What doesn't kill you makes you stronger! A presentation on the constructive ways for giving and receiving feedback—adapted from: "Developing Leadership Skills", by Alfred Darmanin

1. Material from:
“Developing Leadership Skills”
Alfred Darmanin, PhD
Ramy K. Aziz
http://egybio.net/people/rka

2. Material from:
“Developing Leadership Skills”
Alfred Darmanin, PhD
Ramy K. Aziz
http://egybio.net/people/rka

3. Communication theory
Message
(output)
Sender Receiver
FeedBack
positive
negative
(relative to message
in quantity and direction)
Framework or
system
Reference
Reference
FeedBack stabilizes the output
Message= anything you do once or regularly, you say verbally or non-verbally

4. FEED…BACK!?
Feedback is a process by which we
communicate to people something
about their behavior, their output, their
work, their attitude, etc…
GIVING AND RECEIVING FEEDBACK IS
A SKILL TO BE LEARNED

5. Why Feedback?
- to dump one’s negative
feelings (e.g., anger) on
another
- to hurt or degrade the
other person
- because you need to
give it while the receiver
does not want it
- to compare auto- vs.
hetero- perception
- to learn about oneself and
know whether one’s work/
behavior is effective
- as a basis for correcting
and improving one’s
work/behavior
- to help, support,
encourage, one another
NOT BUT

6. FREE
(Public Self)
“Arena”: age, profession, hobbies,
etc…
BLIND
certain mannerism, behavioral
styles, etc…
HIDDEN
(Private Self)
“Façade”: physical defects,
personal problems, religious views,
etc…
DARK
Unconscious: early childhood
experiences, intrapsychic conflicts,
etc…
Why Feedback?
Self
Others
Known Unknown
The Johari Window…

7. FREE
(Public Self)
“Arena”: age, profession, hobbies,
etc…
BLIND
certain mannerism, behavioral
styles, etc…
HIDDEN
(Private Self)
“Façade”: physical defects,
personal problems, religious views,
etc…
DARK
Unconscious: early childhood
experiences, intrapsychic conflicts,
etc…
Self
Others
Known Unknown
Why Feedback?
Feedback
Self
Expression
InSight
Awareness
The Johari Window…

8. Feedback: A double-edged sword?
immunogenic
Therapeutic
ignites sender’s defenses
improves sender’s subsequent message(s)

9. Feedback: A double-edged sword?
Why do we resist it?

10. Feedback: A double-edged sword?
Why do we resist it?
- hard to admit shortcomings and defects in front of self/ in
front of others.
- one thinks (s)he is one’s own expert/ unique problems/ “no
one can understand me” attitude.
- sympathy and support preferred over challenge and
criticism.
- feel threatened to face areas that need healing and growth.

11. Feedback: A double-edged sword?
What makes it ineffective?
- Giver:
. not properly given…
. “telling” style
. receiver can’t listen…
- Receiver:
. not well received…
. defensiveness

12. Effective Feedback:
On Behavior
not
On Person
“You are simply hopeless, incapable of arriving in time”
“You know how much we appreciate you here, yet your
arriving always late for the meeting in unacceptable”

13. Effective Feedback:
Descriptive
not
Evaluative
“That was very stupid and
insensitive of you!”
“I felt hurt and angry when you
put me off like that in front of
others”
JUDGMENT

14. Effective Feedback:
Specific
not
General
“You are aggressive”
“You are wonderful”
“You used biting words to tell Joe about her performance”
“I appreciate your giving me so much of your time”
Generalization

15. Effective Feedback:
Behavior that
can be changed
“Your low stature prevents you from
becoming a better basketball player.”
SOOOOO?
“If you talk less in the meetings,
the silent members would express
themselves more”

16. Effective Feedback:
Felt Reactions
not
Explanations
“You keep interrupting because you want to dominate the group”
“I feel frustrated and ignored when you interrupt me”
Overanalyzing

17. Effective Feedback:
Solicited
not
Imposed
“Whether you like it or not,
I’m going to tell you what I
think about your work!!”
SHOCK

18. Effective Feedback:
Appropriate moment
“I want to say it NOOOOOOW”
1) Timing: ideal after event or behavior BUT…
2) Emotional state
3) Planned sessions: e.g., data conference!

19. Effective Feedback:
Properly checked
- “Have I made myself clear”
- “ You mean that I’m dumb?!”
1) Well understood by feed-back receiver/ rephrased?
2) Checked by group: do they share the same
opinion/impression?

20. Effective Feedback:
Positive
and
Negative
Approve/
Support/
Affirm
Correct/
Improve/ Help
other be aware
NegativismFake-
positivism

21. Now, the other side
Message
(output)
Sender
FeedBack
positive
negative
(relative to message
in quantity and direction)
Framework or
system
Reference
Reference
FeedBack stabilizes the output
Message= anything you do once or regularly, you say verbally or non-verbally
Receiver

22. Receiving Feedback
1) Avoid rapid response.
2) Make sure you understood what the message means.
3) Questions only for clarification.
4) Remember the aim: Your improvement; no need for
excuses.
5) Evaluate the message when you are emotionally
neutral.
6) What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger ;)
inferioritydefensiveness

23. “A successful man is one who can
lay a firm foundation with the
bricks that others throw at him”
David Brinkley
“If you have decided that you
cannot change, you have by that
very fact proclaimed yourself dead”
Quotes

24. “Once you start making a
judgment, you stop understanding.
Once you start preparing your
response, you stop listening.
Once you stop growing, you start
dying”
Conclusion
‫عندي‬ ‫من‬ ‫دي‬