5. Chapter 1 How to Agree?
To grant consent;
To reconcileor make
friends.
6. Key takeouts
• You don’t have to agree with everything but you should not disagree
with everything
• A discussion should be a genuine attempt to explore a subject rather
than a battle between competing egos
– Being argumentative is not at all beautiful
– There is no need to be right all the times
– Make a real effort to see where the person is coming from
– Explore the person’s logic bubble*
• Changing your perceptions to look at things in a different way is an
important step in reaching possible agreement
• Take a genuine delight in discovering points of agreement – even if
there is an overall disagreement
*the mind area made up of perceptions, values, needs and experience of the person
7. To have a differing
opinion;
To be opposed (to) in
principle.
Chapter 2
NO
No
no
no
Of
Course,
Yes
How to disagree?
8. Key takeouts - I
• If you do not know how to disagree you will never have a beautiful mind
• Do not disagree for the sake of disagreeing
• Be aware of ‘Error of Logic’
Europe
#of people in prison
1 in 1000
USA
#of people in prison
7 in 1000
Does this mean
that USA is less law
abiding?
• It may be that in the USA, the police are better at catching criminals
• It may be that in the USA, more types of crime are treated by prison sentences
• It may be that in the USA people stay longer in prison
9. • Do not disagree just to show how clever you are or to boost your ego
• Keep selective perception* in mind before reaching any conclusion
• Different personal experiences lead to different disagreements
• Having a different experience never means that your experience is the
right one and the experience of the other party is invalid.
*Selective perception means perceiving things in such a way as to support a pre-formed idea
Key takeouts - II
A wife who finds out her husband is having an affair looks back over the
whole marriage and picks out only those points which suggest that the
husband doesn’t truly love her
A person who has gone through a divorce will have a different
experience from someone who has never been divorced
11. Key takeouts
• There are times when only one of a different set of opinions can be right.
This is where “truth” can be checked out
• Difference may arise from a different point of view or perspective
• A different point of view will give a different perception. Even from the
same point of view, however, there can be differences of perceptions
• Difference may arise from personal preference, taste or choice
• Difference may arise from differing personal experience or differing
knowledge
• Difference may arise from a different view of possible futures
13. Key takeouts
• Being interesting is much more important than winning an argument
• If you are interesting, people will want to be with you.
• Using “what if?” approach, the simplest of situations can be turned into
an interesting game
– The “what if?” approach involves playing with ideas
– Putting forward alternatives and other possibilities can make the
discussion more interesting
• Once you get into the habit of looking for alternatives and possibilities,
any subject becomes more interesting
• Speculation looks forward and opens up new areas of interest.
Description only looks backward
15. • The main objective in any conversation might be to agree, disagree, to
agree on the difference and to have an enjoyable and interesting
discussion
• If you are in any doubt about what has been said, it is important to ask for
clarification
• Examples and stories add liveliness and reality to the discussion
• Once an idea has emerged it is no longer a matter of ‘your idea’ or ‘my
idea’ but an idea to be improved and assessed
• Instead of the usual ‘battle’ of argument there is a joint effort to explore
the subject
Key takeouts
16. To give close attention with the
purposeof hearing; to give ear.
Chapter 6
How to Listen?
17. Key takeouts
• A good listener is very nearly as attractive as a good talker
• If you do not want to listen to anyone else then why should anyone
else want to listen to you?
• You may feel that what you have to say is more important than what
others have to say-but that is probably not a view shared by the others
• Listening can give you new ideas - if you try to receive them
• Questions are very much part of listening. They show attention and
interest
• You could learn how people apply values which differ from your own
• You should make a habit of repeating back to the speaker what you think
you have understood. This is both useful and important
18. The act of asking; interrogation;
inquiry, as, to examine by
question and answers.
Chapter 7
Questions
19. Key takeouts
• Questions are important because they are one of the main means of
interaction between people in conversation or any type of communication
• A question is a way of ‘directing attention’ to some matter.
