elena

1. HOW TO REVISE YOUR
PERSONAL STATEMENT
Dr. Elena González
February 24, 2015
CADI Room 308

2. Objectives
• Define Revision
• Discuss and use an essay assessment sheet
• Work on the macro level of an essay

3. Define Revision

4. Definition of Revision
• George Miller (2015) Prentice Hall Reader
• Revision means “to see again” in such a way
that you rethink it from beginning to end.
• Macro level – subject, thesis, purpose,
structure, audience
• Micro level – “proofreading” (style, grammar
mechanics)

5. Macro Level of Revision

6. Macro Level of Revision
• Subject
• Purpose
• Structure
• Audience

7. Macro Level of Revision
Subject – Me, Myself, and I
Defining who you are in the intro (greatest
marketable strength)
Providing supporting evidence in the body
– Audience (addressing the expectations of the
institutions)

8. Macro Level in Revision
Purpose
• Convince the reader (argumentative essay)
– Sell yourself effectively
– Get accepted as an intern or graduate student
• Provide evidences of character, career plan,
research, skills

9. Macro Level of Revision
• Structure
– Essay body
• Supporting evidence in essay body (career plan,
research, skills,)
• Conclusions (summary sentence, why you chose this
institution)
– Devices
• Coherence (how you connect the ideas in an essay)
• Cohesion (providing a sense of unity between parts)

10. Macro Level of Revision
Audience
• Direct the essay to a specific institution
• Be familiar with that institution

11. Assessment Criteria for a Personal
Statement

12. Assessment Criteria
• Discuss the assessment sheet for personal
statements handout #1

13. Practice Assessing
• Another student’s essay
• Handout #2
• Handout #3

14. Conclusion
• A good assessment instrument that provides
solid feedback will improve the quality of your
personal statement

15. Assignment
• Incorporate changes into your personal
statement after you receive input from 2 other
readers.
• Email the final essay to me in 2 weeks.