This document presents four choices for how to respond when hearing a difficult message: 1) Judgmental ears out - blame or criticize the other person; 2) Judgmental ears in - blame or criticize yourself; 3) Generative ears in - connect to your own internal feelings and needs; 4) Generative ears out - connect to the other person's feelings and needs by showing empathy. The goal is to choose generative responses that avoid judgment and instead understand different perspectives.