1. 1

2. The most neglected art, courtesy
and necessity today is that of
listening. If as a
friend, supervisor, or
teacher, you can do more than
be a good listener, you still will
have done much for many. Here
are some consideration:
3

3. 1. Hearing is not listening. Hearing
doesn’t make communication;
listening does.
2. Listening must take place at two
levels: the level of words and the level
of feeling. We’re constantly speaking
the language of feelings but rarely
listening at that level. If you don’t
understand how a person feels, you
haven’t understand them.
4

4. 3. You can’t listen to another unless
you’re listening to yourself. If you can’t
hear your own feelings, you’ll never
hear theirs. Without an awareness of
your own feelings, you’ll be sending
signals to them that you yourselves
don’t perceive. You cannot
communicate with another if your own
communication system has broken
down.
5

5. 4. Exploration is one thing, argumentation
another. Argumentation is the end of
listening.
5. Just avoiding interruption would be a
great leap forward for many.
6. No man is an island, people need people
and today, more than ever, people need
listening.
7. The first duty of love is to listen. To listen
is to understand. To understand is to
listen. 6

6. 7

7. Talking is only one of many ways of
sharing. It may be the least effective. A
touch, a gesture, a tone, a shrug, a wink, or
a smile: these and other signs and symbols
are so much more communicative!
In fact even your own silence can
communicate so much. How does the
saying go? “if you don’t understand my
silence, you will not understand my
words.”
8

8. But perhaps listening says most of all. Listening to
another says:
“You are important to me”
“You are worth my time and my attention”
“You are saying something worth hearing”
“You are really an interesting person”
“You are O.K.”
Listening is powerful. And affirmative. Hardly
anything is more healing – more calming – more
nourishing – more loving.
9

9. A decision to listen is really a decision to
love. And we all know how powerful love
is.
Questions
1. When was the last time that somebody
listened to you…really listened?
2. Make a list of persons you know who are
really good listeners. How many are they?
What do they have in common? What
effects do they have on you or others? 10

10. “Even the meanest
flower that blooms
brings thoughts too
deep for tears”
11

11. 12

12. Evangelistic Counseling is listening
and appropriately responding the
ventilation of feeling and the sharing of
self by the others and then led him / her
to GOD. Not to solve a problem.
PRIMARY PURPOSE
To assist a person who makes an
individual commitment to JESUS
CHRIST 13

13. 2 Persons Involve in Counseling
1. Counselor – the one who counsels
2. Counselee – one to be counseled
Wherever possible, men should counsel
men and women should counsel women.
Additionally, ages should be matched up to
the greatest extent possible so that young
men end up being counseled by a younger
man, an older woman by an older
woman, etc. 14

14. If there are insufficient counsellors
but surplus pastors then pastors can
be used for counseling. If, even
then, there are not sufficient people
to permit one-to-one counseling,
other mature Christians who have
had counseling experience can be
requested to help if they are
available.
15

15. 4 Important Qualities of a Good
Counselor
1. Spiritual mature person – Person
of Prayer
2. Holiness
3. Love of the Scripture
4. Emotionally mature
16

16. Attitudes needed on the part of the
counselor
1. Availability – to make ourselves available
even if only to listen,
2. Non-judgmental
3. Acceptance – accept the counselee for
what she / he is, do not be shocked,
scandalized. (ex sexual life)
4. Understanding – try to go into his life.
5. Confidentiality – “when I share with you, I
give you a part of my life” 17

17. HOW TO LISTEN EFFECTIVELY
Good Listening Requires a number of
skills, we can learn them by doing:
1. Be Motivated to Listen
Know your power as a listener. The
listener has real power and responsibility
in any conversation only when we want to
listen to the other person shall be able to
overcome faulty concentration and
remove the many filters of selective
listening. 18

18. 2. SIT – in such a way as to be able to
look at the concern person directly and
talk with him comfortably at an eye-to-
eye level. Respect other’s need to
privacy. Be insulated from internal
distractions such as noises, objects and
interruptions. Remember your body
posture not only helps you to listen
better, but also communicates to the
other that you are paying attentions.
19

19. 3. Do away with or at least diminish
your internal distractions
Empty yourself of your own world
for the time being. This includes
your assumption (your own
ideas), stereotypes, prejudices, view
points, interests and concerns, all
that makes up your own. Make a
conscious effort because it is not
easy. 20

