and when it happens, we take it on our bodies.
This is where the fondamental mistake is made.
Well, never mind. We live to learn and if it would’t be for those life lessons, one would not
become even stronger and wiser in this life. And then, once you learn to never sweat off
the little stuff, then the big stuff will ironically worry you even less. But I will talk about this
later.
Do you know why we immediately and subconciously choose to take it on with our bodies?
Because, if one is already mature enough to realise that it’s not always somebody else’s
fault that this or that happened to him, this is when he saddly falls into the trap of blaiming
himself for it, instead of simply letting the matter go….disolve for goodness sakes!
Yet we always choose to blame somebody or something. Just listen to it carefully some-
body!
The body.
Something we have immediate access to. Something that we have control over.
Something that we endorse every day and have to carry with us for the rest of our lives.
Yes!: we say to ourselves when we are looking to point the finger away from ourselves, - it
must be it’s fault!.


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If Iit was skinnier/taller/whiter/with this or that body part etc. and etc. and etc. then things
would have been different and I was to be happy and satisfied with life.
What a trap... You can vividly feel that this is not real, but you just can’t stop doing it,
because this is the only way that you can stop yourself from finding the real reasons for
your unsautisfaction.
I wil try to be more pragmatic and less philosophical on this as to be better understood.
Every time that you catch your mind convincing you that if you modified your body in any
way your goals would have been achieved easier, you are allowing your Ego to make you
week and stupid. And fundamentally you allways know it, that is why you always feel like
shit when you so called diet and restrict yourself from food.
Because it is so fundamental how you nourish your body, your sacred temple, it will
certainly be much harder to achieve your goals when you are underfed/obese and
therefore weekened phisically and as a conseguence mentaly. It is as logical as a plant
drying up without a good dose of water on a regular basis. The plant will always say °thank
you for feading me!° when we water it, isn’t it ? by giving us beautiful flowers and leafes;
do we always thank for what we eat ??
With a woman it’s almost always an emotional issue. With a man it is usually stress
related. Either way, using food as a shelter to hide in is a direct sign of depression.
Women become bulimic, anorexic or obese mostly as a result of a break up (whether it is
happening in real life or you simply already detached yourself from your partner within
your mind), and only in some cases they use food as a release from tiredness or stress. It
is always tougher on women because we are forced by the society to look perfect, and, as
you already know, perfection doesn’t exist.
The mass media is playing a really ungly game with us. It is fiercelly promoting those role
models, selling a sintetic perfection on screen and in paper, and we keep buying that crap,
we consume it every day and the we complain about it even existing and oveflowing us
with product. But it’s us that is buying it in excess!!!
Look at those shelves in the supermarkets. Can’t you see what we have created, the place
is bursting with product, product that we will most probably buy and the never even use in
the end. Isn’t that the true reality of us all?
It’s clear that it becomes hard for us to resist temptation when every time you turn your
head aroung you, even by one degree, you can see some sort of a commercial shoved in
your face. And if you noticed, most of them are always selling food.
Do you know why there are so many commercials out there selling food?
Because the food industry is so huge that even if a human being in the future would find a
way to exist without feeding the body for survival, these crooks will still find a way of
shuving that sandwich up your neck. They need to produce and then sell their product in
order to keep making more and more money, and if you will not desire their °bisquits° they
will loose their pimary cash flow, so as will all their business partners. And so, buy using
their stupid commercials they raised a society of °foodadicts°, that way they can keep
selling their shit to us forever.


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But we are human beings, evolved and spiritual human beings. It’s impossible that we can
not spot this phenomenon coming at us. Yet they have been getting away with it for such a
long time, it’s incredible.
This is why modern type illnesses developed like bulimia or anorexia, even obesity. Food
is at every corner, and whilst cigaretes and alcohol use have their age or access
restrictions, food is always there to °console° you.
If you never heard about the 25th screen shot, I’ll explain it to you a little bit.
When they make a film on TV, it really is a sequence of 24 photos one after another, and
that is how when we see the final result we percieve it like a movie with the eye. There are
25 of them because the human eye only needs that number in order not to notice any
pauses between the pictures. That means that if a 25th one is intruduced in the sequence,
the human eye will not see it. But…it will certainly percieve it subconciously. So, the
scientists in the yearly 60’s have already let the great all seeing eye bosses out there
know that if they insert a 25th image with a cowboy smoking a Marlboro cigarete, lieying
relaxed on a beautiful flower field then a human being that is watching a movie in the
cinema will never actually see that picture, but he will percieve it and remember it with his
subconcious. Not only that, if that image is inserted at an intriguing moment in the film, like
a dramatic screne or a very loving moment, then the picture will be inprinted in our minds
even better as it will be mixed with emotions!
See? What the people behind this industry are doing to us? Do you think that any of them
out there will blink at least once before selling you that cancerogenous cheese,
considering that they have already been doing this since World War 2? I don’t think so!
Especially now, when the industry is unstopable.
This is why everytime you want to relax after a hard day of work and you sit down in front
of the TV you automatically reach for food. It’s not just our power of will that is so weak,
trust me.
MY STORY, PROBABLY JUST LIKE YOURS
I have to tell you a little bit about myself so that you can trust me more about this matter. I
started modelling when I was only 13 like many other girls out there, and that is probably
the worst industry to be in that is body related. Obviously, I was told to lose weight and
keep it off forever. Initially, It was relatively easy, because one has a strong metabolism
when at such a young age, so cutting off bread and sweets was quite easy. But in time, as
you probably already now, a woman’s body changes and of course hormones and things
like that started to play up with my head. As I started having relationships with the oposite
sex, my sex life being not always very regular, the traveling and continuous timezone
changes took a toll on my health, but most of all the tiredness and stess caught with my
body.
And so gradually weight control became a part of my life as natural as sleeping, without
me even realising it was there. No wonder that every time that something stressful
happened (and I tend to blame myself first of course as most of us women usually do) , I
blamed the body for it, going on another diet, starting a new excercise routine or stupidly
keeping myself so busy with work that the exostion will not even leave me time and space
to feed my body correctly.


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Although it sounds self centered when I write about it, as one could now say °hey, you
think about yourself too much°, make some kids or something, take care of the straving in
Africa... Which is essentially right, no doubt about that, but…you are missing the point.
This is not about doing this thing more than another, or that more then this. People like
Princess Diana or Jane Fonda already had beautiful healthy children and a blossoming
carrer, yet they were bullimic like many other successfull people.
An eating dissorder is a way of battling depression. This is serrious.
And I would like to emphasise this, especially for people that know somebody in their
family who is struggling with it and can’t get out of the repetitive vicious circle. An ill person
can not get out of it on his own. He needs some help, but a sort of help than can only be
offered with love. No therapist in the world can offer you love, no doctor in the world can
tell you °I really love you°. Only a close to you person can. If you really want to help out
your family member who is in real need of help, never criticise or force her/him to do
something. Simply love, and you will heal him.
With my dissorder, which started with a few but astonishing binging sesions in my solitude
whilst divorcing my husband and finding myself helpless and without money in a foreign
country after years of phisical abuse within this unhappy marriage.
Then it temporary kind of went away as I found a job and kind of healed my mind with
prayers and a new loving partner at the time. Yet body awareness was always with me
anyway as it was installed in my mind at a very early age, but, as most of us, I wasn’t even
aware of it. So I simply °kept myself fit° by being carefull with what I eat and exercising.
You see, the main problem with this beast called °staying fit° is that it kind of keeps you
restricted; it is always with you, somehow sleeping, waiting for a °wake up call° in order to
wake up.
I got my wakeup call when I caght the man that I really loved with another woman.
No illness in my entire life, no tragedy or loss has ever affected me as strongly as this
thing. Believe me, I went through several tragedies in my life, but somehow, his betrayal
really knocked me off my feet for good. Even now, when I remember about it, I can steel
feel a profound loss. It was a massive hit to my self esteem.
And of course, I took it with my body. The fact that the other woman was really skinny
didn’t help eigher. Then, he made a few other coments about me having a big arse and
how he hates fat women and so on, so that was enogh for me to completely wipe of my
personality and rebild that °whatever he saw as beautiful° new me. That new me was a
1.85m tall girl weighing 52kg for a very, very long time and at the point where I had such
strong heart pains that even my depression would seem pale. Yes, I still loved that man
very much.
It took me many years to heal my broken heart.
First, I became anorexic, depriving myself of food. My boyfriend liked me that way and
encouraged it as months passed by. Then, as I inevitably noticed, I wasn’t loved or cared
for much more by looking the way I did, yet the body was trying to regain it’s normal weight
in the meantime, so ironically I got psichologically stuck beetwen my new body and mother


