This document discusses different approaches to dealing with conflict: 1) I Win, You Lose - Trying to prove yourself right can damage relationships. 2) We Both Lose - Avoiding conflict prevents learning and hurts relationships. 3) I Lose, You Win - Giving in to preserve relationships only creates superficial unity. 4) We Both Win - Open communication to understand issues and compromise, attacking the problem not the person, following Jesus' example of loving despite differences. The document encourages reflecting on current conflicts and praying for God's guidance in addressing them with truth and love.

1. Chapter 8: Reconcile 1 –In The Ring

2. Why is there so much Conflict? Family conflict. Marriage conflict. Business conflict. The reality is: conflict happens.

3. Unity is The Most Important Work of God’s Spirit Why is conflict natural? Answer: it’s a byproduct of our broken, messed-up world, filled with self-centered little kingdoms . God intended all of our kingdoms to work in unity. Not all conflict is bad, of course, but unresolved conflict is treacherous.

4. Communication Problems This world would be much easier if we could here what people meant instead of what they said, or if husbands actually had ESP. Have you ever said, “That came out wrong,” or “That’s not what I meant.” Typically, girls love to talk and boys love not to. 3 Human Problems Make Conflict Inevitable

5. 2. Heart Problems We all come from imperfect families and have imperfect friends. We’ve all been wounded, and we all wound others. In other words, we all have heart problems. Jesus demands that making amends with one another take priority over every other religious act or deed: Matthew 5:23-24, 6:14-15 We must all realize that we can think we’re absolutely right when we’re actually wrong.

6. 3. Perception Problems People can be so hopelessly self-centered, can‘t they? Isn’t that frustrating? It’s a good thing we’re not like them. Read page 122

7. Is there anyone I’m at odds with right now? Whom do I avoid during the day? At church If I ran into that person at the grocery store, could I look her or him in the eyes and truly want the best for that person? Is there anyone I resent, have not forgiven, or feel bitterness toward?

11. Running hurts everyone because we lose relationship. If you run, neither party has a chance to learn from the conflict.

13. People who take this approach preserve their relationships only superficially. In reality, they have little relationship at all.

15. Something to Ponder for the Week: What to Pray About During Your Experiment Do you tense up around certain people? When certain people come to mind, do you feel anger, anxiety or defensiveness? Ask God to show you this week if there’s anyone you are at odds with –due to something they did to you or you’ve done to them.