20. 4. Listen attentively, sensitively
with understanding
Be sensitive to all the
message, words, tone of
voice, gestures, body posture and
facial expressions (verbal and non-
verbal). Listen with your ears, your
eyes and listen with your heart to
understand what other is not
saying. 21

21. 5. Asking Questions:
- To draw out further information
- To facilitate exploration
- To put him at ease
- To show interests and concern
Never ask question out of mere
curiosity.
22

22. 6. Show acceptance of other’
feelings
Understand how / what the other
person is feeling, understand also
the reason for those feeling or the
meanings those feelings have for
him and communicate to him your
understanding of his world.
Rephrase and restate in your own
words. 23

23. 7. Avoid making judgments
The other person will calm up if
he realizes that you are
evaluating everything he says. If
you are doing that don’t
communicate it to him. Save
your explanations until after he
has had his way.
24

24. 8. Be aware of your own feelings
and control them
When you are attacked verbally it is
natural inclination to defend
yourself. You feel angry. Your best
defense is to keep calm and not lose
your temper. Be aware also of other
feelings such as
fear, impatience, affection, jealousy
, etc. and don’t allow them to cloud25

25. A Decision to Listen is really
a decision to LOVE
To Listen is to Understand –
it affirms, it nourishes, it
heals, it is creative, it
stimulates growth.
26

26. COUNSELLING GUIDE
Emphatic Understanding
Try to put himself to the shoes of the
counselee. Has unconditional positive
regards – no if’s or but’s. “I am here with
you, may be I can help you”. There is a
contact and relationship.
Sensitive Listening
Using the 2 ears, 2 eyes, the heart and no
mouth. He listens to the counselee fully.
27

27. 10 STAGES OF COUNSELING
PHASE I – Self-Exploration:
Facilitative Dimension 1. Setting up the
relationship
2. Unfolding of the
program
3. Release of negative
feelings
Start your Response 4. Encouragement
of positive feelings
5. Growing confidence to
explore new ways
6. Self-exploration &
clarification
28

28. PHASE II – Emergent Directionality
Facilitative & Action 7. Insight
8. Planning
Oriented Dimension 9. Action (Often
involving
decision)
10. Re-evaluation
29

29. 30

30. 1. Don’t advise or look hastily for a
solution.
2. Don’t ask question out of curiosity
or from uneasiness.
3. Don’t moralize or intellectualize.
4. Don’t make the other depend on
you.
5. Don’t categories or pre-judge the
other.
31

31. 6. Don’t be false re-assuring or
supportive.
7. Don’t talk too much or project
yourself into the interview.
8. Don’t evaluate the other on his
attitudes or behavior.
9. Don’t look for or encourage long
narratives.
10. Don’t use the technical terms.
32

32. 33

33. 1. Be yourself.
2. Concentrate but in a relax way.
3. Listen to the full message of the
other.
4. Respond adequately and
creatively.
5. Communicate interest, warmth
and understanding.
34

34. 6. Respect or “prize” the other.
7. Confront, if or when
necessary, but responsibly and
sensitively.
8. Help the other to sort out and
clarify his problem.
9. Use simple and direct language.
10.Help other to take care of
himself. 35

35. NOTE
Time duration for
counselling in every
meeting / session is at
least 1 hour.
36

36. 37

37. A GUIDE FOR COUNSELLING
1. Always take a moment to ask the
name of the person counseled and
endeavour to build a rapport. It is
most important that the counselor
represents a loving presence. Sensing
the love of Christ, the person being
counseled will then more readily be
able to open their hearts fully to the
acceptance of that love.
38

38. 2. Once a rapport has been established,
say to the person, “My objective
tonight is to lead you to a point where
you are able fully and completely to
turn to God and experience for your
sins. My hope and prayer is that tonight
will be a new beginning for you. I want,
therefore to explain as clearly as
possible the way of salvation so I am
going to talk about the four truths
which will make your position clear to
you.” 39

39. TRUTH NUMBER 1
You are been created by a loving
God. You are unique individual. God
is your Father but He is quite unlike
human fathers. He desires you and
created you simply because He
desires to build a loving relationship
with you both in this life and for all
eternity.
40