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nature’s tendency. This is when bulimia started to chick in. Boy, was it strong and paintfull!
Every girl out there knows how awfull, humiliating, sad and lifethreatening it is. And it
keeps its repeatitive circle over and over and over and over again untill you drop down
powerless.
I would never ever wish something like that to anyone on this planet.
The easy part
BREAKING THE VICIOUS CIRCLE
You see, one would say that there are worse illnesses out there like cancer for example,
but I can tell you as somebody that had a tumor removed myself that when a desiese is
kind of external, it’s like a huricane – there is not much you can do about it.
But, when it is self inflicted, and you know you are doing it to yourself with your own hand,
this is when you become portruded with guilt and dispair. There is noone else out there to
blame for it, so then you feel even more like blaiming yourself.
This is the ever repeating vicious circle.
And it never ends.
Untill…you eliminate the guilt factor. Never mind letting go your internal issues that are
bringing you down psichologically right now. You can deal with it in the mean time. Of
course you need to undesrtand that there are things in life that we can not change, like
people being mean, betrayal or tragedies, but the only way out there to get healed is to
forgive and let go.
But before that wisdom reaches you, you have to break the vicious circle.
Once you stop feeling guilty for something or somebody or whatever it is that is bothering
you, you will find the internal power to stop abusing your body with food. You will simply
not need it anymore.
How can you °abuse° with something if this is not a guilt generating thing just as / how can
you feel °guilty° about something when you are not abusing of anything? You see ?


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Easy to saw, but actually, try this : eat whatever you want and however much you wish
without feeling guilty. Instead, I advise you this train of thought : °fuck the bastards that are
bringing me down with their evil words and actions. Let them all go to hell° and never ever
feel bad about nourishing yourself with whatever or however much food there is that your
body needs at that moment of time.
Just try doing it, it really is easy. Just do what you will!!!! And you will realise how this is the
most beautiful and blessed thing you can do to yourself.
You see, for the anorexics, it is the fear of getting fat that is restricting you from becoming
healthy. But really, lets be honest, how great are the chances that you will become obese
after being a long time an anorexic? Your poor body will probably need years of
reconstruction until in regains its normal structure. So again, be honest with yourself, you
will always be within the normal weight.
For the bulimics, it really is the same, only that those are also using food in stressfull
situations. So everytime a crisis comes in, just forgive yourself before you even thought
about that binge. The magic of it is that once you forgave yourself in anticipation, you will
not want all this food anymore ! You know you only want it because you restricted
yourself from it! So go ahead, allow yourself that excess pleasure every day and very
soon you will discover that you don’t actually desire that much chocolate or pizza or
whatever there is that you liked before as much, simply because you had enough of it
already.
Please, listen to my advise, eat whatever you want. You will never want more than you
need if you REALLY eat what you want or as much as YOU want on a dayly basis. You
body will not desire something in particular because you are having it all anytime you like,
and because you are spreading out all this vast variety whilst enjoying your lifetime, food


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as a stress instrument automatically loses it’s power. Instead, from my own experience, try
just one glass of red wine as a way to unwinde after a hard day of work in the evening, or
go and buy yourself something small maybe, but nice, that will put a sincere smile on your
face. Or, if you have such a blessed person in your life, give her/him a call.
Any psicologist can confirm that we only desire the things that we are restrained from
having.
If you have nothing to restrain yourself from, then the problem ceases to exist.
As in regards to gaining those extra ponds, if any, I can tell you from personal experience
that you will not gain any extra weight. Only in the beginning maybe a little bit, that is
because you are not frowing it up anymore, but once your body has enough of eating as
much as it wants whenever it wants it, you will feel like eating less, or even healthier, trust
me. You body will thank you and speak to you like never before.
Once you start to actually listen to your body, and not do what some diet says, it will tell
you everything that you need to know and will make you crave the exact things that you
need in order to fill up with the nutrients that you lack currently.
For all the girls out there that have fuller bodies, beautifull curvy figures that I admire so
much like such of Kim Cardashian, Jennifer lopez, Eva Longoria, Adell or Monica Bellucci
and many others, please, keep eating up your stress!
The worst thing you can do, to yourself most of all, is feel guilty about it. We are given the
body that we have from above and must be gratefull for what we have.
A Russian psichologist once did an interesting experiment with a chuby girl that was
always complaining about her shape, saying that she liked absolutely nothing about her
body and was always grumpy.
He placed a gypsum on every part of her body so that she can not move any longer, and
then asked her again °which part of yourself do you hate the most right now? now that you
can not use any of those any more, now that you lost your leg or arm or neck?°. It is when
we loose something that we had been given °for free° is when when we actually start to
really apreciate it. Saddly, this is the truth for all of us.
Returning to the vicious circle. Ironically, it is not the °stress° factor that needs to be
eliminated in order to break the repetitive distructive and abusive behaviour. Obviously,
that is because in any place or time stress is inevitably present in this world. It is
absolutelly impossible to avoid stress in our lives. Even if you close yourself in a square
room and never go out, °stress° will allways find you in the end, even if it has to intrude
your space through a tiny ray of light. Its not easy, yet life chalenges us in order to make
us stronger and to actually train us to become imune to more and more stress. So instead
of acumulating the frustration and getting sick or building up cancer tumors in our budies,
what we really need to do is focus on learning to release it as soon as it reaches us in any
way.
Once we accept stess as an inevitable part of our existance and understand that it simply
needs to be managed just like our shower routine for example, that is a good time for
discovering your personal way of managing it.
But, before you can proceed with doing that, you need to free yourself from that vicious
circle, as it will eternally bring you further and further away from being happy in life.


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Just as you can see in the picture, the chain makes great sence. You will instantly
understand it because you are probably still living it in real life, and ohhhhh, how well can I
understand you and feel you now, trust me!
Food abuse is just an instrument, it is your personal way of escaping the sad reality of
things. Yet you know better then enybody else that it’s only an illusion, because just like
any other type of a quick fix, it only is a very short term solution. That is why an outbreak
happens over and over and over again, even several times a day. Isn’t it?
GUILT. This is the only thing that is not natural here.
Guilt is a self inflicted, distructive, vicious missproduct of your brain. Basically, as human
beings, we are never born with this irrational feeling because we only have good intentions
in the beginning. Guilt, as a feeling, gets installed in us as we learn about the so called
°wrongs and rights° of this world, starting from what our parents teach us. Yet our parents,
just like everybody else, are humans also, that have been taught by others, so….it’s really
nobody’s fault, but you can probably understand it yourself: feeling guilty is a sadistic
feeling.
Without getting too deep into philosophy, for some self proclaimed °moralists° might be
getting at me for these words, what I sincerelly advice you to do is to stop feeling guilty for
whatever you did, are doing now or even will do in the future.
You see, the logics of it is that the past can not be changed any more, and the future is
unknown, so what’s the real point in feeling guilty about anything and punishing yourself
psicholocically over and over again for something that is no longer there or is simply
unpredictable?
Stop being a sadist to yourself! Let go of that useless parasitic thought called guilt, as it is
only an awfull side effect of your own brain, and you will release a whole new world for
yourself. Just try! You’ll bless the day I wrote these words, just have faith.
Once you don’t feel guilty about overdoing something, you will automatically stop
obsessing about it. It will not be an object of your interest anymore: you’ll break the chain.
OUTSIDE TRIGGERS
A very intelligent girl once said to me: °you know, depression is actually a sign of vitamin
dipravation.°
Only now I know how absolutely right she was. In today’s world it is easy to become
vitamin deprived, considering that the lack of time and the poor outdoor conditions do not
offer the most organic food out there. No wonder we suffer from crumps at night, have skin
rushes and severe acnee. It is not a cream or a tablet that is needed to resolve the
problem. Actually, what we need is to return to the basics and simply make the best
choices we can in regards to what we ingest. And we all know what would technically be a
better choice: fried fries or boiled potatoes? Even though an occasional treat is always
wonderfull, as your life must be wonderfull just like the great taste these foods can offer
you as an adition to your joy.
The really important thing to underline here is not the stupid °healthy living° crap that so
called nutritioninst are preaching; what I mean is that, for example when one is bullimic,
when they purge, they lose a lot of vitamins that the digestive trackt eliminates whilst you


