My summaries for effective living

My
Summaries
For
EFFECTIVE LIVING

My Summaries For Effective Living


Dedicated to Moore and Dainty

I


Contents Pages

Chapter 1 Worry 5

Chapter 2 Regret 9

Chapter 3 Trial 13

Chapter 4 Weakness 17

Chapter 5 Wealth Creation 22

Chapter 6 The failure’s opinion 26

Chapter 7 Self-Effacement 30

Chapter 8 The Art of listening 32

Chapter 9 Leadership 35

Chapter 10 Influence 40

Chapter 11 Solitude 45

Chapter 12 Time Management 48

Chapter 13 Contentment 52

Chapter 14 Courage 56

Chapter 15 Disability 59

Chapter 16 Covetousness 62

Chapter 17 Humor 65

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Foreword

The whole content of this material has been designed to help you succeed and improved on every area
of life. The manuscript uses simple, straight forward approach to address everyday matter in a manner
that it enables you define your life goals and designate tools that makes you become more useful. Every
page covered is a step towards discovering purpose and challenging yourself to becoming the best. This
summarized discourse contains seventeen areas of life which have been deliberately selected to help
you improve your day-to-day performances.

III


Chapter 1

Worry
“If you can solve your problem, then what is the need of worrying? If you cannot solve it, then what is
the use of worrying? - Benjamin Franklin (American President)

Show me a man who never worried, and I’ll show you a man who never had a vision. Many times, the
doubts and confusion attached to our dreams can be nerve wrecking and upsetting to the extent it
unsettles our emotional stability. Worry is the difference between what we all want and our identified
limitations. It is not as if our inability to get what we desire in the immediate is a weakness as sometimes
as it may appear, but usually our unwillingness to delay gratification and accept the immediate condition
as a passing phase causes us the much needless apprehension.

Worry can sometimes be a support mechanism if it stirs us towards a graceful end, but to allow it make
us a self-destruct enemy of our own destiny is grossly unacceptable. If success eludes a man
continuously on any pursuit, he is never expected to be relaxed on such quest. Worry in such instances
jolt us, unsettles us and make us lose leniency on such elusive cause. Yet, anxiety is no ready substitute
to achieve a set pursuit. The disquiet that we feel is a pull that is capable of pushing anyone out of
complacence. This pull can singly be likened to a sparring partner that helps a boxer get into shape for
the real match.

A man once wanted an apple and so he went out for one. Fortunately, he gets to an orchard where he
found an apple tree. Surprisingly he became worried about climbing the tree that he sat at the foot of
the tree. He kept complaining and sobbing under the apple tree while a passer-by came along and
plucked a couple. Knowing the man’s limitations, the stranger gave the man an apple from his bunch.
The man unassumingly collected the apple. Shockingly, he was worried about where to start eating his
apple so that he gets all the sweetness from every bit! Now that is the condition of many, they keep
grappling with worry even after they get what they want.

“When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere” – Francois De
la Rochefoucauld

Sir Winston Churchill has all the excuses in the world to be as worried as any other during the Nazi
invasion of Europe. As a matter of fact, his defeat could have gone down in history as one that can be
pardoned. Nonetheless few men in the timeline of history would go on to match, not to talk of
surpassing his courage. Winston exercised a bravery that would later on reverse the outcome of the
war. Rather than entertain worry he employed courage; with unflinching determination he defied all the
Nazis’ attack and went on to secure and regain the territories of England.

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At a time when the entire territories of Europe were jittery, the “British bulldog” as he was called,
summoned courage and almost single handedly launched the lifeboat that sail Europe out of the hades
of Hitler’s brutality. Perhaps, the worries of Winston were not as evasive as it may have appeared. On
March 1946, at Fulton, He expressed his worries for the threat of communism when he declared, “There
is nothing (the Russian) admired so much as strength, and there is nothing for which they have less
respect than weakness, especially military weakness…if the Western democracies stand together in
strict adherence to the principles of the United Nations charter, their influence for furthering these
principles will be immense and no one is likely to molest them. If, however they become divided or
falter in their duty and if these all important years are allowed to slip away- then indeed catastrophe
may overwhelm us all.” Winston stood an imposing pillar of solidarity for the entire Europe till the
menace of communism and Nazism was checkmated. This heroic display of courage transverse the
anarchy that could have swallowed the whole of Europe and made Winston Churchill a revered
statesman- this kind of ‘rousing panic’ as expressed by Winston I beseech you to get!

Any sort of worry that cannot push a man to pursue a life beyond the walls of anxiety will end him up in
depression! Worry as generally perceived is a state of confusion, a condition where the mind is void of
direction, where a man is lost in decision, a blank purpose. A scenario of perplexed dimness where a
positive outcome is in doubt!

Worry is a tool and can only hurt you if you wield it wrongfully. As an instrument that it is, worry is the
subject of an expected unfavourable outcome. Yet, the onus is on you to determine what you do with an
outcome that bothers you. Remember also, that our perception of a particular outcome has an
overriding influence on how we choose to feel about it. You have the power to determine and decide
with single mindedness what you do with what you perceived as unfavourable. Overtime, we have all
been conditioned to think that when the greater portion of an outcome, position, situation or condition
does not suit our expected outcome, then it is negative, disparaging and undesirable! Nonetheless, no
single situation or condition forms itself, everything is the subject of interaction. Except you
underestimate the process that have produced an outcome or perhaps you wrongfully adjudged the
final result, you might deform the opportunity to build a stronger personality through an oddity. Nobody
had succeeded in solving a non-existent challenge. Ask questions; someone already has experienced
same situation, undergone the same level of confusion and yet triumphed over the condition when they
found the courage to fight back. They are definitely in a more refined situation to help you. Such
person(s) have been to where you have not been, seen what you have not seen and have a fairer, more
objective view of the situation and experiences that qualifies them to be your teacher. Be flexible to
learn; be willing and ready to change your opinion once a superior view beckons. The people who are
fond of sticking doggedly to a situation they hardly have sound knowledge, are prone to misery. Do you
live close to anyone who is doting of saying ‘I don’t change my mind!’ or ‘it is difficult for me to change
my mind?’ there is no better field for unhappiness to flourish than such minds. There are rich treasures
in the lessons you grab from the dynamism of others.

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Here are few tips on how you can handle the pressing need to worry.

1. Why Worry about nothing
Don’t worry about what you cannot change. It is useless to worry about certain natural outcomes-
changes in weather condition and natural disasters do not need anybody’s worry, only our
preparedness. So rather than worry about the rains or earthquakes, prepare for them. Learn to
accept the inevitable, you may not be able to control what is happening around you, but you sure
can control what is happening within you. William James handed the succour, “Be willing to have it
so, acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any
misfortune.” The future is not evasive, it will come when it will come, and you can only learn to
prepare for the outcome you anticipate. Therefore, you must learn to worry less about the future.

2. Plan ahead
You must have been acquainted with the maxim, “People who fail to plan, plan to fail” The only
unknown reason why someone will choose not to live beyond past failures is evidenced in the fact
that they are actually not planning for a better future or they think one does not exist. Yesterday is
usually the best part in the life of a pessimist, only optimists expect/await a better life. There is no
way a future you did not plan for will not bother you. Live beyond past mistakes, quit the blame
game, take responsibilities, put your future in your hand; nobody can help you handle it better.
If you plan the life of your dreams, it does not matter how small you start, there is every hope,
assurance and prospect of growing big, but you will never grow unless you start. The egg that was
never laid will never hatch as much as a baby that was never conceived is never delivered.

3. Accept/Admit outcomes
Have you ever failed a task and you everlastingly blame yourself? Accept the outcome and move on.
Worry stays, abides and resides with the man who refuses to let go of his guilt. Worry would have
killed the hope of light bulb if Thomas Edison has chosen to dwell on the guilt of 9,999 setbacks
rather than just take his chance with one more remaining outcome. Today, the world is a proud
consumer of the incandescent light bulbs because a man refuses to be discouraged by negative
outcomes. “When you make a mistake, there are only three things you should ever do about it- 1.
Admit it 2. Learn from it 3. Don’t repeat it” – Paul Bryant. There had never been any time that it is
advisable to stay permanently in the ravine of guilt.

“Teach me neither to cry for the moon nor over spilled milk” – King George V

Zig Ziglar further adviced, “Admitting a mistake is a beginning, correcting it is a step forward, following
through is a success.”

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4. Control yourself
Worry is a sign you have lost the grip on your emotional balance. It is not impossible for you to do
silly things with an outraged emotion. Some of the people who are most inflicted with worries in the
world are individuals who easily lose their composure. Worst still they are also inclined to regret
their indiscretion. Most often than not, your outbursts are uncalled for, remember the world is still
trying to cope with your smiles, don’t aggravate their suspicion with irritations.

