Slowing Down to Level Up : ROI of mindfulness and body language | Seattle Interactive 2017
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Presenter: Renee Metty, With Pause, Founder & Chief Engagement Officer How do you level up when often you feel like you are just trying to catch up? The world is moving faster and faster and we are being inundated with more and more information and higher expectations. Slowing down and leveraging your non verbals increases your self-awareness and capacity to move with ease through a sometimes chaotic world. Leave with actionable tips and strategies that help you get a handle on your autopilot and create new habits so you can increase your charisma, influence and ROI.
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Slowing Down to Level Up : ROI of mindfulness and body language | Seattle Interactive 2017
- 1. Slowing Down to Level Up: TheROIof mindfulnessandbodylanguage @withpause
- 2. Oxytocin = Love Hormone
- 3. CONSIDER …
- 6. It takes ____ minutes to rebound from a distraction and get back to the task at hand. We unlock our phones ____ per day. We touch our phones ______ per day. 80x 2, 617x 23
- 7. We are interrupted every ___ minutes.11
- 12. I want to teach you about the power of choice in order to THRIVE.
- 13. BIG
- 14. Slowing down will give you an advantage. Speeding up or trying to keep up will actually leave you behind.
- 19. Transformation isn’t about improving. It’s about re-thinking.
- 24. Expectations shape our reality.
- 25. Tasting what you expect 1. Participants enter a dark room 2. Asked to rate strawberry yogurt for flavor Brian Wansick, 2006
- 28. Demand of TIME
- 29. CONSIDER …
- 30. Your time is not being spent on what you value.
- 34. In 30 minutes, two people can send over 800 nonverbal signals.
- 35. 40% 60% 7% 93% = Nonverbal =Words Nonverbal Is 60% of Our Communication
- 36. It’s one of the most powerful tools we have.
- 37. Nonverbal signals are 12 to 13 times more powerful than accompanying words.
- 39. ___ Warmth ___ Competence ___ Confidence X X X 20 Minutes ___ Warmth ___ Competence ___ Confidence = = = 20 Seconds -Frank Bernieri
- 40. Your first impression happens the moment someone sees you.
- 42. What part of the body do you notice first?
- 43. Jurors find defendants who put their hands under the table as more sneaky, untrustworthy and deceitful. *Our hands are our trust indicators
- 44. Visible and Expressive • Above the Desk • Avoid Pockets • *Handshakes
- 46. A Good Handshake… Worth 3 hours of face to face time!
- 47. THE FIRST STEP TOWARDS GETTING SOMEWHERE IS TO DECIDE THAT YOU ARE NOT GOING TO STAY WHERE YOU ARE.
Notas del editor
- Go ahead and turn to your neighbor, give a handshake and introduce yourself (just your name) and if you are brave enough say “So glad you are here today!” Now just notice what that was like for you. Comfortable or uncomfortable, maybe neutral?
- We will come back to that later, but I also need to let you know that you received a shot of oxytocin ( a hormone and neurotransmitter) also known as the love hormone which is produced through touch. Oxytocin releases serotonin and makes you feel happy. It builds love, bonding and connection. It alters activity in the part of the brain that makes us feel good and is part of the reward center. This reward center has evolved to reinforce behaviors that promote for survival. This info will be important as we move through the talk
- There a few considerations to take into account today…
- You are being seduced! Without even realizing, your brain specifically your limbic system (lizard brain) is being hijacked!
- Limbic system - central to emotion and motivation which drives your behaviors Unbeknownst to you I was spreading a little love. Now not all lizard brain hijackings are pleasant.
- We are interrupted every 11 minutes No wonder we feel like we are always behind the 8 ball We are hijacked by all kinds of distractions - just a few examples
- We probably all face this. One of the most enticing notifications we can receive Oh my my social approval, acceptance, rejection, vanity, are all on the line when this notification shows up. Except I am not just going to click to see who else liked or loved the photo, I am going to spend the next 20 minutes or even hours We laugh because we know that it is true Those 20 minutes that I could use to allocate towards something I care about just got seduced away.
- We are tapping into the reward center It contributes to our feeling of connection and belonging Connection and belonging are fundamental human needs and fundamental in human motivation. In terms of evolution the lowest divisible unit is at the clan level. Belonging to a group is essential to survival. It goes back to tribes. We are social beings!
- Pull to refresh an email and then less than 60 seconds later I pull to refresh again. It’s crazy because it’s not that any of us really think that some really important email is about to appear in the next minute right? This seduction is coming from some of the very organizations you work for. Now this is not about bashing organization or technology, but bringing awareness to how our brains operate and understanding human behavior. These are all default settings when we first get our phones yes? Unless we consciously go in and change those settings, your phone will blow up with notifications at any moment. Like our phones, our brain has default settings There is an OS system in our brain (the limbic system) that scans for threat - it is wired to help us survive - it detects negative info faster than positive
- ex…95% of your review or customer satisfaction and then there is that one comment that points to needing improvement or is flat out negative Our brains remember that right…forget the 100 other positive comments that were made. Once your brain flags an event as negative it stores it in the hippocampus for future reference (muscle memory has been trained) It takes approximately 5 positive interactions to overcome the effects of a single negative one Dan Siegel Hand Model Our brain scans for patterns, so once we encounter a similar situation we often react in the same way (it is an unconscious process that is happening all the time) We are wired for survival! The brain is a very powerful thing. BUT What if I told you you had CHOICE in the matter.