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ingest the food, Potassium being the primary one. That means that your body will be not
only dihidrated and deprived of basic minerals after a purge, but because you loose so
much potasium you will really feel like shit. You know what I’m talking about now, for sure.
When someone is ill for a very long time (there are so many people out there you won’t
even believe it!!!!! because the illness is so invisible), that person becomes cronically
depressed because the illness squizes the life out of you. The body will gradually weaken
and the ugly side effect of this disastruous behaviour is making you become more and
more depresed, litterally drieing you up like a lifeless flower.
You can observe so many cases of anorexia in our days. Whilst bulimia is making you feel
miserable and isolated, as you will tend to hide from people so that you can continue you
vicious cicle, anorexia is just the straight path to death.
I have been anorexic myself. And although I started getting ill through binge eating and
bulimia, in time loosing almost a quarter of my weight (I was already skinny naturaly), my
skelletic body entered a completelly new eating mode.
My ginecologist, who is also a good family friend, after not seeing me for about two years,
when I came for a check up and told her that my perioud stopped a long time ago, was in
shock when she saw me and being an extremelly wise woman, she simply said to me at
the time °your body is in the state of comotosis °. Little I new about the damage I was
doing to myself.
In time, I started to have such terrible heart pain that the only thing that I could think about
was that I’m probably about to die really soon. In essence, as sad as it sounds, every
anorexic knows that they are commiting suicide, but because they already taught their
body to live of of eating extremelly small amounts of food once every other day, their brain
stopped sending hunger signals to the stomac any more. For that reason, the brain and
the body, as a consiquence, lose their motivation to exist. No fuel, no speed, no car.
Such a great amount of people died from this nonsence desiese. People say that an
anorexic needs help, but they always talk about an institution, a psicologist, or they are
stupid enough to really think that this is something that a nutritionist can help with!
Can anybody on this earth be further away from the truth?
I sometimes wonder, do the parents of anorexic children really think that this is an external
problem? Come on!!!!
Look at your child! She/he is screaming for attention and love! Your child is slowly dieing in
front of you; can you really be so blind not to understand it???? Or so selfish and self
centered?
Most of the times anorexia hits young teenagers beetwen 14 and 24 years old. To me, that
means one thing only: real lack of parental love and care.
Believe me, there is no child that becomes bulimic, anorexic, obese or excercise obsesed
if both parents confirm to him every single day, in a way or another, that they deeply and
sincerelly love her or him. Whether you like it or not, if your child is sick, your have some
work to do on your parental skills and most of all, parental love.


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As I mentioned above, the realisation of that fact doesn’t have to inplant guilt feelings in a
parents head, that’ the wrong way to go, for sure. What really needs to be done in this
case, is first of all to keep your mind clean of any resentment or mixed emotions, as those
will distract you from helping your child getting out of the dark tunnell. A parent needs to
concentrate all their inner power and love resources on to their child. No need for doctors,
no need for dieting, no need for a psichologist, as all these things will make your kid even
more frustrated and closed off inside. Simply give him constant love! Give him as much
love as you can, give more than you can, make your child FEEL FILLED UP WITH LOVE,
and she or he will never ever feel an emptiness inside that no amount of food will ever
cover. Do you understand me?
Obesity will deprive your body of the necesarry vitamins as well, because you would have
never gottten chubby if you were to be eating the right foods in the beginning, isn’t it ? But
because you abused it with over suggary and greasy foods in large amounts, it is now
simply a carrier of excess fat and weight, rather then a well functioning °machine°.
Yet obesity has the same motives and trigers behind it, just like any other food disorder, a
huge emotional gap that is eternally asking to be °filled up° with something. And because
this °something° is filled with food, when in reality what it is striving for is love, the abuse
will repeate itself in search for real fullfilment.
But, once your break the cicle and find love, especially the love for your own self, you will
never feel empty again, and therefore will not ever allow somebody or something to
destroy you.
Extreme excersising is often regarded as something pretty normal, but when you work the
hell out of yourself, killing your body in the gym or running for miles like a maniac, you
know there’s got to be a better way.
Pain is never the solution.
The hard part
LOVING YOUSELF
If you are doing something harmfull to yourself, either through overeating, straving yourself
or inflicting grueling excersise upon your body – your are hating yourself, and you know it.
Somebody who honestly loves and acceptes themselves as they are, will never ever do
something harmfull to their body conciosly or unconciously.
For me, this was the hardest part to accept and understand.
Too many times or religion teaches us that we are sinfull creatures, that we do bad things
for which we will get punished sooner or later. Hey, that’s all a crock of shit invented by the
church in order to keep the mases controled. When one feels guilty of something, he
thinks of himself as an unworthy person, and that makes him weak. When a person is
weak, it is easy to control him. An entire institution has been built on this hipnotic
manipulations. Don’t fall into the trap. Follow your own instincts. God is our Father, a
loving father would never ever °punish° his child! A loving Father will only show the way,
that’s all.


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If you tend to see life’s struggles as punisment and not lessons, as those really are, then
you are writing your own future - in hell. We are born to learn, lean to create, just like the
Father, not to distroy, ourselves included.
If you really understand the esence of spirituality, one that really defines you as a person,
then you can always feel that all is love…and love is all.
You see, the main reason for food abuse is us trying to forget, at least for that moment of
eating pleasure, about our pains and frustrations. Food is an emotional escape.
Too many people are using this to make money. Big money are made on human
weaknesses, like food, alcohol, drugs, casinos… Don’t let them do that, not to you.
KISS MY FAT ARSE
Tyra Banks said it, and who else better then her knows all about it. She also said °In a
way, me chosing not to starve myself is what turned me into a supermodel and later, a
businesswoman°. Years of starving herself as a profesional supermodel obviosly gave her
so much grief and pain that eventualy, through that pain she only became stronger, strong
enough to understand that once you release something that is bringing you down you can
finaly realise that the world is yours!
You are certainly not alone in this world. Many, many, many of us are doing the same
mistake, because these food and drug magnates keep promoting their crap everywhere so
that it is implemented in our brains constantly.
Even if one wants to stop using food as a drug, he can not!!!! There are so many
reminders out there that you can’t even forget about it for a second.
But we can’t stop it, because it’s an external thing that is stronger then us. But what you
can do, is change your own outlook on things. The only way to notice, but not realy °see°
those reminders is to change the way you manage your stress.
Theres got to be a better way of releasing your anger.
Reasearch has proved that the reason why people fall into drugs or whatever is because
they have had some sort of trauma when they were children, usualy from their parents that
were abusing them phisically or even sexually.
Oprah Winfrey for example admited to being sexualy abused when she was a kid, in her
famous show, and since then, as you have probably noticed, during the years she has
been conducting it, she went from large to skinny and then back to super large again.
Even a mogul like her would continue using food as a stress release, even though she
could aford the best dieticians and personal trainers. That is because nobody can help us
to escape from our own selves.
The mind will always try to look for a way of releasing negativity, and it will do it through
you inflicting whatever drug you prefer more on yourself. And then you fall into to the old
same vicious circle.