“He who gains victory over other men is strong, but he who gains victory over himself is all powerful” –
Lao-Tzu.

5. Feel good about yourself
One of the few things nobody can do for you is ‘your feeling good.’ Beam with optimism, glow with
cheers, bring sunshine into every contact. Make good use of yourself by making yourself favourable
to human disposition. Most times, the rewards of inner freedom are not quite feasible until it
inspires others. You have no time to worry when all you spread is hope, courage, vivacity and
affability.

“If you don’t feel good about yourself, you will have a limited capacity to believe in others.”- Zig Ziglar

It is difficult to trust anyone if it does not first reside within you.

Take a stand on worry today, let it inspire you rather than destroy you.

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Chapter 2

Regret

“Our repentance is not so much regret for the ill we have done as fear of the ill that may happen to us in
consequence.”- Francois del la Rochefoucauld

A Proof that a man is growing is his unreserved ability to learn. When a man stops learning he ceases to
grow. Learning is evidence that we need to know more than we already do.

How does a man come to appreciate knowledge if past experiences are not painful enough for him to
seek leverage for comfort? Like worry, regret is a state of the mind. It is an emotion that is vested on us
as a result of perceived inadequacies, weaknesses, wrong doing or inefficiency. It is a feeling of distress
over a perceived wrong choice. If you have ever regarded any action as regrettable, you will understand
the extent of remorse that accompanies such feelings.

A mother watches silently as her daughter slowly gives up the ghost in her arms after ingesting an
overdose of anodyne. Unwilling to be entreated and although she admits her negligence, her groaning
under the weight of guilt also did not help her mental state…..weeks after, she ended up in a psychiatry!
It is not bad to admit our failure, setbacks and inadequacies; as a matter of fact, it is healthy, what is
unacceptable is to eternally confine ourselves in the prison of guilt. Sometimes an uncontrolled remorse
makes us accept responsibility for what we did not cause or circumstances that far outweighs our
immediate controls. “O çera cera” is not just a surface maxim, it is a saying that indeed affects almost
the core of our lives whether we believe it or not. What will be, will be; regardless of our capacity,
intelligence and talent to control the circumstance. As not to appear to playing the devil’s advocate for
certain preventable human errors, carelessness or sloppiness; man must be alert to make his life a
blessing rather than a burden. As unforeseen or unexpected as some circumstance appears, you can still
reduce the impact if certain precautionary measures are put in place.

Regret in most cases can be averted if the human actions or inactions are properly reviewed before
advancing a cause. At least no one needs forgiveness who has committed no wrong. Penitence is a sign
that you know better and you are willing to live beyond the mistakes of the past.

It is depressing if you consider how many people express regret over same matter over and again. What
does this tell you? It means they are yet to learn from same situation that has brought them to their
knees. And as expected, life keeps echoing same circumstance until they are not only eager to learn, but
they are subdued not to repeat same dysfunction. The heartache, blues and exhaustion attached to guilt
are schemes structured by nature to enable men learn from pain.

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Pain is a constraint and expected to deter the repetition of an improper action. Regret is expected to be
a cleansing; a striking retribution that is expected to caution and curtail unscrupulous acts.

Regret always turns out as the poor judgment of pain in consequence of pleasure. Three reasons avails
why people fail to honestly appropriate the repercussions of an intended action- ignorance, pride and
vengeance. A faulty decision which results in an action or inaction often results in regret. Ignorance is at
the root of most regret (in the least, if you know better, you will do everything possible to prevent an
impending but avoidable pain).The damage resulting from pride and vengeance make the cramp of
regret sink even more! Denial is another major culprit of regret. If a student refuses to admit his
ignorance over a particular topic or an employee his naivety of a task; it is only a matter of time, the self-
denial may cost the student good grades and the employee his job. Both are prone to regretting their
actions!

“Not everything’s perfect, especially in the beginning. And it’s all right to have a little bit of regret every
once in a while. It’s when you feel it all the time and can’t do anything about it…that’s when you get into
trouble” – Sarah Dessen, Lock and Key

The word, ‘regret’ is flippantly used every day. In our religious places, in business establishments, in our
academic institutions, in our homes, everywhere and anywhere you turn to, you see men and women
exchange the word regret. People regret their marital vows, regret a business contract and regret
staying in relationships with dubious friends. There is usually a portion of life that we hope could just
have been better. We have all made certain mistakes; things that we are not proud of, but if we have no
faults of our own, we would in a better condition to condemn others.

However grave your misdemeanor, blunder or crime be assured that forgiveness has a place in every
wrong doing. I am convinced that I have not erred in affirming so. Forgiveness only subsists only so long
as guilt exists. Remorse is a biological mechanism set in place to humble men, it gives us the opportunity
to re-evaluate, re-assess and re-adjust, to think clearer over an infringement, restore compassion and
reinstate the human face that was afore supplanted by a part of us that was too quick, too weak to
avoid imprudence.

There is a tremendous sense of relief, freshness and health that flow in the mind when it is severed from
the burden of guilt. Don’t you see the smile that crescent the cheek of buddies who absolve of each
other’s mistake? Even leaders wear a reassuring glare when followers forgive their misconduct.
Following Monica Lewinsky’s ungodly affair with President Clinton and the widespread disparage that
ensued, the personality of the president suffered injurious dents which nearly caused the president his
job. Admitting his misconduct after months of legal battles and impeachment threats, President Clinton
declared,

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“Indeed, I did have a relationship with Ms. Lewinsky that was not appropriate. In fact, it was wrong….I
know that my public comments and my silence about this matter gave a false impression. I misled
people, including my wife. I deeply regret that.”

Thankfully, the litigation was quashed, the American public forgave President Clinton and everyone
smiled afterwards.

How to Handle Regrets

1. Admit, don’t deny

Barring your ego, popularity, background, upbringing, fortune; you must admit the wrong- No
excuses. You will only cause yourself more embarrassment trying to hide from your slip-up. You
must be aware that, there is nothing more important than for you to regain your dignity. Be assured
that denial will not rescue your humiliation. You cannot continue to bear the weight of guilt- so
admit. Be reassured that we all have a privacy for which we are all responsible regardless of
refutations. Genuine contrition is not bare of admittance. On the Clinton-Lewinsky saga, Charles
Jones, a former president of American Political Science Association said, “To be forgiven, more than
sorrow is required, at least two more things, (is required); first, genuine repentance, a
determination to change and to repair breaches ….second, what my bible calls a broken spirit, an
understanding that I must have God’s help to be the person that I want to be….”

2. Get a confidant
Your wrongs are open, whether you are conscious of it or not. The only panacea for any secret is for
it not to leak. So once an arbitrary act that impugns your character is committed, you need to get a
confidant- someone you can trust; a friend, a family, a mentor, your spouse or a colleague that is
trusted to help without the fear of betrayal. Someone whose opinion you respect and you are
convinced will be willing to offer the much needed help. You must be wary of distrust otherwise you
will not confide in anyone. Be willing to let someone who cares share and help you overcome the
feeling of guilt. You can always lean on the intelligence, encouragement and counsel of trusted
persons on your way out of culpabilities.

3. Join an anonymous group
You are not alone in your confinement. If you go out there, you will be shocked at many other
people who bear same burden as you do. People are more disposed to seek help from others who
have same experience as they do and are steadily overcoming it. So, don’t just stick around a corner
to beat yourself down over a condition for which help is available. Get information about
institutions, facilities or groups that have special skills to help with earnest care and confidentiality.
You are at liberty with such folks than with pretenders who will jeopardize the hopes of healing.

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4. Consult an expert

Discuss your case with someone who has skilled expertise and training to help you. A psychologist,
your pastor, a counselor, a therapist- just make sure you are in the safe hands of a helper who can
assist. There is hardly any case of human endeavor where a professional is lacking, be it medicine,
social, political, sports, entertainment, domestic, just to mention but a few. So help is always
available to the man or woman who sincerely seeks. One thing about experts is that they are always
willing to help, unless a ‘victim’ is unwilling to yield.

5. Be willing to change

Follow through on the assistance, sessions, and medications etc. that have been provided for you to
find healing. You must challenge yourself to live a life that is incorruptible, useful and inspiring. You
must know that until and unless you make up your mind to be helped, no man can help you! You
owe the primary responsibility to be honestly disposed to use the support that will be provided.
Once you make up your mind, the first major barrier of distrust, suspicion, insecurity is broken. You
cannot release yourself from the shackles of a life of regret with a complacent attitude. Let me also
let you know that the consequences of your action may not be totally circumvented, but you will not
be utterly consumed by it, if you find help early enough.