- My goal for today and for humanity is to teach you the power of choice in order to thrive. Not just survive
- I believe we need to SLOW DOWN
- As a type A personality, when someone told me this 7+ years ago, I was like you have no idea - I just started a business, I have 3 children ages 4 and under. I don’t have a time to slow down. In fact, I prided myself on my ability to multi task and my capacity to hold a lot fairly well and calmly. Yet, when I was honest with myself I wasn't actually getting anywhere. I was spinning my wheels and yielding the same results.
- If you want to have impact, influence and stand out in your work and life, you must understand human behavior We are actually not wired to multitask - only to do one thing at a time
- You are living in Time and Attention Economy - 3 things play out in this economy 1) Demand of our attention which 2) demands our time and 3) leads to a devoid of deep human connection You are spinning your wheels trying to change things, make a better work environment, have better relationships. Change doesn’t work though if you want a sustainable shift
- All coke did was change. Now the new coke was a failure but not all change is Look at spanx – made a better girdle
- You need a transformation – a brand new way we never thought possible. We can see the transformation in the role of design. They changed the form of the product until the iPhone and this transformed a persons experience of the product
- How are we going to transform our time and attention economy to a choice economy? By slowing down and becoming self-aware you will increase your ability to focus your attention, get more time and deepen your connections so you can move through life with greater ease.
- Time and attention are Finite resources - we only have so many . Choice is infinite Here’s the thing! You must become self-aware because your autopilot is killing your creativity and ability to have deep human connection. Choice comes from awareness and for many of us it easy to rest in “I have no choice - I have a kids, bills, etc” or “that’s just the cards that were dealt to me” or “that’s just how life is” So lets move to a choice economy! Imagine a world where you get up in the morning and feel a sense of ease, the ability to skillfully respond to your day and choose what you want to do, where you place your attention, where you spend your time. Example from my life – I am not necessarily doing less as a matter of fact I am doing more, but I move through it differently
- Now new ideas are not without fear. Disregarding those old ways of being and adopting new ways of being. It can be scary for many to lead the way and take a risk to do something new or different This requires us overcoming FEAR - fear of the unknown, fear of looking bad, fear of failure and even fear of success Keeping ourselves safe is how our brain is wired Selah film - This summer I captured the inner dialogue of fear that many of us have probably gone through How many of you can resonate with that? Fear can keep us from taking action- so let’s take the first action step together
- How many of you feel like life is sometimes chaotic and moving too fast? or we can’t get enough done and are spinning on a hamster wheel? Our lives demand our attention and we demand the attention of others! Where do we choose to place our attention or do we choose at all? Let’s take a moment and see what we notice about our attention .b activity - clapping sensations move into Find a comfortable position I invite you to close your eyes if that is comfortable if not just take a soft gaze to your lap or your floor. For one minute, we will place our attention on the breath. No need to change anything just see if you can keep your attention on your breath
- When we take time to intentionally pause every day and bring attention to our breath, we are beginning to strengthen our mental muscles. Just like exercise is needed to gain physical strength, attention training is necessary to increase mental strength. Create new mental habits Our attention is being pulled unconsciously all the time, so what if you were conscious about where your attention was going. A couple practices: a daily breathing practice is counting your breaths to 10 - inhale, exhale 1, inhale exhale 2 when you lose track begin again Mindfulness is just about noticing and beginning again - it is an awareness around what is happening in the moment Another practice, is finding some marker in your day - maybe it is overtime you open a door or your at stoplight or getting in your car - choose one and take 1 to 3 conscious breaths Mindfulness is an intentional moment to moment awareness with curiosity and kindness and takes practice. It brings us awareness of ourselves and how we are in relationship to other people and experiences. Our internal world drives our external world and vice versa. When we pause we are able to choose where our attention goes, What do you value? What is priority? Is your attention going there? When you focus your attention on what matters to you, you will get the results you want
- Part of our conditioning helps form our expectations which in turn creates our reality. This next part I took from my Body Language mentor Vanessa Van Edwards. It is too good not to share and illustrate the power of the brain and expectations. We tend to see what we expect to see (remember the brain scans for patterns), we tend to taste what we expect to taste, and in this way our brain is very powerful in shaping our reality. This is the concept of lensing.
- Brian Wansick developed a study where he had participants enter a dark room and had participants eat a bowl of strawberry yogurt in the dark. They ate their yogurt and then he asked them to rate the yogurt on the flavor of the yogurt 59% said it had a nice strawberry flavor, but here’s the catch: the yogurt was actually chocolate. Our brain is very powerful and when you tell it to expect something it often does exactly that.
- Being part of the Science of People team, there were quite a few of us at the World Domination Summit this summer for Vanessa’s talk. Our behavior lab decided to do our own lensing experiment called the switcheroo using participants at the conference. Here’s what happened 26 participants only 3 people noticed. Our brain is powerful if we don’t pay attention.