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EASY STEPS
No matter how you chose to abuse your body in order to get rid of the paintfull
acummulation of negative feelings and emotions, these are the easy steps out:
1. Identify the bastard thoughts that are bothering you.
Dr. D. Montagu once said: °You will get stomac ulcer not from the food that you are eating,
but from whom is eating you!°
My insecurity was profoundly linked to the fact that my father abandoned us when I was
very young, and the very few times that I actually saw him during my teenagehood he
would always tell me that I was a failier in life for whatever reason… In esence that was
the profound main reason for all my insecurities in life.
Find your true negative thoughts; identify the roots of those and cut the °blood sucker’s
head°. You will be free!
2. Stop the vicious cicle.
Eliminate the guilt. It’s not you. It’s those people’s problems and frustrations that they are
portraing on you. If somobody is being a jackarse, that’s because he has some problem
with his own self, not you! Never make the error of convincing yourself that it is your fault,
as you will fall again into the vicious cicle.
Just understand once and for all: IT’S NOT YOU!!!!!!!
3. Do as you will!
The greatest and the wisest philosophy on Earth is based on that simple sentence. God
wants us to love others as we love ourselves. But.. do we really love ourselves????? How
can we then expect to be able to love others? Or in that same case…them to be capable
of loving us? You see?
So, when you do something that you really want and feel, you are then being absolutelly
honest with yourself and with others, and that is the essence of love.
As oposed to it, when you hide and eat like a snake in your solitude, that can’t be honesty
and love, not towards yourself, not towards others.
So never ever feel guilty about eating as much as you want and whatever you want in front
of others, as quantity and quality is perceived differently by each individual anyway. What
seems a lot to you, to somebody else might seem just right. What seems fat to you, to
another human being might look like perfection.
Don’t get caught in the this world’s optical illusions. Things are too subjective to be taken
seriously.
The only thing that really needs to be taken seriously is your personal well being.
4. Don’t make one step forward and two steps back.
This is especially reguarding the bulimics. Once you make the decison to do what you
really want, don’t go and purge or excersise like crazy or whatever. Just let things be. If


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you really want to stop an illness, you will not be able to do it by going from A to B and
then back to A, without ever reaching point C.
In this case acceptance is the key. Just accept that you have your little wearkness. Accept
that your are a human being who is naturally drawn to looking for pleasure and that
occasionally makes mistakes. We all make mistakes.
It’s how we manage them that makes us different in life. And by that I mean chosing to be
-losers, or winners.
Chose to be a winner.
5. BMI (body mass index) = FGI (feel good index)
The whole body mass index, like many other statistics, is a bunch of crap. Don’t take
notice of that theoretical and mathematical calculations, ther’s no truth in them.
In essence, there is no way one could calculate your ideal body mass index, that’s simply
because big boned people would allways turn out as fat on that calculation , and the
naturally really skinny ones that eat like horses and have a monstruous metabolism would
be considered anorexic. It’s just so stupid. It’s unbelivable that those °scientists°, that are
such smart people, do not understand such an obvious thing. Or at least don’t stop
promoting that nonesence ecuasion.
Ignore the BMI preconceptions.
Consider the what I would call the FGI, or the Feel Great Index, in other words the body
weight at which you feel great.
The body weight which really is ideal for you. The body weight that alowes you to wake up
in the morning, strech your arms, the vertebral colum and feel so great and content that
even the birds outside are simingly singing lowder, just for you. The just enough body fat
around your belly that would make you feel just fabulous when you see those curves in the
mirror and go :°God, that icecream was exactly what I needed yesterday!°.
Enjoy your life at it’s fullest. Be gratefull for what you were given, and you will be given
even more, because you learned to really apreciate it.
OBESITY
Food is a drug, when you choose to use it as such.
Some people use alcohol, some smoke excesively – we use sugar, lots of it.
But there are always reasons why some people can eat an entire cake, and still be skinny
as a needle, and others may eat a cookie and intantly gain five punds! The reason behind
it is not worms or great methabolism, it really is about the way our psichic chooses to deal
with stress.
Top and bottom line of it is that: skinny people see food as...just food...and if you ask them
about it, it is really something they wouldn’t care less about. The only time they remember
about it is when the hunger signals get trigered by their brain, usually for survival reasons,


15

as skinny people would otherwise forget to even eat. That’s because they don’t think about
it, they never do unless their body becomes really hungry.
So when they eat, even if it is very large amounts of food, to their brain (not the body, the
brain!) it really is like a big load of sand on the back of a truck, which will eventually simply
be needed to get unloaded as it creates weight and strain discomfort. They will go to the
toilet once the food gets procesed and look like nothing ever even happened to them. And
this has nothing to do with metabolism or whatever, it is to do with their brain structure.
Please take a look at the scheme below.
People need a “drug” in order to release stress. We are human, we need to make
mistakes and let ourselves go just for the sakes of it from time to time. Even the greatest
askets make intensional mistakes, even just to simply remind themselves of how great it
actually is to persue an ordinary, balanced life.
The question remains in the type of drug that we choose. That has a lot to do with our
outbringing, the way our mothers raised us and the cultural environment.
The tool that we chose to use in order to deal with depresion always lies in our past
experiences + basic phisical reactions. Please see the scheme above as it reflets things
very clearly.
As you can see, us, sugar adicts, we are on the left hand side of the barier, the “blue
sector”. Let me tell you why. Simply because, people that are impulsive and agresive by
nature, they tend to exteriorize their feelings, and by that I mean scream and shout on


16

others when they are unhappy, releasing their anger onto the world. Now that might not be
nice on others and uneducated in general, but, boy! Does make a greart world of good to
them, and to their psichic!
The problem with us, food addicts, is that we tend to hide our emotions deep inside us,
close ourselves off, and that “layer” of negativity starts to acumulate inside us, and is seen
and reprezented then in the layers of fat on the body.
Impulsive and energetic people through things around in anger, hit somebody or become
isterical. Us – never! We would keep a strong face, stay though the storm....but
then.........well, we eat the stress out, and it makes us so miserable.
The damages after an outrage are great, but the damages after those are drown deep
inside pain are as disastruous. In both cases it is just our psichic trying to release the
stress.
Our brain gets afected by stress in diferent sectors as well, and it indeed affects the part of
it that trigers the hunger instinct. That is mainly why we want and want and want to eat
without even feeling like we are “full” like we used to when we were children. This is
because when we were little we weren’t able to asses stess as we comprehend it now. Not
that it didn’t exist in out lives, it always does. It is just that we wouldn’t have the capacity to
dramatise it to the extent that we can do now by having the capacity to understand the real
situation. Sometimes I wish we could keep the child’s indiference and freedom, but this will
never be posible, so the best thing to do is to at least understand why certain paterns are
created in our lives.
To all those people that are now obese, I shall tell you from my own extensive experience,
do not ever envy skinny people (I mean the naturally skinny ones, not those who pretend
to be skinny by being bulimic or duing drugs in reality like most tabloid stars are). Skinny
people suffer in many other ways, mainly with having to deal with the broken peaces of
their loud mouth and agresive behaviour.
Have you ever noticed that the most successful and key feaguers in politics or just great
people on this planet are always a bit chuby: Michelle Obama, Angela Merkel, Oprah
Winfrey, etc.?
The main reason behing it is that these people can not affort to through a tantrum publicly,
they have the responsibility for being role models so they have to watch what they say or
do. That type of restrictive psichological manner does lead them to ocasionally eating up
their stress. They too are human and want treats in life, so food would be the easisest and
most publicly accestable guilty pleasure.
In attempt to be perfectly behaved and trying to keep everybody happy makes us do
things that will eventually work in our own detriment. I would always say to people that if
you DO NOT WANT TO DO SOMETHING, you don’t have to do it just because it’s your
mother, it is very important for the exam, it is quintesential for your career or so on.
Nothing, nothing will be working in your favor, no matter how important it may seem at the
time, if you are doing it against your own will!!!
This is probably the most important lesson that us, food addicts, need to understand: we
don’t have to always be nice and accepted. Sometimes its ok to say NO!.