6. Seek divine assistance
Beyond the human efforts is an unseen force that guides every visual existence. Whatever you
believe it to be, you need God. Let me also assure you that, that is where you find the most pleasing
and reassuring support in all times of needs. There is a measure for the serenity that comes after a
communication with God. Pray over the toils of your guilt, your frustration and the need for a
stronger character that can withstand the pressure of time. Every prayer is a request made on a
superior power and when a man is sure of his convictions; his belief system can provide a greater,
more suitable response. Reach out to that force for your answer. Assuredly, sorrow is better
handled when God is involved; it takes God to row a boat without rocking it.

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Chapter 3

Trial
‘You can always tell when you are on the road to success- it is uphill all the way’- Paul Harvey

Rooted human outlook on life suggest that we are all to a certain level risk averse. Nobody prays for
challenges, not even one. Even self-acclaimed daring-dos will avoid “a necessary challenge” if they could
reach their pursuit without one! Yet, how can mankind reach the height of any known desired end,
without a test. Whether in academics, sports, business or relationship there had hardly been any
transition into any meaningful promotion without a test. In fact some of the most remarkable
individuals in history are the subject of dire circumstances. Wars have given birth to heroes, no less as
sports have given birth to champions. Men have survived epidemics that have plagued an entire
region/race and overcome some of the most devastating congenital disease that human history has
recorded. I once read this story about a psychologist who once quizzed his class with this story: A father
had syphilis, the mother tuberculosis (TB). Both already had four children. The first is blind, the second
had died, the third is deaf and the fourth also had TB! The mother is pregnant but the couples are willing
to have an abortion, so they have come to you for expert advice. However, should you support their
intension, the couples will accept wholeheartedly. What will you recommend? Well as expected, more
than half of the class, suggested an abortion...Congratulations, the lecturer said, “You have just taken
the life of Beethoven.”

An unsettling condition (trial) can cause emotional upheavals and it can sometimes be confusing,
illusionary and distractive however “true” it appears. Even respected professionals can make
threatening blunders under such conditions! So no one is absolved of making certain unintended but
rash decisions when they are confronted with perceived ruinous circumstances. A friend’s sister, Mrs.
Jane Roland (not her real names) visited her doctor to complain of a lump in one of her breasts. After a
routine test, the medic diagnoses her of breast cancer! She was devastated for weeks. She underwent
series of chemotherapy and finally, the doctor suggested a surgery to sever the affected organ before
the cancerous cells spread. Barely a week after the surgery was concluded, it was detected that what
was established as cancer was a mere innocuous malignant in her breasts! Lo! The breast is
irreplaceable. A disturbing condition may be real for all that it is presumed to be, and initial panics may
the excused, but to allow such terror overwhelm the human spirit is unacceptable.

The human spirit is like a conga (a drum), not much is made of it, until it is thumped.

“The gem cannot be polished without friction nor man perfected without trials” (Chinese proverb).

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The best is extracted from us all when pressure stares us in the face. When we are apparently at a loss
of choice and the only possible reality is to fight back against a possible odd that is when our best effort
thaws. We barely fully exploit our potential in convenience and comfy. Challenges are orchestrated by
nature to strain us and get the best out of seemingly painful conditions.

Can you please just imagine your life without a challenge? Oh! You think it will be blissful and all ecstasy.
You are wrong! Let me tell you what I think you would have; civilization and culture will have to tolerate
a vicious monster. In other words, you would have become a frightening outlaw for our world.

If nothing has ever tampered with your willpower, if you have all you want without lifting an arm, if life
bestow on you all the luxury you desire without sweat, how will you ever be human, meek and humble
enough to feel for others? How would we as a race task the cells in our brains to invent and innovate
were it not for obstacles? I bet the creative nature of the human race will be dead upon arrival! Some
part of nature was bare of certain occupation, waiting for human ingenuity. The skies were left plain for
man to conjure flight, the deep sea was left open for us to conquer with massive vessels, and the space
was left uncluttered for our adventurous visit. Our excellent spirit will but waste for wants of use, our
brains will become soggy and our organs will sag and we will be wiped out! Nature expects us to
exercise our inborn, innate abilities. These abilities cannot be drilled without certain level of austerity
and ache. In us all is the ability to overcome any circumstance.

‘Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the
soul be strengthened, ambition inspired and success achieved.’- Helen Keller

Our world was once awashed with the knowledge that no man can run a mile in four (4) minutes. Even
respected experts agreed. Perhaps, the fact that the information was widely circulated by physiologists
further corroborated the impression. The possibility dimmed as sportsmen failed with repeated
attempts. If any, achieving the feat became vague and there was little courage left to defy the thinking.
May be science was right; there was no one who is prepared enough to refute the claim. Sport doctors
have claimed that the human body is simply incapable of such unbelievable performance. The reigning
conventional wisdom was that the human lungs could not process enough oxygen to sustain the effort;
they will burst under the strain, as would the heart! Dreadfully, it was further claimed that the bones
would fracture, joints will rupture, muscles will ruin, ligaments and tendons would tear and fail under
trying to achieve such perplexing stress and strains. Tragically, facts are not truths, and facts are
sometimes capable of creating a wild mental bloc. In fact the trillionth part of information that is
incorrect can make an entire fact a lie! A human being running a mile under four minutes was just not
possible-A mental bloc.

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May 6, 1954 in Oxford, England, a young medical student named Roger Bannister broke the jinx! He ran
a mile in 3minutes 59.4seconds. Bannister broke the mental bloc, he refuted the widespread appeal that
limits many- He conquered the likely invincible.

Few people know that Edmund Hillary is not the leader of the expedition to conquer Mount Everest-
Baron John Hunt was. When the first attempt failed, at a press conference that was well attended,
Edmund was reported to have stood before the hanging frame of Everest and asserted, “You have
grown all you can, you cannot grow any further, but I am still growing.” On the 29 th May, 1953, at
11.30am Edmund Hillary mounted earth’s highest point; Everest in the Himalayas was conquered.
Every red flag situation is awaiting our ingenuity, our prowess, our disputations, our fearlessness, our
faith. Every circumstance have its breakpoints, like every other thing they have limits; they just await the
few who are willing to go the full hog. Nobody said it was going to be easy, no one has claimed it is not
going to be sweaty, demanding and really distressing, but no one also say you cannot win. “If you think
you can, you are right, if you think you cannot, you are right” – Henry Ford.

After Bannister, a lot more other people have crossed the rope of a mile mark under 4 minutes. After
Edmund, a lot more have repeated the feat of conquering Everest. Many who thought both situations
cannot be succumbed now know better. Our world just sometimes awaits a pioneer, someone who
could afford all it takes to show the way. Edmund seems to know what other does not. He was aware
that early in the morning you have a reserve of strength that could enable you secure victory at such
height where oxygen level depletes the higher you go. While others on the expedition team were still
resting at the feet of Everest, Edmund pushed himself early in the morning to stir a rebellion against Mt.
Everest. In the press conference that follows the victory, Edmund said, “We did not conquer the
mountain, we conquered ourselves.”

A flip-flop in attitude, in personality, in approach, in motivation cost us most victory. A poor perception,
a weak spirit, a vague focus, hazy organization just twists the desired outcome out of our reach. Until we
make up our mind to overcome the “self” within, “elements” without will continue to rule us. There is no
greater victory that is as edifying as those we register against our self-doubts. Our inability to break
perceived status quo is majorly attributed to resist what we despise, abhor and loathe. You can never
live above what you are contented with; you can never live above your excuses.

‘Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict’ - William
Ellery Channing

Sadly, most men stopped trying during trying times. The difference between those who will finally
succeed and those who will not, is the staying power the former depicts when all surrounding conditions
seem swallowed with the breath of affliction.

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Have you ever watched an Olympic sailing competition? In the race, each sailor glides and navigates
pass outrageous and sometimes nail biting winds. Each holds the rudder with a firm grip, bellowing and
bawling with blurred focus as the current tries to beat their boat off course, yet in synchronized fashion
the sailor pulls and push against the fierce currents that rage continuously in diverse directions. In
calculated harmony, the sailor skates over the undulating waters, he may slip many times, but he holds
on. Battling forcefully against the aggression of the sea, he roars and chants words of courage, he
refuses to be scuttled by the violence that is pushed against him less he wastes his chances. The waters
may beat his boat and unsettle his course as to steer him away off victory but the sailor as many times
as possible recoils. The sailor holds the mast in place to regain support even from the wind that stirs
against his course. On and on the sailor races, his cowering fist may become stony, his body may
gradually start to give way, and his breath may narrowly snap at intervals, his pulse may pound but he
holds on not willing to capsize. Everyone crosses the line with their heads high. Although, one sailor
wins the race; but for me, each contestant is a winner irrespective of the time they returned. Such
undying spirit I bid you to array during trying times.

“Challenge makes you strong by exercising your creative, mental and emotional muscles. Challenge
tones your intuition and imagination, exercises your desire, puts mass on your positive beliefs, trims your
fat- fears, adds definition and articulation to your attitudes. Challenges are the free weight you use to
build your body of successes”- Peter Hirsch.

