1. Women Working with Women:Building on our strengths Presentation to Anna Marie’s Alliance Staff by Jane Olsen, Women’s Center Director, SCSU February 16, 2011 1

2. Women Working With Women:Building on our strengths Goals of this session are to: Explore the realities—social, cultural, political--of women working with women. Develop strategies to interrupt negative stereotypes and behaviors. Discuss attitudes and behaviors that build respect and positive working relationships among women. 2

3. In this session, we will: Examine cultural conditions and stereotypes that lead to negative attitudes or behaviors Strategize ways to capitalize on, and celebrate, women’s strengths and leadership styles 3

4. Examples from Blogs in 2010: Why I hate working with women… “You are not alone. I hate working for women. My father-in-law hates working for women. My best friend hates working for women. “ “They are miserable and will stab you in the back.” “That whole passive-aggressive Asian female thing drives me nuts - esp. with the middle-aged ones who constantly suspect some sort of plot or conspiracy against them.” Oh my God I thought I was alone!!! I’m a woman and absolutely hate working with women. I don’t know what the deal is but many of these women could use a boot up the azz.” 4

5. Blog Examples Cont. “Women don’t think two seconds about firing people or the impact on their families. Men know the value of work and often give the employee a second chance.” “Women are petty.” “I am glad to see many people think like me. I am a woman myself and I had terrible experience with women in power. I think something is related to their hormones that make them that much moody and unpredictable. And that is true.” “Women are drama. Emotion influences their decision making…” 5

6. Defining Sexism: Sexism takes many forms, including: gender stereotyping, making jokes about women or their body parts, sexual harassment, pay inequality in the labor force, battering and other forms of gendered violence. Sexism also supports a series of behaviors and attitudes that trivialize female or feminine ways of being. Conversely, there are messages that demonstrate that men’s way is the right way. 6

7. What about Internalized Sexism? Internalized Sexism is the act of “buying into” the elements of oppression by the target group (namely females) In other words, when women and girls believe the negative stereotypes that they have learned growing up female in this culture, they internalize them and perpetuate them through actions and attitudes, and judge others based on the stereotypes they own. “I hate working with women also. And I am a woman! …You cannot say a thing to them without them feeling you are being mean to them.” 7

8. What does this have to do with women working effectively with one another? Sexism and internalized sexism supports women fulfilling the stereotypes, namely: Being catty, backstabbing, competitive with each other, judgmental, gossipy and “bitchy.” Versus using our strengths to communicate honestly, professionally, supportively, and on-task 8

9. Challenges to effective/respectful relationships between women Past experiences. Our stories of working with women in the past greatly influence our current attitudes, feelings and behavior. Differences in ethnicity, sexual orientation, race, culture, socio-economic class, ability/disability. Women are not all the same. And we don’t all face the same challenges. 9

10. Challenges to Effective Working… Mothering vs. Mentoring: Do women assume that other women should be the all-encompassing nurturer? Envy? Women don’t always like it when other women are receiving things they aren’t, whether it’s promotions, raises or better assignments. Lack of healthy conflict resolution skills. Typically, girls have not been taught these skills growing up. In fact, girls have often been taught round-about ways of dealing with conflict 10

11. Challenges to Effective Working… Childhood and adolescent socialization. We learn to distrust other females. Learned competition between girls and women. Favoritism - complicated issue. This can come from “chemistry” (really liking one another), or from “insincere admiration” for special benefits. Power! Or power struggles. 11

12. The Joys and Benefits of Women Working with Women! Women often exhibit more cooperative approaches to relationships. Women can be excellent mentors, helping other women along the way. Women tend to jump into tasks without needing to position themselves as the leader. More likely to be less hierarchical. Women can work effectively in groups without someone in charge. 12

13. Joys and Benefits cont. Although women are not a monolithic group, there is more likelihood of shared experiences. It is assumed that relationships are important. Women can make other women feel valued in ways that are different from a male-dominated space/workplace 13

14. The Possibilities in a Feminist /Humanist-oriented Workplace: Affirming—Differences and various experiences are affirmed Higher energy and synergistic Skill building is encouraged to empower other women Risk taking is encouraged, as is stretching oneself Democratic or egalitarian decision-making occurs 14

15. Additional Possibilities cont. The building of trust is encouraged A more equal delegation of tasks and decision making Clear expectations, including workplace expectations Supportive Everyone is accountable 15

16. Developing respectful, productive female-to-female relationships Acknowledge and openly accept differences among women and recognize that these differences have led to power inequities and division among women in the past. Challenge those attitudes that have portrayed women negatively. Avoid participating in the stereotypical behaviors that have pitted women against one another 16

17. Respect for women cont. Learn and practice assertiveness and conflict resolution skills. Practice them everyday! In the workplace, participate in identifying common goals and help a workplace revisit these goals often. If someone vents to you, do not repeat to others. Don’t use your peers, classmates or colleagues as therapists. 17

18. Respect for Women cont. Have realistic expectations of each other. Give credit where credit is due. No one is perfect. Be willing to apologize if you made a mistake. Don’t take every nuance or thing said to heart. Act with integrity every day: Be honest, open, non-judgmental, and have your values match your actions. 18

19. About Women… The original site we were looking at was: http://boycottamericanwomen.blogspot.com/ However, if you simply Google the words: I hate American Women , a slew of icky comes up. http://www.ted.com/talks/sheryl_sandberg_why_we_have_too_few_women_leaders.html 19

20. Quote of the year "It's so clear that you have to cherish everyone. I think that's what I get from these older black women, that every soul is to be cherished, that every flower is to bloom." —Alice Walker 20