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Once you allow yourself to say no, a large stoun is shifted from your back. A natural
selection will sart working in your life immediately and you will automatically learn to
prioritise the things that you REALLY want to do, and the people that you really want to
deal with. You will then eliminate the blood suckers from your life, which will give you time
and energy to start seeing what is it that really makes YOU happy, and not somebody
else.
Gaining excesive weight, eating continuously and constantly feeling hungry is a sign that
stress has been by your side for such a long time that it started to affect your brain, and
the longer the time that you have been ignoring the clear signs of fatigue and psichological
distress, the harder it will be for you to get out of it. Not because you will have a round and
heavy body, as shifting the phisical fat can be a question of sports, dieting or surgery. It is
the “mental fat” that will be hard to shift. This is the main reason why most people that
were big, and then lost weight, gained it back at some point in their lives.
That means that the lesson hasn’t been learned. You can eliminate the phisical aspect of
your problem, but can you realy eliminate the psichological aspect of it? This has been a
very vivid dilema with the bulimics. They thought they were so “smart” by finding an “easy”
way out for not putting on weight, but, bulimia is a repetitive pattern because you can not
full your own brain.
But you can resolve the issues that are trigerring this patters inside you. As long as you
will allow external issues or bad people to affect you pshicological ballance, you will never
achieve emotional stability nor a normal weight. And the only way to do it is by asking
yourself “Do I really want these people in my life? Do I really want to do this?”. And the
minute that you allow yourself to refuse entry to the things that are being parasites to your
life and health, you will gradually start regaining your normal and natural weight, and you
psichological power.
Another stupid thing that we tend to do is to try and loose the weight quickly. So we try
dieting, and because we don’t see the results arriving fast, we quickly get discuoraged and
bounce back to our old eating paterns. This is not the way to go!
First of all, you need to start with your head, not your body. Work on your life first, then the
body will follow! Clean your life out of “junk people and things” and your poor body will not
have the need anymore to show you clear signs of fatigue and distress all the time through
the spectrum of those layers of fat.
How else do you expect your body to talk to its owner directly? It can’t do it otherwise, but
by showing you signs, its own, phisical signs. If the body is laying fat on you, imediatelly
ask yourself :why am I out of balance? What is it that I desperately need to change inside
of my life in order to return to my own true self? We always know the answer, even if we
often tend to deny it to ourselves.
Identify the parasitic person or environment that is distroying your health, mental and
phisical, and say to it: stop!
And when you will reach that level of mental balance that will turn your body into
nomalizing, please, just please, don’t push it into making miracles. Understand, it took your
years to get to the size that you are right now, so how can you espect for your body to shift


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it all in a few weeks. Now that might happen if you completelly deprive it of everyhting, but
listen: if you really came to the realization of what is it that you need from life and found
the inner balance, you will never do something like that to yourself. You have been
pleasing others and executing other people’s needs for such a long time that now is
probably the time to use that ”time” for yourself. Take it easy, and gradually the weight will
eat itself off.
Allow your body the necessary time to get used to the new “head”, to find its way though
the new atitudes that you are undertaking for yourself, and I guarantee that your body will
reward you in every possible way out there.
Be realistic about you normal body weight, ignore the false beauty stereotipes in the
magazines that are not real and photoshoped and stay focused on what is really making
you feel good and comfortable internally.
When you reach that point of stability, you will see your body shrinking as the days go by.
Still, you will remain a human being with its guilty pleasures and a long time memory of
your “stressfull” past. So in order not to radically transform your body and living routine, as
this will also be tough on you, and you certainly not want that as part of your “loving
yourself” life, allow yourself to have a sweetie pleasure every now and then. It will put a
wide smile on your face, just like it does for the greatest askets that do something wrog
just to remind themselves how great it is to keep a happy balanced life.
Chapter 2
BULIMIA
It really is a very authentic and modern disease. You wouldn’t actually believe how
modern it is. How can you really detect somebody that is bulimic? It’s practically
impossible as it is such a hidden disturbance.
It affects one’s psychic in such a strong way and the worst thing about is that even
those that love and care about you can’t give you a hand in getting through it simply
because they can’t “see” what is really happening, but they can certainly feel it.
Bulimia is a combination of two things: the feeling of emptiness as a result of personal
unfulfillment and a way of releasing accumulated aggression.
What happens really is that you are subconsciously trying to find a way of filling up the
great emotional “hole” that has formed inside of you, and food is just an instrument in
your case. I say “in your case” because one must understand that most people do feel
this emptiness at least once in their life as a result of some sort of stress or loss, still,
real numbers show that almost all of us suffer from internal “emptiness” quite often and
on a regular basis.
I always say that bulimia is a clear sign of depression, and the way that it manifests
through its outbursts is a clear sign to it. Too sad that it so often a sign only for the ill
person, and to him or her only.


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The emptiness is always formed after a loss, physical or psychological: the loss of a
parent, of a loved one, a part of your body, or: the loss of hope, loss of faith in life, loss
of a great love, loss of a life target, etc. It is always about you being really attached to
someone or something, and then losing it that causes great stress to your persona and
that creates a huge havoc with your personal world.
When the great loss occurs, the mind tends to kind of block it, but it can’t really do it for
a long time as the frustration does not just disappear from our heads – it only slowly
accumulates. As the pain caused by the tension of that solid aggregate by the size of a
mountain that has built in your mind starts to become unbearable, then in order to
survive the psychic finds a quick way of releasing at least some of the accumulated
negativity.
In the case of a bulimic, the instrument is food.
In other cases it can be drugs, alcohol, adrenaline seeking, gambling, obsessive
shopping and other. It really depends on one’s personal history, usually rooted in
childhood. For example if you would cry and be upset as a kid after hurting yourself
whilst playing, your mother would give you a treat in order to make you forget about the
incident. Yes, it is as simple as that, but this “immature behavior” from our parent’s side
unwillingly creates a whole set of psychological triggers in our minds, that last until we
die if we don’t make a conscious effort to change or remove them from our psychic.
And that, or boy, isn’t this the hardest thing to do on Earth?
When you feel really down after a new outburst, and ask yourself with disgust “why am
I doing this to myself?”, well, you can always find an answer there: in your childhood.
Just think about, find a quite moment and go back into the past, you know you will find
the answer immediately.
The good thing about it is that when you find the root of the problem you can start
changing it slowly.
The biggest mistake that bulimics do, and this is why some of them are ill for years (like
Jane Fonda for example, she admitted of being sick for almost 20 years!), is expecting
to get cured in a short space of time.
How can you possibly get out of it within days when it took you months or years to
make it a part of your life? It is ridiculous to expect instant solutions for problems rooted
far back in your childhood!
But before I can proceed to getting you out of it, just like I gradually did with myself, I’d
really like to explain this feeling of emptiness +aggression releasing first.
The logical structure of it is the following: a great loss happens in your life which leads
you too deep sorrow and sadness. This forms a real “hole” in your life, and that
emptiness makes you feel like a handicapped person, so your mind starts looking for
ways of filling it up with “anything”. So that you understand, this is a very natural auto
survival process because if your mind wouldn’t be capable of doing that you would
autodestruct yourself. In other words, when people fall into a depression, what they
really wish is to stop living…Our mind, poor if it, can’t take the constant realization of
those suicidal thoughts and “invents” synthetic ways of lifting up your spirit. What it


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practically does is it induces an illusion upon you that “there is always something that is
worth leaving for”, it does that in order to make you survive, it does it for your own best.
So the mind turns to pleasures. When the self destructive feeling is huge, it seeks for a
big pleasure in order to balance it out and so that it can keep you alive. Unfortunately,
the human body is prone to reaching out for material things for pleasure, and almost
never for the spiritual ones, but that’s another discussion, for a different book. Who
wants to understand me, will do so..
People fill in this emptiness with short lived sexual experiences, drug euphoria,
cigarette smoke and other, all short lived, temporary releases, this is why a human gets
so easily addicted. Because this is never a solution to the problem, it is only a
temporary release.
The next thing that happens is that after a certain period of “illusionary releases”, not
so much the body, as the mind gets really tired with you banging your head against the
wall, so it signals to you “enough!”.
Aggression as a natural side effect kicks in. How else can it tell you ”Stop fooling
yourself. Start searching for the problem. Don’t hide behind the drug!” it is so sad that
we never listen, until it becomes so “bloated” that we need to “spit it out”. We do it, we
do it, and we do it again, until the strain of the effects of this destructive behavior
becomes so visible to the naked eye that we are disgusted by the work of our own
hands.
Sadly, only at this time do we realize that the “self loathing” of any king : whether it is
food, alcohol or a closet fool of clothes, is only pulling us down and furthering us more
and more away from our life’s now “former” goals and ambitions.
When we let bulimia step into our lives, it comes in and takes over everything. (Isn’t it?)
“She” gets in and out of our territory-our life like a hurricane leaving an even bigger
emptiness and emotional ruin behind it.
This is what I advise you to do:
Because bulimia, anorexia or extreme exercising are more of a body image related
problems, the very first thing you need to do just after accepting that you have a
problem is to look in the mirror and have a very honest and clear understanding of how
your body must look realistically. Don’t weigh yourself, don’t measure your hips, tell the
people that are preaching about how they think you should look to fuck off and
finally…look at yourself in the mirror…keep looking at yourself!
If you hate what you see, you still have a very long way to go. It took you a very long
time to start hating yourself that much. It’s not your body shape, nothing at all to do
with it. There is a totally different issue here – self acceptance. Now it’s ok to be
unhappy about this or that at places, which is absolutely normal and even motivating
for personal progress if understood in profundity. But, if you totally hate your body
image, then you are in serious trouble.