Never let a trial break you, let it make you, don’t let it despoil you, let it uphold you, don’t let it make
you bitter, let it make you better, don’t let it knock you out, let it get you up. An ordeal prepares you for
the best and no one qualifies more for the best more than you do.

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Chapter 4

Weakness
“Glass, china and reputation are easily cracked and never well mended” – Benjamin Franklin

Most of the crippling, wrong, negative habits are the result of idle excuses. We all have at a time made
away with excuses and because it easily passes for a temporary ease, it serves as a thoroughfare from
taking responsibility. I can’t in fact remember how many excuses I made growing up!

Idleness is a major factor for most known poor living patterns. The apathy to positively engage in
constructive activities wears self-morals and reinforces bad character. Insidiously, the vulnerability to
compromise values builds up in a subtle and faint fashion that we are most unconscious of how our
ethics have begun to wear! We hardly recognize the fact that we are gradually sinking into self-
indulgence because of the way it mostly appears. It appears as a break, a respite, a recreation, a
breather and before long we slide into acts we are not so proud of. Often such unguarded acts make us
procrastinate high level priorities so that we can opt for low end mundane activities, hang out with
friends who hardly add value to us, become a couch potato, watch despicable movies, indulge in
obscene and indecent acts; all of which ultimately lands us in humiliation, indignity and ignominy.
Indeed, the idle mind is the devil’s workshop.

For want of reluctance people build the tendency for bad habits. The flair and the level of indulgence
exercised make such flaws nearly inborn. Virtually, no habit-good or bad, is inborn any more than it is
learnt. According to psychologists, men have the capacity to unlearn whatsoever that is learnt. The
human mind is fallow and fertile; it is prone to accept whatsoever it receives from its senses and
predisposed to replicating it. In order words, the human mind is highly receptive and can learn fast,
especially when the subject matter is appealing to the senses. We are most unsuspicious of our frail
conducts; really they appear unassuming and spread their tentacles gradually and fledge inoffensively
until we can no longer control them!

Let’s take wrong habits as a weed. A weed is a plant, it has its own benefits and thus it is useful. What
makes a weed inappropriate is that it grows where it is not desired. Simply put, an eggplant that sprouts
on the nursery specifically prepared for cowpeas is a weed! Does that takes the potency, use and the
importance of the eggplant away? Oh NO! It is just that the status of the eggplant changed for growing
where it is not wanted. If it is allowed to fledge, the eggplant is capable of crowding out the principal
plant (i.e. the cowpeas). The features that may be necessary for the eggplant to thrive may not be
appropriate for growing on the cowpeas’ nursery; hence, it is capable of harming the cowpeas
regardless of its significance. The farmer by principle is expected to uproot the weed (i.e. the eggplant)
so as to prevent it from affecting his expected productivity (cowpea yields).

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Watching TV is not bad, but watching TV when you should be reading to prepare for an exam or
business presentation is bad. Therefore, watching TV can be taken as the weed (the eggplant) and the
cowpeas (the exam or the business presentation) which can affect your productivity (good grades or
excellent business pitch).

As the farmer, you are expected to deal with every act that seeks to stunt your productivity- you must
remove the weeds before they crowd out your expected outcome. Living a more productive life requires
that you uproot destructive attitudes. Remember, whatsoever you can see, hear, touch, taste, smell
have great influence on your mind. The mind is capable of accepting, believing, trusting and duplicating
what is passed on to it from the sense organs. The chain smoker has only succeeded in luring his mind
into believing it is impossible not to smoke; so the mind sends out flashes that trigger the seemingly
irrepressible hunger to smoke. The human mind is cooperative and irrespective of the popular jingle
that “smokers are liable to die young” the mind is not constrained from stirring the body to cooperate
with the smoker when it is time to smoke. If you condition your mind that you cannot boost the quality
of your performance without enhancing drugs- you are correct, the mind will cooperate and trigger your
senses to become restless unless you take the drug.

‘When wealth is lost, nothing is lost; when health is lost, something is lost; when character is lost, all is
lost’ – Billy Graham

The falsity of weak conducts is that they ordinarily appear enticing, luring, and juicy to ignore as
opposed to building and reinforcing noble conducts. It is easy for the mind to settle for what appeals to
it and indulge in any act that makes it feel at ease. Such attitude in a snap becomes second nature and
indulgence becomes quite effortless. It is easy for the mind to reverse such attitude or conduct, but the
decision does not operate in space. It entails sacrifice and to give up an appeal that can sometimes be
reluctant. The human nature forbids anything that makes it want to give up any perceived enjoyment,
however undesirable! Indeed “a bad habit” can so interestingly appear like an enjoyment however
short-lived. We are all subconsciously made to believe we enjoy a deep sense of freedom when we give
in to a habit that is not sustaining or supportive of our moral quest. Unfortunately such a habit exposes
us to chronic infections, ailments, and social dysfunctions.

We necessarily detest inconvenience and will essentially want to avoid any matter that could draw us
closer to discomfort. Over the long haul, we treat issues relating to forgoing old inherently built habit as
threats to convenience and we find ourselves stalked in same old fashion. Until willing, deliberate and
committed steps are taken we are not any more secure in ourselves than we are in anyone who is ready
to help us.

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We can choose to fight our “weakness”; we can deal with the uncleanness in our unconscious self. We
have the capacity to erase self-imposed ill injunctions. Man is but a steel of power when he chooses to
be so built. We can form new, purposeful, affirmative doctrines that make us live at peace with our
inner self. It is a matter of choice; a choice that weighs the pains of sacrifice over the pleasure of
indulgence. For a minute, figure out yourself; stand out of yourself as if you are standing aloof in a
corner of the room looking down at “the you” that is reading this material. Look at the next 5-10years of
your life with this “weakness” you presently struggle with. Assuming it is smoking; just imagine your
soggy, all worn liver or kidney! Imagine your deteriorating state of health, imagine a TV charity campaign
to raise money for your health recovery, imagine your spouse in the deep loss of not wanting to lose
you…..just imagine what this ‘juicy pleasure’ could cost you. Then imagine the sacrifice (pain) of staying
off cigarettes one stick at a time; imagine the new formed you in a healthy, happy self, fully optimizing
every moment without those nauseating odour that your spouse have to put up with, imagine all that
you have saved from discontinuing smoking going to charity and helping lives and contributing positively
to humanity. Just imagine.

What is built over time cannot be won overnight, therefore, you must put in place an awareness
mechanism that consistently allows you to win, and however unhurried it appears. This step(s) must be
measureable (i.e. it must be daily, weekly or monthly) and you must be aware that it is approximately
what you can relate with. It may be a reward system; something like promising yourself that for every
week I shun smoking, I will reward myself with a book that further reinforces my knack to desist from
smoking. Be cautious and ensure that the new habit you want to create to replace the old is
commensurate, so that the ‘pleasure’ does not in any way overpower the pain. Also avoid the
temptation of replacing a bad habit with another dodgy habit. For instance, you will not make any
meaningful progress if you quit smoking and reward yourself with junk foods. When a condescending
thought you have made up your mind to fight subtly want to resurface, you must revert to your defense
mechanism. You must reinforce the new habit with discipline and not be daunted until the old can no
longer lure you. The interesting thing is that this adjustment process can be fun, insightful and filled with
new discoveries as you journey along. Be willing to catch the fun.

The constructive journey to replace the old habit can also be a persistent self-assertion, pep- talks,
meditations, a hike, sightseeing, unburdening to a trusted friend, talking to your counsellor, visiting an
interesting game, going to the cinema etc. until the negatives phase out.

Let’s do an exercise, think of any habit you are not comfortable with. Stop reading for a minute to really
think…I’m waiting. Good that you did; now take a pen, write it down, don’t be reluctant. Be reassured
that it is not quite as difficult as it may seem to build a new constructive habit. Now write in front of
same habit the new habit you desire to form, and the possible reward(s) you will use as
compensation(s).

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Under the old habit, write five possible short and long term consequences if you do not adjust and
underneath the new desired habit, write five possible benefits if you adjust. Now nip it to where you can
see it every day and make sure you live up to the willingness to change and as expected don’t cheat
yourself of the reward- it is important to reward yourself.

The willingness to change might not at first be as strong as the impulses of the ‘pleasure’. Nevertheless,
every victory is a sign of progress. Fight the disdainful feelings; make sure you stay afloat the hostilities
of your weakness and defective conduct.

Tips for adjustment

1. Solicit for appropriate support
It is impossible for you to fix your health issues with an automobile engineer. It simply means you
have to seek the support of qualified experts where necessary on areas of your life that is out of
bound! Join support groups where you can freely share your story and find the much needed help.

2. Pick a measurable technique
Not much progress is made if your success is not measurable. You should be able to state in clear
term where you are today from where you are coming from in the scheme of things. Set selected
measurable goals that are achievable in the process of wearing a new look.

