Evidence Based Activities to Build Mentoring Relationships

Transforming lives through
the power of mentoring

Friends for Youth’s
Mentoring Institute
November 2011 Webinar

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Panelists

Sarah Kremer Graig Meyer
Program Director Program Coordinator
Friends for Youth’s Blue Ribbon Mentor
Mentoring Institute Advocate Program

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AGENDA
•  Purpose and importance of activities in
building relationship
•  Prescriptive, developmental, instrumental
approaches
•  General activities
•  Goal setting activities
•  Discussion

Theory: Relationship Building
Higher relationship satisfaction through strong
emotional connection
•  “Positive relationships are seen as the primary
way that mentoring leads to improved
outcomes for youth who are mentored.” Nation, M.,
Keener, D., Wandersman, A., & DuBois, D. (2005)

•  Rhodes’ model of youth mentoring: “a close
mentoring relationship characterized by mutuality,
trust, and empathy is the catalyst for several
intertwined developmental processes pertaining to
the social-emotional, cognitive, and identity
development of youth.” Rhodes, J. (2005)

•  “The presence of a strong emotional
connection has been found to be a
distinguishing feature of those
mentoring relationships that are
associated with better outcomes such
as improvements in perceptions of
scholastic competence and feelings of
self-worth.”
•  Relational processes underpinning
successful mentoring relationships:
Authenticity, Empathy, Collaboration,
Companionship
Spencer, R. (2006)

Mentoring as Relational Intervention: Collaboration
“He supports me in like, he asks me… what I’ve
been doing in like, science since I like science a
lot. And what I’ve been doing in math and it
supports me… to do more work in science and
math and other subjects.”
JaShawn, a mentee

“I’d talk to him on Monday and he’d say oh, I can’t
wait for Saturday. He just really hated school.”
Wolfgang, a mentor
Spencer, 2006

•  Successful mentoring relationships
are characterized by meaningful
interactions that help build
relationship
–  Trust-building
–  Maintaining boundaries
–  Good communication
–  Realistic expectations
•  Meaningful interactions come from
meaningful activities

Mentor Approach
• Prescriptive (hint: think
prescribed)
• Developmental (hint: think
development)
• Instrumental (hint: think
instrument or tool)

Activity: Instrumental vs. Developmental

Mentoring Approach/Activities
Improved
connectedness to
Mentee feels school
•  Empathy, praise,
a7en8on from
mentor
• He/she “ma7ers”
to mentor
Improved
• Valued by mentor
connectedness to
teachers

Karcher, M. (2006)

Mentoring Approach/Activities

Instrumental

Developmental

Karcher, M. (2006)

BUT – Remember…
•  For some mentees who are unable to
form relationships, focusing on goals or
projects may be successful approach to
building the relationship
•  Expectations around instrumental
activities only work with resources and
structure to support them
Nakkula, M. (2010)

Mentoring Activities
How mentors approach
mentoring rela8onship
Developmental
Instrumental
How mentors
and mentees
What happens
decide what to
during mee8ngs do together
Goal‐directed Unilateral
Rela8onal Success of Collabora8ve
mentoring Reciprocal
rela8onship

Karcher & Nakkula, 2010

• Goal-directed: explicit
outcomes are priority
Developmental
• Relational: building and
Instrumental
sustaining relationship is
How mentors
priority and mentees
What happens
decide what to
during mee8ngs
do together
Goal‐directed
Unilateral
Rela8onal
Success of Collabora8ve
rela8onship


Developmental Instrumental
•  Discussion of How mentors approach •  Academic
relationships mentoring rela8onship discussion
•  Casual Developmental about behavior,
conversation Instrumental attendance,
•  Playing sports How mentors
dropping out
•  Playing games and mentees
•  Discussion
What happens
decide what to
during mee8ngs
•  Creative about
do together
activities
Goal‐directed importance of
Unilateral
Rela8onal future
•  Tutoring/
homework
rela8onship

• Unilateral: one-
sided
•  Collaborative:
Developmental
How mentors
Instrumental
reflects both unique and mentees
perspectives decide what to
do together
• Reciprocal: taking
Success of Unilateral
turns or give-and- mentoring
take Collabora8ve
rela8onship
Reciprocal

What Works Best?
Developmental
Instrumental
How mentors
and mentees
What happens
decide what to
during mee8ngs
do together
Goal‐directed
Unilateral
Rela8onal
rela8onship

What Works Best?
Developmental
Instrumental How mentors and
What happens mentees decide
during mee8ngs what to do
together
Rela.onal Success of Collabora.ve
mentoring
rela8onship Reciprocal


Positive Youth Development
•  Prepares young people to meet
challenges of adolescence and
adulthood through coordinated,
progressive series of activities and
experiences
•  Purpose: become socially, morally,
emotionally, physically, and
cognitively competent
•  Strengths-based vs. deficit-based
•  Youth are resources, not problems