- Here’s the thing… We can override expectations when we choose where and when we place our attention
- Consider…you’re time is not being spent on what you value
- Your time is being seduced away without you even knowing it, so what happens when you bring awareness to your day. Is checking Insta or FB or Snapchat a conscious decision or just a habit . These distractions are taking away our time - our time to use doing what we value and love Going back to the insta love or FB likes. We don’t go there just to check, we end up sucked into the abyss for 20 minutes or worse hours. Where we use our time is being driven by expectations placed on ourselves by us and by others What is your time worth? For many we are being robbed of our time and attention Often, we are filling up time by using our phone. It’s not a conscious choice and what I am advocating for is we start bringing some awareness around it and making a choice and not being a victim of time and attention bankruptcy. When we are able to direct our attention and take some of our time to build in stillness and pause, we are actually able to get a sense of time slowing down. When we run out of time or feel short on time, our brain perceives a threat, but if we can consciously be aware of each of our moments and build our capacity to make choices, what a difference in how we experience our life.
- We are living in a time economy. We are either looking to save time and buy convenience - Uber, blue apron, Amazon (ex of buying toothpaste and clothes instead of going to the store) OR we are looking to grab the time of others. Posting on social so others will see it, creating content so others will listen or read it Are these conveniences freeing up time to do what you value?
- We are social beings - we need human connection. Not just the “connection” of how many friends we have on Instagram, FB or snapchat. Real engagement and face to face time. We need both. There is a difference between feeling connected and being connected. Sjonna story (married for 10 years and felt totally alone - single now and not lonely at all) Building deep human connections happens in real face to face interactions. Jury is still out on Facetime, skype etc but those that use it probably have anecdotal stories how that may work. By learning human behavior and the science behind communication and connection, we can begin to develop deeper connections. As we develop these connections, we can have a greater impact and influence on the people around us and then there is a ripple effect.
- Transforming our relationships allows you to influence your work, your family and your world. In order to influence, you need other people and influence comes from Charisma, First impressions and understanding human dynamics Transformation is a caterpillar becoming a butterfly not a better caterpillar. Transformation takes conscious and deliberate choice and action and it begins with yourself. Becoming aware is the first step and becoming aware of others is the second. Body language is so integral in how we are in relationship with people, yet it is a skill that isn’t ever taught.
- Body language is a conscious and deliberate behavior that takes practice. It requires observing our outer world. Facial Feedback Hypothesis – just 3/100th of a SECOND our facial muscles imitate what we see If I made you all smile during this presentation, you would actually find it more enjoyable. Hands in lap, make ok symbol and place circle on your CHIN (me on cheek) – keep hand up if you had it on your cheek?
- We spend so much time on what we want to say and very little on how we say it. Non verbal is voice town, facial expressions and body language
- Example: Yeah I am so happy to be here (sarcastic tone and face) even if your eyes closed Nonverbal has more weight so we go to the body language, voice tone and facial expressions Need to be consistent because of this. It's how we come across as authentic.
- Frank Berneir developed a study He had students do mock job interviews and filmed into 20 minute videos Trained evaluators watched them to see if they were hirable 2nd trial and did the same thing but only looked at the first 20 seconds or so. Walking in room, shook hand and took seat. Video cut off before anyone verbally answered any questions Other evaluators to rate them again and results exactly the same Hints at that our verbal answers don’t really have much of an impact on how someone perceives us. Important to be in control of your non verbal cues Warmth and competence where you rate here = charisma
- Most people think it is when you first open your mouth. There is truth that beauty comes from within. When someone does the deep work on themselves and feels ease within that is powerful in how others perceive you Bring awareness to your first meeting of someone. It matters!
- Stiffness is blocking behavior Another blocking behavior are your eyes There is a way to do eye contact too – you want to be at about 60-70% 100% eye contact is creepy And less than 60% comes across as avoidant These blocking behaviors are driven by your lizard brain – blocks to protect us
- Study found (read slide) Think about that for a moment... Why? First thing is that the Brian relaxes when they see your hands It should dry, vertical and firm Remember when you shook hands in the beginning – think about your own shake and the other persons What is your first impression just based on that handshake alone Touch releases oxytocin which is the love, bonding connection hormone Eye contact also release oxytocin Handshake indicates trust and builds a fast connection
- Choose to thrive not survive Choose the Choice Economy You will have to create new mental habits and do the deep work to override the lizard brain BUT you can increase your performance, gain more time and deepen your connections. Here’s the thing The world is moving fast and looks like it will just get faster, but this is your chance to win! Win at work and win at life. This is your chance to make room in your life to create and contribute, shift your perspective , choose where you spend your time and attention and how you connect with others. Choose to override your lizard brain, the one that let’s fear take over and holds you back. Just like our phones have default settings, so do our brains so we need to make conscious choices and gain control of our attention, time and connection.
- Choose to slow down and notice what is right in front of you and within you Just jump! There is an abundance of choice out there – it is infinite and in your control. When you override your lizard brain, your experiences, relationships and results will be different. The ROI will pay dividends!