3. Read helpful material
As much as you don’t have all the knowledge, If you think you do, you’ll not be where you are
presently. Read from those who have seen what you want to see, listen to those who have been to
where you want to be. Reading materials written by pundits, specialists and authorities is much like
taking a special personal session with them and helping you to find the strength to overcome.

4. Avoid poisonous companies and substances
Be wary of those who are not helpful in your process of defining your life- A company of fools always
perish. Shun any and every substance-magazines, TV broadcasts, online resources that further thaws
you into your old paths. Complete ignore people and materials that are destructive otherwise the
battle is lost before the war began.

5. Be committed
You lie loudest when you lie to yourself. Remain undeterred, unfettered, and faithful to every single
obligation you desire to make. It is a sign that you have make up your mind to adjust, when you
remain focused to live the kind of life you honestly desired.

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6. Reward yourself
Your commitment is refreshed with every act of compensation. So if you score the right point on
your weakness, pay yourself. Celebrate every victory, no matter how small. Just make sure you leave
a mark that inspires you to repeat same constructive feat.

Finally, the accent, the strength and the vigour of a bad habit are reinforced by repetition and
fortunately, same is the story for the new habit(s) you desire. It makes your work easy. Also the same
energy or force that is required and mustered to conduct unethically, same is required to act otherwise.
So, why not channel your energy and focus from what is corrupt, unhealthy and diseased to acts that are
honest, positive and beneficial. The consistent constant repetition of a good work only reinforces the
performance of other associated acts.

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Chapter 5

Wealth Creation
“Don’t tell me where your priorities are. Show me where you spend your money and I’ll tell you what
they are.” – James w. Frick

Wealth creation is much more like the creation story, if you’re ever going to start; it’s got to be in your
mind. The richest men kept the frame of affluence, capital assets, prosperity and material comfort
hanging in their mind’s eye always. Regardless of current realities, they foresee what they want and they
embark on the pursuit without looking back. On the other hand, so many of the poor men that I’ve seen
exercise their energy a lot more on soggy talks about money than acting on having it in abundance. They
prophesy their future of lack, loss and wants. “I can never have enough” “money is the root of all evil”
“none has made a headway in my generation when it comes to money”….on and on the poor man
reveals this abhorrence for what he needs virtually the most. The plea to have more money is not place
on talks. An emphasis on the evasive nature of money is distractive- it reveals the mindset of the victim.
Obviously, that is why most people can’t stop complaining of their want of money. Their mind is not set
to possess it; it has been conditioned to abuse the process that brings money about.

It’s become a ritual for poor men to complain about the rich. So, how many genuine rich moguls do you
complain of? Can you remember any? Ok...can you get a paper now? Can you endeavour to list their
names? If you have followed this exercise, you need to redefine your perception about wealth. Be aware
that when you hold an arbitrary assumption or grudge against a person or thing, you are most likely not
going to build a positive, healthy thought about the person or thing. As most times, you blind yourself to
people who made their wealth genuinely, judiciously and prudently sustains it by comparing them with
those who are not quite as discreet- the perception you have formed overtime is a ‘one size fit all’ view
which have resulted in you passing scathing remarks about wealth and wealthy men. Certainly you need
a social re-evaluation and re-conditioning when it comes to matters of money making.

Logically, nothing is entirely bad unless no one benefits. Hope you’ve suddenly not forgotten that this
material has provided you with some tips on poor character which was treated in the preceding chapter.
Now will you let me be on your face for a minute and be as stern as I possibly can? The truth is; poverty
is a habit- It is neither a curse nor an infection. It is built surreptitiously overtime to a point where it
takes on auto pilot functions and becomes nearly effortless, involuntary, instinctive and natural. So akin
to wealth, poverty is learnt. We are daily tested on poverty and each success is a daily fundamental
transition into ‘make beliefs’ that further lure us down the ladder of lack and want. Let me bring the
message closer home, do you agree that saving is a habit built overtime? Do you know that investment
is hardly spontaneous than it overtime becomes a habit?

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But so are also liveried improvidence, profligacy and licentiousness. We all build them unconsciously and
like strand of threads they warp continuously until they become a complex web and are not easily
broken.

If a man has worked 5years without a saving- for sure, he’s living out his mindset. It is not because his
income is not enough to spare a saving but because he has overtime formed the habit to spend more
than he currently is capable of earning. Miserably, some even retire or are sacked without a ‘pence’ in
their bank account than the last take home settlements! The glib justification is usually, ‘How on earth
do you want me to save from this meager salary.’ Some have never in life even ventured into any sort of
trade. They are quick to counter any form of appeal to diversify their income into a meaningful
investment; such quips, “ My family will suffer if I invest any share of this ‘crumb’ ” or “I don’t know how
or what to invest in, my parent never did” Moreover, we are all on the fast lane, when it comes to
excuses.

‘When you do what you fear most then you can do anything’- Stephen Richards

If you cannot save from a perceived meager earning, it is almost impossible to have anything to revert to
on a rainy day. Savings and investments are sacrifices you make not to merely survive but to attain a
level of freedom where you can financially contribute to society. Remember, nothing is quite as bad
until no one benefits. The question is; who benefits from poverty? A wretch-like lifestyle is akin to a
desert; always dry, with sheets of undulating dunes, infertile with severe level of attrition. Reclaiming
your life from its current overbearing financial dissatisfaction depends largely on how long you can still
endure and find reasons for lack! Once you come to the realization that financial lack is a devastating
threat you are ready to break free. When you get to a point where the basic necessities of life do not
threaten your lifestyle, you are indeed financially free. It means you have enough that your basic
financial commitments can handle and thus the need for worry disappears at least on your financial
outlook.

Poverty as it is widely attributed to as the lack or want of ‘money’ is short sighted, poverty relates to as
many other aspects of the social core of the human race. Anyone who cannot mend his moral fabric is
all together ethically impoverished. So does same applies to anyone who cannot fully knot the ends of
his pennies and dollars, such are described as financially poor.

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Safety Tips on Investment;

These are not in any way different from what you get from your local business journals or financial
experts. The unfortunate thing is you never fully steadily continuously apply them for long before you
fizzle. It will be of least effect to appeal to you to do anything about your financial life. If you consider it
vital, then it can as well sum up as one of the most honourable thing to do. If you desire to restore your
life, may be not instantly but at least gradually, may be not randomly but for sure systematically, you
may be on your way to smile again. I hope you find these healthy tips constructive enough for use.

‘The individual investor should act consistently as an investor and not as a speculator. This means that he
should be able to justify every purchase he makes and each price he pays by impersonal, objective
reasoning that satisfies him that he is getting more than his money’s worth for his purchase’- Benjamin
Graham

Consider the following tips

1. Save
However small, save. Saving is what you do for contingencies; be it on the basis of commercial
transactions or other related risk or uncertainties. Emergencies do arise, however hard you hate it.
Consider emergencies as battle and savings as one out of the many weapons you will need at the
battlefront to outshine the many foes of financial shortfalls. Anyone who decline to prepare for a
rainy day, will for a cert be drenched. Perhaps, you opined, ‘my salary is meager!’ well, in view of
this discussion, meager is relative and almost insignificant as against the question of priority. If you
are not quite as open to saving as you are to spending, your priority is given already. Consult a
financial expert who can guide you on the various saving option that can help you. The internet
also has various open source platforms where you can beef up you financial intelligence as regards
contingent options that reliably can suit your purse. It is plausible to save in order to invest rather
than to consume, so you must decide ahead what constitute the headline of your saving interest.

2. Commodities/Property option
These day properties are assuming one of the most relevant cash source for interested investors.
More and more people across the world are trying out various property options across varying
choices. Your readiness to identify various investment corners that suit your personality and
expression may determine your success rate. Many people today are also considering other
options in commodities like gold, silver and other valuable ‘iron’ properties that commands long
standing value. With little from what you currently earn, you can pick up a trade selling clothing
wares, amongst other lifestyle accessories both for corporate and casual outings. Indeed these are
commercial activities you can take advantage of to hit some dramatic exploit in business and build
your own empire of trade.

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3. Forex and Stocks
Like most other things in life, trading in shares has its own lurking risks and gains. If you possess a
little more uncertainty than you are willing to bear and yet are convinced of trying out your
chances in stocks, the most reasonable thing to do is to consult with an expert; stockbrokers are
always a standing support you can rely on. They can always help you grow your investment, advice
you on which stocks to buy and give you potent strategies of engaging the market for you to make
your gains. These are valuable, worthwhile investment options that pay off both in the short and
long term. The forex market is also becoming a fast means of earning for people who are open to
risks. If you are the risk adverse person, you can turn to the thousands of fast growing young
talents in that industry who are not only rich in information to teach you but also to trade on your
behalf.