Mentoring as Asset Intervention
•  Not only reducing risky
behavior but supporting
strengths
•  Assist in providing assets
where possible and
appropriate, not providing all of
them or solving all problems
•  Assets grounded in
relationships

Friends for Youth’s Mentoring Institute
Mentoring Journal

Some of the best
times you can have
101 Simple Activities
HOBBIES, ARTS, & CRAFTS 75. Attend a life-skills workshop.

together may be ANYWHERE
1. Share a silly story from your past.
39. Paint or draw in this Journal.
40. Pick wild flowers and press them.
76. Find a fun neighborhood and take a walking tour.
77. Experience a school theatrical production together.
2. Describe something about your culture and heritage with one another. 78. Tour the control tower of a small local airport.
41. Make friendship bracelets for each other.

doing simple things. 3. Tell each other funny jokes.
4. Share something important that is going on in each of your lives.
42. Design some stationery with paints or colored pencils.
43. Take pictures of each other and make frames for your photos.
79. Visit your local community center, YWCA/YMCA,
or teen center.
5. Find out about each other’s favorite things—food, movies, music, etc. 80. Go to a flea market.
44. Try woodworking.

Just talking and
6. Read through these ideas together and plan your next few activities. 81. Walk a dog.
45. Start a rock collection.
46. Make a model airplane, or car, or ship. 82. Take a guided tour of a local community college or
AT HOME 47. Play a musical instrument or start a band with four-year college.
7. Rent a movie or borrow one from the library and make popcorn. 83. Go to a local art festival or parade.
being together is
your friend and sing songs.
8. Wash a car together and have a water fight. 84. Take a class together (cooking, karate, pottery, etc.).
48. Draw on a sidewalk with chalk.
9. Look through photo albums. 85. Explore tidepools.
49. Tie-dye shirts.
10. Grow your own veggies in a garden.
50. Learn to crochet, sew, cross-stitch, or knit.

important in 11. Make a playlist of your favorite music together.
12. Watch a scary movie in the afternoon.
51. Collect stickers and add them to this journal.
52. Create your own Zen garden.
SPORTS
86. Play Frisbeem shoot hoops, or kick a soccer ball
13. Work on the engine of a car. at the park.

developing a good 14. Watch a favorite television show.
15. Learn a new creative program on a computer.
NATURE
53. Take a picnic lunch to the park or beach.
87. Hit a few golf balls at the driving range.
88. Watch a professional sports game in-person or on TV.
16. Work on homework or a school project. 89. Lift weights, do aerobics, or practice yoga.
54. Volunteer to restore a local natural habitat.

relationship.
17. Read the same book and then talk about it. 90. Jump on a trampoline.
55. Go on a walk or a hike on a nature trail.
18. Write thank-you letters to important people in your lives. 91. Try in-line skating or regular rollerskating together.
56. Race snails.
57. Plan a photo safari—take pictures of animals 92. Play tennis.
FOOD 93. Go skateboarding.
Not every activity
in their natural environment.
19. Make ice cream sundaes, cakes, or cupcakes. 94. Shoot some pool.
58. Fly a kite on a windy day.
20. Bake homemade cookies. 95. Attend a collegiate sports game.
59. Build a sandcastle at the beach.
21. Cook dinner together. 96. Go miniature golfing.
60. Watch a sunset.

needs to be a great 22. Roast marshmallows and make s’mores.
23. Make a dish with veggies from your garden.
61. Go to a park and see who can swing the highest.
62. Gaze at the night sky and create a star map.
97. Rent a tandem bike and ride on a Bay trail.
98. Go jogging on a local trail.
24. Plan a dinner where you choose a different country for each course. 99. Teach each other your favorite sport.
63. Plant native wildflowers in pots or planter boxes for

adventure or expensive 25. Meet early in the morning for breakfast.
26. Dip your favorite fruit in chocolate fondue or veggie in cheese fondue.
each of your homes. 100. Find another mentor pair and learn double dutch.
101. Challenge your friend to a game of Ping Pong or fooseball.
27. Make a homemade pizza.
OUTINGS

Activity Suggestions
entertainment.
28. Talk about your favorite recipes.
64. Go to a free play, movie, or concert in the park.
29. Barbecue shish kebobs.
65. Visit a shopping center or mall.
30. Create a new kind of homemade ice cream.
66. Hang out by the water (pool, lake, river, or ocean).
31. Make yummy treats for your Program Coordinator, family, or friends.