40. You did not choose your mother and father,
nor did they choose you. God on the other
hand, deliberately chose to create you as
you are. He is motivated solely and
completely by love. “Beloved, let us love
one another because love is of God:
everyone who loves is begotten of God and
has knowledge of God. The man without
love has known nothing of God for God is
love.” (1 Jn.4:7-8) “God Created man in His
image; in the divine image He created him:
male and female He created them
(Gen.1:27).
41

41. TRUTH NUMBER 2
We have been separated from God.
The whole human family is separated
from its loving Creator. This was not
God’s intention rather, separation is the
result of sin. The very first human being
created by God chose to disobey Him.
As a result of their disobedience, sin
was born in the human race and each
one of us has inherited that sinful
nature.
42

42. Sin resulting from
disobedience, has separated us
from God so that we no longer
enjoy a loving personal
fellowship with Him.
“Therefore, just as through one
man, sin entered the world and
with sin, death, death thus
coming to men in as much as all43

43. TRUTH NUMBER 3
God has acted to end the separation!
God loves you so He acted to end the
separation which was caused by sin.
God, the creator of everything in the
universe chose to send His only
begotten Son into the world as a
human being. That Son, Jesus
Christ, was born of the Virgin Mary and
spent His life loving people and telling
them about the beauty and wonder of 44

44. However, He did more than that.
Although He Himself is sinless
(because His father is God) He
willingly allowed Himself to
suffer an agonizing death on a
wooden cross at Calvary just
outside Jerusalem in the nation
of Israel. This happened some
two thousand years ago. 45

45. In dying on the cross, Jesus Christ paid
the penalty for the sins of the human
race thus allowing us once again to be
reconciled to God and enabling us to
experience in this life the love of God
and eternal life in the world to come
beyond death. “Yes, God so loved the
world the He gave His only Son, that
whoever believes in Him may not die
but may have eternal life.” (Jn. 3:16).
46

46. “Just as through one man’s
disobedience a; became
sinners, so through one
man’s obedience all shall
become just.’’ (Rom. 5:19)
47

47. TRUTH NUMBER 4
we need to respond and accept God’s
gift of salvation. I now need to ask you
to look honestly at your life. As your
life. As you do that, I believe you will
see clearly that truthfully you have
sinned and are therefore separated
from God. To be reconciled with your
loving Father in heaven, you need to do
two things. Firstly, you need to repent
of your sins and ask God’s forgiveness.
48

48. Secondly, you need to believe by faith
from the heart that God’s Son the Lord
Jesus Christ, has died for your sins, paid
the penalty for those sin and that
accordingly God is both able and willing
to forgive you. “If we say, “we are free
of the guilt of sin, we deceived
ourselves: the truth is not to be found in
us. But if we acknowledge our sins, He
who is just can be trusted to forgive our
sins and cleanse us every wrong.” (1
John 2:8-9). 49

49. 3. Established that the person being
counseled fully understand the four
spiritual truths. This could be done
by way of questioning such as, “Do
you understand clearly the four
points I have just made?” Be
prepared at that point to answer
any questions that the person may
have. Pray continually that the Holy
Spirit may guide your answers. 50

50. Once you have established
that the person clearly
understand these four
spiritual truths, they need to
be directly challenged to
make a response. This can be
done by asking two or three
questions such as: 51

51. “Are you prepare to repent and turn away
from your sins and ask God’s forgiveness?”
“Do you believe that Jesus Christ is God the
Son and that He died so that your sins may
be forgiven thus enabling you to be
reconciled back to God?”
“Are you prepared to follow me in prayer
asking Jesus Christ to become Lord of your
life?”
52

52. If the answer to these questions is “YES” you
are ready to lead the person in a
commitment. If the person is reluctant to
accede then endeavor by careful loving
questions, asserting the reason. Again let the
Holy Spirit guide you in framing your
answers. Never use any kind of coercion or
manipulation. Remember that in the
atmosphere of genuine love towards the
individual you are counseling, your job is to
ensure that they are make a genuinely free
will decision and commitment to Jesus Christ.
53

53. 4. Lead the person in prayer.
You pray and ask the person
to repeat the words after
you. A suggested prayer is as
follows:
54

54. Loving God, I want tonight to
acknowledge before You and turn away
from my sinful and wrong actions. I
want to turn to You and ask You to
cleanse me, of my sins and forgive me
for the wrong which I have done. I
believe that Jesus Christ is Your Son,
that he was born of the Virgin Mary and
that He became man. I believe that He
was crucified on the Cross and shed His
blood for the forgiveness of my sins. 55