4. Personal development Investment
The question here should be; what are you adding to yourself? What latest knowledge do you
possess that can give you a credible opportunity ahead of others? What value(s) do you intend to
add to yourself going forward that makes you almost difficult to be displaced? All these require
work and a smart drive. For you to possess a leading edge in any matter of life, you need to invest
on your level of intelligence. What you know will feed you. If it requires learning a skill, take up
your apprentice apron and enroll for one, if it requires you going back to school, what are you
waiting for, make enquiries, it is time to learn. You must be willing to invest in books, somebody
knows more about what you want to do and already wrote about it; it eases your advancements.
So draft the level of skill that your pursuit requires and give it a timeline and a deadline. The man
who is yet to be displaced has excellence in intelligence speaking for him.

Your ability to build yourself will go a long way to determine your capacity to build others. Your ability to
help others get as much of what they want only opens doors of better opportunities for you.

Be well guided in all your investment options. Make sure where you exercise uncertainty or
nervousness, you think and re-think time and again, consult experts specifically in the field or learn the
art through time. Know for sure that if you can unknot your financial worries, most of your worries may
just naturally ease off. So save your time, invest your money and your returns will remain ever-green.

Quick Friendly Tips on your Finance

 Have a financial plan: A goal that is not set is hardly ever achieved.
 Be financially informed: What you do not know have a greater rule over you, so listen to and read
from experts. Attend financial related seminars/workshops/conferences and get financial related
resources.
 Place value of your money always: The extent to which you value your money, to that extent you
plan.
 Be proactive: Think and act ahead of others, the cutting edge in modern trade is intelligence.

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Chapter 6

The Failure’s Opinion
A failure is a man who blundered, but is not to cash in on the experiences- Elbert Hubbard

Even an egg becomes hard as a rock to the inept! To put up a character that makes you appear lazy,
inadequate and non-compliant for a task only worsen your chances for personal growth. Of a truth, it is
virtue for a man to pick up his situation and polish it into the precious jewel he so desires. Lesser
opportunities await such men who could not mend greater feat out of a chanced fate. To a failure,
nothing works! There is rarely a fortune that is awaiting any man any more than that which he is capable
of beating out of the crust of his ruins. Whatsoever a man can so imagine is gladly at his beckon call, if
he will not relinquish his pursuit. We as an entity of life both make a success of our endeavours or we
phut and retrogress. In the words of G.K Chesterton, he said, ‘I do not believe in a fate that falls on men
however they act, but I do believe in a fate that falls on them unless they act.’

The man of weak character and inclinations will always complain at every given chance. No situation is
going to be completely ever suitable or satisfactory. Complacency becomes a niche only for an
honourable failure. The breakdown in the mind of people to desire more, to crave for more, to drive
themselves more in the face of unpleasant odds are usually instrumental to defining their true identity.
Hardly does a man’s defining moment comes without pain and panic.

The letdown of most lives is not in the amount of tragedies they face, not in the amount of wants they
lack, not in the number of battles they have fought, but rather in their reluctance to defend themselves.
Men rarely win the battle they never confront. Unfortunately, ‘potential failures’ hardly complain about
their wrong doing much as they frequently do about what they think is going wrong. There are usually
lists of things that go wrong with a failing life. Let’s touch on some of them.

1. Perception
Nothing complicates the existence of a man’s life as the complexities in his mental and
psychological state. Perception determines realities. People’s position, objectivities and judgment
of a condition or situation arises from their perception. If your inward opinion of yourself is
pathological, so shall also be your outward realities. Once a person begins to see himself as being
‘too big’ to handle ‘small things’ he consistently becomes ‘too small’ to handle ‘big things’.
Perfection arises from handling trifles.

If you dwell and arrogate to yourself any position without equal responsibility to match, you are
headed on a cause that may soon make mockery of your blunted wit. Where and when much is
also expected from you given your expertise and you achieve less, your capacity to add value to self
and others may soon begin to attenuate.

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If you do not live up to the position you occupy, there is this growing, collective, natural distrust
about your personality and capabilities. Hardly, can he live a life ever so full, a man whose
judgments of self is deprived and glum.

When childhood unmet expectations and experiences, social depressive conditions and poor self-
estimation amongst other tense psychological factors have stolen from a man his self- belief,
confidence and grit to eagerly prove himself worthy of a cause, he is soon swept into the
cloudburst of pity. At that stage people who should follow you starts to mock you, pity you or rebel
against you. Have you not observed as often as I have done that it is usually not the inadequacy of
men that often out-play them much as their inability to employ their innate character strength in
that corner where they gloriously may find victory howbeit slight. Whatever it takes for you to find
your true self in the clouds of wandering illusions, with a diligence mixed with uncompromised
purpose find that person and put that person to full use.

2. Indecision
In similar fashion, does it hit you, how failures indeed lost count on the best time to truly start
something worthwhile. Tomorrow is always quite brighter for the indolent. He feels there is a time
that every act of nature will work in his favour without a piece trying to be reluctant. There is never
be such a time when all the risks and uncertainties of life would have totally disappear unless in the
imaginary paradise. The man who will make a difference makes up his mind before the situation hit
him unaware. To hire frittered thought on a task that awaits your thoroughness is to waste the
chance to become an uncommon hero. Indecision stretches certainty, empowers procrastination
and expands the room for slothfulness.

Be it today or tomorrow, the undecided fellow is categorically unsure of anything. He promises and
fails, he strains and wails and he tries and cracks. He is left desponded on his own business. If you
seek make your life become the light that it so is, you must be decided. The decisive man is strong
in the face of instabilities, he might not be sure what the end holds, but he is so sure he will run his
race bare of disgrace. The few men in the annals of history who have made a firm grip on their
pursuit and showed good understanding of life are the ones, who find a way to be decisive. Make
up your mind regardless of the pain and ugly debacles you will encounter.

If everything were so good, so correct, so complete, there would have been a need for you. The
common frailties, little imperfections, slight flaws and petty blots in our planet need you to be
decisive. They need men and women who can make up their minds to make the expected change.
They need people who can add value to creatures and creations. Your first assignment is to be able
to make up your mind on worthy calls, thereafter act. Nothing extends worry as indecision.
Eternally hanging on a decision and yet not lifting a finger leaves the fate of a man’s endeavour
miserable and pathetic.

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“Decide whether or not the goal is worth the risk involved. If it is, stop worrying”- Amelia Earhart

3. Complacency
How much more evil can the lazy man cost himself? Lasting distress is one of it; shame and guilt
awaits the indolent. You least regret your actions than your inactions; you learn if you fumble
(actions), nothing is there to gain from passivity (inaction). What truly pains us the most are those
things we could just have done and capable of doing that could make a lot of difference but we
never attempted. This is nothing associated with the fear of disappointments but just sheer
disregard for responsibility. To be rejected is better than to be irresponsible- men and God may
find it difficult if we fail to act when it is most discerning. Sydney Harris counsels, “Regret for the
things we did can be tempered by time, it is the regret for the things we did not do that is
inconsolable.” The sense of sudden fulfillment that greets the minds of men has made more
failures of them than it has made success. The fatigue, the waste, the despair of never exploring or
exploiting an area of potential success singly because of complacency is sometimes fatal; especially
when the circumstance becomes irredeemable!

To loathe your ability, to scorn your opportunities, to blame your misfortunes on others, to
condemn your life, to berate your chances; are all evidences that you unwilling to take
responsibilities for your existence. Daily passing through our lives are opportunities we should take
advantage of; if it is a phone call, make it, if it is a business plan, write it, if it is an academic
institution, attend it, if it is a character flaw, make amends; whatever it is required to be reached
for you to arrive at the culminated of your dreams, do not wait or exercise complacence about it.

Complacency is a ‘demon’ you must never yield to. Even Michael Angelo on his death bed was
noted for saying, ‘I am still learning.’ Never get to a stage in your life when there is nothing more to
look forward to, to yearn for, to explore, to pursue and to conquer. It is a sign of self-bewildering
adventure when a man asserts, ‘What more do I need?’ or ‘What is left to be achieved?’ Such
minds have merely come to the end of a road that has many bends waiting for their voyage.
Beware; complacency is the beginning of slow death.

4. Fear
Most of the ridiculous failures that I have met hide their rationale for not pressing-on on a certain
‘fear(s).’ For example, some self-acclaimed ‘perfectionist’ for fear of committing a mistake, end up
making the greatest mistake of all- Never attempting. They gave up trying because they are skeptic!
As such they wait to clear their skepticism(s) before they can sail the wild sea to an imagined fair
coast. The presumptions of the worst possible outcome do not usually turn out as envisaged. To
wait till all the tides clear before a fairy sail is attempted on the open sea is in itself unfair to the
cause to which any such minds seek. Life lend itself fairly to every man in that you hardly transit to
the next level until you proof you have learnt from it teachings. So life expects you to learn from
mistakes not fear them.
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Most of us forget too soon that past unsuccessful efforts are experiences for improved
performances. A past that will not repeat itself is a past you have learnt from. A repetitive motion
is a clear indication that something is not fully understood.