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Luckily for you, I can absolutely guarantee you this as a former nominated Miss World
contestant, I have come to hate my body in every single way…and, found a way back
out of it.
Starting to really love yourself again is the key, just like we did when we were kids, we
did it so naturally. We never thought about what would others think of us, or had to
make other people content or whatever. A 3 year old kid just enjoys life, and this is how
we should stay at 13, 33, 43, 53, and for the rest of our lives.
When you make an honest assessment of how your body should look realistically (just
set fire to those false images that they portray in beauty magazines, all they do is make
us feel ugly and insecure in order to motivate us to buy their products so that we can
become “pretty” just right after using them), you will find yourself taking a deep breath
of release, please believe me.
Now: you win, they lose!!!! Do you understand me?
And if you are already brainwashed by all those beauty commercials and Hollywood
stars (most of them bulimic anyway so that you know, they are in a bigger trouble then
you because now they became hostages of their own image. They will only pay a much
bigger price as result of that, for constantly promoting an unrealistic image that
altogether them, you and I clearly know is not real and never was, without even feeling
responsible for what they do to our children at least..), the easiest way of
understanding your ideal body weight is just by starting to eat whatever you want
whenever you want it. Yes, this is the scary part for you, the part that was holding you
back for so long from getting out of this disturbance just like it was for all of us, yet this
is the only way out of it.
It is about overcoming your fear; facing your daemons. My dear friend, trust me, it is
much easier then it looks. Our perception of it is what really is scary. Our sick outlook
on our bodies is what’s really scary here.
The only way you can get out of it can be compared to jumping into a cold river from a
cliff. You’ll never do it until you face your fear and just…let go. Just stop purging.
Everyone binges every once in a while, but what makes them “healthy” therefore
different from our state is the single fact of them not purging shortly after.
One day you shall wake up and simply stop binging, just like it happened to me. Yes,
it’s that easy, just like it happened with people that stopped smoking, drinking alcohol,
etc. Once you come to the realization of the uselessness of that disturbing behavior,
you’ll stop naturally. It will definitely happen with you!
The “new” world that you will find yourself in after years of “imprisonment” will lead you
into the most beautiful life that you could ever imagine. I remember that when I sent to
hell all the bastards and all the bastard thoughts that have lead me to bulimia just...go,
and started loving myself and truly enjoying life by doing exactly what I want, I started
having the most wonderful dreams at night.
Life, you’ll start enjoying it, again. Sex, you’ll start enjoying it, again. Feelings, actually
feeling the solid ground underneath your feet, smelling the great scent of the flowers,
touching the tender skin of your lover and really enjoying the greatest foods that your


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body craves because it needs those wonderful vitamins, this, all of this and many,
many other things will come your way if only you…let go!
Your body, once a simply hateful reflection of what you saw in the mirror, is a now the
most beautiful, healthy and harmonious instrument that can only be compared to the
most amassing hand made guitar. Listen to it…it now plays that music that you and
only you enjoy.
You will soon find that your body directs you to the exact foods and amounts that you
really need in order to be at your fullest potential, physical and mental. You will reach
harmony. Only this absolute balance can give you real fulfillment. It will always be with
you from now and will give you constant pleasure and satisfaction inside out.
Whatever or whoever is pulling you back from enjoying life, whoever or whatever is the
sucker of your energy and blood, just...let them go. This illness was a lesson by which
your body way signalizing that you need a change, that whatever you did before was
destructive to yourself. So instead of feeling upset with yourself because you’ve
managed to do so much damage to your temple over the years, simply...let go. Let it
dissolve into the Universe, turn the page and start a fresh life, a life fool of enjoyment,
great food and good sex, a life where you will be a little God in your own right, because
you are one!
ANOREXIA
Someone that is intentionally starving themselves, do not really want to live.
Slow, but graduate suicide, this, is Anorexia. It is so obvious, a skeleton of yourself walking
down the street. And you keep convincing yourself that you are ok, that you are simply
“keeping fit”. As sad as it sounds, more and more cases of this disastrous disease are
seen among women, and now men are also drawn into it.
Somehow, I strongly believe that current fashion trends are influencing the explosion of
these food disturbances. How can they promote as a model of beauty a starved teenager?
How can they do it to our children, young teenagers that are steel in the search for their
own identity in this world? It breaks my heart to see those painfully thin models that are
obviously making themselves sick every day in order to maintain an illusionary figure.
This is what the industry does to us. That way they can keep stealing the money while the
nation is busy stressing out about loosing weight and buying up on false diets.
When a human being is shrinking in front of your face, when she or he is hiding food so
that you believe that they actually eat it, you know that this person is in serious trouble.
The sad thing is that it is really hard to help them, especially when they don’t want to help
themselves.
The tragical consequences of this disorder are almost always death.
One after another, without the necessary nutrients, the organs fail to function, and
eventually the heart stops.


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There is a deep meaning hidden in this dysfunction and it is always down to lack of love.
Somebody that is sincerely and unconditionally loved will never ever slide into that kind of
a self-destructive disorder. Someone who is given a simple hug once in a while that
reconfirms the true love and care of the nearest ones, will not search for ways of killing
themselves.
When a body is that thin and dehydrated, it screams out loud for help :”See, nobody loves
me! Why live?”.
The ones that got healed from it are the ones that had really loving people next to them
that simply redirected all their attention to the sick ones. It’s that simple.
The bad news is that I don’t think that an anorexic can get out of it by himself simply
because he has gone too far with the illness. His body is now refuting any food ingestion,
so the brain actually goes into a sort of “slow burning mode”, and eventually shuts down
without the person ever realizing that he has gone too far.
With anorexia, once you get into the slimming mode, your brain kind of tricks you into
feeling the need to continue needing to lose even more weight.
That is because when you set yourself into loosing some weight, that already means that
you weren’t happy with your appearance in the beginning and so you felt like your body
needed to be changed.
See, you blame the body again!
So once the burning mode kicks in, you start feeling really “proud” about your
achievement. You say to yourself: ”Look how great I am! I am an achiever. I managed to
reduce my body to this size. I can do whatever I want then”! And you automatically fall into
the trap.
It’s like saying to yourself:”I am a failure in almost everything that I wanted to do or have in
life, but at least that, my body, I can make it be my way!. Plastic surgery obsession has the
same origins in its train of thought.
Other then the self esteem being at its lowest low, the psychological consequences of
dropping down so much weight are the worst to fear because the slimming mode sucks
you in without you even realizing it. And gradually, you get so week and powerless that
you lose all your capacity of fighting the illness. For that reason you fool yourself into
thinking that this is how you are supposed to be actually, that really thin in healthy.
So many people look in the mirror and see a completely unobjective reflection of
themselves. Most often we see ourselves ugly, fat, bold or whatever. We rarely see the
best parts, like we might have great legs or beautiful lips for example. So ungrateful... So
this desire to change something makes us experiment with our bodies in the search for
happiness drawn by the illusion that having a “better” body would bring us happiness.
Anorexia is a very late stage of dieting gone overboard.
If you want to help an anorexic get healed this is what you have to do:
- Do not ever force him or her to eat what you offer or as much as you want. Be
veeerrrry gentle. Try to be by their side when they are eating, try to make the whole