Simply hang out or
67. See a movie.
68. Go to a farmer’s market.
GAMES 69. Explore a county fair.
32. Learn a classic game, like Pick-up Sticks or Jacks.
70. Take a tour of your local fire station.

try one of 33. Make and put together a puzzle.
34. Play cards.
71. Go to a bookstore or library.
72. Feed animals at a petting zoo.
35. Blow bubbles.
73. Volunteer at a retirement community.

the following 36. Enjoy a board game like Monopoly or checkers.
37. Do magic tricks for each other.
74. Together with another mentor pair, plan and do something fun.

38. Play an interactive dance or movement video game.

101 suggestions.

6 mentoring journal introduction 7

Friends for Youth’s
Mentoring Institute
Academic Activity
Guide

Mentoring
Resource Center’s
Making the Grade:
A Guide to
Incorporating
Academic
Achievement Into
Mentoring
Programs and
Relationships

Taking Activities to Next Level
Ac8vity Why It’s Good for My While We’re At It
Mentee
Baking cookies Good skill to learn; Encourage mentee to read
conversa8ons strengthen recipe, measure
rela8onship; cookies to eat ingredients; could take
cookies to neighbor,
someone in need
Plan8ng garden Sa8sfying to see when Take ﬂowers to someone in
plants grow; visual need or to thank someone;
reminder; opportunity for plant garden for someone
harder topics who needs help
A7ending professional Fun; exci8ng; watch favorite Conversa8ons about players
sports game players in person who “made good”; talk
about reality of making it to
pros and other ways of
working in sports
Probst, 2006

Taking Activities to Next Level
Ac8vity Why It’s Good for My While We’re At It
Mentee

Tips in Planning Activities
•  Be honest and upfront about ups and
downs in relationship
•  Brainstorm new activities to do together
•  Set goals for your relationship
•  Empower your mentee to share thoughts
and feelings
•  Be sensitive to developmental stage of
your mentee and find out about other
stressors
Probst, 2006

Why Goal Setting?
•  Goals help youth develop self confidence.
•  Goals help develop motivation and sense of purpose.
•  Goals help youth develop a sense of
accomplishment.
•  Goals help develop self-control.
•  Goals help youth see connections to academics.
•  Goals help develop self-reliance and self-
management.
•  Goals help youth gain awareness of options.
•  Goals help develop positive attitude.
Mentoring Resource Center, 2005

Age Appropriate Goals
•  Elementary School:
Exposure
•  Middle School:
Identity
•  High School:
Future Orientation

Sustaining and Deepening Your
Relationship Through Goals
•  Discuss why goals
matter
•  Choose specific
goals
•  Identify Activities
•  Assign Roles
•  Set Deadlines

Goal Ac(vi(es/Steps Roles/Responsibili(es Timeline
Read and Read books, write Mentee: Read selected Book 1 by
discuss books summary, and then books June 23.
from Summer discuss, like a book club Book 2 by
Reading List format   Mentor: Will take the July 15.
When we do this, we’ll lead on star8ng the Book 3 by
also plan something discussion because she August 6.
else for part of our 8me has been involved in
together    book clubs before
Stay involved Ac8vi8es that we both Mentor: Wants to run at Tennis: Fall
in outside like: Bike riding, tennis, least once/week at 2005
ac8vi8es    horseback riding, middle school track    All others:
running monthly
Mentee: Will build up to 2005‐06
running 5 8mes around
track

Is this Strategy?
Developmental
Instrumental How mentors and
What happens mentees decide
during mee8ngs what to do
together
Rela.onal Success of Collabora.ve
mentoring
rela8onship Reciprocal


Find the Full Strategy
AmericaLearns.net
•  Tracking and supporting volunteers
•  Full strategy available at:
http://superstars.americalearns.net
•  http://superstars.americalearns.net/2006/06/june-2006-
syndee-kraus-go-to-for.html

Friends for Youth’s Mentoring Institute
Mentoring Journal

Making the Grade: A Guide to Incorpora8ng
Academic Achievement Into Mentoring Programs
and Rela8onships, 2005

Goal Map
Where Middle
Goal: College
I am Pass math School Goal:

X
(ugh!) Pass more math!
And English! Goal:
5th grade Fill out forms!
Pass physical!
at Smith High
Goal:
Elementary Learn good
study habits Goal:
School
Learn more
about being Where
an astronaut I want
to be

Other careers that
are almost as good:
Activities:
• Pilot
• Look up stuff about being an astronaut in the
library and/or on the Internet • Aeronautical
• Field trip to science museum to look at space
engineer
• Astronomer
An
exhibits
• Job shadow an aeronautical engineer (if Astronaut!
available; if not, maybe a pilot)
67

Making the Grade: A Guide to Incorpora8ng
Academic Achievement Into Mentoring Programs
and Rela8onships, 2005

Making the Grade
H A N D O U T

Top 10 List
(Why Goals Are Worth Having)
1. They help you be who you want to be. You can have all the dreams in the world,
but if you don’t act on them, how will you get where you want to go? When you
“The larger the
know how to set a goal and go for it, you chart a path of action that takes you step
goal, the greater
by step toward the future you want.
my feeling of
2. They stretch your comfort zone. Goals involve a few risks (the healthy kind). In triumph.”
pursuit of a goal, you may find yourself talking to new people, trying out for a — Jessica, 15
team, performing on stage, making a speech, or doing something else that draws
people’s attention. Pushing yourself past your normal comfort zone is a great way
to grow.