'Lord, deliver from the man who never makes a mistake, and also from the man who makes the
same mistake twice.’- Dr. William Mayo

The essence of experience is not contained in what happens to you, it is chiefly what you are able
to transform into through the process. Whenever a past experience halts its repetition, you have
learnt and you can thence go and further more fulfilling endeavours with lesser anxiety.
Nevertheless, if a repetitive situation stops you from going forward in life, take it, you are on your
way to becoming the next in that corner of pursuit. I see no reason why you should make-up such
rueful statistic.

5. Exiting too early
A man who relinquished his dream before it could develop the wings to fly can be likened to a
spectator who dashed out of a game before the eventual and long awaited goal was scored.
Consider the pick axe; it sometimes cannot cut through some trees in a single strike. There are
some battles meant for you to fight more than once before you win. It is a defeatist spirit to stop
fighting before you are defeated. There is no such thing as failure for a man who never stopped
trying, consistently finding new approach to tackling an old fuss. Until you are internally convinced
that your hopes are dashed, the willingness to win never dies. Every triumph is borne out of a
struggle. There are no insuperable conditions except the ones you breed in your consciousness.

‘There is no failure except no longer trying. There is no defeat except from within, no really
insurmountable barriers save our own inherent weakness of purpose.’- Ken Hubbard.

There are seldom more worrisome conditions than seeing people who stopped trying during trying
times. Coals will not become diamonds if pressure quits. When people give up all too soon, it
becomes impossible for them to know how far they can actually go. No matter how far we have
gone, it is always too early to quit! When potential failures place a limit on how far they can go,
champions take the baton and go the full hog. Giving up is not an option where you can apply
wisdom and where necessary making the needed adjustments for progress. Never fail for the farce
that there is an ultimate end to any pursuit, where you lay down your feet another shall soon
occupy and make a better feat. The power to stride, to continue to battle, to fight on, to lead a
cause of conviction has not final rest. Life is ever an endless course; it is the responsibility of man to
keep finding new routes.

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Chapter 7

Self-Effacement
‘The minute you start talking about what you’re going to do if you lose, you has lost’- George Schult

There are times when emotional imbalance allows our action to flout our good intensions. Most people
need serious lessons to enable them differentiate between the word humiliation and humility. When we
violate our set principles, when we reprimand our ascending positive aims, when we reduce to more
mere naught our gracefulness and rescind our power to be in charge of our earthly mandates we
become uncannily powerless. In such instances the natural powers made available within us by a
gracious creator is left unused. We leave the world no better choice than to abuse us, for same we have
done to ourselves.

The feature of low self-esteem is most pronounced in those who have made it habit to think that the
positive contribution they can make to life is too small to be appreciated. Thus, the extent of their
minutiae, to same is their action. They refuse to yield their full self to a world that is ever yearning for
more from all. They are soon caught up in this scrawny thinking that results in wasteful assertions and
limping excuses that entangles the bedrock of their innate capabilities. The vast list of people who never
saw themselves worthy enough to write a book, sing a song, paint a desired masterpiece, complete a
study programme, act on stage, participate in a competitive game, go back to school is endless and can
some worth be inundating. The tragedy is that most of them are now six feet below us! There is always
hope for the living and as such this resource is expected to help you find the courage and motivation to
write your name boldly on the marble of legacy.

It is hypocritical for a person to think others are better suited or more qualified for a position they have
also long admired and desired. If you nursed the desire to become a doctor, none is better positioned to
be than you are, unless you give in to your doubt. It only passes for dilettante to think taking pride in an
ambition is extravagant. When it comes to making positive imparts to accentuate constructive attitude
must never be relegated. To think the best way to shield yourself from envy is to achieve less, do less
and act less then you have the nest of agony crested on your palms. Recall, men do not live with as
much pain with their actions as they do with their inactions. The only thing that separates a man from
where he is and where he aspires to be is what he is doing at the moment. To focus and take strategic
actions no doubt separates the men from the boys. Action is critical to success as much as pregnancy is
critical to childbirth. Nobody will get optimal result from any attempt he has given a divided attention.

‘Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly’- Robert F. Kennedy

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Those who had made great exploits from seemingly humbling circumstances, are the few who stride to
the highest point of their aspirations as triumphant heroes and heroines. Michael Jordan was humbled
but refused to be humiliated by the virtues of events surrounding his basketball career. He was not even
considered a first choice player for his college team because of his height. His willpower turned a
perhaps ball-boy to a ‘super-dunk’ idol. MJ is today recognized as a measuring tape for any would-be
basketball player.

One of Nigeria’s fascinating and enigmatic billionaire, Jimoh Buraimoh- a versatile corporate guru,
speaker, philanthropist and lawyer still speaks of his humbling beginning but this proud son of a
bricklayer and pepper seller refused to let a discomfiting background make a mess of his vision. Albeit
streaking scandals, he is today a yardstick for most wannabe Nigerian youth.

If anyone should have an excuse to be effaced by the vicissitudes of life it should be Ronan Tenor. This
rare tenor singer, doctor, and humorist could hardly be seen as a handicap each time he stands to dole
out his performance to presidents, corporate moguls, amidst other audiences. Hardly would you know
Ronan’s limbs are amputated due to an unhealthy condition he suffered during his childhood years.
Ronan had since grew beyond the limitations of his disability and found a voice where many had long
been silenced because of an unpleasant condition.

It is unfortunate and less appealing to know that there are some people who could barely make a life
without having to make an excuse or blame others for this misery- they make nothing more! There are
least of most things that can take the place of effort; when you have given your true best and indeed
there is nothing more to give, life will not deny you a faithful reward. Let’s face it, you will least be
ashamed of your self-acclaimed nature or nurture when you know the reason why you choose to keep a
low profile (i.e. to be modest) is nothing related to your inadequacy. However, you will tarnish your
opportunities for fame, recognition and acceptance when you exert the least expected energy to
anything worth doing. You cannot predict the feat that will churn you into stardom. All that is priced and
worth your attention requires your earnest, resolute courage and commitment; the reality of our
expected outcomes sometime lurks in iotas.

It is primitive to grease your capabilities (the volume of your innate power-talents, giftedness, deft) with
the mediocrity of helplessness. Your condition is not quite as trodden or badly smitten as you qualify it.
Virtue is beckoning on your prowess-give all you can, live up to expected performance; break the jinx of
ill and plain crookedness.

You might not have the ‘best chance’ or the ‘most fortuitous’ opportunity to prove your worth in an
spiteful situation, but as wrong as you may perceive a situation compared to others, every situation only
make you stronger with a deliberate commitment to triumph. Give your unreserved all, give your total
best in the face of every condition you perceive as unsuitable and the end will justify your drive. We all
always have more chances to make a difference everyday perhaps not with an effacing attitude. How
many chances you notice will be determined by the level of your observance to the possibilities that lurk
in oddities.

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Chapter 8

The Art of Listening
‘Only say something that you already know, but when you listen you learn what someone else knows’-
Anon

How little we count what we gain from listening. Have you ever taken cognizance of the wise? They
listen than they do talk. The fellow who uses his ears much more than he does his gut seldom fall into
trouble. We fall into unnecessary temptations easier than we could have with hasty comments.
Listening to others has many benefits because it gives us the opportunity to hear other people’s
content/contribution, weigh their objectivities before assertive conclusions could be made. There is no
better way to learn more than to listen. When you listen you open your mind to free information that is
capable of transforming your life, changing your thought and uplifting your spirit. Now, we should be
more specific on what should make up the content and quality of what you should give a listening ear.
The shocks of many lives are also not excluded of what they have given thought to listen to. If you lend
your ears to fetish nonsense, your life may be converted into the dwelling of chaos. Apart from other
things that may be capable of influencing your life, what you see and what you often hear has
overwhelming powers over you.

It truly matters what you open your ears to hear. If you listen more to rotten, messy, stale subjects, you
are most likely to go trite and musty yourself. Nothing impairs a man’s mind faster than quantum
exposure to repulsive snarls.

If you must improve in any field of expertise, there are three things you need to do;

1. LISTEN
2. LISTEN
3. LISTEN

You must learn to listen to minds that have done with almost smooth finesse what you seek to achieve.
Go to the people who already possess the treasure you seek earnestly. Sit at the feet of sage who have
cherished truths about the knowledge you dare to have. The fastest way to access some of the richest
information in the world is to hear from those who have made all the mistakes you seek to avoid and
made all the success you desire to have. Your limitation is rarely the height of your hill but the amount
of rich, qualitative, healthy information that makes the climbing less arduous and hazardous.