55. I believe that You raised Jesus from the dead
and wish to accept Your gift and promise of
eternal life with Him. I am truly sorry for my
sins and the wrong I have done. I turn away
from it and renounce Satan and all of his
enticements. I entrust my heart and my life
now to Jesus Christ and ask Him to become
the Lord of my life. I ask you father God to
accept me as Your child and to guide my life
from this day forward. I ask you to send Your
Holy Spirit to me and to lead me in fellowship
with other Christian man and women.” Amen
56

56. If you confess with your lips that
Jesus is Lord and believe in your
heart that God raised Him from
the dead, you will be saved. Faith
in the heart leads to
justification, confession on the
lips to salvation. (Rom. 20:9-10).
57

57. Jesus told her, “I am the
resurrection and the
life, whoever believes in
Me, though he should die, will
come to life and whoever is alive
and believes in Me will not die.
(Jn. 11:25)
58

58. 5. At this point, it is appropriate to
congratulate the individual on the
decision he / she just made to
welcome her warmly into the
Christian family. From this point
on, your role is to give practical
advice to the individual so that he
can grow as a disciple of Jesus
Christ. A number of points need to
be covered: 59

59. a)BAPTISM – Baptism (either actual
baptism or at least by desire) is
necessary for salvation. It is by baptism
that people are freed from their sins,
are born again as children of God, made
like unto Christ in their character and
are incorporated in the Church.
Accordingly, if you establish that the
person has never been baptized then
you need to spend some time speaking
about the vital necessity of these
sacrament. 60

60. “Jesus replied, “I solemnly assure
you, no one can enter into God’s
Kingdom without being begotten of
water and spirit.” (Jn. 3:15)
“Peter answered, “You must reform and
be baptized each one of you, in the
name of Jesus Christ, that your sins
may be forgiven: then you will receive
the gift of the Holy Spirit.” (Acts 2:38)
61

61. If you establish that the person has not
been baptized you will need to make
arrangements for baptism. Some effort
will be required to contact a priest in
this regard. Normally, a person will
need to be baptized within a parish and
it is suggested that you become the
initial liaison contact between the
Parish Priest concerned and the person
now desiring baptism.
62

62. Do not lightly pass over this matter. You
will now be committing yourself to the
task of ensuring that the individual
receives baptism which may require
you to have an on-going involvement
with them during their instruction, etc.
do not dodge that necessity: remember
that you are dealing with the eternal
salvation of the individual and desire
that they be fully incorporated into
Christ and into His Church. 63

63. b) Daily Scripture reading – ask
the person whether or not they
own a Bible. If they do
not, recommend that they
purchase a Bible immediately
and begin to read the Gospels.
Encourage them then to adopt
the habit of daily Scripture
reading. 64

64. c) Daily Prayer – Explain that prayer
is the means of fellowship with
God. If we do not pray, then
effectively we have only a
theoretical relationship with God.
Prayer is the essence of a personal
loving relationship with God.
Encourage the person to begin
praying and to continue day-by-
day. Both morning and evening
prayer should be encouraged. 65

65. Explain that prayer is simple. It
involves simply speaking to God as
if he were another human being and
being prepared to listen to His
response not by way of audible
voice but by way of a tiny whisper
(“He still, small voice”). Encourage
the person to pray alone and in
silence – without silence they will
never hear God’s voice. 66

66. d) Christian Fellowship – Christian need
fellowship to grow. For Catholics, this
fellowship is centered on the MASS.
Encourage the person, therefore, to begin
attending Mass, explain, however that they
will not be able to receive Communion until
they have been baptized. In addition to
Sunday Mass, encourage the person to join
a small nurture of discipleship group so that
they can be encourage be their brothers and
sisters in Christ to grow and become mature
Christians. 67

67. Feel free to give the person reading materials
and contacts, etc. concerning on-going
fellowship. Be prepared, if necessary, to be
their liaison so that they are introduced to a
nurture group, discipleship group or
community. Do not simply leave the person
“High and Dry’’ Obtain their name, address
and telephone number. Be
cautious, however, about immediately giving
them your address and telephone number. It is
better to wait until you are satisfied
concerning the genuineness of their
conversion and see a clear willingness to walk
68