• There are two types of questions:
– Shooting questions: With a shooting question, we know that the answer we will get
is a ‘yes’ or ‘no’
– Fishing Questions: It is more open ended. We do not know what answer we will
get except that it will be related to the question
• Questions are also vital to ask for more detail and elaboration around a
point
• You can request alternatives and possibilities and confirm that your own
suggestions make sense
• You can frame a question on values as a multiple-choice question
21. • Looking for alternatives is a very important activity of a beautiful mind
• Without alternatives we have rigidity and complacency
• Alternatives help us to find better way to do our work
• ‘Better’ may be defined differently according to the values of the situation
• Having a way of doing something does not mean it is the best way of
doing it
• Alternatives values are found by scanning through a range of values – or
asking questions
• For alternatives, possibility is enough to begin
Key takeouts
23. Key takeouts
• Emotions and feelings are a very important part of thinking
• Choices and decisions are based on emotions and feelings
• Emotions are our way of linking our values to the situations
• Strong emotions or feelings may limit our perception
• In a controversy you should show your true position – on one side or
the other, or above it all
• You do not have to be for or against an idea. You may like the idea under
certain conditions or with certain modifications
Key takeouts
24. Chapter 10
V A L U E S
A principle, standard, or
quality considered worthwhile
or desirable.
25. • Values determine what we like or do not like, values determine our
choices and decisions
• Core values are not changed by circumstances
• In a discussion, there are your values, the values of others taking part
in the discussion and the values of the third parties being talked about
• There are various types of values:
– Personal values, which are defined as the absence of negative values
– Organizational values both in terms of purpose and the functioning of the organization
– Ecology values, which asses the impact of something on the environment in the wide sense
and also in the narrow sense
– Perceptual values which relate to how something is perceived
– Negative value is used to refer to the negative impact of something
Key takeouts
26. D i v e r s i on s
The act of diverting or
turning aside, as from a
course or purpose
Chapter 11
27. • A discussion will always be boring if no one has anything to say about
the subject
• Where there is not much information, interest can be created by questions
and by speculations
• Just repeating conventional ideas can also be boring
• Where there are strong differences of opinion it becomes interesting to
explore the basis of that difference
• Humour is a very important ingredient and a key feature of a beautiful
mind
Key takeouts
29. • You do not need full and complete information about a subject in order
to discuss any subject
• If the other person has more information than you do, listen intelligently
and ask questions
• There is no point in pretending to know more about a subject than you
really do
• A good conversationalist creates an interesting discussion out of whatever
information is available
• Even with little information, imagination and speculation can provide
the basis for discussion
• It is possible to listen to what a lot of different people say on a subject
and then to put this together to form your own knowledge base
Key takeouts
30. Chapter 13
O P I N I O N
A belief or judgment that
rests on grounds insufficient
to produce complete
certainty.
31. • An opinion arises from information, values, feelings and experience put
together in a local culture
• Opinions are based on a point of view which is the set of circumstances
in which you are placed
• You should signal the nature of the opinion: personal or more general
• A beautiful mind is always ready to change opinions
• An opinion may be changed through acceptance of other values and
new information
• Changing an opinion is never a sign of weakness
Key takeouts
33. • Interruptions are generally rude and break the flow of what is being said
• If someone is simply going on and on, there may be a need to indicate
that a conversation is a two way affair
• Interruptions are often ‘ego driven’. Someone wants to be noticed, feel
important, or to show that he or she is smarter than the speaker
• You can point out errors in logic
• You can challenge sweeping generalizations
• You can interrupt to express doubt
• When circumstances suggest that silence may be interrupted as agreement
with what is being said, you may need to interrupt to indicate otherwise
Key takeouts
35. • Self image and attitude usually go together
• There is the ‘guardian of values’ who insists that only values matter and that
he or she knows the right values
• The learner attitude always seeks to learn something new
• The explorer attitude seeks the truth and to fully understand the matter
• The constructive attitude seeks to design a way forward
• The ‘who cares?’ attitude believes that it does not matter at all what is
said in a conversation or discussion
• The attitude is one of righteousness. You do not have to defend your
position because you are right. You are right because you have the right
values
Key takeouts
37. • Greetings, exchange of personal views and social chit-chat have a very
important role in themselves.
• Asking what the other person ‘does’ is a safe, stand-by opening
• If the conversation is getting nowhere, it is best to change subjects and to
start again
• If a person decides to be bored, you have no obligation to offer that sort of
service. Smile and move on
• Developing areas of interest and knowing how to talk about such areas is
another attribute of the beautiful mind
• A really skilled conversationalist can create interest from any topic
whatsoever
Key takeouts
38. Sources
• Images from Gettyimages, Corbis and Imagesbazaar
•The whole presentation is a summary of the book – “How to have a
beautiful Mind” by Edward De Bono