27


Once a man is through with his leniency to listen to others who have better vouchsafe information than
he sincerely does, he is indeed through with growing intelligently. The aversion to learn from a body
that supersedes you is most glaring with the way you sometimes interrupt a conversation that is more
or else make your knowledge appear inadequate. Such interruptions are akin to breaking the bony
structure of the human body, how else do you expect it to stand?

Seek first to listen and understand others before you seek to be understood. Silence is golden if it
translates to your healthy mental, logical and emotional development. The silence you borne is not a
blank option that further empties your character strength rather it is an option expected to further edify
your wittiness, purpose and budding progress into a realistic future. Place a caveat of the kinds of
remarks that you expose your mind to. The difference between the intelligent and the ignorant is the
quality of information that comes to them daily. Listen more, hear more from sources that edifies you
and comforts your spirit. A man will preserve his life more to the extent that he can wisely listen. Have
you not noticed that you understand, care, appreciate or dissent people based on your assessment of
their communication?

There is no scene where crude, uncouth gullibility is exhibited than in a debate where parties are
forcibly trying to make a point at same time. It is a sign they do not have respect or regards for each
other’s stance. Friendliness is at its base during such raspberry. Be aware that everything you know is
not important and you cannot know every important thing. This is the more reason why you must seek
to understand others, before you seek to be understood. If you seek to see people show a misdemeanor
or disenchantment for each other, watch them in a feat of riotous argument, where none of either party
is disquiet and not in any way ready to listen to each other. A statement, especially when it is careless
can sometimes put the commentator into speechless trouble. Listening does not make us a fool as
though it sometimes appear. Men can possibly hunt a word; there is yet a trap that will ensnare
effective listening.

If you can listen twice as much as you are eager to pass a comment, the level of maturity that you will
exhibit will surpass the inhibitions of prejudice. There is no faster end to effective communication than
holding up to understand what the voice from the other end truly meant before you connote what is not
intended. Unfortunately, listening is one of man’s poorly developed skills. If you can feed your ears and
tame your lips how golden your heart will be.

The difference in every era is made not only by what people say, but also the quality of information that
this passed on to them. The quality of the information that comes across to a man is capable of building
or destroying him. How then can you ever so hear effectively if you do not ever so listen effectively? If
you delay your comments twice than you listen, you possibly may not have as must problem with
communication.

32


‘Men are born with two ears but only one tongue that they might listen twice more than they talk’ –
Diogenes

Although the contrary ensues in most cases; Men had over the ages gone astray because they use their
tongue than they do their ears.

A kind of inflexibility grows around the heart of people who spend a lifetime using their mouth much
than they do their ears. You cannot benefit from people you have never listened to. You are closer to
learning with listening than with any other communication organ. You will become more affable,
endearing and lovable if you seek to understand before you are understood.

It is easy to twist, manipulate and induce what people say, but same is difficult if you learn to guard your
mouth and open your ears more during a conversation; especially one that is considered wary. Far more
reasons exist why the invisible appears near invincible or indivisible. The ability to remain silent until a
useful expression is required reduces the vulnerability to err during a dialogue. Silence is a strength that
is hardly empowered or used all through life. Haven’t you observed that people find it difficult to fight
the strategy of a silent man? Everyone may suspect the silence of a man but suspicion is a no brainer for
condemnation.

‘Nothing strengthens authority so much as silence’- Leonardo da Vinci

You have unseen controlling powers working in your favour each time you allow your lips to rest when it
is pointless to talk. Never be quick to say anything howbeit logical that might soil your honour. The
necessity of silence become inevitable when you realize that your ability to be able to hear and further
understand others only gives you a chance to share in their emotions, feel as close the things that cause
them to act in the way they do and be able to provide patient support where necessary and requested.

If you are going to stay clear unnecessary trouble, stay off empty, hasty remarks.

Your ability to remain silent and guard against the temptation or restiveness to talk where and when it is
not necessary is power. This is opposed to a situation where you are bullied into silence. When you
allow yourself to be bullied into silence, you make yourself the victim of other people’s judgment. How
else do you think the creator communicate with his earthly creatures? He does not until and unless they
are silent. On his own part too, he maintains silence when you make all your inquisitions and desires
known to Him. Pari Passu, communication between the creator and man is a mutual effort; it requires
that both parties exercise a level of respect before cooperation can take place.

‘We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See
how nature- the trees, flowers, grass- grows in slience, see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they
move in silence… we need silence to be able to touch souls’- Mother Teresa

33


With as much concordance you must find a place in your heart to build a sound level of cooperation
with the creator. You must learn to seek to understand Him; for without this, it is difficult to gain His
attention, His commitment or His grace. Rule out all inhibition, aberrations and eccentricities….Just
listen.

34


Chapter 9

Leadership
‘Leadership is a potent combination of strategy and character. But if you must be without one, be
without strategy’- Gen H. Norman Schwazkopf

If there is any topic that has find its way into nearly all books and discussion- it is Leadership. The novel
is talking about a protagonist, the political analysts are always assessing political juggernauts far more
than political issues, and the soft sell magazine is sneaking into the privacy and life of celebrities. There
is hardly any sphere of life where there is breath and life that you do not have people at the centre of
attraction and decision- They are across board recognized as leaders.

Basically, everyone is a master at something. At least if you do not occupy a post to lead many, you are
subjected to lead yourself. Nobody needs a test to know that they bore the responsibility at some stage
of life to lead a life that they so expect regardless of external influences. The instinct to be there for
yourself, to seek independence, to take your own decision, to be able to feed yourself suggestions that
you consider irreversible by none other than you. The choice to be able to stand alone and see yourself
as the arbiter of certain conclusion as they interfere with your life is called- ‘self-supervision’ or
‘personal-leadership.’ Even on some of the most crucial issues of life or the simplest of them all we all at
a point have decided to take the steering; the consequences notwithstanding.

I am not trying to convince you that you are a leader; I am simply telling you that you are one.
Irrespective of the corner of the world you find yourself, regardless of the degree of the responsibility
that is conferred on you, you are a leader in a dimension that best fit the responsibility that is accorded
such obligation and the consequences are as well binding. Observe a mass action, independent
participants at such rallies stand in defense of their individual rights but stand to support the overriding
collective interest. In the event of a reprisal from an opposing faction, it is the strategy to diffuse the
mass that determines if the upheld interest is subdued or gain feasibility. The man standing on the
podium per chance is merely representing the collective interest; those below him stand in ‘personal
obligations’ to defend what they consider a breech to their ‘personal privileges.’ In a struggle, every man
is significant in his own right; the space occupied by each person on the march gives the cause credence.
Each participant stands responsible for the collective interest which they seek to protect. So a protest is
the confrontation leaders in their respective individual capacities who agglomerate through joint actions
to wrestle situation, condition or state that is perceived unfavourable.

35


In whatever form of leadership across the social, political, business, or religious strata, even the person
who is perceived the most weakest have mandatory and principal rights to his opinion and adjoining
consequences as may have been constituted. Within the circumference of that established right of
expression and upon an exercise of such right, the person become a leader to an acceptable degree.
Being a leader does not mean you have to be prevalently visible, avowed with adulations and overtly
celebrated. It means within the little space where you have the right to exercise a certain degree of
responsibility, the expected obligation is carried out in the interest of a larger community.

As you may be aware, there are varying forms, categories and styles of leadership but for concision and
for you to have a more straight forward grip of the subject I have in this material limited leadership to
just two classes:

1. Passive leaders
2. Active leaders

Passive leaders

You have more of this sect in every organization, group or association. They render support in the group
and give backing even to some of the most outspoken members in an organization and this does not in
any way smudge there contributions nor threaten their reputation as part of the think tanks. However
soft they appear on the surface they possess in-depth scientific approaches and are highly critical. They
are the silent strategist and their part is not likely to be noticed in most cases because of their modesty.
A group or organization may find it hard to cope with their perceived slow approach, as they are
evidently unconcealed perfectionist. They’ll rather prefer that all segments of an action are flawless
before the next step is taken. This group is more scientific and lenient.

Active leaders

These group are the singled out, conspicuous personalities. They are usually at the top of the pyramid.
They are the exposed celebs that everyone wants to mimic, the corporate executive everyone admire,
the hardline generals that command respect of all ranks, the spotless religious personalities that we
venerate. They are tactical, tough and articulate. They are popular and in most cases over celebrated.
They are charismatic and always immediately receive the backing of others in a group as soon as they
assume office. In some cases, they have accumulated experience and education which enables them
effect quick decision on matters regarding their group. Their tough background cum exposure makes it
easier for them to plot wider stronger schemes. They are often easily irritated and could brush others
without emotions. This group is more tactical and strict.

It is important to note here that both identified classes are influenced by a lot of factors which could
include be physical, biological and environmental. This is where nature and nurture come to play.
Whichever of these traits you exhibit, it does not make you weak or strong, it is only an indication that
overtime, and your style is how you interpret the world.

36

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