24

process joyful and happy for them, so that the eating process gets anchored to
having fun and pleasure in life. Remember that an anorexic hasn’t been eating for
pleasure for a very, very, very long time, he was eating for survival! So you need to
remind him that eating is a great pleasure without him realizing it. Make the process
extremely lovable for him, by that I mean being loving, non restricting and generally
a great company for the cared one.
- In the beginning you might find that he is vanishing somewhere, hiding…and that’s
normal…for him. I advice you not to think too deeply into why he is doing that, as it
is obvious. Just take it one step at a time. Give him time. It took him or her years to
get into this state; you can’t expect her to give up on her “stress release” in one day
just because you are a great company at the dinner table. Then, the next day, and
the next one. Day by day...step by step… Without judgmental looks or pushing the
portions too hard, as it will only scare the anorexic and make her withdraw
themselves from being with you. If you push him too hard you will very soon find
yourself alone at that table and he will find a way to slip away from you, trust me.
A large amount of patience is required. Just make eating a great experience for him,
using colorful food that he used to enjoy, best if these are the ones he liked when he
was a child, those that he will have a hard time refusing psychologically, rather then
physically. You are not working with the body here, remember? It is the mind that
needs healing.
Offer love, great amount of sincere love and care. And in time, he or she will realize
that it might be a better choice to spend time “having fun” at the table rather than hiding
in his dark solitude away from people in order to maintain a disorder that makes his life
so miserable, a living hell.
If you love that person, this will come naturally to you.
An anorexic can only get healed with the help of a loving person. This is not bulimia, a
sneaky and unnoticeable disease. Anorexia is so obvious! Yet the anorexic has gone
so far that he has no physical or emotional strength to get out of it anymore. That’s why
he needs external help to get out of it. But only if it is somebody sincerely loving will the
ill person offer trust and confide with something so deeply personal. At times the
anorexics do realize that they are taking the direct path to death, but are now in all
ways powerless in front of it.
Just be there for your beloved one. Together you will %100 get healed.
You can save a life.
Chapter3
It just means that you care more about what other people think, then about what you
think
You see, once you get rid of this "block", you know...you just know it is your direct ticket to
Paradise.
All you really have to do is not give a fuck about what other people think.


25

Once, a very smart man said "when the attitude is right, facts don't count". Do you know
why this is the formula to success? Because when we say "facts", these are not really
facts, these are just people's oppinions.
So most probably the only reason why you are so stubborn to keep a certain weight <it
being under your healthy one usually> is because you have a standard in mind, set by
some X person who, not only doesn't love you, because if he or she did, they wouldn't of
ever even made a slightest comment about your phisical appearance, but they don't even
know themselves they are doing the harm, because most humans don't watch or work on
their actions or thoughts, simply because of ingnorance. So how can you even make some
idiot's stupid thoughts and comments become your model of behaviour, or even a life
target?
I'll tell you why, it is because you don't really love yourself, and deep within your heart you
know it.
See, it is not easy for you because, if you have created this self made blockage of food
intake for yourself, you are probably walking around hungry all day long. And you are
bound to be, because you are not eating what your body is asking you to give it in order to
properly function, you are giving it what YOU think is wright for it, those thoughts are
borrowed from some ignorant person whome you yourself have chosen to listen to. Isnt it
ironic how we are so determined to make people that do not love us our guiding
teachers.And then we can keep suffering and suffering and suffering untill it never ends?
So that we can later say...see, I'm not good enough for this, for that...and never sort of
…move on, hanging by that self created crazy standart.
So if you are continuouslu hungry, all that you will see on the street will become appealing
to you. This way you are probably noticing that even if you once hated egs,you are now
ready to eat loads of egs, gallons of it. If you are feeling this regularly, you know for sure,
you are seek.
But before I can proceed to explaining to you how to gradually start really loving yourself
and as a conseguence, getting better, let me just tell you a little bit how you are "helped"
by the government to get trapped into these type of illnesses, just to sough your pain and
loneliness in this battle.
You see, all this mass production of the alimentary industry that I have mentioned in my
previous chapters has always been designed to sell you something, just like almost all the
rest of the things in the world, exept those given to you by the loved ones with the love
intention in mind and therefore in hand. Look how tricky this is: before it was all about
commercials, so all they had to do is promote the burger, and you would chose it, instead
of your usual healthy salad that your grandma has just collected from her garden, just
because it was so colourful and new in the TV commercial. Then, they put chemically
modified powder in it in order to stimulate your appetite, so the parts resposable for
pleasure in your brain remember it's taste and just keep desiring it over and over again,
allways in the future. This way, whenever you get into a stressful situation, you will desire it
as a pleasure releasing hormone provocator, so you will go and buy it, and as many as
you can buy, the more of those acts and the more of the peolple involved, the more money
they make. The industries are only becoming reacher of of you, you having it as a drug at
hand, using it as a stress reliever as often as possible, funny, isn't it? This is the vortex of
obesity.


26

And wait, see, when their game started to fade, and they saw that people started to realise
their wicked games, and initiated all those healthy eating campaigns where organic food
was promoted and heatly lifestyle was shown to obese people, they started thinking on a
differnt, an even better plan. Bingo, let's promote a very very skinny person as a beauty
role model. WHAT A PLAN!!!
So all the designers at the time, and they have to obey to the wishes and desires of the
rich and wealthy bacause those are the ones that are issuing the money for their
creations, surelly not the artists themselves, start promoting all their beautiful clothes on
really skinny, ill, tenage boys and girls.
What all of this really did to us? All it meant was that we were to do one of two things in
order to be able to achive the "modern"socialy desired look:
1. buy pharmaceuticall tables that would make us skinny (not hungry)
2. binge on the beloved and healthy needed foods that our bodying would just strive for in
order to survive the self inflicted hunger, and the purge it in order to remain skinny looking,
satisfing the ïndustry".
Funny enough, they win eather way. Should you decide to eat their products, you become
an addict and so you buy more and gradually put on weight. Should you chose to pursue a
modern role model of beauty, you are just fated to cronic hunger, fatigue, and a vicious
cicle of binging and purging in order to stay thin. They won, they won, they won. And..they
definatelly do NOT love you.
The Primadonna Russian singer, Ala Pugaciova, who literally posseses the entire
showbizness in the former Soviet Union empire, once said: "Dear friends, if there is no one
to love us, we might as well start loving ourselves by ourselves". She is a chubby 70 year
old billionairess with a 35 year old husband, successfull and smart in his own wright, and
boy, she has never been more loved and worshiped by the public consisting of millions of
people all around the globe, living her dream life, having massive power in hand and no
model, even the skinniest and most perfectly sculpted will ever reach this lady's level of
wisdom and understanding of the laws of the Univers.
Are you following?"
Returning to the continuous hunger that you are carring with you all day long, every day of
your precious life that is slipping through the sand watch, is it woth doing it? Ask
yourself...is it worth being so unsatisfied, so misserable, and and as result so week in this
life. This is how they invented a way to control you, you are now addicted, ill, powerless
and as a result completely hating yourself. They won.
You are worth love. You came into this life to be full of joy and hapyness, to feel the
greates joy your ineer being can give you and you are the only one that is stopping this
continuous paradise from happening, you, yourself, singlehandedly.
Please, I urge you, just release this self invented prison, instead start feeling, really feeling
love for yourself, and the right action will follow. It just can"t be different. If you are acting
out of love, if you are really and trully loving yourself, you will uncontiously chose the right
foods, eat the wright portions, feel the right results, metabolise and digest properly.
But if you will decide to keep starving yourself, there will never be a light in the end of the
tunnel for you, you will just never be able to see it because you are blinded by a false ideal
pushed upon you by people that DO NOT LOVE YOU, so why listen to them?