3. They boost your confidence. When you set a goal and reach it, you prove to
“I know having goals
yourself and others that you’ve got what it takes to get things done. Goals not
makes my parents
only make you stronger—they help you feel good about yourself, too.
proud of me. They
see how hard I work 4. They give your life purpose. Goals show you—and the world—what you value. They
to reach my goals also give you a sense of direction. When you’re going after your goals, you’re less
and how responsible likely to spend your days feeling bored or wasting your time.
I am. As a result,
they trust me more.” 5. They help you rely on yourself. You don’t have to let other people decide your life
for you. You can take charge of your life by setting goals and making a plan to
— Eric, 15
reach them. Once you get into the goal-setting habit, you’ll notice that you feel a
lot more independent. (And the people around you will notice your new
independence, too!)

6. They encourage you to trust your decisions. You’re at a point in your life where
you’re making more decisions at home and at school. Sometimes, it’s really “There’s no greater
easy to go along with the crowd or be swayed by what other people want you feeling than setting a
to do. But when you keep your goals in mind, your choices will become goal and accomplish-
clearer. You’ll learn to trust your decisions, because they’re right for you. ing it. When you do,
you’ve got something
7. They help you turn the impossible into the possible. Goal setting breaks down
that will last the rest
seemingly out-of-reach dreams into small, manageable, and practical steps.
of your life.”
You can turn “someday” dreams into real-life accomplishments.
— Pettus, 18
8. They prove that you can make a difference. Are your goals about changing
your own life? Are they about changing the lives of others and improving the
world? Whether you want to make a difference in your own life or someone else’s, goal setting helps you
achieve what you set out to do—one step at a time.

9. They improve your outlook on life. Goals help you move forward—a positive direction to be going. (Much
better than sitting still or getting nowhere at all.) This momentum is a real energizer. You’ll feel more positive,
guaranteed.

10. They lead to feelings of satisfaction. Studies have shown that people who set and reach goals perform at
higher levels, are more satisfied with themselves, and achieve more. In fact, if you look at the goal setters
you know or admire (friends, family members, teachers, business owners, community leaders, athletes,
celebrities), you’ll probably see people who are proud of their success and eager to keep aiming for more
in life.

Excerpted from What Do You Really Want? How to Set a Goal and Go for It! A Guide for Teens by Beverly K.
Bachel, © 2001. Used with permission of Free Spirit Publishing Inc., Minneapolis, MN; 1-866-703-7322;
http://www.freespirit.com. All rights reserved.

68

Karcher, 2008, The study of mentoring in the learning environment (SMILE): A
randomized evaluation of the effectiveness of school-based mentoring. Prevention
Science, 9, 99-113.
Karcher, Herrera, & Hansen, “I dunno, what do you wanna do?”: Testing a framework
to guide mentor training and activity selection
Karcher & Nakkula, Youth mentoring with a balanced focus, shared purpose, and
collaborative interactions
both in Karcher, M. & Nakkula, M. (Eds.) 2010. New Directions for Youth
Development No. 16: Play, Talk, Learn, Promising Practices in Youth Mentoring.
Wiley Periodicals: San Francisco, CA.
Kremer, S. (2005). Friends for Youth’s Mentoring Journal.
http://www.friendsforyouth.org/MentorJournal.html
Laird, H. (2003). Friends for Youth’s Academic Activity Guide.
http://www.friendsforyouth.org/AcademicActivityGuide.html
Mentoring Resource Center, 2005, Making the Grade: A Guide to Incorporating
Academic Achievement Into Mentoring Programs and Relationships.
http://educationnorthwest.org/resource/647
Probst, K. (2006). Mentoring for Meaningful Results: Asset-Building Tips, Tools, and
Activities for Youth and Adults. Minneapolis: Search Institute.

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Link to slides and recording
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http://
www.friendsforyouth.org/
Webinars.html

Resource links included in
follow-up email

Survey as you exit webinar

Next Webinar
•  Tuesday, December 13 Social Media +
National Mentoring Month = Opportunity
with April Riordan, MPMN, and Rich Greif,
Mass Mentors

Mentoring Institute Conference
13th Annual Mentoring Conference
Making A Difference
Every Day:
Program Support in
Youth Mentoring
February 9-10, 2012
Tim Cavell, Ph.D. Keynote
Speaker
Oracle Conference Center

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Evidence Based Activities to Build Mentoring Relationships

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