27

The minute you release the resistance, the minute you allow all that you really want come
into your life experince, that being food or anyhting else in this world, you will see a new
circle starting, that of allowance instead of restriction, and so by law of attraction all your
dreams will strat comming true one after another as you have broken the chain. Please try
it, just live your life the way you really want it, eat the wonderfull foods that you so much
enjoy, in as big of a quantity that you like, and the extasy that will come with it will attract
miracles in your life. You will see that by you strating to love yourself again in such a
manner, all the people around you will rediscover you and start loving your confidence as
well, and as a conseguence, your phisiscal appearance as it is.
Have you noticed how even the most beautifull people are most of the times not loved or
get as little respect as you could expect in proportion to their so called beauty, or how,
ironically, very good looking men are marrying very ordinary looking women, although they
have an entire quew of beauty queens behind them? That is because these
"normal"women are trully and profoundly loving themseves as they are, and by seing
themselves trully beautiful, their men see them beautiful too.
This is the law of life, try it, it works.
Have you noticed that these people that are bulying you,the aproval and love of whome
you are so hardly trying to get, even with the cost of your health, are never ever satisfied,
and the harder you try to make them happy with you, their critical oppinion just shifts from
on side to another. It's almost like there is no end to it, so if you become now as skinny
bonned as possible, they can now see that you are stupid, or have ugly taste in clothing
yourself, or have an funny accent when you speak, etc etc etc...and it never really stops.
So is the problem really in you....I don't think so...do you think so, still?
This is what I would advise you to do: start really loving yourself, with passion.
In order to do that, you have to absolutelly break the viccious cicle first, stop the hunger.
Untill you stop being so hungry all the time, you will not be even capable of rationalising
the real state you are in.
NOW EAT.
Can you fill the releaf? Now eat, eat again, eat what you like. Can you feel it? You feel so
wonderfull, pure extasy, this is how your life was always supposed to be for you, full of
contenment and joy, full of such fillings of complete extasy. Be happy, be at ease.
Once you release this block, you can proceed to really understading what was happening
to you in all these months of depression and starvation, you can really evaluate how you
have been kept in stand by in life, you were intentionally blocked from your real power and
capacity to create in order to be kept in control and fear eternaly. In time of war
goverments were doing it by blackmailing people with mass distruction or prison. Today,
they just convince you that you should distroy yourself.
Search for self love, and fortune will come into your life. By depriving yourself from
nutrition, you have probably been attracting all other sorts of diprivation in your life, simply
by the law of attraction, so you will now be able to see money, love, sex and other great
experiences pouring into your life with the same intensity with wich you are allowing food
to come into your body.


28

And if you can not still see it manifestimg in your phisical reality, just give it some time. It
took you months or even years, like it took me, to teach yourself into deprivation, so just
be generous enough to to give it a few weeks for your life to start functioning properly
and attract the right manifestations in it. Really, if you can not see it yet, it just means that
you are still feeling guilty about your eating, or unworthy of intaking all these bautifull foods
into your body, which is normal in the beginning. But as the time will go by and you will
gradually start seeing how wonderfull things start happening in your reality like the best job
offer comes in out of nowhere, the loving partner that you meet at a bus stop, a great
friend that gives you a hand with your loand and so on...untill you just see for yourself how
much more beautiful your life could have been if you would have not fallen into the trap of
deprivation.
Allow all beautiful types of food to come into your body, allow all the colourfull experinces
to come into your life, all the loving and noncritical people to come into your existance. It
really works like that, you will see.
And those who have been allways been critical of you and have pulled you into the dark
corner in the first place, you will see how by the law of attaction they will inevitably start
liking you too!
Love yourself to a degree where nothing and nobody can ever talk you out of that place of
ethernal happyness and joy, and the rest will follow.
Chapter 4
Out of limitation.
The only way to go is to aquire a great desire to get healthy. Without your health, there
really is no point to live. What's the point of having "so called perfectly architected" shapes
if you feel miserable, and it does show on your face. Nobody needs you when you are ill,
and when you are sad and depressed, people are just gradually drawing themselves away
from you.
So instead of attracting more friends into your life, this being the main screwy reasoning
behind your deprivation habits, by the law of attraction these will start gradually hating you,
in exact proportion to your lack of love for your own self.
Once you start truly and genuinly loving yourself, your love will radiate from your body, and
as an inevitable consequence, others will start likeing you too, as they will sence your
energy.
You have nothing to give when you are empty, so deprivation is an unefective and stupid
method of trying to be liked.
As you will start gradually feeding your body with the necesary nutrients, you will
encounter that most of the things that you have wrongly craved because of lenthy
limitations aren't that interesting to you anymore, and as a natural effect, you will only
crave the exact things that your body really needs in order to stay healthy and strong.
You simply can't understand in this second the feeling of exilaration and extasy that comes
with the liberation from the constraints of your own prison, should that be emotional or
mental. By releasing any cronic stuborness that you have pulled yourself into, you will


29

rediscover the beautiful world that is longing for you to live it, feel it, taste it and trully live it,
in all it's aspects, in all the great feeling that it can offer you.
You have to accept, it's really a continuous feedback between body state --> mind,
emotions, viceversa emotions, thoughts--> body state. You can't have one without
another. Once you regulate one side, the other one gets regulated, and veceversa.
Isn't it wonderfull that you are the owner of your own life and state of mind, therefore if you
have drawn yourself into this miserable state that has absolutelly no justification aside
from your own masochistic ways, you can rightly pull yourself out of the disgracesful state,
just by choosing otherwise, by choosing health.
What stops you from getting rid of the illness, is really the great feeling of fear. And trust
me, you can rid of it really quickly by looking carefully at the interaction:
body state -->mind, emotions, viceversa emotions, thoughts--> body state
Get you body in a good and strong state, and your brain will aquire the power to
understand where you went wrong, how you got fulled into the illness state and so you will
see the real power that lies within you.
Just by the same method, you can try and understand the reasons behind the illnesses
origins, just like I did, as I am the stubbernest person in the world, but this is a much longer
path, you are free to take it should you wish to. The most important thing is to get well.
As in regards to the lasting effects of your final decision to live, intead of dieing, the truth is
that a great depression always remains in our minds imprinted, but that is great news
because once you get out of it as a winner, and a difficult situation in your life appears, you
can always look back and say: "This is nothing compared to what I have been through".
Self inflicted hell, bulimia, anorexia or obesity, extreme exercising is just the same kind of
"prison", are all signs that there are little or no things in your life that seem to motivate you
to wish to live it at its fullest. In other words, you days are stripped of any ray of
happyness, and so an eating disorder is just a phisical manifestation of you serious state
of depresion.
Luckily you do have the power over it. You, being its initial creator, you can also always
decide within yourself that you do not need it anymore and so choose to live a better life.
A great depresion is always a sign that the most beautifull perioud in your life is about to
come!!!! You will be capable of apreciating it to the real degree of it's beauty and love.
Do what you will....and you will discoved that you are the creator of your own Paradise,
should you chose to live it now.
With love, Nadejda Corcimar
FGI (Feel Good Index) INDEX ADVICE


30

- in regards to excercise: dance, put on your favorite music and dance until you
sweat your arse off; the most important thing is to sweat, this way you will increase
your heart rate, increase your metabolism naturally and feel great as a result of the
increase of the feel-good hormone, Serotonin
regulating
your
moods
and
keeping

mood-‐swings
at
bay.
The
main
reason
why
people
don’t
stick
to
a
workout
routine
is

because
they
choose
such
an
annoying
way
to
excercise,
that
no
wonder
one
wouldn’t

want
to
keep
reapating
something
like
that
again
and
again.
Exercising
MUST
be

enjoyable,
just
chose
a
a
way
of
moving
that
you
like
most.
Could
be
playing
foorball

with
your
kids,
walking
your
dog,
etc.;
it
is
not
necessary
to
do
the
things
that
others

“advice
you
to
do”.

- in regards to vitamins, try to find this combination in a product available in your
country; you will feel immediatelly uplifted and your depresion will be sweapt away
in an instant.
for 100 g
Creatine 25 g
Arginine 8,333 g
Potassium 1,667 g
Magnesium 1,005 g
Carnitine 0,833 g
Glutathione 0,417 g
Vitamin C 0,667 g
Vitamin E 100 mg
Iron 0,117 g
Astaxanthin 0,00167 g
Vitamin B6 11,667 mg
Vitamin B1 9,1667 mg
Vitamin B12 20,833 mcg
Folic acid 1,667 mg
- in regards to sex: have loads of it, we are naturally drawn to reproduce and be
really happy whilst doing it! Lack of sex also screws up your hormone levels, and as
a result plays havoc with your appetite.
- In regards to sleep: too little sleep plays havoc with your fat cells as well as not
getting enough sleep reduces your fat cells' ability to respond properly to the
hormone insulin, which is crucial for regulating energy storage and use; so sleep as
much as you can, recuperate the lost ours of sleep as often as you get the chance
and don’t listen to those who preach the enough number of hours per night, each
one of us has its own body clock and must follow his or her individual needs. Look
at how long cats or dogs sleep, day or night, and they don’t give a damn about
nobody’s scientific reasearch!
- always remember that are to be loved first, as you have nothing to offer…. when
you don’t have the power yourself!

If i was skinnier, would you love me more?

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